


You  Me  Him

by scatterthestars



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Teacher Kurt, age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 93,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22825483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatterthestars/pseuds/scatterthestars
Summary: Beverly Hills was meant as a place to start over.  To move past the pain that Lima held.  And it provides that for Kurt.  What it also provides is Blaine Anderson.  Blaine who is young, free, and wild.  And someone who quickly becomes off-limits to him.After a horrible incident brings them closer, Kurt decides to forget the consequences of being with Blaine and goes for it.Life is never easy, though.  When a choice pulls them apart, he deals with the outcome of that.  And when they reunite, it's not long before he's falling fast and hard.But when his past comes back, Kurt finds himself facing the toughest choice he's ever had to make.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/ Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel/OC
Comments: 144
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1




	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new story. I've had this one in my head for several months. I have it all written out. And I should be posting a new chapter every Saturday.  
> A few things before you begin. 1. When the non-con comes up I will mention it at the beginning of that chapter that way if that's not for you then you can skip past the scene. 2. I might add tags once I finish posting just because I want to keep a few surprises up my sleeve.  
> Hope you enjoy!

It's the weather. If someone were to ask him, which is more than likely, Kurt would say it was the weather that helped his decision to leave Ohio and move to California. And nothing to do with the fact that he always wanted to live there. (Not entirely, at least.)

It's a beautiful sunny day, the perfect kind of day that drives people outside. And as he drives through the streets of Beverly Hills, he sees just that. Sees people fill the sidewalks as cars crowd the roads with people in a hurry to get somewhere. Anywhere that isn’t inside and passing up the opportunity this great day presents.

Although still a bit cool, it's significantly better than where he came from. He'll gladly take a cold breeze over inches of snow. Take wearing a light jacket over layers of clothes.

The decision to leave small town Lima, Ohio, where life was easy and normal, for the glitz and glamour of a place like Beverly Hills was not one he made overnight. Up until six months ago, the idea to move wasn't even a blip on his radar. But after ending a relationship he didn’t want to, being told he wasn't coming back to teach English the following school year at his old high school, and losing his dad to a heart attack, Lima held too many painful memories for him to stay. It no longer offered him anything. It was time to pack it up and leave. To start afresh somewhere new.

It was only a month ago that he landed on that place being Beverly Hills. It wasn't lost on him how ridiculous a choice it was to decide to go from a place where he could easily afford to live comfortably to a place where he would barely scrape by. But it thrilled him in an odd way. Presented itself as a challenge he never really had to face before.

Beverly Hills was always a dream. A crazy, wild dream he never thought would come true. But it was one he held onto because there was always that sliver of hope that maybe... _maybe_ it could come true. When he was finally presented with the chance to do just that, to make this crazy dream come true, he took it like a kid being given candy. He was greedy and not thinking of anyone but himself for the first time in a long time.

Once he knew the place, knew for certain he wanted to move to Beverly Hills, he planned and prepared. Researched apartments until he found one that was perfect for him. Researched multiple teaching jobs outside of the one he wanted, the one he knew there was a slim chance he would be hired for at the one school he loved the most. After all that, after all the planning and prepping, he then packed and loaded everything he owned into a U-Haul.

There were a few people, friends and coworkers, who tried to talk some sense into him. Told him he was being stupid and irrational and needed to think about what he was doing. They told him to take the money his dad left him, and what he got from selling the garage and truck, and settle down somewhere safe. Safe wasn’t what he wanted or needed. Safe was what he had for too long. He wanted excitement and adventure, and to actually live for the first time. Even if it was doing something stupid like renting an apartment that would have covered two months of a house note somewhere else.

Excitement tingles throughout Kurt when he finally pulls up to the apartment complex where he'll be living. Styled in a Versailles fashion, it's even more perfect than from the pictures he saw online. And although he has yet to see his apartment aside from those pictures, it feels like he made the right choice. That this is where he was meant to be.

As he climbs out of his car, thankful it survived the long trip from Ohio, a guy dressed in grey slacks and a perfectly pressed white button-up shirt stands nearby. A look of patience and curiosity on his face as he looks over to him. If he had to guess, he would say this was the guy he's been speaking with for the past few weeks, Andrew. With salt and pepper hair, tan skin, a fit, trim body, he looks nothing like Kurt pictured in his head when he first spoke with him a few weeks ago. In his head, he pictured a balding, overweight guy in his fifties. This guy reminds him of his ex. A reminder that has a sliver of pain slicing through him. But he forces himself to not think about his ex; to push down that pain and those memories of him. And instead focus on finishing his move into his new place.

Andrew walks over to him. A warm, welcoming smile on his face. "Are you Kurt?"

"Yes." Kurt shakes the hand Andrew holds out.

"Great. I'm Andrew. I'm the property manager. It's good to see you made it safely."

"Thank you. I'm glad to finally be here; to settle in. It was a long drive.”

"Why don't we go to my office and sort out some final paperwork so you can settle in and rest."

After filling out and signing some papers Andrew had for him, the excitement he has grows like a wild vine as he follows him to his new apartment. That excitement wraps and squeezes around him. Applies the best kind of pressure that makes his heart race.

"Here we are." Andrew unlocks the door and opens it. Steps aside. “Take a look around.”

Kurt steps into the apartment and stops just inside. His thoughts immediately drift to his dad and how it's because of him that he's here right now. That he’s able to live out this wild dream of his. Before he can let the guilt get to him, guilt of only having the money to go on this crazy adventure because of what was left to him from his dad’s Will, he shoves it aside and focuses his energy on exploring his new place.

The apartment is small. Smaller than what he expected. The size is not a problem for him, though. He doesn't have much and doesn't need much space for what he does have. As long as the water is hot and the washer and dryer and AC work, he'll be happy. And it looks as if happy is how he’ll be.

“The laundry is a great perk. Not all the complexes have them. You are lucky to have scored that,” Andrew says as Kurt checks out the small laundry room.

It is a huge perk. Although it cost extra for that, it was something Kurt was happy to pay for if it meant not having to leave his apartment to clean his clothes.

“This is great.” Kurt follows Andrew back to the front door. “Exactly what I wanted.”

“I’m glad I could provide you with what you wanted.”

After Andrew leaves, giving him the keys and a final welcome, he stands in the middle of his empty living room and does a little happy dance. Arms go in the air as he shakes his butt and lets out a silent scream.

For the first time in over a year things seem to be looking up. And he knows with all his heart that if his dad was still here, he would be happy for him. That he would have understood his choices and supported him every step of the way. He would have been right by his side telling him just how happy and proud of him he was.

The thought of his dad has an ache blooming in Kurt's chest. Although it's been three months since he passed, the pain is still fresh as the day he lost him. It’s moments like this, where he wants to tell him about something big or life changing, that makes the pain even worse. It makes him miss his dad more than he already does.

He grabs at the two rings that hang around his neck on a thin chain. The two simple gold bands relax and calm him like they've done for months as he holds them tightly in his fist. The cold metal biting into the hot skin of his palm.

Of all the things he couldn't part with, that held too much sentimental value to him, his parents’ wedding rings were something he never even once considered disposing of. They were too important to him. Held too much importance. If he was down to his last dollar and needed money, they are something he still wouldn’t part with. They are as much a part of him as his eyes or hair.

The rings, his dad's wedding ring he never took off even years after losing his wife, and his mom's that hung on the same chain he wears that once belonged to his dad, were the only things to bring him some form of comfort after his dad passed. Late at night he would lie on his bed clutching the rings in his hand to his chest like they were a lifeline. And in some way they were. Having those rings around his neck brought him a sense of peace and happiness that nothing else did. They gave him strength in a way he didn't expect. It was almost as if his parents were there guiding and consoling him.

Once the pain fades and is only a dull ache he can handle and he's mostly calmed down, he heads outside and to the U-Haul that's parked right next to his car. The driver, Jackson, an old friend of his dad's that has known him since he was, as Jackson puts it, "knee-high to a grasshopper," stands outside looking at his phone with panic and concern written all over his face. Jackson looks up when he stops close to him. Worry in his green eyes.

"Is everything okay, Jack?" Concern fils his voice.

Jackson gives a shake of his head. "Penny was just admitted to the hospital. They're delivering the baby early." Kurt thinks of Penny, Jackson's oldest daughter who's around his age, and how she’s pregnant with her first child. Jackson’s first grandchild. "I hate to ask." Guilt shows up on Jackson's face.

Jackson doesn't even need to ask for Kurt to understand. "No. Go ahead. Penny is more important," he tells him, totally understanding the situation. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I could help you with-”

“No, Jack. I can handle this on my own. Penny needs you. Go ahead.” There is no way he will keep Jackson a second longer, and have him miss the birth of his first grandchild.

"Thanks, Kurt. I’ll make it up to you.”

“You can make it up by sending me picks of the little one when they are born.”

“Deal.”

He waits until Jackson is in a cab heading for the airport before climbing into the back of the U-Haul to start unloading his things.

It takes longer than he expected to unload his stuff from the back of the truck. Without the help of Jackson and his other friends, what only took a couple hours to load up is looking to take twice as long to unload. Three and a half hours into it, he's unloaded half the truck with a majority of the big stuff left to get down. Those big items, a three seater couch, mattresses, bed frames and headboards, and a heavy dresser, loom over him like a problem he isn't ready to handle. As he stands at the back of the truck staring into it like a never-ending well he doesn't want to jump down, a sense of dread washes over him. He's close to claiming defeat and donating every item instead of dealing with the painful hassle of attempting to get it down.

For the first time since he made his choice to move, a wave of regret hits him. But as quick as it's there, it's gone. He's not going to let something as small as furniture get him down. He won't. He can do this. This is a small, insignificant hurdle he can easily get over if he just puts his mind to hit.

Even with that mindset, though, he finds himself plopping down on the sidewalk in front of his truck contemplating finding someone to move his stuff for him. Although it would be money he couldn't waste, it would be money well spent.

Head in his hands, and hating himself for not being able to give up the bed frame with hand-carved wooden headboards that each weigh a good twenty-five pounds, it seems like a smart idea with each passing second to just roll out some blankets and sleep on the floor. To leave the stuff in the back of the truck and come back to the problem later.

Tears of frustration and tiredness brim in his eyes. Instead of letting them fall, he fights them back. He won't let himself cry. Not over something as small and meaningless as this. If he's going to cry, it will be for a good reason.

That's one of his mantras in life. It's been one since he was ten and bullies took it upon themselves to get him to cry every day at school. After months of this, he finally grew a tough skin and decided that there would be no more crying. Unless the tears he shed were worth it.

"You okay?"

_No._ His mind screams. But he's not about to let a complete stranger know that. He doesn't want or need their sympathy if he were to tell the truth.

He lifts his head and stands. A quick look around the parking lot turns up a guy several cars down looking at him with concern.

The moment his eyes lock with the stranger's across the way, eyes he hates that he can't see the color of, something powerful and new slams into him. It unbalances him, and has him feeling as if his world was tipped on its axis. The same world that goes fuzzy and gray around him except for this guy. This guy who stands out clear and colorful.

As an avid reader and book lover, evident by the several boxes of books he brought with him, that moment he sometimes read about in stories when one character met the person they would fall for always seemed too contrived. Unreal. Never once had he met or heard of anybody having that life altering moment when they first met someone. That instant connection. He left wild, crazy things happening like that to books and movies. Not to real life. Real life where the most memorable first moment he had with another guy was throwing up on the poor, unsuspecting guy when he was suddenly hit with food poisoning. Suffice to say, it was far from romantic and significant.

But as he stands there rooted to his spot, eyes never wavering from the ones that gaze at him, Kurt can't but help to feel and notice the significance of this moment. This moment he somehow knows will be important in so many ways for years to come. It's in the way his whole body, not just his heart, suddenly feels lighter. As if all the pain he's been experiencing these last few months has eased considerably. It's in the way his mind races with a million thoughts, every single one of them focused on this guy and ways to invite him into his world for good. In the way his body seems to ache for the loss of a touch he's never experienced before.

As he stands there, pulse racing and heart hammering away in his chest, a few things occur to him. The first being that this guy, whoever he may be, will change his life in some way. Will be significant and important. The second is that this guy will be a part of a hurt he won’t be able to escape. 

Somehow he knows these things in the same way that he knows the Earth is round and the sky is blue. It’s just a truth he can’t change.

That doesn't scare him off as it should. Doesn’t have him backing away and avoiding the hurt he knows will come with knowing this guy.

"Um… Ye-Yeah. I'm fine." He licks his lips and runs a hand through his messy hair. Tries not to think of how horrible he must look. How he must be sweaty and gross, and skin flushing red from working in the sun. "Just dreading unloading this stuff." He gives a wave of his hand to the back of the truck.

“Do you mind…?” The guy gestures with his hand to walking over.

“Sure.”

The guy closes the door to his black Range Rover; hits a button his key fob to lock it. He pockets his keys and walks over. Every step he takes bringing him closer makes Kurt's heart beat harder as his pulse races faster.

The way this guy moves is filled with confidence and poise. Shows strength and power in a way that is sexy. That has Kurt unable to look away.

With the guy less than a foot from him, it's easier to see the specks of green and blue in his stunning hazel eyes. Up close, with the slight breeze that blows his scent to Kurt, the smell of him is invading in a good way. The spicy scent of him mixing with soap and sweat intoxicating in a way it shouldn't be.

The guy leans into the back of the truck and whistles. "Those are some pretty big items for one person to deal with.”

"Which is why I was debating just donating them so I wouldn't have to deal with them," Kurt replies with a light chuckle.

The guy chuckles himself. The sound, carefree and deep, goes straight to Kurt's cock.

The attraction to this guy is something he doesn’t deny is there. But it does take him by surprise. Simply because of how long it’s been since he’s been attracted to another guy. Since he’s felt anything towards another guy that wasn’t on the friendly side.

It’s been some time since he's wanted someone. Since his ex over a year ago. But even then this feels different to that. Where the last time those feelings felt like a steady beat through his body, this feels like uncontrolled chaos. It's wild and strong and impossible to ignore. Has him wanting to take this guy's hand and lead him to his place to stow away in his bedroom for the next week doing things he hasn't done in over a year.

He forces those thoughts away, though, and focuses on his bigger problem at the moment.

"That would be easy. Or I could help you."

The offer, although perfect, has a warning bell going off in Kurt's head. He takes a step back. No matter what he may feel or want in relation to this guy, he is still a stranger to him. Someone he doesn't know if he can trust or not.

The guy chuckles when he notices him move back. "I understand your hesitation. But I promise I'm not trying to screw you over."

_At least not in the way I want._ He hopes the blush that stains his cheeks is mistaken for being in the heat. "Forgive me if I still don't believe you, a complete stranger."

The guy seems to think something over for a second. "Tell you what," he reaches into his pocket for something and holds out the keys to his car, "I'll put in some collateral. If anything should happen, you have my car."

Kurt eyes the keys and the black fob before looking back up at the guy. "How do I know you won't report your car stolen if something does happen?"

"I won't. I promise. You can trust me."

Even though he barely knows this guy, he finds he does. He trusts him. Trust him in a way he hasn’t trusted someone since his ex.

He grabs for the keys. Feels a heat crawl up his arm when his fingers brush the guy’s palm.

"I'm Kurt."

"Blaine." A smile spreads across Blaine’s face.

That smile, one that is slightly crooked but as bright as the sun shining in the sky, has Kurt's heart skipping a beat.

"Should we get started?"

"Um…Let me call my friends to come help. Give me a couple of minutes."

Kurt nods his head, forcing away thoughts of what they could do instead of moving his furniture.

Sat on the walkway while Blaine talks to someone on his phone a few feet away, he takes the opportunity to shamelessly take him in. From his narrow shoulders and defined chest and stomach that taper off to a trim waist. But it's his ass, round and luscious, that he can't look away from. He wants to take it in both his hands and squeeze; to sink his teeth into it. He wants to grab at it and feel it under his hands as Blaine thrusts inside him; as he calls out his name in pleasure.

A deep blush stains his cheeks as he quickly looks away when Blaine turns and catches him staring. Instead of taking the chance and looking back at him, he focuses his attention on moving around some small pebbles with the tip of his shoe.

This strong, instant attraction to Blaine, the way he wants him, has him thinking back to the last time he had sex. Which in turn has him thinking about his ex, Thomas Fox.

Thomas Fox was his former French teacher. He was the boy who sat in the front row of class and daydreamed about the gorgeous teacher teaching him French. Daydreamed of kisses and cuddles and hot, dirty sex.

The relationship was one he didn't expect, but it came on quickly when Thomas returned to Lima when he was twenty-four. The intense feelings he carried for him in high school were still there when he saw him again for the first time in six years. Saw that he was still as handsome as ever even at his age.

The twenty year age difference was something that didn't bother him in the slightest. It in no way altered his feelings for Thomas. Nor did it slow Thomas down in bed.

The memory of sex with Thomas, how he would fuck him, take him like nothing else mattered but making him feel the best he ever could, has his cock twitching.

Sex with Thomas was always amazing. It always left him satisfied, but wanting more at the same time. And he misses it. Misses the way Thomas would take him out of nowhere at any time of day on weekends, or days off they had. Misses how he would whisper the filthiest things to him in French while fucking his brains out. Misses how they would spend weekends in bed simply talking and fucking, and growing closer together.

He misses Thomas. Misses sex with Thomas. Really, really misses sex.

The last time he had sex was the night before Thomas left to live in Denver. That night Thomas entered him over and over again until neither of them had anything left to give. Until they were drained in every way possible.

That night ended with him more in love with Thomas than he had been before.

It hurt after he left. After he told him he couldn't go with him when he begged him. When he said he did love him after Thomas tried one last time with a deep, heartfelt plea. But he wasn’t at a place in his life where he could uproot his life and leave for a different state. He had security in his job. Had a great place where he lived. Had a life that was going great. None of those things were ones he was ready to give up on. Even though he highly considered it for a few weeks after Thomas got the teaching job in Denver.

After Thomas left, it took some time before he even began to try to move on. But even then none of the guys he met ever interested him enough to attempt more beyond a first meeting or date. Let alone to hook up with.

The first and only exception being Blaine.

Blaine is the first guy since Thomas that he feels these things. Feels this instant hunger and desire. It's strong and powerful. Like with Thomas, it feels like a raging fire that burns through him.

It scares him a bit that he wants someone he's known all of ten minutes. He wants to call someone for advice. To call Thomas and talk to him. Ask him what he should do.

Of all the things he didn't expect after breaking things off with Thomas when he left was for them to remain friends. It was something that seemed to be going to happen no matter what. What Thomas and him shared was something that brought them closer together. A simple breakup wasn't going to ruin that. The bond they share strong enough to survive something as insignificant as that.

Now a few times a week they talk on the phone or Skype. They discuss whatever is going on in their lives. He has regaled Thomas with stories of his students and attempts at finding someone new. Thomas tells him about work and Lucas, and planning their upcoming wedding.

The day Thomas told him he was getting married, he cried himself to sleep. The insurmountable pain he felt at knowing the man he loved, the man he saw himself marrying, deciding to marry someone else broke him in a way that losing Thomas didn’t. He became a zombie for a few weeks after. Cried every night at the loss of what he had. Stayed in bed during the weekends, and barely made an effort during the weekdays. It got to the point where even his coworkers and students started to worry about him.

Thomas’ engagement was also a reminder of just how alone he was. How he no longer had the guy he loved to share his life with.

It took some time for him to get over that pain. To move on and be happy for Thomas and Lucas.

Now, he helps Thomas and Lucas with small decisions with the wedding when they can't decide on something. He's their tie-breaker. A job he takes great pleasure in.

The one call he will never forget with Thomas was when he called to tell him about his dad. Thomas stayed on the phone with him for hours between his bouts out uncontrollable tears and stories of his dad. The soothing words of comfort and love that Thomas whispered into his ear eased his pain. That night, not for the first time, he fell asleep wishing he made a different choice. Wished he followed Thomas. Because at least then he could have held him while he cried.

The first time he thought he made the wrong choice was three days after Thomas left. He was lying in the bed where they made love for the last time, where he had been since arriving back from the airport, thinking of the man he loved and walked away from. The berating thoughts he had of himself for being so stupid almost had him close to packing his bags and buying a ticket to Denver. But he stood his ground. Stuck through his choice when he regretted it the most.

Now, alone in a new place, the need to talk to Thomas is strong. But he's unsure if it's still the wrong time to do so. Ever since telling Thomas about his choice to move there's been some anger, hurt, and avoidance from him. Which is understandable. Where he told Thomas he couldn't leave at the drop of a hat, he just did without a second’s thought.

Thomas hasn’t attempted to talk to him in two weeks. And he misses him. Terribly.

A shadow falling across him has Kurt looking up to Blaine standing over him.

"My friends will be here soon."

Kurt stands and brushes away any dirt that may be on his backside. "You didn't have to do that. I'm sure we could have handled this on our own." He doesn't add that he wanted to use the time to talk to Blaine and get to know him a little.

"It's nothing. They're happy to help." Kurt has a strong feeling that the last thing Blaine’s friends want to do on a Saturday is help move furniture. It also feels as if Blaine is the kind of person that always manages to get his way. Manages to get people to listen to him. "Besides, you look tired from the work you already did."

Kurt won't admit just how tired he is. That his arms and legs are aching and sore. That he’s daydreaming about the hot shower he’s going to take after all of this. "Well, thank you for that."

Blaine takes a step closer. Stuffs his hands in his pockets. "So, why did you leave Ohio?"

"How do you know where I'm from?"

Blaine smiles that crooked smile that makes Kurt's heart jump. "License plate."

A small sigh of relief falls from Kurt’s lips. He smiles. But it quickly falls away. Sadness falls over him when he thinks of all the painful memories that are in Ohio. Memories he isn't ready or willing to share with someone he doesn't know, even though his head tells him it would be the right thing to do.

"I needed a new start," he offers as partial truth.

Blaine wears a look like he wants to know more, but simply nods his head in understanding.

As he bites back tears from the fresh wave of pain that hit him at remembering losing his father, two cars pull up and park on either side of Blaine's car. He watches three guys climb out and walk over to join them. All three guys look like they stepped out of a magazine.

"So, what have you talked us into this time?" One guy asks. A dark-haired, brown-eyed guy with a grin on his face who looks ready to do whatever Blaine tells him.

The question has Kurt wondering what kind of other things Blaine has gotten his friends to do with him.

"Guys, this is Kurt." Kurt gives a small wave when Blaine gestures to him. "We're going to help move his stuff into his place."

The grin on the excited guy's face falls instantly. "Dude, seriously?" The disappointment clear in his voice.

"Yes." Kurt bites back a smile when out of the corner of his eye he sees the eyebrow Blaine raises at his friend.

The two other friends just chuckle.

"You know you don't have to be nice to someone to get laid," his disappointed friend says. "Just tell him who you are and I'm sure he'll get naked."

That surprises Kurt for many reasons. Tells him a few things. One being that Blaine uses the status he obviously has to get anyone he wants. And the other being that whoever Blaine is, it's someone that is known. But not to him. Because he's positive he would have remembered someone as good looking as him.

Blaine steps over to his friend and says something far too low for him to hear. But whatever it is, it causes his friend to frown in anger and worry.

"Do you understand?" Blaine forcefully says loud enough for everyone to hear.

His friend looks at him with hard eyes. "Yes," he replies through clenched teeth.

Blaine grins like nothing out of the ordinary happened. "Good. Let's get started then."

Kurt steps over to Blaine after his friends climb into the back of the truck. "Um… Who was that?"

"That was Hector. Don't worry, he won't say anything stupid again. I made sure of it." Kurt finds himself curious as to what Blaine could have whispered to Hector to make him so mad. "The one with long hair is Eric and the other is Cole."

Just then Hector and Eric walk down the ramp holding the headboard. "Where to?" Hector asks, not hiding the annoyance in his voice.

"Oh. Um… This way." As he leads them to his place, guilt begins to eat at him for inadvertently ruining these guys' day. He decides it's only right to reimburse them for taking time out of their day to help him.

"So, where's your bedroom?"

Kurt whips his head to Blaine with surprise on his face. "What?"

_Why does he need to know where my bedroom is?_ Images pop into his head of being on all fours and Blaine kneeling behind and plunging his cock inside him.

He wills his cock not to grow hard at the image. To not embarrass himself in front of these guys he just met.

He barely manages. Has to think of the sigh and smell of dead fish to contain himself.

Blaine chuckles. "For your bed." He hooks his thumb behind him to his friends holding the headboard.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Um… Right here." He turns away before the blush staining his cheeks can be noticed by any of the guys. Especially Blaine.

As Blaine and his friends put together his bed, after he spent several minutes insisting there was no need and Blaine saying it was fine, he begins to tackle the first of many boxes of books he has. Some normalcy and comfort begins to take hold with each shelf he fills with his books.

Memories come back with some books as he shelves them. Memories of certain books read to him as a kid. Of being gifted a book from either of his parents and devouring it in hours. Of sitting snuggled up to Thomas on his couch and getting lost in a great book with just the noise of the fireplace and soft music to fill the air.

Longing fills Kurt’s heart. It's the little things like that he misses. Not only with Thomas, but with being in someone in general. It's what he wants to experience again. The little moments that make up a relationship.

"Wow. You sure love to read."

Kurt startles a bit at being caught by surprise. He turns to Blaine sitting on the arm of the couch he didn't even hear be brought in. The way Blaine stares at him, an intense and hungry look in his eyes, sends a shiver through him.

"Yeah." He hugs the two books he holds to his chest. Books he recalls Thomas giving to him for his birthday a couple of years ago. "I love books." There's no need to add that books were the one thing that was always there for him when he had no friends growing up. That they provided happiness and an escape from his life for several hours each day. It seems to him that Blaine wouldn't understand that. That he was the kind of person to not lack in the friend department growing up. "Do you read?"

"Here and there." Blaine stands up off the arm of the couch and joins Kurt in front of his bookshelf. "What's your favorite book?"

"That's a personal question."

Blaine slightly cocks his head. "How so?"

Kurt adds the two books he holds to the others already on the shelf. "Because," he skims his fingers along his books, "a person's favorite book can reveal so much about them. It can say how they view the world. What they want."

"What is it you want, then?"

_You._

The thought catches Kurt so off-guard he almost stumbles backwards. But he grips the edge of the shelf to steady himself. Thankful that Blaine doesn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.

It’s not the first time he’s been this quickly attracted to someone. The memory of seventeen year old him being head over heels instantly for Thomas the first time he saw him brings a smile to his face.

He was so obvious with his crush, according to Thomas when he told him years later.

He just hopes things have changed.

There’s no way to deny he's attracted. Can't deny he loves the way Blaine's eyes shine every time he looks his way. That he loves the way his crooked smile brings about one of his own. That his body becomes more alert when Blaine is close. Just like his cock. His cock that makes it known to him that it's been over a year since it felt the touch of a man's hand that wasn't his own.

It all takes him by surprise. Makes his heart race. Fills his head with longing thoughts.

"Mine is a favorite for personal reasons. Tell me yours first."

Blaine smiles. "Don't tell my friends I said this, but it would have to be To Kill A Mockingbird."

That is not the answer Kurt was expecting to hear from someone like Blaine. He expected to hear something like Fight Club or American Psycho.

The old adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is more true than he thought at that moment.

"I love that book."

Blaine steps closer. Kurt finds his heart racing and breath coming up short at the intensity in his stunning hazel eyes. "What's yours?"

Kurt swallows and turns to the shelf to find the book he just shelved. He finds it on the third shelf sticking out more than the other books. "This one." He grabs it and shows Blaine.

Blaine chuckles as he takes the book and flips it open to a random page. " _'And the wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws.'_ " He looks up at Kurt with curiosity. "Why this one?"

Kurt takes his old, tattered copy of Where the Wild Things Are and lovingly skims his hand over the worn cover. A small, happy smile gracing his face as memories come flooding back.

"My mom read this to me pretty much every night for two years when I was little," he says, voice thick with emotion at remembering his mom. He looks up at Blaine. "She would do all the voices and act like the wild things sometimes." He thinks of her standing at the foot of his bed acting like a wild thing. Arms in the air and hands like claws; stomping her feet. The memory, although happy, fills him with loneliness and pain. He swallows down both and puts on a smile. "She read it to me so much that it got to the point she didn't even need the book."

"It was the same with me and my mom. She read Goodnight, Moon to me no matter if we were together or not," Blaine reveals with a wide, crooked grin. "But it's been ages since I read it."

"I read this one every once in awhile." Kurt carefully places the book back with the others before continuing. "It helps keep memories of her alive."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know." A look of guilt crosses Blaine's face.

Kurt shakes his head. "Don't be. You had no way of knowing." He crouches down and begins to shelve the last of the books in the final box.

Blaine joins him. He grabs a book and shelves it before asking the question Kurt knows he has.

This is the part Kurt hates. The part of having to relive the painful memories of losing his mom to cancer when someone is curious and asks how she died. It's why he tries his hardest to never mention her. Why he's mad at himself for letting it slip to Blaine that she passed. Because it means questions he still hates answering twenty years later.

"How old were you?"

The answer cancer is right there on the tip of Kurt's tongue ready to be spoken when he realizes the question he was asked. He looks up at Blaine momentarily speechless.

"You don't want to know how she died?" he asks when he gets his voice back.

"No. That's none of my business."

It's difficult for him at that moment not to tightly hug Blaine and thank him for being so caring about something so painful for him.

He shelves the last book and stands. "Eight," he says. "I was eight when she died."

"It must have been tough growing up without her."

Kurt likes how Blaine doesn't say 'growing up without a mom.' Because his mom was amazing beyond that one title.

"It was." It's all he offers, and thankfully Blaine doesn't further question him about the subject.

"Hey, you're-" Whatever Blaine was about to say is cutoff when he reaches for his hand.

The moment his hand is in Blaine's a sharp, powerful shock runs through him. His breath momentarily catches as his heart skips a beat.

What he feels is mirrored in Blaine's eyes that stare at him with wonder and delight.

"Kurt..."

Kurt steps closer to Blaine without a thought. Eyes dart down to full, pink lips he wants pressed to his. That he wants to taste and suck and nip. He looks back up to hazel eyes now filled with mischief and desire.

“Do you fe-”

A throat loudly clearing snaps them both out of the daze they were in. Kurt immediately snatches his hand away like he was caught doing something wrong and turns to see who made the noise. He finds Hector watching them with annoyance still in his hard gaze.

"While you two were flirting and holding hands, we pretty much finished up," he says, sounding slightly agitated. "Obviously, no thanks to you two."

"I'm sorry." Kurt considers Hector's words and wonders if Blaine and him were really flirting. It did seem like it. But at the same time, it felt like it went beyond that. It felt like the beginnings of a connection that will tether them together for life.

He really needs to talk to Thomas and ask him about all this. What it all means. And what he should do.

"Don't apologize," Blaine says. "Hector's just being his usual asshole self." He glares at Hector.

Hector just shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

Eric and Cole join them just then not looking at all tired. Not even close to winded.

Kurt takes a step toward the three of them. "Thank you all so much for helping me. I'm very grateful. I can pay each of you for taking time out of your day."

All three of them snicker.

"What?" Kurt feels as if he’s missing out on something. That he’s the outsider to an inside joke.

"Kurt," Blaine steps up next to him, an amused smile on his face, obviously also finding what he said funny, "that's not necessary."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Keep your money."

"Well, I'll feel horrible for not paying you guys back in some way. Let me order pizza or something. I'm sure you all worked up an appetite."

"I could eat," Eric says with a shrug of his shoulders, looking at his friends.

Hector agrees with a nod of his head.

“I am hungry,” Cole says

"Great. I'll order us some food." Kurt walks to the kitchen to grab his phone on the charger. It's only when he goes to call the number for the pizza place he has stored in his phone does he realize his problem. He turns to go back and ask the guys for the name of a place they like only to find Blaine leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"Oh." He holds a hand to his chest and takes a deep breath. "You startled me."

"Sorry." Blaine pushes off the counter and walks over to him. "I realized you wouldn't know any pizza places here."

"I don't," he confirms.

Blaine smiles and takes Kurt's phone from his hand. "This is the number to the best pizza you'll find around."

Kurt takes his phone back, a surge of electricity running through him when his fingers brush Blaine's hands, and sees the number to a place called Lou's added to his contacts.

"Okay. Thank you. I'll order now."

"Hector likes black olives. Eric likes peppers. And Cole will eat anything."

"A-And you? What do you like?" Kurt steps back after Blaine moves closer. His back coming in contact with the edge of a counter.

He feels like the prey being hunted. And he doesn’t mind being caught in Blaine’s clutches.

A grin spreads across Blaine's face. "I think you know what I like."

"Oh… Um..." Heat floods Kurt's face as his body thrums with want.

Eyes dart down to Blaine's mouth as he sticks his tongue out to wet his own lips. It's a clear signal of what he wants. And Blaine reads it correctly.

Kurt doesn't stop Blaine when he begins to lean in. Eyes flutter close and lips slightly part.

It's only when Blaine is inches away from kissing him that he realizes how much he wants this. How much he needs it. Not only because he wants Blaine, but because he aches for the connection with someone else. For over a year now, it's just been him. And he's missed this. Missed the anticipation of being kissed; the way his heart races in excitement. How butterflies of nerves flit around in his stomach. The thrill of knowing someone else feels the same.

"Blaine!" One of Blaine's friends yelling out has Kurt quickly pulling away at the same time Blaine does.

He steps away from Blaine, who looks at him with confusion. "I… I should order the pizza."

Locked away in his bedroom, not caring what could be happening outside it, Kurt sits on his bare mattress and drops his head between his knees. He pulls in deep breaths to clear his head. But he finds his thoughts going to Blaine and what almost happened in his kitchen.

That almost kiss was the most amazing moment he's experienced in a long time. 

It’s been awhile since he wanted to be kissed by another person so badly.

That raw hunger reminds him of being seventeen. Of moments in high school where he wanted Thomas to pull him into an empty classroom and kiss him breathless. Where he wanted it so badly it was unhealthy.

What just happened in his kitchen was just like that. He wanted that kiss with Blaine more than the next breath he took. Wanted it like it was something he missed and needed again after going years without it.

Head lifted, a smile stretches across his face as he touches his lips. Lips that almost touched Blaine’s.

Slivers of regret and anger run through him at not getting that kiss. Should a moment like that present itself again, there is nothing that will stop him from kissing Blaine.

Pizzas ordered, and put together as best as he can be, he walks out of his bedroom, and to the living room, where Blaine and his friends are.

"They said it should be about thirty minutes."

Blaine looks over to him with a look that sends a thrill through him. He has to bite his lip from making an obscene noise and embarrassing himself.

Not wanting to sit around doing nothing, and run the risk of making a fool of himself around people he doesn't know, he goes to the kitchen to start unpacking the dishes and cookware he has. Half-way into one of the two boxes he has is when a knock comes on his door.

"Three large pizzas," the delivery guy says when he opens the door, then proceeds to rattle off the orders. "Is that correct?"

"Yes." Before he can hand over a tip after paying a hand holds out a twenty.

"Let me take those." Blaine takes the pizza boxes after he closes the door.

"I was going to tip him. You didn't have to do that." Kurt walks with Blaine to the living room.

Blaine looks at him with that crooked smile on his face that he loves more than he should considering he barely knows the guy behind it. "Don't worry about it."

Instead of saying anything, he just lets it go. Somehow, it seems pointless to go up against Blaine.

Sat on the couch eating his slice of pizza, Blaine sitting with Eric on some chairs across the room, it's hard for him to not look at Blaine. He's tried to focus his attention elsewhere, but his eyes always drift back to Blaine after several seconds. The blush on his cheeks deepens each time Blaine catches him. He always quickly looks away, but not before seeing that crooked smile show up and feeling his heart jump at the sight of it.

He keeps his eyes down on his uninteresting slice of pizza after being caught staring for the fourth time.

Slowly looking up, warmth floods his cheeks when he finds Blaine intently looking at him. It's a look that shakes him to his core. Thomas is the only person that has ever looked at him like that. Like he's the gift they can't wait to unwrap and enjoy.

"I'm ready to leave." Hector stands twenty minutes later, eyes on his phone, still looking mildly annoyed. "There's a party happening soon and I want to hit it up."

Kurt stands and grabs the empty pizza boxes and plates when the other guys voice their interest in the party Hector mentioned.

"Thank you," he tells them before they leave. "I really appreciate everything you did for me today."

He gets a _You're welcome_ in return from Eric and Cole before they leave. Hector just walks out his door without so much as a look back.

In the kitchen, disappointment burns in him at Blaine not saying anything before he left. At not doing anything. But he won't let it get to him more than it needs to.

Except it does.

He seriously thought Blaine was feeling whatever it was that was between them. Felt that strong current that seemed to connect them like an invisible thread.

He doesn't want to believe it was all him. Or that it was all in his head. There's no way he could make up what he felt and saw in Blaine's eyes. Even what Blaine was about to say before Hector interrupted them in the living room seems to confirm that.

That still doesn't stop his disappointment at Blaine leaving without so much as a word. Not even a mention of seeing each other again.

He grabs his phone from his back pocket and pulls up the text thread he has going with Thomas.

_Kurt: I really need to talk to you. Please!_

As expected there’s no reply from Thomas. Which hurts. And sucks.

He can only hope Thomas gets over his anger soon.

He sets his phone down on the counter.

"Stupid." His anger shows when he sets the plates he still holds down in the sink with a bit more force than necessary. A small piece chipped off the edge of one of them.

His anger confuses him since the last thing he should want is to start something with someone so soon after arriving at a new place. That's why he tells himself maybe it's a good thing Blaine left without promising something. Maybe it’s smart if he just lets what happened go as a one off; as nothing more than what it was.

"What's stupid?"

Blaine's voice startles him at the same time it makes his heart jump and fills him with relief. He turns and finds him standing just inside his kitchen smiling his crooked smile; eyes filled with determination.

"I thought you left." Kurt grips the counter to keep from going over to Blaine. To keep from dropping to the floor in surprise and shock.

"I did." Blaine takes a step further into the kitchen. "But I came back. You really should lock your front door. You never know who might walk right in.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That was stupid of me.” The reason he forgot to lock his door currently staring at him like he’s the cold popsicle on a hot summer day.

“It was.”

“Why… Why did you come back?”

“I made it to my car and realized I couldn't leave."

Disappointment comes rushing back when Kurt realizes Blaine came back for his keys. He reaches into his pocket and grabs them. "Right." He holds them out, doing his best to hide the fact that he’s upset. "You need your keys. Here you go." Keeps the disappointment out of his low voice.

Blaine walks over and grabs the keys. Instead of pocketing them, he tosses them on the counter behind Kurt and steps closer to him. "No. I didn’t come back for my keys. Not entirely, at least.”

“N-No?”

“No.” Blaine moves in closer. “I realized if I didn't kiss you, I would regret it forever."

Before Kurt can reply a hand grabs at the back of his neck and brings him down for a kiss that changes everything for him.

The kiss is explosive. It's the best way he could describe it if he were asked to. It's like a fuse was lit between them the moment they met and this kiss is that fire finally reaching gunpowder and exploding into something strong and powerful, and deadly.

The press of Blaine's mouth to his sends such a strong shock through him, it feels like touching a live wire. It ripples through him until it feels as if his body is more alive than it's ever been. Tingles through every inch of him.

Hands go to his hips as he drapes his arms over Blaine's shoulders. He presses close to Blaine until they touch from chests to feet. Until there is no space between them.

Lips part at the teasing probing of Blaine's tongue. It slips into his mouth and strokes at his own tongue in a skilled way. His knees go weak as his body trembles. The soft moan that escapes him and is swallowed by Blaine.

A hand smoothes over his ass and lightly squeezes. His cock pulses in his jeans at imaging that hand slipping inside and stroking over hot flesh. At taking every inch of him in hand and bringing him pleasure he craves.

A storm of need ignites in him when Blaine slips his other hand under his shirt and rests it on his lower back. The skin to skin contact creates a blazing fire that quickly spreads to consume his entire body.

It's been so long since he's allowed himself this that finally indulging is like opening a floodgate. All the desire and want that has been building inside him for months, and done nothing about, crash into him like a wave. It takes him under and controls where he goes and what he does.

Another soft moan escapes him when Blaine lightly nips his lower lip before sucking on it.

Blaine pulls away, crooked, pleased smile on his face.

That kiss was what he wanted. But it wasn't enough. Which is why he grabs Blaine and brings him back in for another kiss, this one just as intense.

The next time Blaine pulls back, Kurt doesn't attack him like a mad man.

Both of them breathe heavily. There's a tinge of red to Blaine's cheeks. His lips are beautifully kiss swollen in a way that is driving Kurt wild. And is making it difficult not to pull him in for another kiss.

Heat courses through him Blaine still holding him.

"That was..."

"Yeah," Kurt agrees even though Blaine doesn't finish his thought. There's no need for him to. Because he knows exactly what he feels.

There's a few beats of silence.

"I should go." Blaine steps back and Kurt instantly misses the warmth of him. "But," he grabs Kurt's phone off the counter while reaching for his keys, "here's my number. Use it."

"Okay. I definitely will." 

"It was really fucking great meeting you, Kurt."

Kurt smiles. "You too."

With a final kiss that leaves him tingling all over, Blaine leaves.

Once he's alone, it takes several minutes for Kurt to fully compose himself and really take in everything that happened in the last few hours.

He came to Beverly Hills to start fresh; to leave behind a place that held too many painful memories that made it difficult to stay. When he thought about coming here, yes there was the hope of finding someone after putting all his focus into work after Thomas. But he never imagined finding someone this soon. And for what he felt to be as strong as it was.

It actually terrifies him a little.

Not wanting to think about it, he unpacks several boxes to take his mind off it for awhile. But as he makes his bed several hours later, Kurt can't stop his thoughts from going to Blaine and what he should do. As much as he wants to grab his phone to call Blaine, there's still that rational part of his brain that is telling him to be smart. To be cautious and safe. These past few months have already been filled with enough pain and heartbreak for him. He isn't strong enough for more. And there’s a chance for both of those if he starts anything with Blaine.

Tightly holding his parents wedding rings in his hand, Kurt finds himself wishing, not for the first time, that things didn't turn out this way. He wishes he still had his parents and didn't feel this constant dull ache that seems to never go away. It's a constant reminder of what he's lost, and what he misses.

But for the first time in months, being with Blaine today, that ache wasn't there. For the first time in a long time, he felt at ease.

It's that reason that he clutches his phone in his hand, which has no notification from Thomas, and debates with himself on whether he should call Blaine or not.

A small laugh bubbles out of him at realizing the most difficult decision he never thought he would go over when he got here would be whether to call someone or not.

It takes a long shower for him to decide what to do.

A text.

A simple, short text of gratitude is perfect. That way he talks to Blaine without risking more.

It takes him ten minutes to compose a text he’s happy with. When he is and hits send, his heart immediately begins to race in excitement and nerves.

_Kurt: Thank you again for today!_

Blaine's reply is immediate.

**Blaine: Thank you for those kisses**

Just like that, just that simple reminder of what happened in his kitchen, has his cock growing hard.

Instead of replying to Blaine, not wanting to encourage him in any way, he lies back on his bed and groans in annoyance and frustration.

Why did Blaine have to be so nice? Why did he have to get under his skin so easily? Why did his kisses have such a strong effect on him?

Blaine was the perfect first hit of a drug he hasn’t had in a long time. A drug he wants more of.

Lying on his bed, turned on, he slowly skims his hand down his body. Eyes fall closed after he opens his towel and takes himself in hand. Thoughts quickly go to Blaine and what he would do if he was here with him.

His mind flashes from being on his knees taking all of Blaine into his mouth to riding him until he comes all over his chest.

It's ridiculous of him to touch himself to thoughts of someone he barely knows. But as he strokes his cock, imagining Blaine kissing him while pressing in deep to his body, he finds he doesn't care.

When he finally comes, exploding over his hand and spilling onto his chest and stomach, it's the hardest he's come in months.

After cleaning up, and checking his phone one last time, he falls asleep with a smile on his face as his body pleasantly thrums with pleasure.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

The next morning, he wakes with a one word text waiting for him. When he sees who sent it a smile splits across his face.

_Thomas: Okay_

That simple, four letter word lightens the heavy weight on his heart. Thomas has forgiven him.

He sits up and immediately calls him.

Thomas picks up on the second ring. "I'm sorry," is his immediate greeting. There's regret and guilt in his voice that seems to be thick with held back tears.

Just hearing that voice, that warm, smooth voice that always reminds him of honey, has Kurt’s smile growing.

"Don't apologize. You had a right to your anger."

"No, I didn’t." Thomas huffs. "I was being an asshole. My anger at you was not justified in any way."

"Not entirely. I did what you asked me to do when you were leaving.”

"No, Kurt. Don't put that guilt on yourself. I was forcing something on you unexpectedly. You weren't ready to just leave everything you knew behind. Now you are." There's a sound of footfalls as Thomas walks. "I talked to Lucas about all this. He made me realize what a selfish idiot I was."

Kurt lets out a short chuckle. Of course Lucas would set Thomas straight. "Thank him for me."

"Yeah right. He'll be wearing a smug grin when I tell him about this call. Speaking of which, why did you need to talk to me?"

After a deep breath, Kurt tells Thomas about the day before with Blaine. Tells him what he felt when he met him, and the kisses they shared in the kitchen.

"What should I do?" he asks after finishing.

Thomas takes a few moments to answer. "Take a leap of faith, Kurt," he says. "There hasn't been anyone since me, and you deserve to have someone again. See where this goes."

"You don't think my feelings are coming on too strong and too quick?"

"As your ex, I say yes. But as your friend, I say no."

Kurt laughs.

"Don't be scared of that. Don't let those feelings be the reason you don't go after something with this guy."

"Something?"

"Yeah, something. Boyfriends. Fuck buddies. I don't care. Just as long as you get laid again," Thomas says with a chuckle.

Kurt longingly sighs. "I really do want to get laid again."

"Great. He just has to live up to me."

"You will be a hard act to follow," Kurt says with a short chuckle.

As much as he wants that to be a joke, it’s not. Thomas was literally the best he ever had. The guy who follows him has his work cut out for him.

_"Speaking of hard."_

Kurt snorts and shakes his head.

Those three words spoken in French by Thomas affecting him still like that teenager he was in his class, or when they were together. His cock gives an interested twitch as want pools in his belly. There's a strong ache throughout his body.

He doesn’t know when he’ll stop having this reaction to Thomas speaking French. But he’s sure it won’t be any time soon.

_"What?"_

_"Lucas refuses to pick a place for our honeymoon. He's being difficult."_ Thomas groans, clearly frustrated.

_"How so?"_

_"We've narrowed it down to a couple of amazing places. I've given my pick, but he refuses to give his."_

_"Is he in the room?"_ The only reason they speak French is to either fuck with Lucas, to keep a surprise from him, or want to share something private they don’t want him understanding. It amuses Kurt immensely when he sees the scowl on Lucas’ face when they do.

_"Yes."_

_"Put me on speaker."_

Thomas chuckles as he does that.

"Lucas?" The soft, guilty _Fuck_ he hears in reply has Kurt smiling.

"Is this about the honeymoon?"

"Yes. What's wrong? Why is it so hard for you to choose a place?"

Lucas loudly sighs. "I don't know. I guess I just don't care where I am, as long as I have Thomas with me."

Kurt's heart skips a beat to hear how much Lucas loves Thomas. It brings him joy to know Thomas found someone who cares deeply for him. But that sliver of jealousy towards Lucas still lives inside him.

"Thomas," he says, "do you really care where you go for your honeymoon?"

"No. I feel the same as Lucas."

"Good. Because I have an idea."

One coin flip and five minutes later, Thomas and Lucas have a destination for their honeymoon.

"Thank you," Thomas gratefully sighs into the phone after turning off the speaker. "I would have never thought of that."

"You're welcome. It's how my dad and I decided which movie to watch some nights."

There's a sudden sadness that descends upon him after he mentions his dad. His mood drastically shifts from light and happy to sad. Thomas notices it right away without having him to say a word.

"You okay?"

Kurt sniffles. "I will be. It still hurts."

"I know. That never really goes away."

Kurt believes Thomas. Since he experienced losing his father at nineteen.

"But it will get better." There's a beat of silence. "So, how's the glitz and glamour of Beverly Hills?"

Thomas is trying to take his mind off his dad.

"I don't know." He wipes away the tear on his cheek. "I only got here yesterday. I'm going to check it out today. Look for a job."

"Teaching?"

"No. Too late for that. Just any kind of job. Is it okay if I put you as a reference?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." Kurt licks his lips and waits a few seconds to speak. "I can't believe I did this. Am I crazy?"

"I think you're the most sane person I know."

_‘Fuck you, Thomas!’_

Kurt laughs at Lucas’ joking remark through the phone.

"What? At one point you wanted our wedding colors to be bubblegum and lilac," Thomas tells him with a chuckle. "Only a crazy person would like that."

_‘The only thing I'm crazy about is you.’_

Lucas’ voice is closer. Kurt hears the sound of a kiss followed by a low growl.

When Thomas speaks again, it's in a shaky voice. "Hey, uh… Kurt, I, um..." Kurt hears the soft _Fuck_ Thomas releases. Hears his breathing grow heavy. He recognizes the sounds he's making. Remembers hearing them as he went down on him. So, he doesn't need a clue to know what Lucas is doing.

"I'll call you later, Thomas." He hangs up with a short, soft laugh.

After lying back in bed, eyes closed and suddenly bombarded with memories of sucking Thomas off, Kurt reaches a hand down. Wraps it around his semi-erect cock. But as he strokes himself, thumbs at the head, the pictures in his head change from his lips wrapped around Thomas' cock to Blaine's.

He pictures himself kneeling at Blaine's feet sucking on every glorious inch of him. Pictures himself looking up at those hazel eyes that gaze down at him with burning heat. Pictures fingers gripping the back of his head.

Then picturing isn't enough. He imagines. Imagines the noises Blaine would make as he sucked him off. Imagines the feel and weight of Blaine on his tongue. Imagines thighs quivering under his hands where he holds him. Imagines moaning as Blaine begins to fuck his mouth without abandon.

He strokes himself faster as he imagines. As he fantasizes about Blaine using his mouth for his own pleasure. Wrecks it as he fucks in and out without a thought.

When he finally comes, it's because he imagines Blaine erupting in his mouth. He comes so hard some of it hits his chin.

He's breathless and spent afterwards. His body loose and relaxed, and covered in sweat and cum.

It takes a good few minutes before he can move to sit up.

After a shower, where he wondered how much jerking off is in his future, he dresses and leaves to explore the new city he now calls home.

Beverly Hills is exactly what he thought it would be. There are not too many surprises. Aside from the price of parking. After paying that, he contemplated buying a bike.

As he walks down the sidewalk in front of shops, he stops every so often to text Thomas.

**Kurt: Beverly Hills is living up to its reputation of luxury**

**Kurt: Could I pull it off?**

He attaches a picture of a blue suit in a shop window.

**Kurt: TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THAT!**

He sends a picture of something he isn't entirely what it is.

Thomas texts back with replies.

_Thomas: What did you expect?_

_Thomas: A big HELL NO!_

_Thomas: What the fuck is that?_

By the time he leaves the popular street featured in many films and television shows, his phone rings.

"Please tell me you didn't buy the blue suit?"

"It cost like six thousand dollars. The only way I'm getting that is if I get a Sugar Daddy."

"You could never have a Sugar Daddy. You have difficulty accepting things from people," Thomas points out.

_‘It's true,’_ Lucas says off the phone but close by.

"You're right. Well, there goes my dream of looking like a Smurf."

Thomas laughs. "More like Violet Beauregarde."

"I don't know which one is worse."

"Definitely Violet. Because if you're a Smurf, you're not alone in being blue."

"I think you've thought about this before," Kurt says.

"I have," Thomas admits.

Kurt smiles and shakes his head, reminded of why he fell for his teacher in the first place.

"You find any jobs yet?"

"No. And I'm starting to worry."

_"About?"_

"Not having something to fall back on," Kurt admits, that worry lacing his voice. "I know it's only the first day. But you know me."

_"Not one to sit around and do nothing."_

_"Yes."_

_"Don't worry. You'll find something."_ Thomas breathes. "I know it. Don't get too discouraged if it takes time."

"Yeah." Kurt comes to a stop in front of a small, quaint café tucked away amongst the flashy stores. The storefront window is painted with the name of the place in bright yellow. Bean There. Just inside he can see several round tables and a couple couches, along with a few shelves of books. But it's what he spots tucked into one of the window panes on the door that catches his eye.

The Help Wanted sign is beautiful. Relief and hope fill him as he steps into the café. The smell of freshly brewed coffee mixes with sugar and vanilla.

"Oh, this place is great," he says as he looks around, already loving it after only a few seconds.

"What is it?" comes Thomas' interested voice.

"A coffee shop. It's one of those retro ones with couches and bookshelves and pictures of fifty, sixty, and seventy icons hanging on the walls."

"Sounds like my kind of place. What's it called?"

"Bean There." Kurt smiles at Thomas' laughter. "I know. But they're hiring and I want a job."

"Good luck then."

Kurt hangs up with Thomas and walks to the counter. A guy named Eli, as his name tag reads, stands behind it and grins at him.

With blonde hair, blue eyes, a nose that's slightly crooked from being broken, a build to his body that says he works out, Eli is far from his type.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

The way he says the words, implying so much more, and eyes him up and down with interest, has Kurt feeling slightly uncomfortable. But it's not too bad to where he would leave.

"I wanted to apply for the job."

Eli looks confused for a second and then seems to remember. "Oh. Right. Let me get you the form to fill out."

Kurt takes the pages Eli hands him and sits at an empty table. It doesn't take him long to completely fill out the form. The entire time, though, he feels steely blue eyes on him.

He walks back to the counter and hands Eli the filled out form.

"Alright," Eli looks at the top page, "Kurt." Kurt doesn't like the way his name comes off his tongue. It sounds wrong. Hard and rough. "Let me give these to Kira. She owns this place. So, she'll make the decision whether to hire you."

"Alright." Kurt steps away from the counter. As he sits back down at the table, he keeps his fingers crossed he gets this job.

It's not that he needs the job right then and there. He can put off getting one for a few more weeks. But it would be nice to have some source of income, because what little he has won't last him long. He needs something just in case of anything going bad. Plus, he needs to have something to do. Like Thomas said. Sitting in his apartment not doing anything will drive him crazy. He needs to be working; needs to be up and doing anything. Even if that's making coffee.

As much as he would love to get a job teaching, that is out of the question. Not only is it January, and the school year is half over, there is the small problem of it being nearly impossible to get hired at the school he did some research on before he moved. The only way he will ever work there is by some miracle, or having connections. Neither of which is going to happen.

Which is why he's settling for a job at the coffee shop. It may not be his first or second choice of desired employment, but at least it's something.

As he waits, Kurt finds his mind drifting to Blaine and the day before. To the too few moments they had together. To the kisses they shared.

A blush stains his cheeks as he relives the amazing kisses they shared in his kitchen. Honey thick desire flows through him. There's no denying to himself that he wants that again. That he wants to see Blaine and that crooked smile he quickly grew to love.

Although he has yet to text Blaine back again, the longing to do so grows with each passing hour. He wants to talk to him. To tell him he can't stop thinking about him. That he wants to see him again.

But something holds him back. Maybe it's the part that wants to protect himself. Or the doubts and worries he has over what he is feeling. Whatever the reason, he has left Blaine on Read.

Kurt turns when someone says his name. He sees Eli standing there with a lady who instantly puts a smile on his face.

With lilac colored hair braided in two French braids, bright blue eyes, and the kindest smile he's ever seen, Kira is definitely someone he can see becoming fast friends with.

"Kira, this is Kurt. He's the one asking about the job."

"Thank you, Eli."

Eli smiles and walks back to behind the counter.

"Hi, Kurt."

"Hello." Kurt stands and shakes Kira's outstretched hand.

"My," Kira studies him like a painting she's trying to get all the details of, "you are something to look at."

A blush stains Kurt's cheeks.

It's not the first time someone has given him such a compliment. Ever since he hit puberty and practically grew like a beanstalk overnight, and grew into his body, compliments came left and right. But no matter how often it happens, it's something he has yet to get used to.

"Thank you."

Kira stares for a few more seconds before realizing she's doing it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Let's sit and talk."

He takes a seat while Kira does the same. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Eli watching him. Discomfort settles in him the longer he sits there and is stared at like an animal in a cage. He wants to tell Eli something, but doesn't want to be rude while trying to get hired. So, he bites his tongue and hopes for customers so Eli will be too preoccupied to watch him.

"So," Kira grabs his attention while scanning the application he filled out, "you have two years experience?"

"Yes. I worked in a coffee shop back in high school." He doesn't add that it was the one he knew Thomas frequented for his coffee fix. That he would wait all morning or afternoon just for him to come in. That he made sure he was the one behind the counter when he ordered.

"That's good. What do you do now?"

"I teach. Well, I will teach when I get a position."

"That's great. The world could always use more teachers." Kira smiles a soft, sweet smile. "What do you teach?"

"English."

"A lover of words I see."

"Very much so."

"Me too," Kira replies. "Nothing beats a good book. Except for maybe sex. But then that could be up for debate."

Kurt laughs and agrees with a small nod.

"I have yet to meet a man that makes me feel as good as a book can."

"Touché." He decides to withhold the fact that he met a man that made him feel better than any book ever did.

Kira softly chuckles. "After going over this, I like what I see. I just have one problem."

Worry quickly gnaws at Kurt. "What is that?"

"This says your address is somewhere in Ohio."

The worry leaves as Kurt laughs at himself for his mistake. "Sorry. I just moved here yesterday. I guess I'm not yet used to writing my new address down."

Kira laughs. "That's okay. Just correct it and you're hired."

"What? You're hiring me just like that?"

"Yeah. You seem like a good person. Plus, I've had that sign up for weeks and you're the first person to ask about the job."

Relief floods Kurt at having a job for extra income. Not only will it help, but it gives him something to do besides stay home all day.

"Great," Kira says when he hands back the papers. "When can you start?"

After agreeing to start on the upcoming Monday, he walks out of Bean There with a huge smile on his face.

**Kurt: Guess who's bringing home the bacon and eating it?**

_Thomas: Kermit_

**Kurt: Oh God! Gross! I did not need that visual in my head.**

**Kurt: And no.**

_Thomas: Congrats! I knew it would work out for you._

**Kurt: It's not a teaching job. But it's something.**

_Thomas: Yes, it is! I'm proud of you._

**Kurt: Thank you!**

As he drives, there’s a huge sense of relief that Kurt feels. But that relief is overshadowed by the happiness he also feels.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and commented and left kudos on the first chapter. It all means so much to me to know you guys enjoyed the start of this fic. Also, I forgot to mention in the first chapter when Kurt and Thomas are talking and the text goes to italics it means they are speaking French. Since I don't French, and not wanting to use Google Translate and come out with something completely wrong to what I wanted them to say, I decided to take the easy route and italicize those conversations. Sorry for any confusion in the previous chapter. Enjoy this one!

_He shall never know I love him: and that, not because he’s handsome, but because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made out of, his and mine are the same._

“Hey, Kurt.”

Kurt looks up from one of his three copies of Wuthering Heights he owns when someone calls his name. Moves his shades to sit on his head to see who it was. The bright sun has him squinting as he looks up at the silhouette of someone standing over him. Whoever it is holds a surfboard next to them and wears dark boardshorts. When the person squats down a flush immediately blooms over his body when striking hazel eyes gaze into his.

It’s a surprise, a wonderful one, to run into Blaine at the beach. A couple of days have passed since he last saw him. In that time, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the kisses they shared in his kitchen. It’s almost like a constant thought that has taken root in his brain and refuses to leave. Which he doesn’t mind. In fact, there have been several times when he’s caught himself in the middle of the day daydreaming about those kisses. Has relieved those wonderful few minutes over and over. Found himself wondering what could have followed if they didn’t stop and Blaine had stayed.

The last thought was always followed by a wave of nerves.

He finds himself wondering that now. What would have happened had Blaine not left? If they continued kissing? Would he have kept it at that? Let Blaine take things further even though he barely knew him? There’s no way to know. All he can do is wonder.

Kurt pushes those thoughts away for the time being. Knows they are for a different time and place.

“Hey, Blaine.” He closes his book and sets it aside. “What are you doing here?” He mentally smacks himself as soon as the question leaves his mouth. It’s pretty obvious why Blaine is at the beach. The surfboard is a dead giveaway.

“Me and the guys wanted to ride some waves,” Blaine replies like it’s not obvious. Gestures in the direction of the water.

Kurt looks out at the ocean and sees Blaine’s friends in the water already paddling out. Eric laughs as he splashes Cole in the face with water. Cole retaliates by pushing down on Eric’s board, causing him to unbalance and almost slip off. Eric replies with a scowl and the finger.

“How long have you surfed?”

Blaine drops his board to the sand and sits on it facing Kurt. Knees bent, he rests his arms on his knees. “Since I was about four. I love it. I try to go a few times a week.” He looks out at the water and watches a wave crest and crash. “What about you?” He looks back to Kurt. “Do you surf?”

Kurt snorts. “I barely have good balance on land. I would be asking for certain death if I got on a surfboard.”

“It’s not that hard. I’m sure with some practice you could be riding a wave in no time.”

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head and moves to sit cross-legged on the towel he spread out. “I’m okay with staying on land and reading a book.”

“Are you sure? I could teach you. I wouldn’t mind it.”

“Have you ever taught someone before?”

“No. But I would make an exception for you.” A half-grin spreads tips up the corner of Blaine’s mouth.

Thoughts of Blaine’s hands on his body while teaching him to surf has a flush that has nothing to do with the sun staining his cheeks. He forces those thoughts away before making a fool of himself. “I’ll think about it.”

“Yo, lover boy!” Eric yells from the water. “Get out here! You’re missing some good waves! Quit flirting!”

Blaine lifts a hand and shoots Eric the finger. Turns his attention back to Kurt. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.” A blush warms his cheeks. He looks away. Stares out and watches waves forming and crashing.

He takes a moment to think about what Eric said. Are Blaine and him flirting? It doesn’t seem like it. They’re just innocently talking. There’s nothing else to it. But at the same time, he can’t help but to feel like there is something more to it. He tries not to put too much thought into it. Doesn’t want to get ahead of himself.

His attention is drawn back to Blaine when he leans back on his hands. Sweeps his eyes over the defined muscles of Blaine’s stomach when it’s shown off. Want twists in his stomach as he takes Blaine in. As he follows the lines and ridges of Blaine’s abs with his eyes.

He looks away after a few seconds when he realizes he’s staring a little too much. When he feels his cock give a twitch.

“How long have you been at the beach?”

Kurt looks back to Blaine at the question. “A couple of hours.”

The spontaneous beach trip was a treat to himself after finishing unpacking his last moving box this morning.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to go get something to eat?"

"What about surfing?"

"The ocean will still be here tomorrow."

"And your friends?" Kurt gestures to where Blaine's friends sit straddling their boards in the water waiting for a wave.

"They'll get over me leaving. Unless you want them to join us."

Kurt thinks of Hector and how he's positive the guy still doesn't like him. It would make things extremely awkward. Plus, Blaine is the only person he wants to be with at the moment. The inclusion of his friends would be too much.

"No, that's okay. I don't want to stop them from surfing. They seem to be having fun.” His point is proven when he notices all of the guys start to paddle when a wave they can surf begins to form.

Blaine stands and grabs his board. "Alright. Let's go. I know a great seafood place. If you don't mind walking. It's not that far from here."

"That’s okay." Kurt stands and brushes off the sand on his hands and seat of his shorts. “I don’t mind walking.” He particularly finds great enjoyment in spending even more time with Blaine that walking would produce.

Butterflies of nerves flit around in his stomach as he puts his things away in his car a few minutes later. It's understandable why he's nervous. This is the first guy he's liked since Thomas. The first guy to spark excitement and desire inside him.

He grabs his phone and sends a text to Thomas.

_Kurt: Having lunch with Blaine. I'm nervous._

A ping from his phone a few seconds later surprises him as he pulls on a new shirt. He was positive Thomas was in class teaching. But there's no way it could be anyone else. Thomas is the main person he talks to.

**Thomas: Why?**

_Kurt: Are you not teaching?_

He slips on a pair of flip flops.

**Thomas: They're taking a test.**

**Thomas: Answer the question.**

A mental image pops into Kurt's head of Thomas sitting behind his desk looking as dashing as ever, wearing a smile while texting him as his students take their test. It's an image he saw in person several times, sans the phone, while they worked together, and were dating. It's an image that still manages to make his heart skip a beat and bring a smile to his face now as it did then.

He sits sideways in the driver's seat with his legs outside the car.

_Kurt: I'm scared I'll screw this up in some way. I haven’t done this in years._

**Thomas: Understandable. But it is just lunch Kurt. It's nothing serious. Have fun. This is dipping your toe in. Not a cannon ball.**

**Thomas: Don’t think too much about it.**

Kurt realizes Thomas is right. It is just lunch. It's not a date. He shouldn't have to worry about not screwing up. He’s not out to impress Blaine. This is just two guys, friends for the time being, agreeing to having an innocent lunch together. It’s nothing more than that. He has to remember that. Not turn this into something it isn’t.

_Kurt: Yeah you're right._

_Kurt: Thanks_

**Thomas: Any time.**

**Thomas: Now that I've got you I need you to be a deciding factor.**

_Kurt: What is it this time?_

This is a wedding decision.

**Thomas: Cake.**

**Thomas: Lemon Bavarian or Red velvet?**

_Kurt: Do you really need to ask that?_

**Thomas: I know what you like. Lucas made me ask even though I told him you would pick lemon.**

**Thomas: Gotta go. Tell me how lunch goes.**

_Kurt: Will do_

"You ready?"

Kurt looks up from his phone to Blaine standing at the end of his car. Still in his boardshorts, but now wearing a shirt and flip-flops, he still manages to look mouthwatering. And now that he knows what Blaine looks like under that shirt, it'll be difficult not to picture him that way the entire time he's with him.

An image of shirtless Blaine chooses that moment to pop up in his mind.

"Y-Yeah. We can go."

They head for the seafood place side by side.

"How are you liking it here so far?" Blaine asks a few seconds into their walk.

"I'm liking it. Still a few things to get used to. But it's been great so far. Nothing to complain about.”

"That's good." Blaine runs a hand through his hair. Pushes the sunglasses he wears up his nose after they slip down. "Have you done anything fun so far?"

Kurt shakes his head. "I've been busy unpacking and turning on the last few things I needed these past couple of days to have any time for much of anything else. This is the first time since I got here that I've had time to relax and enjoy myself. This beach is gorgeous."

"Yeah. Me and the guys usually surf this one. But there are some other great ones to go to when this one gets too crowded.”

"I decided to enjoy it before I start work soon."

"That was quick. Where are you working?"

"At a coffee shop called Bean There."

Blaine snorts at the name.

"Yeah, I know," Kurt agrees with a small smile. "Have you ever been?"

Blaine shakes his head. "This might come as a surprise to you, but I don't drink coffee."

That does surprise Kurt a bit.

"I'm guessing a barista is not what you typically do in the way of employment."

"No." Kurt shakes his head. "I'm actually a high school teacher."

"A teacher, huh?" Blaine eyes him up and down, a grin spreading across his face.

Kurt flushes under Blaine's intense gaze. But it's his look, like he knows a vital piece of information, that leaves him curious. "What?"

"Nothing," Blaine replies, grin still in place. He looks ahead. "Why didn't you apply for a teaching job?"

"Too late in the year," he replies.

"What about substituting?"

"I've filled out a few applications for several schools. But teaching a class here and there isn't enough. I want a permanent job. Time to get to know my students. Not just in passing.”

"Well, I wish my teachers looked like you."

Kurt blushes. He’s beginning to wonder if that will be a permanent occurrence around Blaine. "You shouldn't. I would be a distraction for you. You would never learn anything.”

He should know. It's the exact problem he had when he was seventeen and Thomas was his teacher. The distraction he caused could have been horrible if French wasn't something he took to extremely well.

"I wouldn't mind." Blaine turns to face Kurt.

Kurt stops and faces him.

"I would love to have a reason to stare at you for an hour."

The blush on Kurt's cheeks deepens. He turns and starts to walk again.

"I couldn't be your teacher," he says after Blaine catches up with him.

"Why?"

He looks at Blaine. "Because you would be a distraction too." Maybe he shouldn’t be admitting to something like that. But he sees no harm in it. It’s not like Blaine is actually his student.

The biggest smile spreads across Blaine's face. It's slightly crooked. And Kurt wants to kiss where one side of his mouth ticks up a bit higher than the other.

The place Blaine takes him to is not what he was expecting.

"A food truck?"

He takes in the food truck that's parked by the road not far from the beach.

"Yeah, a food truck."

"And it's...pink." The color is bright, and makes the truck stick out.

"It's the color of shrimp."

Kurt arches an eyebrow. "I don't think shrimp is that pink."

Blaine laughs. "Come on, let's eat."

"I've never eaten from a food truck before," Kurt admits. "Is it really that good?"

"Trust me, Kurt. The food here is amazing. It's the most popular food truck around here."

The long line of people waiting to order is evidence to that.

"So, food trucks are a thing here?" Kurt says as they join the line.

"Yeah."

"We don't really have them where I came from."

"Ohio, right?"

Kurt looks at Blaine and smiles. "Right." He doesn't know why it makes his heart jump that Blaine remembered something so unimportant.

"Well, you'll find that there are some food trucks that are better than restaurants."

"I can't wait to see if that's true. If this one lives up to the hype you've been giving it."

"It will," Blaine says with assuredness. "And I'll happily take you to try other food trucks after you realize I’m right about this one."

He laughs. "I'd like that."

A warmth blooms in Kurt's chest at the possibility of being with Blaine like this again.

"Hey, Blaine," the guy in the truck says when they reach the window. With short, dark hair, green eyes, an eyebrow piercing, tattoos covering one arm, he's not exactly the kind of guy Kurt would picture owning a food truck. "Where your boys at?"

"Surfing," Blaine tells the guy.

Kurt offers a warm smile when the guy looks at him.

"Who's this?"

"Toni, this is Kurt. He's a newbie. Be nice to him." It doesn't come out as a warning, but more of a request.

Toni smiles. "He's with you. I'll take care of him." He looks back to Blaine. "The same?"

"Yeah. And two waters."

Kurt walks away with Blaine. "I didn't order," he says.

"It's okay. I just ordered my favorite from here.”

“It doesn’t have shrimp, does it?”

“No. Why?”

“Because I’m allergic to it.”

“Shit. I didn’t even think to ask about that.”

“It’s fine. As long as what we eat doesn’t have shrimp, I’ll be fine.”

“I promise there is no shrimp. And I promise you’ll love what Toni will make for you."

"I guess I'll trust you for now."

They take a seat on the edge of the sidewalk near the truck; legs outstretched. Other people sit close by eating their food.

"When do you start your job at the coffee place?"

Kurt unscrews the cap on his bottle of water and takes a drink before answering. "Monday. The owner, Kira, is really great. She hired me even though I haven't had experience as a barista in ten years."

"You worked as a barista before?" Blaine plants his hands in the grass behind him and leans back on his arms.

"Yeah. For two years when I was in high school." Once again, he keeps the true reason for working at the coffee shop to himself. He's sure Blaine doesn't want to hear about him being seventeen and crushing on his French teacher who would later become his ex.

"Were you any good?"

"Once I got the hang of things." Kurt screws the bottle cap back on. "What about you? Do you work?"

Blaine shakes his head. Another look like he knows something crossing his face. "I'll just say no, for now."

"What does that mean? Do you have a job waiting for you?" He’s confused.

"You could say that."

Kurt is about to question Blaine further, but Toni calling out Blaine's name stops him.

Blaine rejoins him back on the curb after going to get their food. "Dig in and enjoy," he says after handing over a paper plate with what looks like crab cakes on it.

"Thanks" Kurt uses his fork to cut into a cake.

The first bite of the cake is close to orgasmic. He releases a moan like he's experiencing amazing pleasure. His taste buds practically dance with excitement and love.

"I think I want to marry this crab cake," he says after his first bite. A look to Blaine finds him watching him with an intense, hungry look in his eyes that has nothing to do with wanting food. It's only then that he realizes what he must have looked and sounded like. "Sorry." A deep blush of embarrassment stains his cheeks and crawls down his neck.

Right as he turns to look away, beyond embarrassed, Blaine reaches a hand out to stop him. The side of his face cupped, a mouth that is quickly becoming familiar crashes to his.

A soft whimper falls from his lips while his eyes fall closed as he responds to the kiss. As he lets Blaine deepen the kiss.

It's the only third kiss he's shared with Blaine, but he can already tell how much he loves being kissed by him.

Lips part after a tongue teases at the seam of them. The soft moan he lets out when Blaine strokes their tongues together is swallowed by Blaine. His whole body comes alive and tingles. The need and want for more growing with each passing second that they continue the kiss.

He could do this for hours. Would gladly lose time just kissing and exploring Blaine's mouth.

"Hey, lover boys, nice show!" Toni yelling from the window of his truck finally has them pulling apart. Albeit a bit reluctantly.

As he pulls away, a smile on his face, Kurt is positive he hasn't blushed this much because of a guy since Thomas.

They turn their attention back to their food. He easily devours all of his crab cakes.

"I guess I have to take you up on your offer of showing me other food trucks," he says as they throw away their trash fifteen minutes later.

"Name a day and I'm there," Blaine happily replies. "Should we head back?"

"Sure."

Back at the parking lot where their cars are, Kurt stands besides Blaine's Range Rover and watches as he takes his surfboard down.

"You sure you have to go? You can rent a board and I'll give you that surf lesson I was talking about." Blaine hops down off the foot step of his car holding his board.

"I'm sure. Besides, if I stay out in the sun any longer I'll be as red as a cooked lobster."

"That's too bad. I hoped I could convince you to stay." Blaine grabs his shirt and pulls it off.

Kurt's eyes immediately dart down to the ridges and lines of Blaine's defined abs. They sweep down to his lower stomach and back up to his chest before landing on amused eyes.

"See something you like?"

"You obviously know the answer to that."

Blaine grins. He leans his board against the car and pulls Kurt close. "Wish you would stay."

Kurt lets out a soft gasp when his back comes in contact with the car. Every fiber of his being wants to stay. But he can't. He isn't sure he's ready for what staying would entail. Right now what Blaine and him have is simple. It's just indulging in a kiss here and there. Nothing too serious. Him staying could give Blaine the wrong idea of what he wants beyond the physical stuff.

"I can't." Hands grab at Blaine's hips when he presses close to him.

Even through his shirt, he can feel the heat of Blaine's skin. He can feel the hard length of Blaine against his hip. Arousal burst to life inside him like a flower coming to life after a long winter. Want and desire burn in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.

Lips barely brush over his when Blaine leans in. It's enough to spark a need for more. That spark grows by the second.

"Stay."

The words brush over his lips like that barely there kiss.

_Yes!_ His mind and body screams. He wants to listen to both. To give in to this desire currently overtaking him. But he listens to reason. Listens to his self-control, which has him getting out of Blaine's touch and reach.

"I need to go before I stay and do something I shouldn't." He backs up several more steps away from Blaine.

Blaine stands facing him. Not at all shy about the bulge he currently sports in his boardshorts. "What would that be?" A smirk spreads across his face.

"Me staying and giving you the wrong impression."

"Which is?"

Kurt licks his lips and takes another step back. "That I want something with you. Which, for the record, I'm not sure I do or not. All I know is that I'm not ready for anything serious; for a relationship. Not right now."

"Okay." A look of disappointment crosses Blaine's face. "Can I at least still text you?"

"Yeah," Kurt smiles, "you can still text me. I would like that."

"Alright." Blaine grabs his board. "I guess I'll see you later. Bye."

Kurt tells Blaine goodbye and heads to his car. Sat in the driver's seat a few minutes later, uncertainty begins to grow over whether he just did the right thing.

On the one hand, he was honest with Blaine. He isn't ready for anything just yet. But on the other, a part of him wants to let go of everything holding him back and dive in. To have fun and experience the joys of being with someone again.

Plus, he really misses sex. Misses everything that comes with it. The pleasure and intimacy and closeness. He thinks of what he shared with Thomas and how he wants that again.

A ping from his phone brings him out of his thoughts. A smile spreads across his face when he grabs his phone and sees who texted him.

**Blaine: I know a great cupcake truck. Tomorrow?**

Kurt debates for a few seconds over what to do.

As he thinks another text comes in.

**Blaine: It'll be as friends. Nothing more.**

**Blaine: Just want to stick to my promise of showing you great food trucks**

That eases Kurt's worries.

_Kurt: I think I'll be craving a cupcake tomorrow_

The happiness that fills him with seeing Blaine again doesn’t last long when he returns to his apartment some time later. The quietness that greets him is a problem he has yet to get used to. The silence is a glaring reminder of what, and who, is missing. It reminds him that he’s here in a new place alone. That there is no one somewhere in the apartment waiting to greet him. He’s by himself.

For the first time in a couple of months, and since arriving in Beverly Hills, loneliness overtakes him.

Loneliness is something he has dealt with a few times in the past several months. After his dad died, it occurred more frequently. Would come on and stay for several days. Like a cold with no kind of medication to make it better.

Unlike those times where he would find comfort in being at his dad's house surrounded by wonderful memories, there's no way to get that here. Here there's only him and the heavy feeling of missing the people he loves.

Sat on the couch surfing through the channels on television later that night after talking with Thomas, bowl of noodles in his lap, the loneliness is still there. It seems to be a part of him. Like an extra appendage he doesn't want, but at the same time he won't do anything about. Because as much as it hurts to be alone and lonely, the loneliness he is currently experiencing is a reminder of what he was lucky enough to have. To have the love of his amazing dad, and the love of Thomas who later came into his life, is something some people are not gifted with.

As he lands on a program on the Discovery channel discussing the best places to travel to in the U. S., his fingers go to the rings that hang around his neck as he tunes out the show, not really caring about the best places to visit. It’s more for background noise than entertainment.

His dad's ring easily fits down his middle finger. It sits loose around the base; even with the chain still looped through it. His mom's ring, much smaller, barely makes it halfway down his pinky finger. It's a tight, snug fit.

The sight of both those rings on his fingers has an ache radiating outward from his chest. The memory of his parents and the deep love they shared, one his dad never stopped feeling even after losing his wife, has him once again wishing for that. Since he was a boy and was lucky enough to see his parents' love, it's all he's wanted.

"Chicago is next on our list."

Kurt turns his attention to the show at the mention of Chicago. Watches as the program shows shots from around the city; listens as they talk about the beauty and all the city has to offer. A shot of Grant Park makes his heart twist and stomach turn with sorrow.

The loneliness he's been feeling growing exponentially.

Along with the loneliness, there’s pain. A deep pain that makes itself known. It latches onto him like a hand on his throat. Squeezes and makes it difficult to breathe.

Of all the places in Chicago that hold meaning to him now, Grant Park holds the most. It was there in that beautiful park holding Thomas’ hand that he realized he was in love with him.

He wasn't surprised when he fell in love with Thomas. Years he held feelings for him. And when they got together, and he really got to know the man he only ever knew as his French teacher, those feelings grew. They grew into something strong and wild and beautiful. Something he never felt before. Or since.

As the program goes from Chicago to Seattle, Kurt's mind still stays on the memory in Grant Park. How Thomas' whole face lit up and his heart raced against his chest when he pulled him close. How he kissed him languid and deep, and then whispered those words right back to him with so much love and conviction it brought tears to his eyes.

Want thrums through him to be back there with Thomas. To be back where he was happy and hopeful.

Food forgotten, no longer hungry, Kurt shuts off his television and sets the bowl of now cold noodles aside. His mind immediately goes to the night following what happened in Grant Park. How Thomas and him repeatedly whispered those words to each other as they drew pleasure from the other early into the morning.

His loneliness grows and has him crawling into bed and going to sleep to escape from it for a few hours.

The dream comes almost immediately after he falls asleep.

_The elevator doors close on Thomas and him. Finally alone after leaving the park and walking through the lobby of the hotel, they reach for each other with overflowing desire._

_Pushed into the corner, Thomas' mouth crashes to his. The kiss they share is greedy and fueled by hunger. Hands grab and roam as hips press flush together._

_"Want to feel you inside me," he desperately gasps into Thomas' mouth._

_Thomas growls in reply._

The dream shifts.

_In the hotel room on the bed, on his hands and knees, the sheet soft under his touch, the grip on his hips rough, a low moan escapes him as Thomas rhythmically thrusts and grinds his hips into him._

_"Fuck!" He drops down to his forearms, pushing back on Thomas' cock. Not wanting this to end._

_On his forearms, ass in the air, Thomas' cock repeatedly sinking inside him, fingers card through his hair and tug while simultaneously holding his head down against the bed. The pressure in his balls tells of his impending release._

_He turns his head to tell Thomas that he's close. To touch him. But instead of stormy blue-grey eyes that greet him, it's bright hazel ones. Instead of dark brown hair scattered with grey, it's black curls. Instead of a scruffy jaw, it's a clean shaven face._

_The sight of Blaine makes him gasp. Has his cock growing heavier between his legs._

_Now that he knows it's Blaine inside him, there's subtle differences he takes notice of. How the fingers in his hair grip a bit tighter than Thomas' did. How there's more of an edge when Blaine fucks him. How the cock inside him seems to stretch his hole wider and sink deeper inside him._

_Blaine's front plasters to his back. He feels his racing heart. "You like that, don't you? You like my cock stretching your hole?" He thrust deep. "Like this ass getting fucked by me?"_

_Instead of the words spoken in French as he's come to expect, the words are roughly whispered in a deep voice that strokes his cock._

_"Yes." He pushes back and squeezes around Blaine's cock._

_Head turned, tongues tangle when Blaine kisses him. Hips find a steady, rough rhythm. Fingers dig into flesh._

_He cries out as Blaine plows into him. Repeatedly hits his prostate._

_A hand glides from his hip to wrap around his cock. It slowly strokes up and down. Pushes him closer and clo-_

Kurt wakes panting and hard, hips rocking against the bed. A thin sheen of sweat covers his flushed body. His heart races and cock pounds.

The sudden onslaught of hunger for Blaine takes him a bit by surprise. He wants him in a way he’s only ever wanted Thomas. Which terrifies him a bit since he barely knows Blaine.

Rolled over, staring at the ceiling, his mind replays the wild dream.

The dream is nothing new. It's actually one he's had many times in the past year. The only difference being Blaine. Blaine who was holding him down. Who was fucking him. Who was making him feel amazing.

The hunger and ache he feels grows wild inside him like vines. They take over as he recalls how the Blaine in his dream fucked him. Took him like it was something he'd wanted for years and was finally getting.

Arousal and lust thrum through him like a beat that steadily grows stronger and stronger with each passing second.

He's had sex dreams before. Had them as a teen when he was crushing on Thomas like a lovesick puppy. This dream was different from those, though. Where those left him hard and wanting Thomas, this one has left him unstable and dizzy, like he just rode a rollercoaster. It has left him desperate. To the point he wants to call Blaine. To ask him to come over and help with this deep ache he has.

Instead of doing something he isn't sure about, he skims a hand down over his stomach. Fingers slip past the waistband of his sweats and wrap around his throbbing cock. His mind flashes with moments from his dream as he strokes himself.

Eyes fall closed and Kurt quiets his mind to everything and lets his thoughts drift to Blaine. And what would happen if he were here.

As he imagines Blaine taking his time to kiss every inch of him, he shoves his free hand in his sweats and grabs at his heavy balls.

Fist moving at a steady rhythm up and down his cock, other hand massaging and tugging at his balls, he continues to fantasize about Blaine. About him pushing his legs up to his chest and taking him over the edge with his fingers and tongue. Fantasizes about Blaine not wasting a second and pushing inside him right after; fucking him even though he just came. Fantasizes about Blaine taking his time to tease and bring him to the edge, and then drawing an intense release from him.

His back arches and balls draw tight to his body. A loud moan escapes him as he comes over his fist as the Blaine in his fantasies fucks him through his release. And unlike in the dream that brought this on, the one that ended abruptly when he woke up, buries himself deep inside him and comes. 

Afterwards, he lies there in a blissed-out heap. A huge smile splits his face as his heart slowly stops it's racing. His cock lies flaccid and spent against his cum covered belly. A flush covers his body.

He checks the time after his pleasure fades and sees it's almost six. Wide awake and feeling gross, he climbs out of bed and takes a much needed hot shower.

In front of his fogged mirror, steam still swirling around him, drops of water clinging to his warm skin, Kurt thinks about Blaine and how he's affecting him so deeply and so quickly. Like no other person has before. How he's gotten under his skin. Wormed his way into his psyche and burrowed himself there with no plans to leave any time soon.

It both excites and terrifies him.

A ping from his phone brings him out of his thoughts. It’s a text from Blaine with a time and place to meet him later in the day.

The dream from the night before is still on his mind as he gets ready a few hours later. He wants to call Thomas and talk to him about it. To get his opinion on what it all means. But he doesn’t have the time. He’s running late to meet Blaine. He makes a mental note to call Thomas later and discuss everything that has happened in the past day.

"So, what's good here?"

Next to Blaine in line at the food truck that sells cupcakes, it's difficult for Kurt to focus on the baked goods he's about to buy. He does his best, though. But every few minutes or so, his mind decides to betray him and go to the sex dream he had the night before. Blaine standing so close and being a constant reminder doesn’t help his problem.

To say it was awkward and weird for him when he met up with Blaine thirty minutes earlier is a giant understatement. A deep, hot blush stained his cheeks when his eyes landed on Blaine. His mind immediately went to his dream. And his body betrayed him when desire slammed into him, and his cock stirred to life like a garden waking up after a long winter.

It took some hard concentrating and thoughts of difficult mathematical equations to be close to presentable when Blaine reached him.

The relief was temporary, though, when Blaine was close. Want that he would manage to tamper down would roar back to life from the smallest of things. Whether it be seeing his crooked smile, an accidental brush of hands, or getting a whiff of his delectable scent.

It's why the last twenty minutes have been pure agony.

Kurt isn't sure how much longer he can last before he does something he may regret.

"Pretty much everything," Blaine replies as they move up in line. "But my favorite is the salted caramel one."

Kurt skims the menu on the side of the truck in search of any lemon flavored cupcakes. He turns his attention back to Blaine after setting his eye on one that seems particularly good. "So, no surfing today?"

"Nah." Blaine shakes his head. "The guys went early this morning. But I really wasn't up for it. Besides, I had better plans scheduled."

When that crooked smile turns up his mouth, Kurt fights from leaning in and kissing that smile. Because it's not just the smile that gets him, but the smoothness at which Blaine delivered that line.

Up at the window and listening to Blaine order his cupcake, he has to remind himself what this is between them. What he made sure it was.

"What can I get you?" The lady in the truck asks after Blaine steps aside.

"I'll have the lemon drop."

"Alright. I'll be right back with your order."

After paying and receiving their cupcakes, Kurt walks alongside Blaine as they eat them.

"Do your friends know where you are?"

"Not really. But they know who I'm with."

"What do they think of that?"

A huge smile spreads across Blaine's face. "They, um..." He licks his lips. "They're okay with it." He lets out a short laugh.

"What's funny?"

"Nothing." Blaine shakes his head. "It's just something the guys said."

"Which was?" Kurt arches an eyebrow.

"I told them you're a teacher. And there were certain things said."

It takes a second for Kurt to understand what Blaine is saying.

"Oh." He lets out a short, fake laugh. "Yeah, I really don't need you to expand on that."

The one thing he didn't expect after becoming a teacher is guys he went on dates with trying to be amusing or fun by suggesting they hook-up and going the cliché porno route of saying they would do anything for a passing grade after they found out what his profession was.

The reason he went into teaching was to help educate kids. Not help act out some guy's fantasy. It's why when Thomas came back into his life, it was such a breath of fresh air for many reasons.

Blaine tosses his trash away. "What's your verdict?"

Kurt swallows the last bite of his cupcake. "It was delicious." He throws his trash away. "I would definitely get it again."

Blaine proudly grins. "Cool."

Kurt grabs his phone when a new text comes through. A smile turning up his mouth when he sees it's from Thomas.

**Thomas: How's it going?**

The night before he mentioned to Thomas about his seeing Blaine again today after telling him about their lunch they shared. Even the kisses.

_Kurt: Good._

_Kurt: I want to kiss him again._

He can still see the hint of jealousy that registered on Thomas’ face through the computer screen when he told him about kissing Blaine. The sight of which he enjoyed in a way he would never admit out loud.

**Thomas: Then kiss him!**

_Kurt: What if that sends off mixed messages? I can't say I'm not ready for anything one day and then just kiss him the next._

"Who are you talking to?"

"A friend," is all Kurt offers.

**Thomas: Kurt you're too much in your head.**

**Thomas: Do you remember what happened when I came back to Ohio and you saw me?**

_Kurt: Yes._

_Kurt: I was so worried over whether you liked me or not._

**Thomas: You got in your own way.**

_Kurt: I finally came around._

**Thomas: Three months later!**

**Thomas: All I'm saying is, if you want to do something with Blaine remember there doesn't have to be strings attached.**

_Kurt: I've never been in a friends with benefits relationship before. Sounds fun._

**Thomas: It is.**

_Kurt: Don't think I won't ask you about that later._

It's news, and a surprise, to Kurt that Thomas has had a friends with benefits. Now that he does know, he's curious about the story.

**Thomas: I'll Skype you later.**

**Thomas: Gotta go.**

"Sorry about that." Kurt pockets his phone after the conversation ends. "He was just checking up on me."

"Making sure you weren't murdered by the handsome new guy?"

"I actually described you as an ugly troll. But if you want to pad your ego," Kurt jokingly replies.

Blaine chuckles.

A phone ringing cuts through their laughter.

Kurt stands there as Blaine answers the call and talks to whomever called him.

"Fine. I'll be there soon." He hangs up and sighs. "I gotta go."

"Okay."

"Sorry about this."

"It's fine. I understand."

"Do you want to do this again?" Blaine looks and sounds nervous.

For some reason to Kurt that doesn't seem like an emotion Blaine feels much of.

"Sure. I'll text you when I'm free."

"Great." Blaine grins with relief. "I'll take you to a truck that sells great Mexican food."

"I look forward to it."

Later that night lying in bed, both nervous about starting his job soon and giddy over seeing Blaine again soon, Kurt is glad at how well everything is going so far in Beverly Hills.

That night, he has the dream again.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"And to what do I owe the honor of this call?"

It’s Monday morning and he’s getting ready for work as he answers the call from Thomas.

"Just wanted to tell you good luck on your first day, mon trésor," Thomas replies. 

"It's just a barista position at a coffee shop. It's nothing significant."

"But still. A job is a job. Don't look down on it just because it's a barista position."

"Okay." Kurt takes a deep breath. "Are you busy? I know you have to go to work. But do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Of course. My class doesn't start for another hour. What is it?"

"How soon did you have a sex dream about someone after meeting them?” With anyone else, this would be a topic he would avoid discussing with them at all cost. It’s personal. But he’s comfortable enough with Thomas to talk about anything with him. Even a crazy sex dream he had about someone else.

Thomas chuckles. "That was not what I was expecting."

"Yeah, I know. Answer the question."

"I don't know. A few days maybe. Why?"

Kurt walks back out into his bedroom and rifles through a drawer for a pair of underwear. He pulls them on. "You know why."

"I do. I just want to hear you say it," Thomas replies, an obvious smirk in his voice.

"Jerk."

"Was it a good sex dream?"

"Yes.”

“What was it?”

“Do you remember the second night we spent in Chicago?” Kurt asks as he begins to put together an outfit for work.

“Of course. Why?”

“That’s my sex dream. Instead of you this time, though, it was Blaine fucking me." Phone put on speaker, he pulls on a pair of black skinny jeans he knows makes his ass and legs look great, per Thomas’ words.

"I'm pretty sure that's jealousy and hurt I feel. I've been replaced." Thomas feigns hurt in his voice.

Kurt snorts. "Not just yet." He takes a breath. "I don't know what to do."

"I do. Call the guy and say you want to sleep with him."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is easy. You're just making it hard," Thomas replies.

"Hard is right," Kurt mutters.

Thomas chuckles. "You need to get fucked."

Those words instantly take Kurt back. Back to when Thomas would whisper those words into his ear before pushing his cock inside him and roughly take him. It was his way of loosening and relaxing him when he was stressed over work, or something else in life.

Just like then, his cock gives a twitch at hearing Thomas speak them again.

It may have been some time since the last time Thomas did that, but he can't stop his cock from its natural reaction.

“Trust me, I know.” He lets out a huff of breath.

After over a year of just his hand, it’s starting to become more and more frustrating from him.

"Why that night?"

"What?"

"Why was your sex dream of that night?"

"Oh." Kurt thinks for a second. "I saw something about Chicago on television the other night. They showed Grant Park. And you know..." He pulls in a breath. The mood suddenly goes heavy. It’s only after he said it does he realize he shouldn’t have. Any mention of his feelings for Thomas is always a sore spot, for the both of them. It’s a memory of what they gave up. What they no longer have. 

“I do.”

“Anyways, I guess that triggered something in my brain to have that dream again.”

“Again?”

Of course Thomas would catch that.

“Yeah. It’s not the first time I’ve dreamt of that night. You did fuck me crazy,” he adds to lighten the mood.

Thomas laughs. "I remember that."

There's a beat of silence. Both of them reliving that night.

"Do you have dreams of other nights?" Thomas finally asks after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yes," Kurt honestly replies.

"Which ones?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Nosy."

"That's true." Kurt lets out a short laugh. "I have to finish getting ready for work. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright. Good luck, mon trésor."

He finishes getting ready after hanging up with Thomas. Fixes his hair and takes one final look at himself in the bathroom mirror before walking out of his bedroom.

As he toast a slice of bread a new text alert comes in. Where he expects to see Thomas' name on the screen, there's a moment of surprise when he sees Blaine's instead.

His heart jumps in his chest as excitement pumps through him. And it only grows when he reads the texts.

**Blaine: I can’t stop thinking about you.**

**Blaine: I know that might freak you out because of what you want. But I need you to know that you have been running through my mind from the moment I met you. I want this, what there is between us, to become more.**

**Blaine: I want to see you again. To see where this could go.**

**Blaine: What do you say?**

Pride swells inside him at knowing Blaine wants to see him again. That this thing between them, whatever it is, is something they are both feeling. That he doesn’t have to worry about his feelings being one-sided.

Every fiber of his being wants to text a resounding YES back to him. But something holds him back for the time being. He wants to stop and really think if he's ready for this.

After he effectively ended things with Thomas by not leaving with him, there was a thought in all the pain he was feeling that he never wanted to put himself in a situation to be hurt again. Because what he was feeling was unbearable. A pain so horrible he never wanted to go through it again. But as each day passed, and the pain slowly waned, he realized what a mistake it would be to miss out on all the good things in a relationship just to avoid the pain a break up would bring. He would miss the getting to know the other person; the first kiss and all the small moments leading up to it. He would miss giving himself completely to another person for the first time; would miss the small, inconsequential moments that make up a relationship.

Those are the moments he loved most with Thomas. And he wants that again. Wants to experience the thrill of it all.

But he’s still unsure if he’s ready for a relationship.

Instead of sending a reply, Kurt pockets his phone and leaves his apartment.

Behind the wheel of his car and driving to Bean There, he thinks about how he wants all the things a relationship brings. But he considers if he's actually, one hundred percent ready for one.

When his relationship ended with Thomas, in all honesty, he didn't expect to date again for some time. The only reason he tried those months afterwards was because of his friends. The way they expressed to him that he needed to put himself out there again. That he was still young and gorgeous, and deserved to have something with someone. Instead of saying anything, he just smiled and silently agreed. Because how could he properly explain to them that what he shared with Thomas would make it difficult for him to date again? Because every guy would have to live up to him. How could he explain that losing someone he cared deeply for numbed him in a way to wanting other men?

He couldn't. They wouldn’t understand.

So he went out to clubs. Went to bars. Let his friends drag him wherever they wanted. But none of the men he met at any of those places ever made him feel anything. Didn't ignite any kind of fuse or spark to make him want to explore more.

That's why what he feels for Blaine scares him. Why he’s a bit terrified to reply back to him that he wants to see him again too. Because he never imagined he would meet a guy that would not only light that fuse, but make him feel more alive than he has in over a year. That it would happen immediately after almost meeting him.

Thomas would tell him he's being ridiculous and tell Blaine yes. He can hear his voice in his head saying just that. _"Quit being in your own way. Go and explore this thing."_

The texts are still on his mind as he joins Eli behind the counter thirty minutes later.

"You okay?" Eli eyes him curiously.

"Yeah." Kurt nods his head. "Just a lot on my mind. And I’m nervous since it’s my first day.”

“Don’t be. You’ll be great.”

Luckily the morning rush makes it impossible for him to stop and think about anything for longer than a couple of minutes. By the time noon comes around the rush of people has died down considerably. Which he appreciates greatly.

It's been a decade since he last worked at a coffee shop and he forgot how fast-paced it can get. The constant go go go of the morning was a rush, and has him feeling old since he's mildly worn-out. Unlike when he was a teenager and could handle it all with ease.

"You did good," Eli tells him after taking care of a customer.

"Thank you."

"Mornings are usually wild. But it slows down after that."

"I know. I worked at a coffee place in high school."

"You did?"

Kurt gives a nod of his head.

"When was that? Two years ago?"

Kurt softly laughs but inwardly cringes at Eli's attempt to compliment him.

That he still manages to look young for his age is something that doesn’t get past him. It's one of the things Thomas would tease him about. He said it often felt like he was fucking someone that was still his student.

The worst moments were when he was out with Thomas and people would mistake him for his dad. Not only did it make things uncomfortable and awkward, but Thomas would be riddled with guilt for some time afterwards. He would say he was crazy for being with someone that was young enough to be his son. That if he was smart, he should end things with him and find someone his own age. Kurt would reassure him over and over again that he didn't want anyone his age. That he wanted him. That he didn't care how much older than he was.

Then there were the times after Thomas quickly got over the guilt when people would say the father thing and he would proudly correct them before kissing him.

The nights that happened usually ended in rough, hard sex.

He's never had a problem with people mistaking him for younger. Or saying he looks younger than he is.

Except for now.

Eli's compliment makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable. Most likely due to the fact that Eli said it with great pleasure and expects to be appreciated for saying it.

Thankfully, Kurt is rescued from saying anything in response by Kira asking him to restock the pastries in the display cases.

As he puts the last of the chocolate muffins on a tray the chime of the bell above the door rings out, announcing a new customer. He looks up to see a woman who looks to be in her early to mid-forties walking toward the counter.

Everything about her, from her pinned up dark hair to her perfectly applied makeup, to her sunglasses, to her two piece, dark grey suit, black heels and caramel colored handbag screams money.

"Hello. You must be new." The woman smiles. And where Kurt would expect an uptight, snooty person because she has money, it doesn't happen. This woman's smile is warm and genuine.

"Yes. I started working here today."

"Not from around here, are you?"

"How did you know?"

"I have a good ear for accents." The woman removes her sunglasses to reveal bright emerald green eyes.

"Oh." That has Kurt wondering just how different he may sound to someone who's lived here for years. "Yes, I'm from Ohio."

"I've been a few times," the woman mentions. "Not the most interesting place."

"Definitely not," Kurt agrees with a small laugh. "How can I help you today?"

"I'll have a large, non-fat latte and a blueberry banana muffin. For here."

Kurt grabs the muffin and sets it on a plate and works on making the coffee.

"Do you know if Kira is here?" the lady asks as she pays.

"She is. She's in the back. Would you like me to get her for you?"

"Would you? I would greatly appreciate it."

"Okay. Give me a moment." Kurt walks to the back and finds Kira in the kitchen working on a dough. Her purple apron and jeans are dusted with flour. "Kira, there's someone here who wants to see you."

Kira looks up. A dusting of flour on her left cheek. "Who is it?"

"She didn't say."

"Hmph." Kira removes her apron and heads for the front.

Kurt walks out with Kira behind him. The lady stands from the seat she's taken at one of the tables.

"Bethany!" Kira excitedly exclaims and holds out her arms. She ushers Bethany into them for a hug.

He smiles at the sight of obviously two friends seeing each other again.

"Hello, Kira," Bethany says as she hugs Kira. "It's so great to see you."

"You too." Kira moves to sit across from Bethany as she takes her seat again. "How was Italy?"

"Amazing. As usual," Bethany answers with a joyful smile.

A pang of jealousy slices through Kurt. Italy is at the top of his dream places he wishes to visit someday. The history and beauty of is something he wants to explore and see for himself.

There was a moment with Thomas where they seriously discussed going for a trip. But that was immediately thrown out a month later when Thomas told him of accepting that job offer in Denver.

He takes orders and cleans tables while Kira and Bethany catch up. Makes sure to give them their space as he cleans, not wanting to be mean and accidentally eavesdrop on what they're saying.

As he finishes up an order for a customer, he hears his name said. He looks over to Kira, who looks to him. "Kurt, come here." She waves him over.

"Yes?" Kurt stands at the table and waits for whatever Kira has to say.

"Kurt can do it." Kira touches a hand to his left wrist as if to indicate who she's talking about.

"Do what?" he asks, mildly confused and curious as to what he was just pulled into.

Bethany looks up at him relief in her eyes. "You're a teacher?"

"Not at the moment, no. But, yes, I do teach."

"How long?"

"I taught for five years at my old high school."

"What subject?"

Kurt opens his mouth to answer but Kira beats him to it. Proudly replying with, "English."

"Great. And did you teach other subjects?"

"Yes. But I mainly taught English."

"What's your name again?" Bethany asks.

"Kurt. Kurt Hummel."

"Well, Kurt," Bethany grabs a napkin and writes something down, "I would like to talk to you about a potential job." Kurt takes the napkin she holds out and sees she wrote down an address. "That's my address. Do you think you can meet with me at four tomorrow?"

Kurt looks to Kira, who smiles and gives a small nod of her head, before looking back to Bethany. "That would be no problem."

"Great." Bethany grabs her bag and stands. "I have to go. But it was great meeting you Kurt."

"You too." He shakes Bethany's hand before going back behind the counter to give her and Kira some privacy.

It's several minutes before Kira joins him, still looking happy to have seen her friend.

"Hey, Kira?"

Kira busies herself with making a customers’ coffee order. "Yes?"

"Can I ask what job Bethany wants to interview me for?" Based on the questions she asked, he has a suspicion what it might be. But he wants to make sure, that way he isn't walking into an interview for a job he wasn't prepared for.

"A tutor for her son," Kira replies.

Just what Kurt suspected.

"Can I ask how long you've known her?"

Kira hands the cup of coffee to the customer before replying. "Pretty much my entire life. We grew up together around here. She lived a few houses down from me."

"So, I can trust her?"

"Absolutely," Kira replies with conviction.

"Okay." If Kira says he can trust her, then he will. He may only know her for a couple of days, but he trusts her and her judgement.

_Kurt: I got an interview for a tutoring job!_

He's in his car stuck in small traffic after work. His text to Thomas sent out of excitement and need to tell someone.

His phone rings.

"I'm confused," Thomas says when he answers. "How did that happen?"

Kurt explains to him what happened. "I know it's not an actual teaching job. But it's something that lets me teach."

"When do you interview for it?"

"Tomorrow."

Kurt hears as Thomas explains to Lucas what's going on, and then say he's putting him on speaker.

"That's great, Kurt!" Lucas exclaims over the phone.

"Hey, Lucas. Thanks. But I'm nervous."

"Why?" Thomas asks.

He begins to drive when he manages to get away from the traffic. "Because I haven't taught since May of last year. And this would be one student. I'm used to twenty or thirty."

"Kurt, what did I always tell you in high school?"

Thomas' question has him thinking back to being eighteen and crushing on the sexy Mr. Fox he was standing in front of, listening to him encourage him and his work.

_"You are amazing, Kurt. You can do anything you put that strong mind to."_

"That I could do anything I put my strong mind to."

"Right," Thomas says. "This is no different. You have the skills and passion. All you have to do is apply them. You can do this."

Kurt lets out the breath he was holding. Thomas is right. He can do this. He can go in there and kick ass if he gets this job.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He ends the call feeling ready and excited for the next day.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

The second day morning rush is something Kurt handles with relative ease compared to the first day. Unlike the first day, where he got orders wrong and actually dropped a cup of coffee on the floor, broke a couple cups, there have been no accidents today.

So far.

By the time midday comes around, and the rush slows considerably, Kurt is at an empty table eating lunch when Eli sits down across from him.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Hi," he tells him to be polite.

Eli crosses his arms on the table and leans forward. A salacious smile spreads across his face as he eyes him intensely. "Has anyone ever told you that you're gorgeous?"

Kurt wants to make a gagging sound. But he refrains from doing so.

"My ex told me all the time."

"Ex? So, you're single?"

"Yes." He eats a chip.

Eli leans in even closer. "Does that mean I can ask you out Saturday?"

"Oh. Um..." Kurt immediately regrets not lying to Eli and saying he was seeing someone. Hell, he's positive Thomas would have covered for him by saying they were dating if he called him. But that didn't happen.

Even if he were regularly dating again, Eli is someone he would not date. Not only is he not his type, there's a weird vibe he gets from him. Like something isn't right when he's around him.

"I, um… I'm not dating right now." He doesn't care that Eli might take that as him using an excuse to say no. It's the truth. And a crutch for him to use to actually get out of Eli asking.

Eli lifts an eyebrow, looking as if he should buy his excuse or not. "That's too bad. But I won't give up. I'll ask until you are ready."

Kurt bites his tongue from saying that time won't change anything. That even if Eli asks him when he's ready to date again, it will still be a no. But he doesn't want to be mean.

Kira lets him go home an hour early so he can go home and clean up before meeting with Bethany.

The text from Blaine the day before occupies his thoughts as he fixes his hair. Simply thinking about Blaine has butterflies flitting around in his stomach. Has a want to see him again blooming under his skin.

Although what he feels scares him for how soon those feelings have come on, he can no longer deny that he wants this with Blaine. Wants to see him. To go on dates. To hold hands and kiss, and experience all the little things he’s missed.

_Kurt: I want to see you again too. To see what this could be._

The way his heart races after he sends the text reminds him of when Thomas asked him out. The way excitement coursed through him. How he felt like he finally won the prize to a competition he had been playing for years.

Blaine's reply is immediate.

**Blaine: Didn't think I would hear from you again.**

**Blaine: Almost gave up.**

_Kurt: Sorry._

_Kurt: I was thinking things through._

**Blaine: No need to apologize.**

**Blaine: What things were you thinking through?**

_Kurt: Things about you and what I want._

**Blaine: I guess I don't have to ask what choice you landed on.**

Kurt smiles.

**Blaine: Can I see you Saturday night? I’ll take you to an actual restaurant.**

_Kurt: I would love that._

It's not lost on Kurt that he's agreeing to a date Saturday night only hours after refusing one. But this is Blaine. And what he feels for Blaine and what he feels toward Eli is a huge one-eighty.

**Blaine: Great!**

**Blaine: I'll see you then. At seven.**

The entire drive to Bethany's house, he's on cloud nine. The big smile on his face doesn't falter once. Not the slightest. Not even when he gets stuck in traffic for half an hour.

It's ten minutes to four when Kurt pulls up to what is a gated community. Stopped behind a gate and where security is posted, he gives his name to the security guy. The guy skims a clipboard and nods his head before opening the gate and letting him through.

The mansions he drives past are something to marvel at. They have him staring wide-eyed and draw-dropped at the beauty and size.

In his old, beaten-up car driving past these homes makes him stick out like a sore thumb.

But he doesn't let it get him down. He won't be ashamed of his status in life.

Bethany's house sits in the back of the community on a hill. It almost seems as if the house is a leader that looks down at all it's followers. And based on the size, that description fits.

The house is easily bigger than any of the other homes he passed.

Heart racing as he walks up to the front door, there's a moment of panic where he seriously considers turning around and leaving. But Thomas' voice in his head has him lifting his hand and ringing the doorbell.

An older woman in a traditional maid's uniform answers the door moments later.

"Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel. I'm here to see Bethany."

"Oh. Come in." There's a hint of a Spanish accent to the woman's voice. She ushers him in and asks him to wait while she goes and gets Bethany.

By himself, Kurt uses the chance to take in what of the house he can see. In front of him sits a double grand staircase. To his right looks to be a formal living room that looks immaculate. To the left is the same, except it looks to be a dining area.

"Kurt. Thank you so much for coming." Bethany descends one of the staircases. Her hair is down and loose around her shoulders. She wears a white blouse that is tucked into black pants. Her high heels clacking against the marble of the stairs with each step she takes.

Just like the day before, she exudes a warmth that he wouldn't expect from someone with obvious money like her.

"Hello." He shakes her proffered hand. "And it's my pleasure."

"Why don't we go to my office and talk. Would you like something to drink?"

Kurt politely refuses.

He follows Bethany to her office, which is gorgeous.

It's big and spacious. A wooden desks sits on one side while a set of couches occupy the space to the other. A glass table sitting between them. There's built in bookshelves filled with books. A double set of French doors sit on the opposite side of the entrance to the room, and look to lead out to a patio.

He takes a seat in the chair in front of the desk while Bethany sits behind it.

"So," Bethany scoots closer to her desk; rests her folded arms on top, "let's get right to it. My son needs to bring his grades up. He's not doing bad. But I want him to do better."

"What are his grades right now?"

"High Cs and low Bs. I know he can do better if he's properly taught.”

“Why do you think his grades are what they are? Is it a learning problem?”

Bethany lets out a small, soft laugh like she heard a joke. “No. He’s just not motivated. I know if given some extra help those grades could be brought up. And I don’t want them slipping any more than they already have with acceptance letters coming in soon. I don’t want him thinking he can start slacking off at the end of high school just because he doesn’t have to worry anymore. I still need him to graduate. Do you think you can do that? Can you bring his grades up?"

"Yes. There were several parents at my old school who thanked me for helping improve their kid's grade when they thought they couldn't. I'm sure if given the opportunity, I could help improve your son's grades."

Bethany seems pleased by that. "Wonderful. Now, you would tutor my son on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Tuesdays would be here and Wednesdays would be at the library. Is that good for you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Call me Bethany."

"Okay, Bethany." A thought occurs to Kurt. "Wait. Are you offering me the job?"

"Yes." Bethany lets out a small laugh.

"Why? You barely know me." It doesn't make any sense.

"I'm a good judge of character, and you seem to have a great one. Not only did Kira vouch for you, I went over your work. You're an excellent teacher, Kurt."

That reply makes him think of Kira and how she said the same thing only a few days ago.

"Thank you." Kurt doesn't even want to begin to think how Bethany got records of his work.

"Now, for pay. It would be five thousand dollars a week. Is that fine with you?"

There's a second where Kurt believes he heard wrong. Because there is no way he was just offered five thousand dollars a week to tutor someone. It's impossible. But as he sits there, Bethany patiently waiting for his reply, it really hits him he heard right.

With that kind of cash he wouldn't have to worry about anything. He could comfortably live in Beverly Hills for some time without any concerns.

"Um… Yes. That… That's great." Although a part of him wants to say it's too much, a bigger part thinks about safety and being comfortable. And this money will give him that.

Bethany smiles. "Great. You can start next week. Now that we've got that out of the way," she sits back in her chair, "let me introduce you to my son. He should be home by now. Oh, that's another thing. He plays soccer and tends to have practice after school. So the lessons would have to take place after that. Is that okay?"

"How long are the practices?"

"Usually until five, five-thirty."

If every lesson is only a couple of hours, then he can make that work.

"That should be fine."

"Great!"

The office door opens and someone joins them.

"Mom, I'm here. Who do you want me to meet this time?" comes a voice, the tone holding annoyance.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when everything is going right in your life something comes along to fuck that up.

For Kurt, that's exactly what just happened.

He wants to go back thirty minutes and walk away before ringing the doorbell. Wants to scream at the universe. Wants to hope this is some fucked up joke. Because he knows without looking who just joined them. Knows that voice.

His heart that was light and carefree drops into his stomach like a stone sinking to the bottom of water.

Blaine stands just inside his mom's office wearing dark jeans, a fitted cotton shirt that shows off his chest, and the biggest fucking grin Kurt has ever seen on anyone. His eyes hold a burning fire that has him fighting back a tremble as they stare at him.

"Blaine, sweetie," Bethany stands and walks over to her son, "this is Kurt. Your new tutor."

"Hello, Kurt." The way Blaine says his name, all sultry and smooth strokes Kurt's cock. "It's nice to meet you."

Kurt admire's Blaine's ability to act like they've never met before. Like he didn't have his tongue down his throat two nights ago.

He stands and walks over to join them. Forces himself to act as normal as possible. "It's nice to meet you, too."

Blaine looks from Kurt to his mom. "I'm gonna go hang with the guys. I'll be back later."

"Don't get in trouble."

"I won't."

There's a weight Kurt feels on his chest that wasn't there ten minutes ago after Blaine leaves. It's a weight that says whatever he hoped for between them can no longer happen. The potential of something was just destroyed like a house after a fire. There's no kind of structure to support anything. There's only ashes of what was.

Kurt looks at his phone when it buzzes with a new text. Feels his heart seize at the sight of Blaine’s name.

**Blaine: I need to talk to you.**

That makes two of them.

"So, Kurt," Bethany says. He looks up at her. "Do you have any questions?"

_Would you still hire me if you knew I jerked off while thinking about your son? And had a sex dream about him?_

Kurt lets out a small, nervous laugh. "No."

He is so screwed. And not in the way he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know Blaine needing a tutor so late into his final year of high school while being accepted to a college is crazy, just remember this is a story. I had to take a few liberties here and there and that is one of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos!

"Well, Kurt, it was wonderful meeting you," Bethany says with a warm, relieved smile. "If you'll excuse me, I have some work to see to. Maria will be happy to show you out."

Kurt does his best to act calm and collected on the outside even though he's in a full on freakout, panic mode on the inside. He plasters on what he hopes is a convincing fake happy smile. Is thankful Bethany can't hear his heart that seems to loudly beat against his chest. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ "Thank you, again, Bethany, for this amazing opportunity."

Bethany flashes another smile. It's bright and sweet. "No need to thank me, Kurt. You're actually doing me a huge favor. It'll be nice to not have to worry about my son's grades for a change."

"You won't," Kurt confidently says. If there's one thing he doesn't have to worry about it's improving Blaine's grades. That will be the easiest part of this whole ordeal. What he’s confident in. But the other… No. He doesn’t let himself think about that. Not here. Not right now in front of Bethany.

He thanks Bethany one last time while she walks him to her office door. She opens it and ushers him out with a smile and goodbye. Both he returns in kind.

Just outside the office waits Maria, hands behind her, who gives him a small smile. "Follow me." She gestures in the direction of where they're going.

He turns and walks beside her down the long hallway. Glad Maria tries not to make small talk since the entire time his mind races with worry and concern. The main one being if he unknowingly broke a law.

That terrifies him more than anything.

Just as Maria and him reach the staircase, Blaine pops up from where he sits on the bottom step. Pockets his phone he was on.

Kurt hates that his pulse races at the sight of him. Hates that his body still reacts to him when it shouldn't. Hates how the crooked smile that spreads across Blaine's face makes his heart jump.

Guilt has him feeling horrible.

"It's okay, Maria." Blaine rushes over. "I got this. I'll walk him out." He excuses her.

He wants to say something. To tell Blaine his assistance is not necessary since he can see the front door from where they stand. The words don't come, though. He stays quiet. Thankful to have a few moments alone with Blaine.

There's so much they need to discuss given the recent things that have come to light.

Maria gives a small nod of her head. The sounds of her footfalls echo in the open area as she walks away.

An array of emotions run through Kurt as he stands there staring at Blaine.

Confusion.

Worry.

Uncertainty.

But the one emotion that comes through the strongest is anger. Anger that the first person to spark something inside him in over a year is now someone so off-limits it's not even funny. Anger that he unknowingly put himself in this cluster fuck of a position. Anger that even with all the truth laid out in front of him that it doesn’t change how he feels towards Blaine.

He's so stupid. He should have been more careful. More aware. But it's ridiculous to blame himself for something he never does. Because how normal is it to ask a guy's age and who his parents are right after meeting them? Especially when Blaine looks older than what he is.

"How old are you?" The worry and anger coats his voice thick like honey. Impossible not to notice.

The question hangs in the air between them as they stand there staring at each other.

Blaine takes a step forward. "You don't have to worry, Kurt." He reaches out and takes one of Kurt's hands in his. "We did nothing wrong."

Kurt rips his hand away. Does his best not to think of how his hand tingles at Blaine’s touch. How that tingle races up his arm and through his body. Tries to ignore the pain that twists on Blaine's face after. Tries to. But fails. Because this is Blaine. This is someone he came to care for faster than he expected. He wants to take him in his arms. Comfort and assure him that it's okay. That he's sorry. But as amazing as that sounds, he has to remind himself who this is. That he's younger than what he assumed. That he's now off-limits.

_OFF-LIMITS!_

"That's not an answer. It’s nowhere near the answer I’m looking for." He takes a step back. Puts some much needed space between them to try and breathe properly. It doesn’t work. Blaine is still invading his senses. Still puts him on uneven footing where nothing is safe and clear. "It's not even a comfort for me."

"It should be," Blaine says in a nonchalant way, as if all of this doesn't bother him. Then again why should it? He's young. He would immediately be seen as the victim, as the one taken advantage of, if the truth of what they did got out. "All we did was kiss a few times."

Kiss.

Kurt wants to laugh at that word. Those were more than kisses. They were the start of something great. Something he has to put a stop to, although every part of him cries out to cover Blaine's mouth with his own. Wants to go beyond kissing and experience something more. Something greater.

Their shared kisses replay in Kurt's mind. The memory of them, of Blaine's soft, full lips moving against his own, has want thrumming through his body at the same time his heart squeezes with guilt. His chest constricts while his breathing goes heavy.

He shouldn't be doing this to himself. It'll only hurt more in the end. Will only fill him with even more guilt and remorse.

"Just answer the question, Blaine." He needs to know. Needs to find out if he made a huge mistake. One he can come back from.

Blaine takes a breath. On the exhale, he replies with, "I turn eighteen in three weeks."

Those six words rattle him to his core.

_A minor!_

The truth nearly knocks him off his feet. He feels like a newborn foal on unsteady legs. Everything is unbalanced as the truth of the situation truly begins to sink in.

Not only did he kiss a minor. But he fantasized about one. Was days away from doing more than just kissing and fantasizing.

Disgust rolls through Kurt like a tsunami. It hits him strong. His breathing becomes uneven as his heartbeat becomes erratic. The contents of his stomach threatening to come up.

He fights to tamper down his nausea. Not wanting to get sick in someone else's home.

This is the worst thing that could happen. Of all ways for this to go wrong, this is not one he ever conceived of. Blaine being in another relationship or lying about who he was ones that ran through his mind. But being underage is one that never even knocked at the door.

Never in his life did he want to be this person. The person who did things with someone underage. He always despised those people. Could never understand how they could go against everything they were taught and knew. How they could risk everything for someone they shouldn’t want.

He hates that he now understands.

The nausea he fought down comes back. This time stronger. That combined with everything else has him slightly dizzy. The room spins as he goes weak in his knees.

Blaine rushes to his side when he stumbles in place. Gently cradles his face like it’s the most precious thing to him. "Breathe, Kurt. It's okay."

Kurt wants to believe that. Wants to have as much faith in that as Blaine does. But as he gazes into hazel eyes that stare at him with concern, he knows in his heart that it can't be okay. Won't be okay. He messed up. Big time. And if anyone, especially Bethany, found out, he could be in serious trouble.

How could anything ever be okay after what he did? It can’t. This will always be there. A stain on his memories that can’t be removed no matter how hard he tries to scrub it away. Things will never be the same. He can’t go back to being the person he was before this news was dropped on him. No matter how hard he tries. 

"Don't." Once again he rips away from Blaine's hands. The heat of his touch immediately noticeable when it's gone. "You can't do that anymore."

"What? Make sure you're okay? Be concerned about you?" There's an edge of indignation to Blaine's voice.

Kurt closes his eyes and takes a breath. Tries his hardest to not let Blaine's words affect him. He can't let them. Won’t let them. He needs to be strong. Stronger than the feelings Blaine produces in him. When he opens his eyes, it's to Blaine looking at him with his brows furrowed.

"No." He puts space between them again. "Touch me. You can't..." His next words hurt harder than he expected. They hurt like hundreds of bee stings all over his body. "You can't do that anymore. You can’t touch me.”

Blaine takes a few steps forward. "Kurt, I can't stop thinking about touching you."

The words, spoken with so much want and desire, stroke Kurt's cock like Blaine is actually touching him. They send a shiver of arousal so powerful through him that it's impossible to ignore no matter how hard he tries.

For a moment, one wonderful moment, he forgets. Forgets everything and lets himself imagine Blaine touching him. Imagine his hands on him. Imagine one of those strong hands wrapped around his cock stroking while Blaine devours his mouth.

But he quickly reminds himself how wrong those thoughts are. Forces them out of his mind. A fresh wave of guilt and disgust hits him as he stands there.

_Seventeen! He's seventeen!_

He minutely shakes his head. "I don't want you talking to me like that. It's highly inappropriate and wrong." It's important he nips this in the bud now. Stop this before it starts. Or at least before Blaine can try to turn it into more.

Blaine stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Rocks back and forth on his feet in a nervous way, for the first time looking his age. Looking like that seventeen year old boy he is. "What does this mean? For us?”

"It means I'm your tutor and you're my student. It means that what happened between us needs to be forgotten. This can't happen, Blaine. No matter what you may want."

Blaine cocks his head. Eyes Kurt curiously. "But you wanted it to?"

Oh how he wanted it to. Wanted things he hasn’t wanted since he was with Thomas.

But he can’t think about that anymore. Can’t entertain those thoughts as he did the night before.

"That doesn't matter," Kurt replies. "It can't and won't happen now."

"And when I turn eighteen? Or when I don't need you any more as a tutor?"

The last thing Kurt wants is what blooms inside him at Blaine's questions: hope. It takes root and grows. His words and looks he gives him the food to make it grow.

What if? Should he do that? Should he wait three weeks for Blaine to turn eighteen? Wait a few months when he's finished tutoring him?

_Yes,_ his body screams. Wait for him. 

_Wait for him._

It sounds so simple. But it’s not. Nothing is ever simple. Simple is just a six letter word created to make humans believe anything was possible.

As his body screams to wait, his conscious already feels the weight of betraying Bethany by going behind her back. With fooling around with someone who's barely of age.

"I'm sorry, Blaine," he whispers, unable to keep the pain out of his voice. "I can't. I won't risk it."

"Okay." Blaine minutely nods his head, not looking as defeated as Kurt expected.

"That's it?"

"That's it," Blaine replies, a twinkle of something in his eye. It looks like determination.

"Blaine, don't-" Kurt goes quiet at the sound of heels clicking on the marble floor.

"Blaine, sweetie, I thought-Oh, Kurt." Bethany smiles when she comes into view and sees him. "I thought you left." She looks between Blaine and him.

For a moment Kurt worries she can see the secret he now carries. Can read the truth of what he did on his face.

“Is everything okay, Kurt? Did Blaine say something-”

“No.” He is quick to interject. Not wanting Blaine to get in trouble for no reason. "I was on my way out when I ran into Blaine. I think I may be boring him with what the tutoring sessions will consist of." The lie comes quick and easy, and Kurt hates that he has to do that. That he's lying to his new employer. To someone so trusting of him. "I'll get out of both your hairs. Goodbye."

In his car and driving away a few minutes later, he grabs his phone at a red light to check the text that just came in. Not surprised to see Blaine's name on the screen. There’s a flutter in his chest. A warmth that scares him. Those are things he should not be feeling because of a simple text from Blaine.

**Blaine: What were you going to say? Before my mom joined us?**

Kurt thinks of that moment Blaine mentions. Thinks of what he was going to tell him before Bethany interrupted them. Finds it’s easier to tell Blaine through text when he can’t see the despair and anguish he can’t keep out of his emotions and features.

_Kurt: To not make this any harder than it will be._

He doesn’t let himself think about how hard it will be. It’ll just make things more painful.

_Kurt: That's all I ask. All I want from you. So please give me that._

The lie is easier said through text than in person.

**Blaine: I understand.**

A car honking behind him has Kurt looking up and sees the light has turned green.

Back in his apartment, after a long shower, he sits cross-legged on his bed. The very bed where he thought about Blaine while getting off. A new wave of disgust rolls through him as he thinks about that now tainted memory. He wishes he could take it back. Could erase it from his mind like a bad nightmare.

He grabs one of his pillows, buries his face in it and screams. Lets out all his anger and frustration with that one loud, drawn-out scream. His throat feels raw and lungs feel empty when he lifts his head.

In dire need to talk to someone, to vent and get some of this built up stress and worry off, he grabs his phone to Skype the one person he can talk to about this.

The moment Thomas answers the call and his face pops up on his screen, the instant he sees those blue-grey eyes he's loved for over a decade, Kurt burst into uncontrollable tears. They flow fast and heavy, like water rushing out of a broken dam. And it seems there's nothing to slow them down. No matter how hard he tries.

It was only a matter of time that he would cry. That he would let free the tears he has been fighting since he walked away from Blaine after saying there couldn’t be a them.

"Kurt, what's wrong? Tell me?" The frightened concern in Thomas' voice has him crying harder.

Perhaps this was a mistake. This isn't what he wanted to do. He didn't want to go crying to Thomas. To spill all his problems to him like he's a therapist.

This is Thomas, though. The guy he's trusted with everything in his life. The guy who's been there for him since he was sixteen. The guy who is always happy to listen to whatever he needs to say. Who always offers a shoulder for him to cry on. A hand to hold.

"Kurt, if you don't start telling me what's wrong, I'm going to start to worry," Thomas says. "And you know what happens when I worry."

That has Kurt thinking back to the last time he unintentionally worried Thomas. The memory brings a small smile to his face. How Thomas interpreted things so horribly that he almost broke up with him. How he had to tell him about his birthday surprise a few days early just to clear up all the confusion and worry that was unintentionally created.

"I'm sorry." He sniffles. Wipes away the last of his tears that cling to his jaw.

"Don't be, mon trésor. Just tell me what happened."

Kurt takes a breath. On the exhale, he says, "I messed up."

Thomas pushes up the black framed glasses he occasionally wears. The sight of them making Kurt’s stomach swoop. Causes heat to coil in his belly. He could never resist Thomas when he wore his glasses. Always went after him like a cat in heat the moment he saw him. Now, he urges those feelings away. Forces down the arousal and lust that spark to life inside him.

“I don’t believe it. Not Kurt Hummel,” Thomas teases to lighten the mood.

“Well, you better believe it.”

"How, then? How did you mess up?”

It takes a moment for him to gather up the courage to tell Thomas about the turn of events when it comes to Blaine. For his part, Thomas sits there and listens. Doesn't try to interrupt him to say anything. Lets him get everything he needs to say off his chest.

"Oh, Kurt." There's sympathy in Thomas' voice and eyes.

Kurt wipes away his tears. "I feel so gross, Tommy. I... I kissed him. A minor, Tommy! I made out with a minor."

"Don't do this to yourself, Kurt," Thomas says. "You didn't know. You had no clue how old he was."

That's the only glimmer of relief he has in this whole ordeal: that he unknowingly kissed someone under age. Because if he knew, if he knew how old Blaine actually was, those kisses would have never happened. He wouldn't have crossed that line no adult should even consider crossing.

"This feels like some fucked up karma being dealt to me."

"For what?"

"For putting you through this."

Thomas chuckles. "I don't think the universe is that mean."

"Seems it is." He heaves an emotionally heavy sigh and runs his fingers through his hair. "He knew, Tommy," he angrily says. "He knew he was underage. That what we were doing was wrong, and he never said a word. Didn’t even try to tell me.”

That's something that truly angers him about this whole thing. The fact that Blaine knew he was too young for them to be doing what they did and never tried to tell him. That he kept a piece of information that important from him. He knows why Blaine did that. That he didn’t want to risk losing out on what they shared.

"Yeah. That was messed up on his part," Thomas says. "You're justified in your anger over that."

"Thank you."

"So, I take it you're still taking the job?"

"Yeah," Kurt replies. "I get to teach. I love that too much to pass it up. Plus, the pay is way too good to not take it."

"You can say that again." Thomas snorts.

“You act like you’re not making a pretty penny at that fancy shmancy private school of yours,” he teases in reply.

“Not as much as you’re apparently making in one week. You lucky dog.”

He doesn’t feel so lucky. In fact, he feels the opposite of lucky. He feels like a person who won the lottery only to lose the ticket.

Kurt drops his head in his hands. Runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. "How the hell am I going to do this? How did you manage?"

Maybe subconsciously that’s why he called Thomas. He needs to know how he managed to get through two years of high school with him without crossing that invisible line.

"Personal strength I didn't know I had. Find that in yourself and you should be fine."

Personal strength. Kurt really hopes he can dig deep enough inside himself to find enough strength to not do something he will regret.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"So, how did the interview go yesterday?" That's the first thing Kira asks him when he walks into Bean There the next morning.

_Horrible._

Instead of answering her right away, and swallowing down that reply, Kurt walks to the back. He puts his stuff away in his little assigned locker and slips his apron on. Is in the process of tying it behind his back when Kira joins him. A spark of hope in her eyes. It touches him to see how much Kira actually cares about him.

"So, how did it turn out?" She practically bounces on her feet with curiosity and giddiness.

"Bethany was lovely and nice," he replies.

"She is," Kira agrees with a nod and soft smile. "Always has been. So, did she hire you or not?"

He decides not to delay her suffering any longer.

"She did."

"Ooh!" Kira excitedly claps before pulling Kurt into a hug. "This is great! I knew she would. I knew she would love you."

"Yeah, it is," Kurt replies, albeit less enthusiastically.

Kira pulls back from the hug. Confusion furrowing her brows. "Is everything okay? You don't seem so happy about this."

How does he explain to Kira that he just got hired to tutor the guy who's made him feel alive for the first time since his ex? He can't. Not without revealing what he did. What he feels for someone too young. So, he does what he's started to do; what he hates doing. He lies.

"No. Everything is great." He forces a smile. "This is a great opportunity that I've been given. I know how lucky I am to have a job like this." That's the truth. Something he doesn't need to lie about. "I'm just worried it'll be a problem for this job." The lie is easier to tell than the truth. Then to admit out loud the mistake he made. What Blaine makes him feel.

"Pssh." Kira waves off his fake concern with a flick of her wrist and a smile. "I tell you now that that won’t be a problem. I'll be happy to work with you and your schedule on the days you tutor. I’m sure it won’t be a problem like you’re making it out to be."

_It’s not a problem at all._

"Thanks, Kira."

"No problem, sweetie." The endearment is said in such a motherly way that it takes Kurt by surprise. His heart jumps as an unexpected wave of emotions washes over him. "Enough talk. It's time to get to work."

Work helps to distract him from the sudden complications in his life. The early morning rush keeps him too busy to do much of any thinking, thankfully.

By the time lunch rolls around, Kurt is in need of the break. He takes a seat at one of the empty tables tucked into the corner. Immediately digs into one of the croissant sandwiches that the shop sells. Is almost finished with it when a plate with a chocolate brownie square is set down in front of him.

"Congratulations! Again."

He looks up to Kira wearing the biggest and proudest smile.

"Thanks, Kira. You didn't need to do this. It's just a job."

"That mean you don't want the brownie?"

Kurt quickly grabs the plate before Kira can take it away. "No. I'll keep the brownie." That's not a hard decision since he learned on his first day just how amazing Kira's brownies are.

Kira laughs. Takes a seat in the empty chair across from Kurt. "And it’s not just a job. You’re helping my friend out. I appreciate that. More than I can say.”

“I’m more than glad to help out Bethany.” Kurt takes a bite of the brownie. Holds in a moan when the chocolate goodness hits his tongue. “Oh, man, Kira. I don’t know how you do it. But these brownies are the best brownies I’ve ever eaten.”

“Thank you.” Kira tucks a strand of her lilac colored hair behind her ear. “Yeah. My kid loved those brownies. Used to beg me every day to make them."

"I didn't know you have children."

"Just the one. A boy. Travis." A small smile spreads across Kira's face as she gets a far-off look in her eyes.

Kurt swallows the bite of brownie he took. Interested to know more about Kira's kid. "Where is he?"

A sadness fills Kira's eyes. "He's, uh… He’s passed."

"Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, Kira. I would have never asked if I knew."

"It's fine." Kira waves off his apology. "Not your fault. You had no way of knowing. It's not really something I make public now."

"Now?"

Kira places her hands in her lap. "Yeah. It's been twenty years since he passed." She pauses for a moment, as if to take a moment to gather herself and continue. "Cancer. Leukemia. He was seven."

The last piece of information hits Kurt the hardest. He can't even begin to fathom the pain of not only losing a child. But for it to happen when the child is at such a young age. He wants to comfort Kira. To wrap her in his arms and take away whatever pain she must be experiencing right then and there. 

"I was eight when I lost my mother to cancer, too," he says, to show Kira he understands her pain. That even though his may not be the same as hers, it's still something he knows. That it’s still raw and real all this time later.

He instinctively grabs the chain around his neck. Clutches the rings in the palm of his hand.

Kira notices. "What's that?"

"This?" Kurt opens his palm and looks down. The rings sit there. The metal warm against his skin from the heat of holding them so tightly in his hand. "They're my parents' wedding rings." He lifts his eyes back up to Kira. "They make me feel close to them."

"Oh. Both your parents..."

Kurt nods his head. "My dad passed a few months ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

Kira lets out a deep breath. "Look at us. Trying to celebrate your new job and not doing a good job of it."

Kurt lets out a small laugh. Agrees with a small nod of his head.

Kira stands and goes over to him. Places a motherly kiss to his temple. Holds his face in his hands after. "You remind me of him."

There’s no need to ask to know who she's referring to. Has it click why she's been a bit more motherly towards him since he’s started working here. Soaks it in since it's something they both need and miss.

He smiles at her.

"Finish your lunch."

"Did I hear you met Blaine Anderson?" Eli asks a few minutes later.

Kurt looks to see that Eli has joined him behind the counter. "Yes. I'll be tutoring him," he tells him. "Do you know him?"

"In a way." Eli leans back on the counter, ankles crossed in front of him. "What do you know about him?"

_I know his eyes light up when he looks at me. That his favorite book is To Kill A Mockingbird. That his mom read him Goodnight, Moon every night as a kid. That his touch ignited a fire inside me. That his kiss rendered me speechless, and left me wanting more. That he creates an intense ache throughout my body in a way I've never known before._

"Not much. Kira told me he's notorious."

Eli chuckles. "That's putting it nicely."

"What does that mean?" Kurt asks, almost unsure if he wants to know.

He has a picture of Blaine in his head. It's a beautiful, perfect picture. But learning the truth will destroy that picture. Will highlight the imperfections he didn't notice before.

"Have you heard of the Four Princes?"

Kurt is sure he heard that phrase in passing between two teen girls at the grocery store the other day. But he gave it no thought. He figured they were discussing a book or movie he had never heard of.

"No."

"Well, Blaine is one of them. It's him and his friends." Kurt figures Eli is talking about Hector, 

Eric, and Cole. "You can guess why we call them that. Them and their families are pretty much fucking royalty around here. They're all powerful and outrageously rich. Blaine and his friends pretty much run Beverly Hills."

Kurt thinks of the four boys he met over a week ago and finds it difficult to associate what Eli says to them. 

"Why is Blaine notorious?"

"Not only because he fucks anyone he pleases, but because him and his friends can get away with anything."

"What kind of things?"

Eli scratches his jaw. "Let's just say some guy talked shit about Eric's mom last year, and they found his car a couple days later torched in an abandoned parking lot. Everyone knew who did it. But no one got in trouble."

"How?"

"I told you, their families are powerful. All it took was some money to sweep the incident under the rug," Eli replies. "And that's just one of many things they've done and gotten away with."

Kurt processes all the information Eli told him. Tries to wrap his head around the fact that Blaine is so much more than he initially thought.

"What... What do their parents do?" If they're rich and powerful as Eli says, he's curious to know how that is.

"Well, Hector Martinez's dad is an extremely powerful lawyer with huge clients from all over the U.S. Eric Love's dad owns the jewelry chain. You know the one." He does. Their slogan _Love Is the Way_ almost inescapable around Valentine's time. "I don't think I have to explain for Cole Willmington." He doesn't. The last name alone tells Kurt everything he needs to know. Cole comes from a long line of money. His great great grandfather one of the first oil tycoons who put stock in railways. Then his great grandfather making a name for himself through the newspapers he bought. "And Blaine's dad is a business mogul. He owns like half of Beverly Hills."

"Oh." It's all Kurt can think to say. What Eli told him overwhelming to the point he needs to sit down.

At a table thinking, and wondering how this changes things, he starts to consider maybe it was a good thing he ended things with Blaine before they began. Not only is he way below him in status and money, there's the big difference in how they live their lives. Where he lives a quiet, peaceful life, Blaine seems to live fast and hard. That's not for him.

"You okay?" Eli stands beside the table, curiosity in his eyes.

"Wha-... Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just processing."

"Yeah, it's a lot to take in." Eli takes a seat across from Kurt. "Just don't get on Blaine's bad side and you should be fine."

"Thanks for the advice." Kurt refrains from saying 'No shit, Sherlock.'

Eli leans forward, corner of his mouth turning up in a half-grin. "So, I was thinking-"

Thankfully a new customer walking in spares Kurt from whatever Eli was about to say.

"I should go take care of them." He stands and walks away from Eli, rolling his eyes when his back is to him.

By the time his shift ends and it's time for him to leave for his first tutoring session, he isn't so sure he's ready to face Blaine alone just yet. The thought alone makes him nervous. He wishes he could take a shot of something strong to calm his frazzled nerves.

"I would tell you good luck," Kira says as he hangs his apron in the back. "But I don't think you need it."

"Thanks." He runs a hand through his hair. Bites his tongue against saying that luck is what he needs right now. That he needs all the luck he can get at the moment.

He grabs his stuff from his locker. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Kira.”

“Bye, sweetie.”

He walks out of the coffee shop and to his car. Takes deep breaths as he climbs in and turns the engine over.

The drive to the Anderson home is long, but not long enough. He actually prays for traffic. Wants to sit in hours of it and have a reason for not making it to the session.

His prayers go unanswered. He does make it on time. Actually has fifteen minutes to spare. He gives his name to the guard at the gate. Drives past when he's waved through. Goes straight for the house on the hill.

He takes a few minutes to himself in his car after he parks.

"I can do this," he quietly tells himself.

It's just two hours. He can be around Blaine for two hours without trouble. He has the strength Thomas spoke of. Can gather enough of it inside himself to get through these hours without doing anything he may regret.

There's a short moment where he debates calling Thomas. But decides against it.

He can do this.

He climbs out of the car and walks to the front door.

_Be professional._

Kurt repeats the mantra over and over in his head as he waits for the door to open after knocking.

For as calm and collected he tries to make himself to be on the outside, on the inside everything is going haywire. His heart races a mile a minute. Which can't be healthy. His stomach is slightly uneasy at the thought of seeing Blaine. The late lunch he had threatens to come back up.

Although it will be difficult, for many reasons, he can do this. He can sit with Blaine for two hours and not think about things he shouldn't. All he needs to do is remember the law, and how he wants to stay on the right side of it.

Maria opens the front door.

"Hello, Mr. Hummel." She gestures him inside.

"You can call me Kurt." Kurt steps inside and once again takes a few moments to admire the beauty of the gorgeous home.

"Right this way, Mr. Hummel," Maria says after closing the door, not acknowledging his request.

The room Maria takes him to is a small study room. Besides a few shelves with books, there's a simple, small wooden table with chairs. Two windows bring in natural light.

"I'll tell Mr. Anderson to join you when he comes home," Maria says before leaving.

Kurt uses the few minutes he has alone to breathe and calm himself down. To remind himself to be professional, and to not screw this up. That this is an amazing opportunity he's been given, and it would look horrible on his part if he didn't take this seriously. If he took advantage of the opportunity he has.

"Knock knock."

The unfamiliar voice has Kurt turning from where he sets out the day's lesson on the table and sees an older gentleman he's never seen before standing in the doorway. For a split second he worries. But that quickly disappears when he gets a good look at the guy standing in front of him. The guy that has Blaine's features.

"Hi, I'm Liam. Blaine's dad." Liam holds out a hand, charming smile spreading across his face.

Kurt returns the smile and shakes his hand, heart racing again. Of course he knew he would meet Blaine's dad one day. He just hoped it would have been later than this. That he had more time to prepare for this introduction. "Hello. I'm Kurt. I'm the new tutor."

"I know. Beth told me about you." Liam shoves a hand in one of his pockets. As he stands there, he looks like a model from the pages of GQ or Vanity Fair. Kurt can see where Blaine gets his great looks from. "Don't let my son give you any hell."

"I won't." If there's one thing he's proud of, it's his ability to handle bad teens.

The term teens unsettles him since it's a reminder of Blaine and his age. And the horrible thing he did.

"If he does, tell me. I'll put him straight."

"Yes, Mr. Anderson," Kurt says, although he won't follow through. The last thing he wants is to be the person who gets Blaine in trouble with his dad.

"Oh god! Mr. Anderson. That makes me feel so old. Call me Liam. Besides, my dad is Mr. Anderson, and I don't want to be reminded of him."

"Okay. Will do, Liam."

Liam takes a step further into the room. Dark bourbon colored eyes never stray from Kurt. He studies him like an object he's trying to understand. "I understand why she would pick you," he quietly says, amusement sparking in his eyes.

Kurt is confused by that. Not completely understanding what he meant by it. "Excuse me?"

"My wife," Liam replies. "She's an extremely intelligent woman."

That's not lost on Kurt. It was only yesterday that he learned Bethany is one of the world's best cardiac surgeons. It takes brains and skills to get to that point.

"She must be enjoying herself for this."

Kurt is still confused. Even more so by that comment. "Um... I’m sorry. I don't understand."

"It's okay," Liam says with a soft chuckle. "You don't need to."

"Are you scaring off my tutor, Dad?"

The somersault his heart does in his chest at the sound of Blaine’s voice is almost comical. But there is no laughter from him. Only a quick reminder to himself that his heart shouldn't do that because of Blaine. That he shouldn't be thrilled to see him. Or be joyous at getting to spend time alone with him.

_Seventeen_ his brain screams. To signal his body to stop it's reactions.

Blaine comes into view when Liam steps out of the way. With wet hair, in a t-shirt and jeans, the strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, he looks every bit the student he is at that moment. And the best Kurt has ever seen him. Because his jeans hug every inch of his muscular thighs. The shirt he wears clinging to his body, showing off muscles earned from playing years of soccer.

Kurt looks away. Fights down the heat that floods his cheeks. Does his best to ignore the knowing smirk on Blaine’s face when he finally looks back to him.

"I thought you did that?" Liam teasingly replies to his son’s question.

Blaine rolls his eyes, the corner of his mouth tipping up.

"I'll go. It was nice meeting you, Kurt," Liam says. He runs a hand through his dark hair. Looks to Blaine. "Don't be an ass. Be nice." It's meant as a warning, but comes off as a pleading request.

"Don't worry, Dad," Blaine turns his sight to Kurt and grins, "I think this time may be different."

Liam chuckles and shakes his head. As he walks out, Kurt swears he hears him say "That woman."

"This time?" Kurt takes a seat at the table, ignores the way his pulse races. "I'm not your first tutor?"

Blaine takes the seat across from him. Drops his bag on the table. "I've had a few."

"A few?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do to those to warrant your dad saying that?" Based on what Liam said, It's easy for Kurt to put together that Blaine wasn't so easy to work with. That he gave his former tutors a rough time. He can only imagine what Blaine may have done to his previous tutors.

"Nothing." Blaine grins.

"I don't believe you."

"Don't worry. I'll be nice to you."

Kurt slightly cocks his head and arches a curious eyebrow. "Because you've had your tongue down my throat? Or because you want to have your tongue down my throat again?"

"Both."

"Well, that won't be happening again." Kurt flips open his notebook. "Now, I looked over your work and-"

"Are you sure?"

He looks up from his notes at Blaine's question. "Sure of what?"

"That I won't have my tongue down your throat again?"

"I, um..." A deep blush stains Kurt's cheeks and he flusters as he tries his hardest to not remember the sensation of having Blaine's tongue in his mouth and hard body pressed up against his. He quickly collects his thoughts and himself. Reminds himself that Blaine is a minor, and what he did was wrong. "That's not important in the slightest. We need to focus on your work and improving it. To bring up your grades."

"Okay." Blaine opens his backpack and pulls out a textbook and notebook. "Where do we start?"

The next two hours pass with relative ease. Blaine doesn't ask him about the potential of kissing him again, but instead focuses on the work they do. By the time the two hours are up, Kurt feels he's made some progress with him.

"Just keep practicing with those equations I gave you," Kurt says as he puts his things away. "You're close to having it. Tomorrow we'll work on English."

Blaine nods his head while gathering his things. He follows Kurt out of the room. "If things were different-"

"Blaine," Kurt turns to face him, "don't play the _What if?_ game. It'll only make you angry."

"So you're saying if things were different, if I were older and you weren’t tutoring me, this," he gestures between them, "would have had a chance?"

"I don't know," Kurt truthfully replies. "I was being honest when I said I wasn't ready for a relationship."

"Not a typical relationship, then. How about a physical one?"

Kurt wants to lie to Blaine. To put an end to his wonders. But he can't. It feels wrong to do so.

"Yes," he replies. "I would have sought a physical relationship with you."

A spark lights up Blaine's eyes.

"It doesn't mean anything, Blaine. Because it can't happen. I won't let it. I won't risk what I have for something with you."

The words are harsh, but what Blaine needs to hear. He needs to know the seriousness of the situation. That this isn’t some game. But at the same time he says them, there's a minuscule part of him that holds onto the hope of maybe there being something.

Blaine nods his head and walks away. Kurt watches him until he walks up the stairs and disappears out of view on the second floor.

"How was he?"

Kurt looks away from the top of the stairs and to where the voice carried from. Liam stands at the end of the foyer hall holding a glass with amber colored liquid. "Oh. He was fine, Mr. An-” He catches himself. “Liam."

Liam smiles. "That's good.” He brings the glass up to his lips and takes a drink. “My son can be difficult sometimes.”

“I’m sure you’ll be pleased to hear that wasn’t the case with me.”

“I am.” Liam drags his thumb along his lower lip. “Why don't you join me for a drink in my office. We have some things to discuss."

Kurt immediately begins to internally freak out. His mind runs wild with thoughts that Liam knows what happened between Blaine and him. That he's going to expose and ruin him. That his life and career are over. He tries to compose himself as best as he can as he walks down the hall towards Liam.

In Liam's office, which is just as nice as his wife's, Kurt takes the glass handed to him and nervously takes a seat in front of the desk Liam sits behind. The dark leather wingback chair makes him look like a king on his throne. Which is fitting considering how most people view him.

"So," Liam sits forward and places his arms on the table, "it’s safe to say that my son wants to sleep with you."

Kurt chokes on the drink of bourbon he's taking. The alcohol burns as it goes down his throat. Causes him to have a small coughing fit.

"Sorry." Liam stands and walks over to the small bar he has set up on a table against the wall. Grabs the water decanter and pours some into a glass. “I probably shouldn’t have sprung that you on like that.”

Kurt accepts the apology and glass of water Liam offers him before sitting back behind his desk. After taking a large drink, he takes a deep breath. But fear and worry still sit heavy on his chest at Liam’s words.

That was the last thing he expected to hear from Blaine's dad. Where he thought he was on his way to doom, it seems to be far from that.

"I don't understand." He sets the glass, which he sees is a beautiful crystal, on the desk next to his other one. 

"I saw how my son looked at you. It's obvious what he wants," Liam points out.

Kurt pales at Liam's words. If it was easy for him to read Blaine's desire, could he read his? Does he know what he wants? Does he suspect?

_Please, let him be woefully ignorant in that area._

"I assure you, Mr. Anderson, I will not let that happen," he's quick to say, reverting back to calling Liam by his proper name. "I will maintain a professional relationship with your son. I won't let things go beyond what you asked of me."

"Kurt, calm down." Liam sits back in his chair. Crosses one leg over the other. "I trust you. I know you won't cross that line with my son."

"I promise I won't."

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear." Liam takes another drink. "My wife tells me you moved here from Ohio."

"Yes."

"Why did you move?”

"I needed a change," Kurt replies. "After my father died, I couldn't be where he was everywhere." He keeps the Thomas part out of his reasoning. “I decided to do something crazy and move here.”

"I'm sorry about your father."

"Thank you." He grabs for his glass of bourbon. Takes a small drink. The alcohol warms him.

"Why here? Why Beverly Hills?" Liam asks.

"It's always held intrigue for me."

Liam nods his head. Licks his lips before looking away when his phone rings. "I need to get that." He looks back to Kurt. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

A crooked smile that's the same as Blaine's spreads across Liam’s face. "It was nice meeting you, Kurt."

Kurt stands at the same time as Liam. Shakes the hand he holds out. Liam’s hand is big in his. His palm smooth.

Liam looks right into his eyes and says in a serious, straight-laced voice, "Don't make my wife regret hiring you."

The meaning of his words ring loud in Kurt's head.

"I won't do anything to jeopardize the opportunity I've been given."

"That's what I want to hear."

It's with his promise to Liam rattling around in his head that he walks out of the Anderson home.

Sat behind the wheel of his car, going over the conversation he had, a terrified scream falls from his lips when a hand suddenly covers his on the steering wheel. He jumps back and touches his hand to his chest where his heart races. Looks and sees Blaine has joined him in his car.

"What the fuck, Blaine!" He drops his head back on the headrest and closes his eyes. Takes a few deep breaths to calm his frazzled nerves.

"Sorry," Blaine says. "I thought you heard me get in."

"Obviously not." He covers his face with his hands. Runs his fingers through his hair. Lifts his head and looks at Blaine, who sits there smiling and looking a hint regretful at scaring him. "What do you want?"

"I saw you leaving my dad’s office. What did he want? What did you two talk about?”

The mention of Liam is a reminder to Kurt where he is. That anyone could see the two of them in his car and get the wrong impression. It's reason enough to get Blaine out of his car as quick as possible.

"To tell me not to mess around with you," he answers. "Can you please get out of my car now."

Instead of moving to open the door, Blaine crosses his arms over his chest and furrows his brows in anger. Roughly runs a hand through his hair. "I can't believe him," he mutters just loud enough to be heard.

"He's only looking out for you. Plus, it was a warning I needed to hear."

That seems to get Blaine's attention. "Did he threaten you?"

"No, Blaine, he didn't threaten me." That sounds absurd to Kurt. "He basically told me it wouldn't be smart to mess around with you. It's nothing I didn't know already."

His heart jumps in his chest when he sees what looks to be the groundskeeper walking across the property several yards away. Almost being caught is enough of a sign that he needs to get Blaine out of his car.

"Go, Blaine. I really need you to get out of my car." His eyes dart to the groundskeeper, who disappears inside the four-door garage.

A panicked look fills Blaine's eyes. "Will this change your mind about things?" he asks.

It's then Kurt understands his panic. He contains his eyeroll as best as he can.

"Change it from what, Blaine?" he rhetorically asks in a frustrated voice. "I already told you I won't risk being with you. This talk with your dad just cemented that. So, whatever hope you were holding on to, let it go. Because this won't happen. Not now. Not ever." It hurts to say, but it needs to be said. Blaine needs to know where he stands with things. With them. "Please, get out," he quietly pleads, needing Blaine to get out of his car for his safety. And so he can go home and let out everything he's been holding in for the past couple of hours.

Blaine grabs the door handle. Moves to climb out of the car after opening the door but stops. Turns to face Kurt. A look of determination in his eyes. "I hate to lose, Kurt. You will be mine."

Kurt furrows his brows in anger. "This isn't some fucking game, Blaine. I'm not some fucking prize for you to win!" He tries to maintain his calm as best as he can. But with what Blaine said, how he sees him and the situation they are in, has him seeing red. He gets Blaine is young. Still needs to learn about the truth of relationships. That there is no ownership when it comes to being with someone. And that ignorance about things shows he isn't ready for what he wants out of this.

"You saying that shows you're not mature enough," he says. The anger clear in his voice.

"Fuck!" Blaine runs his free hand down his face. Regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't think like that. I understand that you're your own person. I just... _Fuck._ " He exhales a heavy breath. "I've never felt this way about someone. It's quick. But it feels right. Do you understand?"

Kurt more than understands. Can feel this thing that Blaine and him share twining around him more and more with each passing day. Instead of feeling confined and trapped, though, he feels embraced and comforted. Feels this connection growing stronger.

But he can't tell Blaine that. Can't give him the hope he seeks out.

"Please, get out of my car," he says instead to Blaine's question. "I need to go."

He sits forward and stares straight ahead while Blaine climbs out of the car. Flinches when he slams his door. Doesn't look as he walks back to his front door. Holds back his emotions as he leaves.

It's only when he's alone in his shower does he let go of everything he was holding onto. Lets the pain in. Lets the tears go.

Only when the water starts to run cold and he's shivering does he turn off the shower and climb out. Dressed in a white cotton shirt and sweats, he grabs his laptop and walks out of his bedroom.

As he waits for Thomas to answer his Skype call, he pours himself a much needed tall glass of red wine.

Thomas pops up on his screen as he takes a big drink of his wine.

"Hey. How was your first day of tutoring?"

Kurt sets his glass down on the counter. Licks his lips. "The tutoring part was fine. I can see Blaine is smart. But he does have some small problems in certain areas of subjects. That will be easy to help him with. He just expects to coast through school because of his parents.” He takes another drink of his wine. This one is bigger. “I also met his dad."

"How was that?"

"Liam is nice. Handsome." He's not afraid to admit that. "He pulled me into his office after my session with Blaine to talk."

"This almost sounds porn-esque," Thomas jokes with a small laugh.

Kurt curls the corner of his mouth, understanding how Thomas could see it like that.

"Trust me, it was far from feeling like porn." He takes another drink of wine. Starts to gather things to make a sandwich out of the rest of the chicken salad he has. "It was tense," he says while grabbing the chicken salad from the fridge.

"What did you two talk about?"

Kurt relays his conversation with Liam to Thomas while preparing his sandwich. Then tells him about his conversation with Blaine in his car.

"Sounds like he won't be backing off," Thomas comments.

"Yeah." Kurt sucks dressing off his thumb.

"Will that be a problem for you?"

He thinks for a moment. "Only if I make it one." And he doesn't plan to make it one.

He takes a bite of his sandwich. Finally takes in Thomas and notices his slightly disheveled hair. Sees that his eyes are a bit puffy, and he looks tired. He immediately begins to worry. "Are you okay? You seem out of sorts.”

"Fine." Thomas runs a hand down his face. "Lucas and I got into a fight."

"A big one?"

Thomas shakes his head.

"Over what?"

"Wedding stuff. He stormed out of the house yesterday. Stayed with his mom. I barely slept."

"Worried?"

"That and I was thinking some things through."

Kurt drinks more of his wine. "What things?"

"Just... stuff."

He can tell there's something Thomas isn't telling him. Can see it in the way he avoids eye contact. He doesn't push him to talk about it. Decides to just be there when he's ready to discuss whatever it is that's bothering him.

They talk for a bit longer. Kurt lets Thomas go when he tells him that Lucas came back.

He finishes his dinner and drinks another glass of wine. Crawls into bed; ready to put this day behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was thinking about this story and why people kept asking me about Blaine and who he was. So I went back and realized I left out a whole section that was important that explained who Blaine and his friends are. It's in chapter 4 right after Kira congratulates him about getting the job. It's a convo between Kurt and Eli. So, if you want to know about Blaine and his friends and little about their families you can go back and read that. I'm so sorry I did that. I seriously thought I had included that section in the final version.

"One lemon drop." The owner of the food truck, Bec, as her name tag reads, holds out the mentioned cupcake. “Enjoy.”

Kurt takes the indulgent treat. Mouth already watering with anticipation. "I will. Thank you." He puts the change from paying into the glass jar on the window with the word _Tips_ written across the front.

With his cupcake in hand, the paper liner peeled back, he takes a seat on a nearby park bench. The first bite has the sugary, slightly sour taste of lemons exploding on his tongue. A soft moan of pleasure passes his lips. A small blush stains his cheeks when the noise causes a few heads to turn his way.

Trash thrown away when he's finished, he decides to go to the nearby beach and take a walk. The sun warm on his skin as he toes out of his shoes. The shoes dangle from the fingers of his right hand as he walks along the shore. Water rushes around his ankles as his feet slightly sink into the wet sand with every step he takes.

The sound of the water rushing to shore, the birds flying above, and little children playfully screaming as they chase each other is drowned out when Blaine enters his thoughts as he walks. He pictures those striking hazel eyes that seem to look deep inside him. Feels his heart race as heat blooms over his cheeks when he thinks of that crooked smile.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out Blaine has gotten under his skin in a way he never anticipated. In a way he doesn't want to get rid of him. He wants to feel him there for as long as possible.

Water rushes around his ankles and splashes his jeans where he rolled them up. The sensation of the cool water hitting his skin momentarily brings him out of his thoughts. But he quickly falls back into them. This time unable to not think of the reasons Blaine and him can't be together.

Disappointment swirls through him at being so close to having something amazing, but having it just be out of his reach. He feels like that rabbit chasing the dangling carrot he can never grasp.

A check of his phone after ruminating for a bit tells him it's time for Blaine's tutoring session. Back at his car, feet cleaned and shoved back in his shoes, he rushes to the library.

There's no surprise when he walks into the library twenty minutes later to find it mostly devoid of teenagers. It's the same as the other times he's been there. But he doesn't mind that. It means less of a chance for Blaine to be distracted by someone he knows. It's already happened once, so far. And it was a hassle to get the person to leave Blaine alone so he could begin that day's lesson. He can still clearly hear the _Bitch_ directed at him with annoyance from the person. But he let the snide, rude remark roll off his shoulders. Not letting it affect him in any way. He's heard worse, dealt with worse, from former students back in Ohio.

"Hello, Kurt."

Kurt looks over. Sees the librarian, Darcy, making her way over to him. "Hi, Darcy. It's nice to see you again."

Darcy smiles. "You too. Are you here to tutor that boy again?"

It amuses Kurt to no end that Darcy sees Blaine as just another boy and not who everyone else sees him as. But it shouldn't be a surprise since Darcy is older, and doesn't seem like the kind to get mixed up in the politics of rich people.

"I am. I'm waiting for him to arrive. It should be a few more minutes. He's running late."

"Typical teenage boy," Darcy off-handedly comments in a joking way.

The comment is a reminder to Kurt of Blaine's age. Of what he almost did. The trouble he nearly got himself in.

"How are you?" he asks to change the subject, and momentarily forget his self-induced guilt.

"I'm good." Darcy dabs a handkerchief, an actual cloth one with bright, yellow sunflowers embroidered in one corner, to her nose. "Trying to get over a bit of a cold."

"Sorry to hear that. You should stay home and rest."

Darcy waves off his suggestion with a soft noise of rejection. "It's nothing that can keep me off my feet. Besides, the library makes me feel better."

"I understand that."

Libraries are places for Kurt to escape to when he's feeling down and wants a pick me up. Some hold special memories for him. From innocent to not so innocent. Like the local library back home where he would spend his Saturdays getting lost in book after book when he was young, to having Thomas getting him off with his mouth when he was older.

The memory of Thomas dragging him to a section of the library that was rarely occupied and sucking him off brings a light blush to his face. The memory of experiencing the thrill of fucking into Thomas' mouth knowing there was a chance they could be caught makes his heart race to this day. He remembers how hard he came. And going to his knees to return the favor.

They both left the library that day laughing and desperate for the other.

His blush deepens as he recalls Thomas taking him back a week later to that same spot to slowly and quietly fuck him. Recalls a hand covering his mouth and being pressed up against the shelves, gripping the edges, and trying not to see the irony of being fucked up against a shelf with books about human anatomy.

Want and desire blossom inside him. It's hot and thick like lava as it flows through him. Both a reminder of what Thomas could make him feel. Has always made him feel. Will probably always make him feel.

He pulls his phone from his back pocket and sends a text he probably shouldn't.

_Kurt: At the library and thinking of you._

Where he doesn't expect a text from Thomas, his phone pinging a few seconds later brings a delighted smile to his face.

**Thomas: Thinking about me, you say?**

**Thomas: Would you happen to be thinking about that time I fucked you?**

_Kurt: Oui_

When no reply comes, he begins to worry he did something wrong. That he shouldn't have texted Thomas that. But that confuses him since they've talked about other moments from their relationship. Moments far less tame.

He does his best to hide his disappointment.

"Everything okay?" Darcy asks, obviously picking up on the disappointment he didn't hide as well as he thought.

"Yes, I-" The ringing of his phone interrupting him brings a huge smile to his face when he sees who's calling. "Excuse me. I need to get this." He answers Thomas' call. Darcy gives a look of understanding and walks away to give him some privacy. "I thought you were angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you?"

Kurt walks to a corner of the library where a table and chairs are set up. He takes a seat in one of the chairs. "For what I texted," he replies, crossing one leg over the other.

"Mon trèsor," Thomas' voice holds no anger towards him; only love. "I could never get angry at you for reminding me of wonderful moments with you."

Relief settles over Kurt. The corners of his mouth lift in a smile.

"What are you doing?"

"Just finished up some work," Thomas replies.

Kurt checks the time and sees it's nearly five. Frustration begins to simmer at Blaine being close to thirty minutes late.

"Shouldn't you be tutoring right now?" Thomas questions.

"Blaine is running late." Kurt hears a door close followed by footsteps on the other end of the phone. "You heading home?"

"Yeah. I need to hurry because Lucas has reservations at some restaurant he's been wanting to try for a couple of months now."

"Is it for the wedding? Like taste testing?"

"Maybe. I'm not entirely sure. Wedding plans and all that are really not my thing."

Kurt chuckles. Not at all surprised that Thomas is mostly taking a back seat to planning his upcoming wedding. Is letting Lucas take the wheel and plan everything. Thomas is more of a low-key kind of guy. Would probably be equally as happy getting married at a courthouse by a judge.

"If it is, remember no-"

"Shrimp. I know. You're allergic. I told Lucas to stay away from all seafood to be safe."

The way his heart jumps in his chest with deep love has Kurt fighting the overwhelming emotion that overtakes him. It's ridiculous to be affected this way by Thomas remembering that bit of information. To go out of his way to make sure he's safe when in relation to planning his wedding. But that's the kind of person he is. The guy he fell hard for. The guy he still loves so much it hurts sometimes.

A fresh wave of regret knocks down the wall he constructed that kept his anger at himself at bay. The bricks go tumbling and he once again finds himself so full of self-loathing and anger that he clenches his fist so tight of his free hand he draws blood where his nails dig into his palm. The pain is nothing compared to the one that thrums through him at a steady beat like a second pulse. It demands to be felt, and not ignored. Demands to remind him of the choice he made.

He fights the tears that well in his eyes. Fights the pain that does its best to ruin him. Fights the anger that is never-ending. Fights until he's exhausted. Until it feels as if he has nothing left to give for the day.

"Kurt?"

Hand opened, Kurt sees where his nails dug into flesh. Where skin was torn and is now red. A drop of blood gathers where one nail dug deeper than others. Eyes focus on the bead of red. The sight of which takes him back to a memory he forgot.

_"How did this happen again?" The doctor, Ella, doesn't look up from the stitch she sows._

_A blush stains Kurt's face before he turns to bury it in the hospital pillow on the bed he's in. The memory of how he got a two inch cut along his left hip making him laugh._

_"It was my fault," Thomas replies, laughter to his voice._

_Kurt lifts his head. "It was both our faults," he jumps in to say, not wanting his boyfriend to take full blame._

_Thomas looks at him with love and laughter in his eyes. Squeezes his hand he holds. Doesn't look away as he explains what happened. "I was careless when putting him on our dining table."_

_"After I threw myself at him." That's the tame version. What really happened was that Thomas and him had argued earlier in the day and made up right before dinner. After, he stripped naked and crawled into Thomas' lap; ready for dirty, explosive make-up sex. And when Thomas went to bend him over the table a piece of glass that was broken when he swiped his place clean stabbed into him. Blood immediately began running down his leg._

_"I guess I broke a glass when pushing everything off the table," Thomas guiltily admits. He leans over and kisses Kurt. "I'm sorry," he murmurs against his lips._

_"Don't be. It was an accident." Kurt grips the front of Thomas' shirt and holds him where he is when he tries to stand up. Takes his mouth in a deep, sensual kiss that shows how much he doesn't blame him for what happened._

_Ella lets out a soft noise of laughter. "A sex related injury."_

_Kurt lets go of Thomas. Looks to Ella, who places a bandage over where his stitches are. "You don't seem shocked."_

_"It's more common than you think," she replies, snapping off her gloves. "I'm finished." She stands off her rolling stool. Tosses the gloves in the trash. "A nurse will be in shortly to go over how to treat and clean the wound." Clipboard in hand, she writes a few things before looking up with an amused smile. "Gives a new meaning to the phrase safe sex, huh?"_

_Thomas chuckles._

_Kurt laughs and nods his head._

The memory nearly knocks the breath out of his lungs. Has him further hating himself for remembering it. For recalling how Thomas was caring and attentive while he laid in the hospital bed bleeding. How he profusely apologized for something that wasn't his fault. But especially how he held him to his chest and made love to him long and slow while they laid on their sides later that night. How he whispered over and over again into his ear and the kisses they shared that he loved him.

Pain slices through him like a sharp blade. Causes more damage and hurt. Makes him more regretful and angry.

It's only when Thomas worriedly says his name on the other end of the phone does he realize he drifted off.

He blinks his eyes as if waking from a vivid dream. Takes a deep breath.

"Do you remember when we went to the hospital because that piece of glass cut me?" Maybe he's a masochist that enjoys inflicting pain on himself. That would be the only logical explanation as to why he would bring up that moment.

Thomas chuckles. "Yeah. We were trying to have sex with you bent over the table. Why?"

Kurt hears as Thomas unlocks his car and climbs in. Hears the door slam shut. Waits a few heartbeats. Listens to the comfortable silence between them. Debates with disturbing that. Easily loses the fight not to.

"Do you remember that night? How we made love over and over again?"

Love isn't fitting for what they did that night. Yeah, they did make love once. But there was also that make-up sex they got to. And tired, lazy sex after a round of 69ing and Thomas rimming him.

"I do." There's a slight strain to Thomas' voice, as if he's fighting back on emotions. "I made you come six times."

The fact fills Kurt with longing. Makes his cock twitch. Has him pressing his thighs harder together.

"Why are you asking about that, Kurt?"

"I don't know." He uses his thumb to wipe away the small drop of blood on his palm. Does his best to understand why he would bring that night up to Thomas. To make him hurt like he does?

"Kurt..." Thomas exhales a heavy breath. "Fuck!"

Kurt hears the anguish in Thomas' voice. Hears him hit his steering wheel. Curse a few more times out of anger and guilt.

A tear slips free and rolls down his cheek. He wipes it away. Doesn't stop the load of shame that he dumps on himself.

He did that on purpose. Knows it with every fiber of his being. Wanted Thomas to feel the pain he's currently feeling. Needed him to know what it felt like.

When it truly hits him what he did, he wants to hit himself for being such an asshole.

"I'm so sorry, Tommy." He uncrosses his legs and sits forward. Plants his elbows on his knees and covers his eyes with his free hand. "I'm so sorry. Please... I just... I don't know what came over me." _LIE._ "I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."

It takes a few moments for Thomas to reply. "It's okay, Kurt," he says in a soft voice that holds no blame. "I forgive you."

Those three words ease Kurt's anger and worry considerably.

"I have to go," Thomas says, the calm in his voice sounding forced. "I don't want to be late."

After hanging up, and being reassured again by Thomas that he forgives him, Kurt drops his head in his hands and lets out a deep breath.

That was extremely fucked up for him to do. Was wrong on so many levels, and for so many reasons. He will completely understand if Thomas doesn't talk to him for a couple of days. Puts some space between them. It's probably what's for the best.

The feeling of someone watching him pulls Kurt's attention away from Thomas. He stands and turns around.

A new kind of heat twists in his belly when he finds Blaine standing a few feet away watching him with an intensity that makes him tremble. The look, one that is full of fire, shakes him to his core. Rattles him. Reminds him of similar looks Thomas would throw his way. Those looks eliciting the same reactions he's having now.

He tries not to focus on those feelings. Reminds himself that no matter what Blaine may make him feel, there is nothing he can do about it. No matter how much he would love to.

In the weeks since he told Blaine that they couldn't be together things have only grown more difficult. For him. He's sure for Blaine as well. But for him that ache and want that Blaine creates in him grows every day. Makes it more and more difficult for him to stay the course he set for himself.

There have been days where he wanted to stray off the path he walks. Wanted to give in to temptation, and his desires. But he always managed to back off from the ledge.

Thankfully Thomas has been there for him to talk to about his hardships and frustrations. Without him, he isn't so sure he would be doing as great as he is.

To have someone to talk to about this has been a life saver. That the person is Thomas, someone who understands what he's going through, helps considerably. There's no judgement or confusion. Only understanding.

Since that first conversation where he told Thomas about Blaine unexpectedly being the person he was hired to tutor, he has talked to him several more times about his unfortunate situation. And he loves Thomas for being there for him. For listening while he vented and complained, and cried in the moments it all became too much.

If not for Thomas, he isn't sure how he would have been able to handle this on his own.

Blaine begins to make his way over to him. The smile he wears and hunger in his eyes diminishes considerably when he takes him in. It's replaced with concern that draws his brows together.

"What's wrong?" he asks after coming to a stop in front of him.

Kurt minutely shakes his head. Forces a smile. The last thing he wants to do is bring Blaine into his many problems.

"Nothing," he replies. "Long day. We should get started."

On the second level of the library and hidden behind the shelves at their table, Kurt pulls out the curriculum he prepared for the day. Blaine sits in the seat across from him. Leans back on the hind legs of the chair.

"Have you ever liked one of your students before?"

Kurt is so caught off guard by the question he stills. He looks up at Blaine with surprise. "That... That's an extremely inappropriate and rude question."

"It's a completely innocent one." Blaine leans forward. "Unless the reason it's inappropriate is because of what the answer is. In which case, I'm kind of hurt that I'm not your first."

"Can we please stop talking about this ridiculous topic and get started on today's lesson."

"I think a case study into why you're attracted to your students is a better lesson."

"If you think you're being funny and cute, you're not."

"Is that what you told the other guys?"

Kurt ignores Blaine's question.

"Silence. That's answer enough."

"Stop, Blaine. Just stop," he says, not hiding his frustration and annoyance. "There was no one. I've never harbored feelings of any kind for a student before. You're the first. Is that what you want to hear? What you want to know? Are you happy, now? Are you satisfied?"

Out of his seat and in the corner, back to Blaine, Kurt pinches the bridge of his nose and takes deep breaths to calm down. Shoves down his frustration and anger. Not only is he upset with Blaine, but he's also upset with himself. Upset at letting Blaine get to him in this way. He should be better than this. Stronger.

"Hey." A hand on his hip sends a rush of heat through him. The place where Blaine touches him is so hot it feels as if a branding iron is being pressed to his skin. "I'm sorry. That was really low and shitty of me. I was being an asshole."

"A major one."

"Look at me."

Kurt lets Blaine turn him around. Gazes into warm hazel eyes that are soft and apologetic.

"I'm sorry. Please, forgive me."

Some part of him wants to say no. To hold onto that anger so it would be easy to hate Blaine. To move on from him like he should. But it's hard to do so. Just because Blaine makes it difficult to stay angry at him. Especially when he's looking at you like your forgiveness is all that matters to him.

He easily crumbles like an unsteady tower of Jenga blocks. Lets go of his anger. Lets the corner of his mouth lift in the smallest of smiles.

"You can't do that again, Blaine," he sternly says. "Promise you won't and all will be forgiven."

The corner of Blaine's mouth turns up. Eyes beaming as bright as his crooked smile. "I promise. It'll never happen again."

"Okay. Good. You're forgiven, then." Kurt breathes in a heavy breath. Lets out all the tension he can that he carries on the exhale. "Now, can we get started?"

Thankfully, the lesson goes easy. He manages to get through it without Blaine behaving like an idiot in any way. 

"Are you hungry?" Blaine slings the strap of his bag over his shoulder at the end of the lesson. "We could go grab a bite to eat."

"I don't think that's a smart idea."

Blaine frowns. "It's just two friends grabbing food together."

"Still." Kurt quickly stuffs the last of his things in his bag. "It's inappropriate." He doesn't mention the added fear he feels of someone seeing them and that getting back to Liam and Bethany. It's too much of a risk he isn't willing to take. "Thank you, though. I appreciate the offer."

Strap of his bag slung across his chest, he moves to leave. But Blaine jumping in front of him stops him.

"What, Blaine?"

Blaine looks like he's going to say something but thinks better of it. Instead, he steps out of the way. "I'll see you soon, Kurt."

"Yeah. You too."

In the shower after getting home, head hanging as he stands under the spray of water, and eyes closed, Kurt can't stop thinking about his earlier conversation with Thomas.

He groans to think about how much of an asshole he was. He said and did things he never should have.

As he stands there, though, he can't stop his mind from going to the night of the memory he mentioned.

It doesn't take long for his cock to swell and grow hard. For him to wrap a hand around it and stroke while thinking of the first time Thomas fucked him after they got back from the hospital.

His strokes are long and soft. Have just enough pressure to tease but not satisfy. He rubs over the red, swollen head with his free hand. Replays the moment Thomas slowly sank inside him. Stretched him open around his cock.

The memory has him feeling empty. Has him aching.

With his free hand, he reaches down and tugs at his balls. Adds some pressure to his strokes while thinking of how Thomas slowly and tenderly stroked his cock in and out of his body. How he fucked him with a tentativeness and softness that was such a stark contrast to how he would fuck him later in the night.

Body already on edge, he increases the pace and pressure of his hand. Works himself fast and hard. Thumbs at the leaking head. Tugs and massages his balls with his other hand.

His thoughts shift from the memory to a fantasy. One where Thomas is there with him in that shower. Pushes him up against the heated tiled wall and yanks his hips back before sinking inside him. Tightly grips his hips while repeatedly plunging his cock inside him.

Kurt removes his hands long enough to grab the bottle of lube he keeps in the basket in the shower. Squeezes some onto his fingers before placing it back.

Upper back pressed to the wall, one foot lifted to rest on the lip of the tub, he reaches down with his hand and slowly pushes a lubed finger inside his eager body. Other hand wrapping back around his straining cock. Eyes fall closed as he strokes and works his finger.

The single finger is not enough for what he wants. Two or three fingers would not be enough. Because what he wants is to be filled by Thomas' thick, throbbing cock.

He imagines what Thomas would do if he were here. How he would most likely be whispering filthy things into his ear in French while deeply thrusting into his body. How his cock would feel inside him while he came.

That sends Kurt over the edge. He spills over his hand and clenches around his finger. Softly cries out Thomas' name.

After, standing under the spray of water, washing away his release, pleasure buzzing through his body, a thread of guilt winds through him at once again fantasizing about Thomas while getting off. Knows it doesn't help him move on like he should be doing.

Dressed in just a pair of boxer-briefs after climbing out of the shower, he pours himself a glass of wine. Grabs it and his phone and takes a seat on his couch.

_Kurt: I'm sorry._

He takes a large drink of his wine after sending the text. Regret still weighing on him over everything he has done.

**Thomas: Stop apologizing. I've forgiven you. No need to still keep beating yourself up.**

_Kurt: I know._

_Kurt: You just seemed so upset._

**Thomas: I was. But I'm not anymore.**

**Thomas: Lucas says hi.**

_Kurt: Tell him I said hi._

He talks with Thomas for several more minutes. Sets his phone aside and kicks his legs up on his coffee table. Finishes his wine while trying not to think of anything by watching some horrible movie showing on TV.

It mostly works. He still thinks of Blaine and what happened in the library. Thinks of Thomas and their earlier conversation. Thinks of where he's found himself with both of those men in his life.

California was meant to be a place he came to to put his problems and worries behind him. But they've seemed to have followed him. And grown.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

The nervous energy Kurt has causes him to pace back and forth in the study of the Anderson home. When he tries to sit, he either pops right back up or his knee bounces.

It's his regular tutor session with Blaine. But it's the Tuesday after Blaine's eighteenth birthday the Friday before. This is the first time he's seeing him since then. And he doesn't know what to do. Is unsure of how to feel.

On the one hand, he's relieved that Blaine is finally eighteen. Is of age. That he no longer has to feel guilty about harboring feelings for someone who was a minor. But on the other hand, he still has to remind himself that nothing can happen. That he still works for Blaine's parents; people he doesn't want to upset and disappoint.

When he sees the door begin to open, he rushes over to grab the cupcake he bought and greet Blaine. Heart jumping when Blaine steps into the room and smiles at the sight of him.

"Happy birthday, Blaine."

"Thank you." Blaine grabs the cupcake. He blows out the single lit candle.

"It's your favorite from the food truck. I guess it's your favorite. I'm not sure. I just got what you got when we went."

Blaine sets his backpack down and pulls back the paper liner and takes a bite of the cupcake. "It is my favorite. Thanks for this."

Kurt leans back against the table. "So, what did you do for your birthday?"

"The guys threw me a party Saturday night."

He heard about that party yesterday at work from Eli. How Eli managed to get in is beyond him. He seems like the kind of guy Blaine and his friends would hate.

"I heard." He crosses his arms over his chest. "Apparently you don't like to abide by the laws."

Blaine throws his trash away. Moves to stand in front of Kurt. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly what you think. You do know the legal age limit to drink is still twenty-one? And serving alcohol to minors is against the law?"

"You're a stickler for the law, you know that?" Blaine takes a step closer to Kurt.

"I just like being on the right side of it," Kurt defends. Ignores his pulse that begins to race at Blaine's closeness.

Blaine moves close until their mouths are only inches apart. "Do you know what law you would be on the right side of now?"

Does he know? He literally watched the clock countdown to midnight Thursday night. Watched midnight come and go and debate with what to do now that he could.

Although every fiber of his being wanted to call Blaine and invite him over, he let the idea go. Forced himself to go to sleep.

"Blaine," he softly breathes out, not knowing what to do.

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine grabs at his hip and pulls him flush to his body, "let's do some legal stuff."

Kurt minutely smiles at that. Ignores, for the time being, the way his jeans become a little too tight.

"I don't know." He reminds himself over and over that Blaine is barely eighteen. That he's still so young. That he works for his parents.

"You do know. Just be brave enough to make that choice."

Is he that brave? Can he go against Bethany and Liam? Can he betray their trust in him? Can he find the courage to pursue something with someone who's only eighteen?

Right then he finally and truly understands what Thomas went through when he turned eighteen. That turmoil and inner debate he must have dealt with. The fight of whether he could give into long-standing desires even though there would have been judgement from everyone.

Just like Thomas, he makes the choice he thinks is best for both Blaine and him.

He steps back from Blaine. Turns away from him. "I can't do this, Blaine," he says, voice thick with the pain he feels at having to reject Blaine. At doing the right thing. "I can't go against your parents."

"Fuck my parents, Kurt." Blaine grabs at his hips and turns him so he's staring into his angry, pleading eyes. The sight of which nearly breaks Kurt. Has him taking back his words and pressing their mouths together. But he stays strong. Reminds himself this choice is best for the both of them. "This is about us. No one and nothing should have a say in what we want. And I want you." He pulls him close so they are flush against each other. Kurt grabs at his shoulders. Blaine rests their foreheads together. Eyes close. Blaine's voice soft when it comes out again. "What do you want, Kurt?"

What does he want?

Kurt snorts at the question. There are so many things he wants. He wants both of his parents to still be alive. Wants to be free of this constant, dull ache he's felt since he was eight. Wants to go back fifteen months and make a different choice in that airport. Wants life to stop screwing him over. He wants Thomas. Wants Blaine. But mainly he wants to stop wanting things he can't have.

Tears sting at his eyes as he curses the Gods, or whoever, that did this.

"I-I can't." He minutely shakes his head. Once again steps away from Blaine.

Blaine doesn't try to move closer. Stays in his spot with his brows furrowed in anger. "Why?"

"Because..." Kurt takes a deep breath. Runs a hand through his hair. "Your parents for one."

"Fuck-"

He holds up his hand to stop Blaine. "I heard you the first time. No need to repeat yourself." Plus, he doesn't like hearing Blaine speak ill of his parents. From what he knows of them, they don't deserve that.

"Blaine, your parents have the kind of power to ruin my life," he explains. "I've worked hard to get where I'm at. I just don't think I'm willing to sacrifice all that for you. No matter how I may feel."

The corner of Blaine's mouth tips up in the smallest of grins. "How do you feel?"

_Shit!_

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm your tutor. Our relationship is a professional one. It can't be anything more than that."

"Yes, it can," Blaine disagrees. "We can have something, Kurt. Something no one has to know about."

The possibility sounds tempting to Kurt. To give in to his inhibitions and go against what is right to be with Blaine. But at the same time hiding a relationship is something he's never wanted to do. Is something that has always seemed too hard. The pressure of keeping a secret like that seems too great and tiring.

"No." He shakes his head. "We can't... I can't."

Blaine scowls. "Fine." He grabs his backpack. Slings a strap over his shoulder. "I'm done."

Kurt watches confused as Blaine heads for the door. "Where are you going?"

Blaine looks back at him. Anger darkens his eyes. "What does it matter to you?"

"We have a session to do." He gestures to the day's lesson he set out on the table. "You can't leave."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want."

"Yes," Kurt agrees, getting frustrated. "When you don't have somewhere to be. And you need to be here."

Blaine turns so he's fully facing Kurt. "No, I don't. I don't need this shit. I've already been accepted to college. This is just some bullshit my mom wanted me to do. I only agreed because you were my tutor." A smirk spreads across his face. "I thought I could use the time to try and get you to fuck me." He looks Kurt up and down. "Waste of time."

Anger erupts inside Kurt. But he does his best to contain it. Because he knows Blaine is looking for his reaction. Is intentionally hurting him to get back at him. That doesn't stop his voice from coming out seething when he speaks. "Fuck you, Blaine."

"Whatever. I'm going to go find someone who's willing. I need the release." With that, Blaine turns on his heel and leaves without as much as a glance back.

The weight of what just happened has Kurt dropping into one of the empty seats. Head buried in his hands, he holds in the scream that wants to burst out of him. Fights the angry tears that sting at his eyes. Breathes through the kind of pain he never expected to feel when deciding to move to California.

This is what his life was in Ohio after Thomas left. That hurt and anger that made living almost unbearable. That regret that coursed through his body and has stayed with him.

Why did doing the right thing feel so wrong? Both with Thomas, and now with Blaine.

The sound of something being set on the table has Kurt lifting his head. Liam leans back against the table next to him. One hand holds a crystal glass with amber liquid as the other is shoved in the pocket of his jeans. He looks to what Liam set down and sees his own glass of whatever Liam is drinking.

He grabs the glass and downs the liquor in one drink. The alcohol is exactly what he needs to calm himself down.

"Thanks." He sets the empty glass back down. Finds himself wanting another glass.

Liam sets his untouched glass down on the table. Pushes it over to him.

Kurt thanks him and takes the glass. Takes his time drinking the bourbon.

"This is good." He sets the glass down.

"It better be for seventeen thousand dollars a bottle," Liam comments with a small chuckle.

The number is crazy to Kurt. That someone would spend that kind of cash on a bottle of liquor. But then he remembers this is Liam Anderson. That the guy is one of the richest men in America. So seventeen thousand dollars is probably spare change to him.

"Don't know if I'm worth that." He fingers the glass that probably holds several hundred dollars worth of liquor.

"After dealing with my son, you deserve it." Liam crosses his arms over his chest. Gives Kurt a sympathetic filled look. "I know how he can be."

The smallest of smiles turns up Kurt's mouth. He takes another drink of the strong amber liquid that has hints of spice and vanilla.

"Now I understand why you're paying so generously," he half jokes.

Liam chuckles. "We have to sweeten the deal somehow to make you guys stay."

"Well, it's working."

"Thank God," Liam exhales in a relieved breath. "Bethany would have been upset to lose you. She's already seeing an improvement with Blaine's work and grades. Thank you for that."

"That's why I'm here." Kurt drains the last of the liquor in the glass. Licks his lips and stands. "Thank you for this." He holds up the glass before setting it down on the table. "I needed it."

"You're welcome."

He grabs his things and begins to put them in his bag. "I should go since it seems there will be no tutoring today. Sorry about that."

Liam waves off the apology. "Trust me, I know it's not your fault."

Kurt swallows down the words that it is partially his fault Blaine left.

Strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, he takes a deep breath and looks at Liam. Is once again caught off-guard by how much Blaine looks like him. Which makes it extremely awkward for him when he drops his eyes to Liam's mouth that is just like Blaine's and has him remembering kissing his son.

He quickly looks away before Liam gets the wrong idea, or manages to see the truth in his eyes.

"Thank you, again, for the drink."

Liam uncrosses his arms and pushes off the table. "Can you wait a minute?"

"Um... Sure."

"Good. I'll be back in a second." Liam walks out of the room.

Once alone, Kurt grows more nervous by the second over what Liam could possibly have planned. It makes his heart race while he takes deep breaths to calm himself. He tells himself over and over again that it's probably nothing.

Back turned to the door, he turns when Liam says his name. A wave of relief washes over him when he sees Liam holding a small black box.

"Here." Liam holds out the box. "Think of it as an apology."

It's only when he takes the box, reads the gold lettering, does Kurt realize what Liam gave him. He looks up at him with shock and disbelief. "No." He holds the box back out to Liam. "I can't take this."

"Yes, you can. You deserve it. Keep it and enjoy it."

"Oh. Um... Thank you for this, then."

Liam proudly smiles. "You're welcome. Go home and enjoy a glass."

"I will."

An hour later, sitting on his couch, Kurt enjoys a glass of the seventeen thousand dollar bottle of bourbon Liam gave him. By the time he's finished with it he's a bit tipsy. The three glasses have gotten to him.

He stumbles to his bedroom. Laughs when he loses his balance and falls down. It takes a good five minutes to make it to his bedroom. Once there, he climbs onto his bed and under the covers.

When he falls asleep his mind betrays him by having the sex dream with Blaine. It's made worse when the dream shifts to a sex dream with Thomas.

He wakes up in the middle of the night hard and panting; hips rocking against the bed. Without thought, he pushes his sweats and underwear off and takes himself in hand. He thinks of the dreams as he strokes himself. Teases a finger of his free hand at his hole. Fantasizes about being stretched open by Blaine. Remembers how it felt to be stretched open around Thomas' cock.

His release hits him out of nowhere. He spills over his fist and onto his stomach and chest. Milks his cock until he's spent. Lies there afterward flushed and panting, and aching for the real thing.

There's no guilt as he cleans up. Not even the spark of it.

He climbs back into bed and falls right back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I would warn you about when the non-con would come into play in this story. Well, it happens in this chapter. If you don't want to read that part, you can skip past the third scene jump.

"Ugh!" Kurt reaches over to turn off the radio as they continue to play love songs in celebration of the holiday. The last thing he wants to hear is people singing about being happy and in love. Not when he's single and miserable. That's to say he even likes Valentine's Day to begin with. Which he doesn't. To him it's just another insignificant day in the year.

His frustration and annoyance isn't all due to the stupid holiday. Some of it has to do with a certain eighteen year old hell bent on making him miserable.

The reminder of all the things Blaine has done in the past few weeks has him gripping the steering so hard his knuckles turn white. The small, insignificant things he was able to handle. Intentionally skipping lessons when he knew they had them scheduled was nothing. But purposely coming home with a guy, and making sure he saw and knew what they were doing after going up to his room, would hurt worse than he would give Blaine the pleasure of admitting to. On those days, instead of staying and being further hurt by hearing the guy he wanted fucking someone else, he would gather his things and leave. Would save himself the extra pain.

It's horribly shitty on Blaine's part to act the way he did. To go out of his way to purposely hurt him as he's been doing. Thomas has told him as much several times when he's called to complain to him on more than one occasion. He readily agreed. Knew Blaine was acting like that spoiled rich kid used to getting everything they desired, and who was throwing a hissy fit like a child at being denied something he wanted.

At the same time, though, some small part of him blamed himself for Blaine's actions. Felt Blaine was owed the anger he felt. Was allowed to lash out at him in the way he did for how he hurt him. But when he voiced that to Thomas the other night, Thomas was quick to call him out for that ridiculous notion. Told him he in no way should be blaming himself. That his choice had no bearing on Blaine deciding to act the way he did. That he could deny him and Blaine could have acted any way he chose. The fact that he chose to act the way he did was in no way his fault.

That's what he's carried for these past few days. Thomas’ words repeat in his head when he finds himself inadvertently thinking of what Blaine has done.  _ It's not your fault. _ Like now. Stuck in traffic on the way to work. He can't stop his mind from going to Blaine. From thinking back to last Thursday, and what he did.

_ He takes a look at the time. Lets out a soft curse at seeing Blaine is over an hour late. That's nothing new to him these past few lessons. Not after he refused him again. He hates that this has become the norm for him. But here he is, once again, stuck waiting for Blaine. _

_ When another fifteen minutes pass and it's clear Blaine will not be showing up, he gathers his things to leave. Runs into Maria by the bottom of the staircases when he reaches the front of the house. _

_ "Maria, would you tell Mrs. Anderson that her son refused to show up for today's lesson." _

_ Maria's brows furrow in confusion. "But he told me you canceled for today." _

_ "What?" That's absurd. He would never cancel unless there was a good reason to. And he had no reason to. _

_ "Yes, Mr. Hummel. He arrived an hour ago and said you left because you were not feeling well." _

_ Kurt contains his anger as best as he can. Not wanting to unleash it on Maria, who is innocent in all of this. She was just doing what she thought was right. _

_ "Do you know if Blaine is still here?" _

_ "Yes." Maria gives a nod of her head. "He's out back by the pool." _

_ "Thank you, Maria." _

_ It's with that multitude of information that Kurt turns from the front door and heads to the back where the pool is. It's a bit of a walk. The pool is not just outside in the backyard. There's an open deck area and a wide area of open grass to pass before reaching the pool. _

_ Once he's close he sees Blaine's head of dark curls peeking out over the top of one of the lounge chairs. He suspects nothing of it. Expects to find him alone and just being rude by skipping their lesson. _

_ That's not what he gets. _

_ He could only hope for that. _

_ The soft moan that reaches his ears has him stopping a couple feet behind the lounge chair Blaine is on. The sound so fucking sensual and beautiful that lust shoots through him. As if it was injected straight into his bloodstream with a strong dose. His body tingles all over. He aches for something he won’t let himself have. _

_ A part of him hopes that he's accidentally stumbled in on Blaine giving himself pleasure. That there's no one else there. But he knows that's too much to hope for. Is certain Blaine is the kind of guy who can always have someone to take care of him. _

_ Time seems to slow as he takes the last few steps to the lounge chair. His heart drops to his stomach when his eyes land on the head of golden curls in Blaine's lap. Eyes lift up to Blaine, who has his head dropped back and eyes closed. His lips are slightly parted as more of those amazing noises fall from them. _

_ Shirtless and with his swim trunks pushed down mid-thigh, it's a sight to take in. Kurt finds himself unable to look away from Blaine’s gorgeous body. From the stunning features of his face filled with pleasure to the beauty of his body achieved from working out and playing soccer. All the muscles and tanned skin. Blaine is stunning in a way that would draw anyone's attention. Stunning in a way that could cause trouble for anyone who could be trapped by him. _

_ At the same time that he feels attraction towards him, there's anger and jealousy there under the surface. Anger that Blaine would do this again. Anger that the universe would dangle a carrot he could never have. Anger at himself for letting this eighteen year old get to him the way he has. _

_ As that pain and anger twists in his chest, Blaine opens his eyes. Hazel eyes filled with their own pain lock with his own. It's that pain he sees that hurts more than anything Blaine has done. That pain he is the reason for. That pain he wants to kiss away until there's nothing but pleasure and happiness between them. _

_ For as quick as it's there Blaine blinks and manages to mask it behind indifference. Kurt almost questions if he saw it to begin with. _

_ Blaine’s mouth curls up in a smirk. "Is there something you want? I'm kind of busy here." He punctuates his words with a lift of his hips up into the mouth of the guy who's sucking him off. _

_ Heat floods Kurt's cheeks as he stands there. Shame, embarrassment, jealousy and anger swirling inside him like a typhoon ready to make landfall and destroy whatever is in its path. Destroy Blaine. _

_ He forces himself to get over the fact that Blaine currently has someone going down on him. Focuses on his anger directed at him. _

_ "I'm not being paid to hear you fuck half of Beverly Hills," he announces with anger thick in his voice. "This childish act needs to stop. I have a job to do!" _

_ The guy between Blaine's legs pulls his mouth off him with a soft, wet pop. "Who are you? Blaine, who is that?" _

_ They both ignore the guy's inquiring questions. Eyes stay locked in a fierce, silent battle. Both of them unwilling to be the first one to lose and look away. _

_ "Why should it matter to you?" Blaine says. "You can make a pretty penny doing nothing." _

_ That Blaine would think this is about the money for him causes him to get even angrier. "This is my fucking reputation, Blaine!" he all but yells at him. Contains himself as best as he can. But that’s quickly becoming a losing battle. "Your parents could ruin my teaching career with a single call. I won't let you risk that. So, this shit needs to stop. Quit fucking around when we have lessons." _

_ Blaine shoves the guy off him. Pulls up his swim trunks and stands. "I don't need your fucking help, Kurt. In fact, I don't need you. Tell my parents whatever the fuck you want. I'm done. Come on, Leigh. Let's go inside." _

The memory of watching Blaine walk away with Leigh brings about a fresh wave of pain now sitting in his car as it did then. Tears sting at his eyes, and threaten to spill over.

It seems so unfair. First Thomas and now Blaine. He wants to ask the universe what he did so wrong to have so much bad shit happen to him in under two years.

The anger and frustration he feels about everything is not made any better by seeing affectionate couples and Valentine's decorations everywhere he goes. The sight of red and pink hearts annoy him more than it usually does.

"What's with the sourpuss face?" Kira arches an eyebrow when she catches him frowning a few hours later.

Kurt wipes down the countertop. "It's this stupid holiday."

"You don't like Valentine's Day?

"No."

"Why? It's such a wonderful holiday. A day to celebrate love."

"It's a day to make couples buy things for their significant other to show they love them when they don't need to do that. And makes single people feel even more so," Kurt replies. "It's a holiday created by big corporations to get more money from people. I'm happy sitting it out."

Kira cocks her head and eyes him curiously. "Is your stance on the holiday because you're single?"

Kurt snorts. "No. Trust me."

His hatred of Valentine's Day was something Thomas didn't understand either. The one Valentine's Day they were together was spent all day in bed doing what they would have done later that night.

"That's too bad. Maybe one day you'll find someone who will make you want to celebrate it," Kira says before walking off.

Twenty minutes after his conversation with Kira is when Eli walks in to start his shift. And the bouquet of pomegranate red roses he holds making his stomach turn with unease. Because he knows who they're for before Eli makes it to the counter.

Eli walks right up to him with a grin and holds out the flowers. "Happy Valentine's Day, Kurt."

This is the last thing Kurt needs right now.

A short debate rages inside him over whether he should take the flowers or not. If he doesn't, he'll come off as rude and insensitive. But if he does, that gives Eli the last thing he needs to give him: hope.

In the end, he decides to suck it up, suck up his hatred for the holiday and avoid coming off as an insensitive jerk, and take the roses.

"Thank you, Eli. They're beautiful." They really are. He won't deny that. He just hates how he’s receiving them. "You didn't have to do this for me."

Eli shrugs like it's no big deal when it really is. "I wanted to. I know you're single, and I didn't want you to feel left out."

Left out is exactly what he would have liked and preferred.

"That's nice of you," he says. "I appreciate the sentiment."

The hope and desire he sees in Eli's eyes immediately has him regretting accepting the flowers. He wishes he could go back a few minutes and tell Eli the truth. Say he hates this stupid, ridiculous holiday, and that he doesn't want his flowers.

But no. He had to be nice and do what he thought was the right thing so as not to hurt someone's feelings.

An idea of what he can do with the roses quickly takes hold.

He finishes his shift at Bean There and makes the drive to Bethany's home. Bouquet of red roses in hand, he re-gifts them to Maria, the housekeeper, after she opens the front door; not caring if doing so is insensitive. Eli will never know. And it was worth it to see the look of pure joy and gratitude on Maria's face when he held them out for her.

In the study waiting for Blaine, unsure if he'll show after their confrontation the last time they saw each other, the ping of his phone draws his attention. He grabs it and sees a new text from Thomas.

**Thomas: Blue or black?**

Kurt looks at the picture he attached of the two ties he holds.

_ Kurt: Blue. That always brought out your eyes. _

_ Kurt: What's that for? _

**Thomas: Lucas is taking me out to dinner for the holiday that shall not be named.**

A small laugh escapes Kurt at Thomas remembering how he referred to Valentine's Day.

"What's funny?"

The unexpected question has him whipping his head up. The way his heart jumps at seeing Blaine standing just inside the study, hands gripping the straps of his bag, and curiosity in his eyes, is unsurprising. This is Blaine, after all. The guy he's found devastatingly handsome from the moment he laid eyes on him.

What surprises him, though, is that Blaine is here. That he actually showed up after what went down between them last Thursday. He expected to be left waiting alone in the room for the next two hours.

Blaine lets out a short laugh. "You look surprised."

"I am." Kurt sets his phone down. "What are you doing here?"

Blaine cocks his head. "Don't we have a lesson?" he says like it's the most obvious thing.

That's another thing that surprises Kurt. Blaine's attitude. He expected him to be ruder than what he's being since he's here.

"I... We do." He stands. "I just... I thought you wouldn't show."

Blaine walks over and drops down into the chair across from him. "Well, I showed. So, how about we get started."

"Okay."

An hour into their lesson is when Blaine goes off topic and asks the question from earlier.

"What was funny?" Kurt eyes him confusedly. "You were laughing when I walked in. Why?"

"Oh." A smile spreads across his face as he thinks of Thomas' text. "My friend knows I hate Valentine's Day so he referred to it as I do  _ The holiday that shall not be named _ ."

"You don't like Valentine's Day?"

Kurt shakes his head at Blaine's question.

"What! Why?" Blaine seems just as surprised and perplexed by his response as Kira was.

"I just find the whole idea of it stupid. People don't need one specific day to show their love to their partner. They can do that any day."

"So, what do you normally do on this day?"

"Avoid anything to do with it at all costs. Usually order Chinese takeout and watch something on television." He finds it best not to mention the one Valentine's Day he spent in bed with Thomas. Is sure Blaine doesn't want to hear about past escapades with his ex.

In fact, this whole conversation needs to come to an end.

"Enough of that. Let's finish the lesson."

Thankfully, Blaine doesn't put up a fight. And they get through the rest of the lesson with ease.

As he packs his things away in his bag, it's hard for him to stop wondering why Blaine is here. Why he showed up after what he said last week.

"Why are you here?" he blurts, no longer able to contain his curiosity. "Last week you said-"

"I know what I said," Blaine interrupts him, a look of guilt and regret in his eyes. "I was an asshole. I'm sorry. But after you left I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. That this was your career on the line. That my parents could ruin any chance you had at having one here. And I couldn't do that." A crooked smile that makes Kurt's heart jump spreads across Blaine's face. "I didn't want to be the reason you lost something you love."

He returns Blaine's smile. "Thank you."

"Of course. I care about you, Kurt. I just want you to be happy."

The words knock the breath out of Kurt. They're so unexpected. They make his heart race and pulse quicken. A warmth spreads through him. A heavy desire to go over and kiss Blaine builds inside him.

Right when he opens his mouth to say something in reply the ringing of a phone fills the silence in the room.

Blaine answers. Talks to whoever called him. Agrees to meet them soon.

"The guys," he explains as he pockets his phone after. "They want to have some fun tonight."

"I should go, then. Don't want to keep you from your friends." Kurt grabs his bag. Tries not to think of what fun would entail for Blaine. "Thank you, again. For showing up. I appreciate it more than you'll know. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the library."

Blaine grins. "I'll be there."

It's with that promise that Kurt leaves. Worry and doubt that he's been carrying around these past couple of weeks fall away with every step he takes. Relief and happiness he hasn't felt for the past few weeks replacing them.

Just like last year, and many Valentine's Days before that, he gets Chinese takeout before heading home.

He sits on his couch in sweats and one of Thomas' old college shirts he kept eating his food and drinking red wine. The television is turned to some show about wildlife on the Nat Geo channel.

It's a perfect night.

The ping of his phone pulls his attention from the interesting mating rituals of birds. He grabs for it and sees a new text from Thomas.

Any sort of happiness he feels in that moment is destroyed when he sees the picture Thomas sent. Tears immediately begin to stream down his face while it feels as if someone is squeezing his heart in their hand. He holds a hand to his chest. Tries his hardest to breathe through the pain that he all of sudden only knows and feels.

Eyes go to the picture on his phone once again. The picture of Thomas' left hand resting on top of Lucas'. The brand new gold band around Thomas' ring finger breaking his heart all over again. The reality that he's really lost Thomas hurting so bad the pain has him doubling over and pulling in deep breaths.

He thought he was past this. That he could be happy for his ex without feeling like a part of him was dying on the inside. But he's obviously not. And he's not surprised. Because this is Thomas. This is the guy he fell in love with when he was seventeen. The guy he would have happily spent the rest of his life with had he stayed. The guy who will always own a piece of him no one else will have.

At the same time it feels as if his heart is splitting in two, there's an overwhelming sense of happiness for Thomas. Because he's found someone he loves and makes him happy. That's all he wants for him. He just wants to see him happy.

_ Kurt: It's beautiful! _

**Thomas: He surprised me with it over dinner.**

_ Kurt: Tell him he did a great job. _

Lucas did. The engagement ring he got for Thomas is simple but elegant at the same time. Just like Thomas would love. Nothing too dramatic and crazy.

**Thomas: Will do.**

**Thomas: I still love you, Kurt. Nothing will ever change that** _. _

_ Kurt: I know. I still love you, too. Always will. _

When his phone rings, he's not surprised to see Thomas' name pop up on the screen. He takes a few seconds to compose himself before answering the call.

"I love you, Kurt. I needed you to hear that," Thomas says when he answers. "I need you to know that I love you in a way I'll never love him."

"That's not fair to Lucas." He sniffles and wipes away the tear on his cheek. Feels guilty for still soaking in Thomas' words without a thought to how Lucas would feel to hearing his fiancé saying something like that to him.

"Maybe. But I needed you to know that." There's a beat of silence. " _ With my whole heart, I love you _ ."

The corner of Kurt's mouth turns up in the tiniest of smiles.

"I love you with my whole heart, too, Tommy."

" _ If things were different, I would be by your side celebrating. _ "

A fresh wave of tears fill Kurt's eyes. They fall as he imagines an engagement ring on his finger. As he imagines planning to spend the rest of his life with the man he loves.

If things were different and Thomas didn't leave, or he went with him, that's where they would more than likely be. They would be the ones engaged. The ones planning their wedding.

Although those words fill him with an insufferable pain, he loves hearing them from Thomas. Loves knowing Thomas wanted and imagined the same things for them as he did.

"I know."

After he hangs up, he grabs the nearly full bottle of wine he has opened and decides to finish it while taking a hot bath.

"Fuck this holiday."

He spends the rest of his night getting drunk and trying to forget about the two men in his life that he wants but are not his to have.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"You looked like you had a rough night when you came in this morning," Eli tells him the next day after the morning rush has died down.

"Yeah. You could say that again." Of course rough in this situation refers more to his feelings that were shredded like a piece of paper and not the drinking he did.

"So, what's it like tutoring Blaine Anderson?"

Kurt whips his head around so fast at the mention of Blaine's name. It catches him off guard and has his pulse racing. "I... W- What?"

"Blaine? What's it like working with him?" Eli repeats.

"Oh. It's, um... It's fine. I enjoy tutoring him." Which he does. When Blaine shows up for their lessons and actually participates.

"He hasn't given you any shit?"

"No," he lies. "He's been great."

"Has he tried to hit on you yet?"

Kurt decides to act confused rather than answer Eli's question. "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's got two perfectly good eyes. And any gay guy with that would attempt to ask you out. Speaking of," Eli sidles up closer to him, "do you want to go out Saturday night?"

The word no sits on Kurt's tongue ready to be spoken. But he swallows it down when what Thomas has been telling him replays in his head. That he needs to go out and have some fun. Although he would like to start dating again with someone other than Eli, someone like Blaine, he figures he has to start somewhere. And maybe he could be wrong about Eli. Maybe they actually hit it off in an unexpected way.

"Sure."

A satisfied smile spreads across Eli's face. "Great. Saturday at six?"

Kurt nods his head.

"Alright. I look forward to it."

Kurt just smiles, already dreading Saturday night. Hopes something comes up so he can cancel.

After work, sitting in traffic on the way home, he calls Thomas and tells him about the date he agreed to.

"That's great, Kurt." Thomas' enthusiasm seems a bit forced.

Kurt doesn't point it out. Doesn't want to come off as prideful because of it.

"Yeah. You've been telling me I need to go out again. I think I may be ready to."

"So, who is the guy you're going out with?"

"Some guy from work." It's only after the words are out of his mouth does Kurt realize how Thomas may take that. "No, it's not Blaine."

Thomas chuckles. "I didn't think so."

Kurt switches the call to speakerphone and sets the phone in his lap before driving when traffic begins to move.

"What's his name?"

"Eli," he replies.

"Is he cute?"

"He's okay looking." He finds no need to mention that Eli is not his type at all. "I don't know." He rests an elbow by the car window. Buries his fingers in his hair. "He's..."

"What?"

Kurt chews his lower lip; debates with airing his true feelings about Eli.

"Kurt?"

"Nothing," he says. "I don't really like him."

"Then why agree to the date?"

"I guess I gotta start somewhere."

Thomas chuckles. "Oh, Kurt. You are something else."

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"Are you excited for our date tomorrow?"

Excited is not the word Kurt would use to describe his upcoming date with Eli. The more apropo word would be dread. He's dreading tomorrow; dreading every hour that brings him closer to their date. Really wishes something terrible happens between now and then so he can avoid this date.

"Yeah." He forces the word as much as he forces his smile. "I am."

Eli steps closer. Grins in a way that Kurt despises. "Good. Because I'm excited to finally get my chance to show you we could be good together."

Kurt fights from gagging. Bites back from saying they will probably be as good together as oil and water.

"I can't wait." When the bell rings above the door signaling a new customer, he breathes a sigh of relief. Is grateful for the excuse to step away from Eli and go to the front counter.

After work, instead of going home, he grabs some food and heads for the beach.

There's more people than usual since it's a warm, beautiful Friday. The sky is clear without a single threat of upcoming rain.

Along with kids and adults, there's a few dogs on leashes that run up and down the beach with their owners. Several sandcastles are being built as small waves are rode on boogie boards. A few people down the beach workout.

Kurt takes it all in. Watches lives being lived. Sees a carefree happiness he is jealous of.

A surfboard dropped down next to him takes him by surprise as he muses about his problems in life. He jumps as he's brought out of thoughts. Looks over and feels his stomach swoop when Blaine moves to stand on his board.

In black knee-length, skin tight swim trunks, muscled stomach and toned chest on display, dark shades covering his eyes, curls a mess, and lips spread into a grin, he looks every bit the kind of temptation he wants to give in to.

"Hey, teach."

Kurt shudders at the name. Both for how sultry it fell from Blaine's mouth, and for being a reminder of their relationship.

"Don't call me that."

"Why?" Blaine runs a hand through his messy curls.

Kurt eyes his biceps. Notices something he is sure wasn't there before on the inside of his upper left arm.

The tattoo is nothing wild or extreme. Just a simple drawing of waves. But it's how it's colored that draws Kurt's attention. The splattering of blues and purples that drip to make it look like watercolor.

Blaine notices him eyeing the tattoo. Lifts his arm and shows it off better. "You like it?" He runs his fingers over the picture. Kurt feels an itch in his fingers to do the same. "Got it last weekend."

"It's gorgeous."

"Thanks." Blaine drops his arm. "You didn't answer my question."

He's about to ask what question when he remembers. "Because I have a name. What are you doing here, anyways? Shouldn't you still be in school?"

"Me and the guys left early," Blaine nonchalantly replies, like skipping school is no big deal. "We knew there would be some good waves today."

Kurt looks around and sees Blaine is by himself. "And where are your friends?"

"They're coming." Blaine removes his shades. The sight of those stunning hazel eyes making Kurt's breath momentarily catch. "What are you doing here?"

"Ruminating."

"About?"

"Things."

"That's very clear," Blaine jokes with a short laugh.

The sound goes straight to Kurt's cock.

"I'm not going to bore you with my problems."

"I have a feeling nothing about you would bore me." Blaine slowly sweeps his eyes all over him. Grins wide as eyes fill with hunger. "The complete opposite, in fact."

Kurt feels himself flush under that gaze. Need winds around him like ivy that wraps and wraps until it incases him in the best and worst way possible.

He looks away. Not wanting Blaine to see the inner battle he's fighting.

Someone calling Blaine's name draws both their attention. They look to find Cole down the beach with the other guys and few girls around them.

"I guess that's your cue," Kurt says, somewhat disappointed that Blaine's friends have arrived and are dragging him away.

"I guess so." Blaine steps off his board and picks it up. "I'll see you next week, Kurt."

"Yeah."

He stands there and watches Blaine walk away with the surfboard under one arm. Roams his eyes over his strong back that tapers off to a slim waist and a firm, round ass he wants to feel under his hands. Wants to bury himself inside of.

He shakes those thoughts from his head. Reminds himself that's a bad idea that can't come to fruition. No matter how much he wants it.

Not wanting to stay and be tempted by the gorgeous sight of a half-naked and wet Blaine, he heads back to his car and drives home.

Back at his place, he stands under the hot water of the shower he takes and gets off to the image of Blaine as he saw him on the beach. Fights with himself from calling and asking him to come over after stepping out of the bathroom. Instead debates with canceling on Eli the next night.

It's a long night of going back and forth, and getting drunk to completely forget about it.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

By the next morning he's hungover and still has a planned date that turns his already sour stomach.

Where he hoped his outlook on his date with Eli would change by that night, it hasn't.

There's no enthusiasm or excitement as he gets ready. Where he would normally worry and go crazy over what to wear, something he did for days beforehand with Thomas and their first date, here he opts for simple jeans and a nice button-up shirt. It feels more like an outfit to wear to work at Bean There than a first date outfit. But he doesn't care. Doesn't care that he really didn't put an attempt in to look nice. As far as he's concerned this isn't a big deal. Just a simple date. A jumping off point for something better to come.

A big part of him wishes he could go back and refuse Eli's offer. For many reasons. The big one being that he is in no way attracted to him. Another being that a sense of unease always comes over him when he thinks about this date.

The reason, the main one, outside of going out and having fun again, he agreed to this ridiculous date was to try and get over Blaine. To move on from him. If it wasn't for that, he would have gone on refusing Eli and living his life as normal as possible.

_ Kurt: Do you think I should tell Eli I have explosive diarrhea? _

**Thomas: Do you?**

_ Kurt: I could. He wouldn't know either way. _

**Thomas: Kurt this is the third time you've tried to get out of this date. What is so bad about this guy?**

_ Kurt: He's not my type. And you know when you meet someone and they give off a certain vibe? I felt that with him. _

**Thomas: It could be nothing.**

_ Kurt: Or he could be a serial killer. _

**Thomas: Was it a serial killer vibe you got?**

_ Kurt: No. But I still didn't like it. _

**Thomas: If you don't feel right about it don't go.**

Kurt sighs and considers Thomas' reply for a minute. Does he cancel? Or does he go and endure a couple of hours with Eli?

**Kurt: No. I'll go. I think I'm just making excuses to avoid all this.**

_ Thomas: I know that. _

_ Thomas: This is your first date in a long time. You're scared. That's understandable. But it will get easier with each new date. Trust me, mon trésor. _

**Kurt: Thanks. I needed to hear that.**

With a final look at himself in the mirror, he grabs his keys and heads to his car to meet up with Eli at the place he suggested.

The restaurant is nice. Kurt will give Eli that. Based on what he knows about the guy, he expected to be eating at a greasy, fast-food place. Where he actually finds himself is at the kind of place that uses linen tablecloths, polished silver, and hires a pianist for live music. It's the kind of place no one working at Bean There could afford.

Eli stands outside the restaurant dressed in a two piece suit and a white button-down shirt that has the top two buttons undone.

"Hello, Kurt."

"Hi."

"Did you find it okay?" Eli holds open the door.

"I did." Kurt thanks him and steps inside. The atmosphere of the place gives off a nice, relaxing vibe. "But parking was a bitch. Had to pay twenty bucks at a nearby parking garage."

Eli chuckles. "Welcome to Beverly Hills."

After having their coats checked and being shown to their table next to the window, Kurt immediately orders a glass of a moderately priced red wine when their server comes over. The only way he sees himself making it through the next arduous hours is with some form of alcohol.

"So, how long have you been single?"

"I, um... What?" Not the question he expected Eli to lead with.

"You mentioned your ex once. I was just wondering how long ago that relationship ended," Eli clarifies.

"Oh." Kurt takes a large drink of his wine after it's poured. The sweet, smokey taste on his tongue is delicious. "About fourteen months ago."

Eli lets out a low, surprised whistle. "And you haven't dated since?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I loved him, and it was difficult for me to move on." Kurt hates talking about Thomas to Eli. Thomas is important to him. Someone he doesn't want to discuss with just anyone. He's like a treasure he wants to keep hidden and only shown to people he deems worthy enough to experience its wonder.

A grin spreads across Eli's face. Victory shines in his eyes like he won some unknown game. "I should feel so lucky, then," he says, pride in his voice.

"Why?" The word comes harsh off Kurt's tongue. Almost biting. He doesn't regret it one bit.

"Because I was the person to get you to date again. I'm honored."

Kurt bites his tongue. Swallows down the many replies he wants to speak. All of them negative.

Instead, he just forces a smile and takes another drink of his wine.

By the time they order food and it arrives at their table, he's ready to call it a night. Eli is exactly who he thought he was: uptight, selfish, and shallow.

The date is horrible. When Eli isn't talking about himself, or trying to show off in some way, the date consists of long lulls of silence, or the most awkward and uncomfortable forced small talk.

An hour and a half into dinner, swirling around what little wine he has left from his second glass, tuning out Eli as he annoyingly drones on about meeting some celebrity at some big party a couple weeks before, Kurt stares out the window and let's his thoughts drift to Blaine.

The corner of his mouth lifts up in a smile as he imagines what a date with Blaine would be like. Where would he take him? What would they talk about? Would they wait for the end of the night to indulge in another kiss?

He imagines that kiss. Imagines the way Blaine would pull him close. How his hands would hold him. The feel of his lips teasing at his before claiming his mouth.

The thought of kissing Blaine again leaves him aching. It's a deep, all encompassing ache. One that has him feeling like an addict looking for their fix. And would be willing to do anything to obtain it.

After thinking about him so much, Kurt isn't sure if he's imagining Blaine when he sees him standing across the street. But he doesn't care if he is. The simple sight of him makes his heart race and pulse spike. It turns around this dull, regretful night.

"Look, there are the Four Princes."

Kurt whips his head to Eli when he realizes Blaine is actually there. "What?"

"Blaine and his friends," Eli repeats. "They're over there." He points out the window in the direction of where Blaine stands. "I don't know if you had seen the other guys. That's them. Of course they all look like they stepped off a runway in Paris."

The other guys' looks don't even register with him. Because his eyes are on Blaine. Beautiful, gorgeous Blaine who stares at him with hurt, anger, and jealousy swimming in his pained eyes. The sight of which squeezes at his heart. Guilt immediately takes hold of him. Which is stupid. Because he's an adult. He shouldn't feel guilty about going on dates with guys who ask him. He can do whatever he wants. The feelings of a hormonal eighteen year old don't matter to him. They shouldn't matter to him.

Except they do.

As much as he's tried to lie to himself for these past weeks, there's no denying he cares about what Blaine feels and thinks. More importantly, he cares about those things in relation to him.

The hurt in Blaine's eyes makes him want to run out to him. To tell him he made a huge fucking mistake. That he doesn't want Eli. That he wants him. That he doesn't care about the consequences if they get together.

But when Blaine pulls a dark-haired guy to him, shoves his tongue down his throat and grabs at his jean clad ass, all the while keeping his gaze locked on his, stops him. Keeps him in his seat.

He looks away. Not wanting to give Blaine the satisfaction of seeing him upset. Seeing the intentional hurt he caused.

"Of course he's got some gorgeous guy on his arm." Eli doesn't sound surprised. "They're practically screwing each other in public."

Kurt doesn't acknowledge Eli's comments. It's already too painful knowing Blaine is doing this to hurt him.

"I don't understand how you can tolerate him," Eli comments.

_ Easier than I tolerate you. _ "I've dealt with kids worse than him." When it comes to bad students, Blaine is far from the worst one he's had to handle. Compared to some of the kids he's taught, tutoring Blaine is a walk in the park.

It's not long after that they finish dinner. Kurt is relieved when they stand to leave, ready to go home and put this dreadful night behind him.

"I'll walk you to your car," Eli says after they step outside.

The walk to his car is quick.

"Thank you for dinner. And for walking me to my car."

"You're welcome. This night was great."

Kurt makes a soft noise of indifference. His and Eli's views of the night are greatly skewed.

"So, are you going to invite me over?" A lecherous smile spreads across Eli's face. 

A shiver of disgust rolls through Kurt. What little food he ate during dinner threatening to come up. "Um... I had a great time."

Eli steps closer, forcing Kurt to step back and come in contact with the door of his car. The handle digging into his lower back. "Then let's continue to have a great time."

A wave of unease hits Kurt when Eli drags a finger down his neck. "I... I'm tired. I think we should call it a night. Don't want to be sluggish at work tomorrow. Besides, I don't feel too good. Must be the wine."

"Oh, come on, gorgeous. Let's have some fun. Let's do something about this sexual tension between us."

There's tension for sure. But far from sexual.

"I really don't wan-"

Kurt turns his head when Eli tries to bring his mouth down on his. Hot breath hits his skin when Eli kisses his cheek. His stomach turns over.

"No!" He shoves at Eli. But it's useless. Eli is bigger and stronger than him. He easily overpowers him. Instantly has his wrists pinned to the car while he mouths at his jaw and neck, thrusting his hips forward.

Hot tears brim in his eyes as he fights as hard as he can against Eli. Pushes and bucks against him. The feel of Eli's hard cock rubbing against his hip and lower stomach causing bile to rise in his throat.

When Eli presses their mouths together, forces his tongue past his lips, he takes the opportunity to bite him as hard as he can.

"Fuck!" Eli pulls back. Blood pools on his bottom lip where teeth sank into flesh. "You fucking tease!"

Pain erupts on the side of Kurt's face as his vision momentarily blurs. The forceful strike of the back of Eli's hand unsteadying him, causing him to fall to the ground. A metallic taste hits his tongue. He stumbles while trying to stand. Tries to make an escape while he's free. But an arm wraps around his waist and grabs him. Hauls him up. Front pressed to the car, Eli pressing to his back to keep him in place, he struggles and fights as a hand undoes his jeans while a foot kicks his legs out.

"No! Stop! Please, stop!"  _ Nononono. _ This can't happen to him. He won't let it.

"Shut up!" Eli growls, covering his mouth with his free hand. "You've been walking around work in those tight jeans practically begging for it. Now I'm going to give it to you. Gonna fuck you good and hard."

Eli's hand shoves into his boxers and wraps around his flaccid cock; roughly grips and strokes.

Kurt screams against Eli's hand as he tries his hardest to get free.

"Fight all you want. It'll only make it better." Eli mouths at his neck. "Can't wait to bury my cock in this ass." He thrusts his hips forward, hard cock rubbing along Kurt's jean-clad ass. "I bet you're tight. Gonna find out."

A loud laugh from close by stills Eli.

Kurt looks around and spots a couple only a few rows down.

"Don't make a fucking sound!" Eli softly hisses into his ear.

Quiet is not what Kurt is after. Instead, he uses the more than welcomed interruption to figure a way out of where he is.

His heart races and pulse pounds. But an idea hits him. Not wanting to waste time thinking of how it could go wrong, or if it might hurt, he decides to just go with it.

Head dropped forward, he puts all his strength and force into when he throws it back. The sound of bone breaking when his head connects with Eli's nose brings him great satisfaction. It also frees him from his hold when he falls away.

"What the fuck!" Eli's angry voice is muffled by the hands he holds to his bleeding nose. "You fucking bitch!"

Kurt doesn't waste a second longer standing there. He quickly climbs into his car and drives home as fast as he can. Ignores the pain that throbs at the back of his head.

The tears don't come. Not when he safely makes it to his apartment building. Not when he locks the door to his place and heads straight for the bathroom. Not when he strips naked and climbs in the shower. Not when he sits on the floor of the shower and tightly hugs his knees to his chest as hot water cascades down on him and his aching body. Not even when he gets a look at his reflection in his mirror.

The physical wounds are not many, but they're noticeable. The red of his cheek where Eli struck him already giving way to the beginnings of a bruise. A cut on his eyebrow, though small, bleeds like it's worse than it is. Then there's the cut on his upper lip. The red around his sore wrists the last of the injuries.

Anger grabs a hold of him. Anger at Eli for doing this. Anger at the Universe for fucking him over again. Anger at himself for ignoring his gut and going on that doomed date with Eli.

After cleaning the cuts as best as he can and popping two pain killers for the pain in his head, wrists, and cheek, he climbs into bed. The urge to call Thomas and tell him what happened is strong. But he resists from doing so. He doesn't want to worry him. To get him upset. There's no saying what he would do. And he doesn't want to find out.

Instead, he pulls the blanket over his body and goes to sleep.

The nightmares come almost instantly. Nightmares that have him tossing and turning, and leave him restless. At one point he wakes up screaming and clawing at the sheets.

He doesn't go back to sleep.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"I’m sorry again, Bethany."

It's the next day and Kurt has decided it would be best if he wasn't seen by anyone. The last thing he wants to do is deal with the questions he would be asked. He's already called Kira and asked for a few days off. The lie that he came down with something the same thing he just told Bethany.

"It's okay, Kurt. I understand. These things happen," Bethany says in a sincere voice. "I hope you feel better. Don't rush to come back to work. Take a few days."

"Thank you."

He ends the call with Bethany and curls up on the couch. Passes the time reading or watching cooking shows on television.

That's what he does while he heals. While he tries to move on from the horrible incident Saturday night. As he locks himself away from the world.

On Wednesday, lying on his couch falling in and out of bouts of restless sleep, he sits up in a panic when someone unexpectedly knocks on his door. Fear grips him as his heart races. His mind runs wild with thoughts that it's Eli. That he's found out where he lives and has come around to finish what he started Saturday night.

Phone clutched tightly in hand just in case, and thinking maybe he should buy a bat for protection, he tentatively makes his way to his front door. The worry and fear he has, though, melts away when he looks through the peephole and sees the last person he expected.

He rests his forehead to the door and resists from opening it.

"Kurt." Blaine knocks again. "I know you're here. I saw your car. Open up. I just want to see how you're doing."

Kurt breathes. Heart racing now because of who stands just on the other side of the door. "I'm fine. You didn't have to come over. You can go now."

A silence follows for a few seconds after.

"What's wrong, Kurt? You can tell me."

"I..." There's a moment, a long few seconds, he considers telling Blaine what happened. Considers seeking comfort from him. But thinks better of it. "I'm fine, Blaine. Just under the weather." He fakes a few coughs and makes it sound as if he has a stuffy nose. "I don't want to open the door and risk getting you sick before your match Friday. I'll be better and back to tutoring you by Tuesday."

"Kurt," Blaine's voice has gone soft and filled with concern, "you can lie to me about what you feel for me. I understand that. But don't lie to me about this. I care too much about you to let you do that. Just open the door and let me see you."

Although he wants to beg Blaine to go away, to leave him alone, he reaches for the chain on the door with a shaky hand. The weight of going through this alone has become too much. He wants someone who cares about him there to comfort and hold him. To give him that semblance of safety that he lost.

He takes a deep breath and slowly let's it out and opens the door after undoing the chain and turning the lock.

There's a moment where Blaine's eyes light up with happiness when he sees him. That small moment brings him warmth and comfort for the first time in days. But it's gone when that happiness is quickly replaced with concern and fiery rage when Blaine's eyes land on his cuts and bruised cheek.

"What did he do to you, Kurt?" The venom in Blaine's voice shakes him to his core.

This was a mistake. The door should have been kept shut. He should not have brought Blaine in on this.

When he's thinking straight again is when he rushes to shut the door. To push Blaine out of his problem. A hand smacking against the door and a booted foot shoved between it and the frame prevents him from closing it all the way.

Blaine easily overpowers him. Shoves the door back open with ease.

Fear takes hold and grips him tightly by the throat when Blaine steps close. Tears well in his eyes. "No." He steps back. "Don't. Please."

It's not Blaine he's seeing. But Eli.

He trembles and cowers. It's only when Blaine takes him into his arms and holds him like he's a fragile, little thing, and is scared to break him that he realizes Blaine isn't Eli. That he's not out to hurt him.

"What the fuck did he do to you, Kurt?"

There in Blaine's arms, finally feeling safe for the first time in days, is when the tears that didn't come before fall fast and hard. He cries into Blaine's shoulder for what feels like hours. Everything he held in, all the anger and fear and pain, lessening with each tear he sheds.

Deep down Kurt knows this is a mistake. That he shouldn't be seeking comfort from his eighteen year old student. Shouldn't push further into his hold and let himself be held like he's the most important thing to Blaine. Shouldn't welcome and cherish Blaine's soft, whispered words of "It'll be okay" to "I have you, baby." His heart shouldn't jump and squeeze at the term of endearment from Blaine spoken with so much love it makes him cry harder.

He shouldn't accept any of that. But he does. He soaks it all in like a flower soaking in rays of sunshine after days of thunderstorms.

It's right then, cracked and broken and slowly being mended by Blaine, that he gives up the fight. The fight to stay away from Blaine. The fight of denying himself what he truly wants. If it's a mistake to be with him, to run the risk of ruining his career and life, then it's one he'll happily make.

Some time later finds him lying on his bed still in Blaine's arms all cried out and mentally and physically exhausted. With Blaine pressed close to him from behind, arms encircled around him, that sense of safety he feels again growing and enveloping him. It's that feeling of being safe that has him falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time in days.

The nightmares don't come. His dreams are not filled with a rage filled Eli and hands hitting and pulling at his clothes.

It's Blaine in his dream, and he's safe and happy.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

There’s a moment of doubt when he wakes the next morning to an empty bed. He sits up and begins to wonder if he dreamed everything that happened with Blaine. Just as he's about to get upset his bedroom door opens and Blaine walks in holding a plastic bag.

"Are you okay?" Blaine seems concerned as he sits besides Kurt on the bed.

"Yeah. You were gone when I woke up. I didn't know if I dreamed yesterday or not."

"You didn't." Blaine rifles through the bag and pulls out Neosporin and band-aids. "I hoped to get back before you woke up. You didn't have any of these."

Kurt's heart swells when he realizes what Blaine did. What he did for him.

"You didn't have to do that. I'm fine."

Blaine rips open the Neosporin box and unscrews the cap on the bottle. "One day you won't lie to me."

"I'm not lyi-" Kurt hisses in pain when Blaine spreads the cream over the cut on his eyebrow.

Blaine arches an eyebrow. "You were saying?"

Kurt huffs. "Of course it's gonna hurt when you touch it."

"I'm sorry. But you need this." Blaine grabs a band-aid from the box and rips it open. "Who was he?" He takes the backs off the butterfly band-aid and gently applies it to the cut.

"Why do you need to know?"

"So I know who's life I'm about to fucking ruin." The venom in Blaine's voice doesn't terrify Kurt as much as it did the day before.

"I won't tell you. I won't let you get in trouble for me." It's stupid to say. As it's been said many times, Blaine is one of the Four Princes. He could probably beat someone to a pulp right in front of the police commissioner and only get a hard slap on the wrist.

"And let that asshole not be held responsible for what he did to you?" Blaine gently cradles Kurt's face in his hands. "He deserves to be held responsible, Kurt."

"I know. But I won't let you be the one to deal that justice."

Blaine softly growls in annoyance. "I had a plan."

"I'm not surprised."

"It was a good one."

"I'm sure it was."

Blaine brushes his thumb over Kurt's lower lip. "I want to hurt him, Kurt."

Kurt's eyes fall close as want thrums through his body at Blaine's touch. A part of him feels guilty for enjoying Blaine's touch so much so soon after what happened. Does it make him a bad person for enjoying this? For knowing he'll seek this out again real soon?

Is there something wrong with him?

"I... I know." His breathing becomes uneven. A tingle forms in his belly.

Blaine skims one hand down and grabs at his hip. Grips it and pulls him into his lap. "I want to see him bleed."

"I know you do." A soft moan falls from his lips when Blaine skims his hand over his lower stomach after slipping it under his shirt. "But... But I w-won't let you do... do that for me." It's ridiculous that Blaine is willing to get in trouble for him.

Blaine grabs at the back of his head and lifts it so he's staring into lust blown eyes dark with desire. "Kurt," he growls, "don't you see, I would burn this world down for you."

The romantic side of him loves hearing those words. They bring him immense joy. 

But the practical side reminds him that they haven't known each other long. That there is no way Blaine can feel that way about him.

It's too soon. Much too soon.

"You barely know me."

"Yes. But I don't need to fully know you to know I would do anything to protect you."

Kurt's heart wildly beats in his chest. The words should scare him away. Should wake him up to how quickly Blaine is moving with whatever they are sharing. But he won't do any of that. Because of what he's feeling in return.

He brings his mouth down and tentatively brushes his lips over Blaine's. The moment their mouths touch the weeks of built up tension and desire unleash like a caged beast. Mouths are frantic as hands roam over bodies. Tongues thrusts and massage against each other as bodies press closer.

To have this again, to have Blaine close, and to be able to indulge in the pleasure of being with him in this way, fills him with the greatest joy and relief.

The guilt is still there. It lies under the surface of his joy like a seed buried in the ground. Roots grow and take hold, making it impossible to dismiss it as easily as he would like.

"Wanted this so badly, Kurt," Blaine mutters against his lips.

Kurt tips his head back and trembles when Blaine begins to mouth at the exposed column of his neck. His pulse races and cock stirs. The guilt grows. "I... I know. Wanted it too."

He arches into Blaine when he sucks one of his nipples through his thin shirt. Lets go of a low moan when Blaine gives a soft nip to the hardened nub.

The roots of his guilt grow.

Blaine lifts his head and reclaims his mouth in a bruising kiss.

"Want to make you feel good."

The moment Blaine palms him over his underwear, he seizes up like a deer caught in headlights. He can't move or speak. Terror has him back in that darkened parking garage fighting off Eli while his brain screams at him to escape and run.

It's while he's lost in that terrible memory that he reaches out and hits Blaine. Lands blows, albeit weak ones, to his shoulders, chest, and face.

"No!" He screams and cries. "No! Don't! Get off me!"

A terrified scream is ripped from his throat when hands grip his wrists and hold them behind his back.

"Kurt, baby, it's me."

Kurt knows something about the voice is supposed to reassure him. Calm him down. But it doesn't. He's still stuck in that horrible memory.

"No!" He fights the hold on his wrists. Manages to free them. Pushes at the hard chest in front of him. "Get away from me!"

It's only the sound of a hard, loud thump followed by a pain-filled  _ Ow _ reaching his ears does he snap out of the memory.

His throat feels raw from screaming. Tears fill his eyes and wet his cheeks. There's a dull, throbbing ache in both of his wrists. It takes a moment for him to realize what happened. What he did.

"Blaine?" He scrambles to the end of the bed. Looks over the edge and sees Blaine lying on the floor looking surprised. A different kind of guilt overtakes him. Guilt at unintentionally hurting someone he cares for.

A fresh wave of tears form and fall at the sight of Blaine.

"I'm sorry," he sobs after sitting back and burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry."

Horrible doesn't even begin to describe how he feels in that moment.

Arms tentatively encircle him. Hold him tight when he doesn't tense up.

"Kurt, baby, look at me." Blaine tugs at one of his wrists to move his hands from his face. Tips his chin up so he's looking at him after managing to pull his hands away. "Don't apologize."

"I hurt you."

"I'm fine," Blaine assures him. "No damage done."

"But still, I-"

"No. Don't you dare apologize. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You're still traumatized from Saturday. It was stupid of me to push you like I did. You need time."

Kurt drops his forehead to Blaine's shoulder. Lets out a heavy, tired breath. "I'll understand," he quietly whispers.

"Understand what?"

He takes a breath before answering. "If you don't want anything to do with me now."

"Kurt, look at me." Kurt lifts his head. Stares into warm hazel eyes. "Do you really think I'm going to run at the first sign of trouble? Because I won't. I'm here." Blaine holds his face in his hands. "I'll be here for as long as you'll let me. I'm not going anywhere."

The way his heart pounds at Blaine's words is so strong he's almost afraid he may look like a cartoon character with their heart beating out of their chest. 

Blaine wipes away the tear that rolls down his cheek. Presses a soft, tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I want this with you, Kurt," he murmurs against his skin. "No matter what trouble stands in our way."

Kurt closes his eyes and breathes. Tries to clearly understand what it is he wants. Wonders if he's truly ready to put himself out there for the first time since Thomas.

He doesn't know.

"Did I hurt you bad?" He rests a hand to Blaine's chest.

"No. Not at all." Blaine drops his hands. "I can take it."

Kurt can see his frustration. Understands where it comes from.

"Blaine," he puts some space between them, "I know you want me to say I'm ready for something with you. I just..." He sighs and fidgets with the rings hanging around his neck. "I don't know if I am. I still need time. I need to think a few things through."

Blaine heaves a heavy sigh. Runs a hand through his hair. "I understand."

"Hey," Kurt scoots closer again, grabs one of his hands, "can we compromise?" It's only when he asks that does he realize he isn't ready to fully give up what Blaine and him are doing.

"Depends on what you're offering?"

"Kisses." He leans in and brushes his lips over Blaine's slightly parted ones. "Touches," he breathes out, grabbing Blaine's hand and placing it high on his thigh. "No strings."

Blaine doesn't break eye-contact as he slowly drags his hand up his thigh. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Although he's not ready for a relationship at the moment, he does want the physical stuff. Craves it. Wants Blaine to make him feel good whenever he hungers for it.

"Is that okay with you?"

A grin curls Blaine's mouth up. "Yes. I can make you feel good while I wait for you."

Kurt smiles. Pushes Blaine to his back. Straddles his waist. One hand holds his hip as another grabs at his ass. "I've never done this before," he admits while lying on top of Blaine.

"Had a fuck buddy?"

A blush blooms over his cheeks at the term. It sounds so salacious and wrong. But fun and exciting at the same time.

"Yeah."

"Don't worry," Blaine gives a squeeze to his ass, "I'm well-versed in this."

"Well-versed, huh?" He arches an eyebrow, smile on his lips and laughter in his eyes.

"Yeah. I have... had a few fuck buddies."

Kurt laughs at Blaine's slip-up, and at quickly correcting himself.

"I guess that accidental slip means it's just me now?"

"It does." Instead of expecting him to be upset about the fact, Blaine seems thrilled.

Kurt leans down and brushes lips over Blaine's. "Good."

The kiss Blaine pulls him into sends a tingle along his spine. Ignites embers of desire that once again has guilt making a show.

Is it wrong that he's enjoying himself so soon after being attacked?

He isn't sure. Knows people handle things differently. Maybe he shouldn't be giving himself such a hard time about it.

It's not until Blaine's stomach loudly growls do they stop and climb out of bed.

He makes an easy breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Manages to finally eat something and keep it down.

"We don't have to do anything right now," Blaine says as they eat at the table in the small area between the kitchen and living room.

"What do you mean?"

"The physical stuff," Blaine elaborates. "I can wait until you're ready. What happened is still fresh. It's completely understandable if you don't want to do anything just yet."

Kurt was crazy if he thought he could resist Blaine. Because at that moment he wants him in a way he hasn't wanted anyone since Thomas.

"What if I do?"

"Kurt, you couldn't handle me palming your dick."

"I know." Shame warms his cheeks at remembering how that ended for Blaine. "But I think that may have been a one time thing."

"I don't know." Blaine gives a squeeze to his hand. "How about we deal with it when we reach that point again."

"Okay."

Afterwards, snuggled close to Blaine on the couch, it's a wonder he even knows what's going on around him. His mind is completely on Thomas.

It's been four days since he last spoke to him. Not for a lack of trying on Thomas' part. He's tried several times since Saturday to get in contact with him. But he's denied every one of his calls. Not ready to worry him with what happened.

He's positive Thomas is worried. That thought hurts him. To know he's causing someone he loves worry fills him with guilt.

He has to tell Thomas what happened.

A part of him wants to keep what happened Saturday night to himself. But he won't. He tells Thomas everything. He should know.

Even if he didn't tell him, Thomas would figure out something was wrong. He knows him too well to not notice that.

"You okay?"

Kurt lifts his head off Blaine's shoulder. "Why?"

"You seem worried about something."

"Oh." He sits up. "Just worried about talking to someone."

"Who?"

"He's, uh... A friend." The title of friend in relation to Thomas is hilarious to him. Because Thomas will never simply be his friend.

Blaine shuts off the television and gives his full attention to Kurt. "Why are you worried about that?"

"Because he'll blame himself for Saturday night. I know him." And he does. He knows the second Thomas lays his eyes on him guilt will follow seconds later.

"Kurt, look at me." Kurt lifts his eyes to Blaine's. "Is Saturday night his fault?"

"Of course not," he quickly replies, angry Blaine would even question that.

"Then make sure he knows that."

He deflates as his anger and concern seeps out of him. "Yeah, you're right."

It still takes a few more hours after his conversation with Blaine to gather up enough courage to call Thomas. He's avoided him long enough. And he's scared what Thomas might think if he doesn't talk to him soon.

The moment Thomas answers his Skype call, his bright eyes darken with rage and fill with worry when they see him. Sweep over his face.

"Before you ask, I'm fine," Kurt is quick to say before Thomas speaks.

"Did that asshole from your job do this?"

Kurt inwardly groans at the question. Eyes dart to Blaine, who stands a couple of feet away, phone already in hand and quickly typing away with whoever. In a matter of minutes he'll know who Eli is, and everything else he wants to know about him.

He looks back to the screen. "Yes."

"Who's with you?"

Of course Thomas wouldn't miss anything. It's one of the things Kurt hated about him. Because it made it impossible to surprise him.

"Blaine's here. He's been taking care of me for the past couple of days."

The anger in Thomas' eyes subsides some. "At least someone is there with you." He runs a hand through his hair and huffs. "Fuck, Kurt. I'm so sorry, mon trésor."

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do this to me."

"Because I should have listened to you when you said you had a feeling about him." Thomas' voice is laced with guilt. "I should have told you it was okay to cancel."

"Don't put that on yourself, Thomas." Thomas carrying guilt is the last thing Kurt wants. It only makes him feel worse than he already does. "It wasn't your fault. You had no idea what would happen."

"But still-"

"No, Thomas! I won't let you do this to yourself. All that matters is that I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"I mean..." Kurt chews his lower lip for a second. "I will be. The emotional scars will take longer to heal than the physical ones." A hand slipping into his has him looking over to Blaine, who sits beside him at the table, and who's eyes say  _ 'I'm here for you.' _

Thomas minutely nods his head in understanding. "Do you want me to come over? Because I can. I can catch the next flight to LA and be there in a few hours."

Kurt wouldn't call himself a selfish man. Wouldn't say he often does for himself. It's just not him. But in that moment, he wants to be selfish. Wants to tell Thomas to catch that flight and come to him. Wants to feel his embrace. To be held by someone he loves, and knows loves him in return. He wants Thomas to come and comfort him. To softly whisper assuring words in his ear that he'll be okay like he used to when they were together.

A look at Blaine's deep hazel eyes and he realizes he already has most of that.

"No. I have Blaine." He smiles at Blaine and then looks back to the screen. "Besides, I don't want you missing work. Not for me."

"You would be worth it."

Kurt doesn't hide his amused smile at the soft growl Blaine releases.

_ "Is he jealous?" _

_ "Yes." _

Thomas chuckles.  _ "What is going on with you two?" _

_ "We've made out a few times. I don't want to put a label on what we are just yet. I just want to enjoy him for now." _

_ "Never thought you would get yourself a boy toy." _

_ "He's not. He's just-" _

" _ Someone you want to fuck without the strings attached _ ," Thomas is quick to jump in and say.

Kurt considers that for a moment.  _ "Exactly. I'm just not ready for a relationship yet." _

_ "I know, mon trésor," _ Thomas replies.  _ "If you just want sex and nothing more, then there's nothing wrong with that. I've been saying you need to get laid." _

Kurt laughs.  _ "You have." _

_ "And who knows, you might want that relationship." _

_ "I probably will. But for now-" _

_ "Just the physical stuff." _

_ "Yes." _ Kurt notices a spark of something he isn't surprised to see in Thomas' eyes.  _ "Are you jealous?" _

_ "You know I am." _

_ "Why?" _

_ "Because I'll always hate another guy touching you." _

"Ditto."

Thomas smiles.  _ "At least I know I'm still the best fuck you've ever had." _

_ "You are." _

Thomas gets serious. "Are you sure you don't want me to come to you?"

"Yes, Thomas. I'm okay. Stay there."

"Je t'aime, mon trésor."

"Je t'aime."

He spends several more minutes talking with Thomas before ending the call. When he does, he turns his attention to Blaine, who leans against his kitchen counter.

"How much do you know?"

Blaine acts clueless. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't think I didn't notice you on your phone after Thomas mentioned the guy I went out with was my co-worker." Kurt stands and walks over to Blaine. He arches an eyebrow. "How much?"

"Everything that is important. Eli Eric Lincoln. You seriously went out with a guy whose initials spell eel?"

"I didn't know that. Besides, I only went out with him to get over you." The seriousness of the moment broken when he begins to laugh. "Do his initials seriously spell out eel?"

"Yes. It's a fitting match."

Kurt notices something in Blaine's expression he can't discern. "What is it?"

Blaine takes a breath and releases it. "He's done this before."

"What?" Anger and surprise slam into Kurt.

"Yes. A few years ago. His father had the charges dropped. Had the whole thing swept under the rug."

Kurt takes a step back. "I... I don't understand. How is something like that swept under t-..." Then it dawns on him. "His dad is District Attorney Lincoln, isn't he?"

"Yes."

How he didn't put two and two together before right now is beyond him. But Eli never mentioned his father. And he's only heard of D.A. Lincoln a handful of times.

"This town is really fucked up."

Blaine's mouth turns up in an amused smile. "Yes, it is. But status and money affords certain people certain luxuries."

"Like getting away with setting someone's car on fire?" He’s still surprised that the person in front of him was capable of such a thing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm sure you don't." Kurt snorts. Then he gets serious. "Don't do anything, Blaine. I don't care that you have that luxury."

Blaine looks from the fading bruise on his cheek to the bandaged cut on his eyebrows before landing on his eyes. "I don't know."

Kurt steps close to Blaine. "Please. Don't. Not with who his dad is. I know he'll come after you and won't stop until he's satisfied. Promise me you'll leave him alone."

There's no reply from Blaine.

"Blaine, promise me!"

"Fine. I won't touch him."

Kurt smiles. "Thank you." He kisses Blaine. "And none of your friends touch him either."

Blaine growls in frustration.

"Did you really think I wouldn't catch that?"

"I hoped." The corner of Blaine's mouth turns up in a smirk.

Kurt softly laughs when Blaine pulls him close and plants a kiss on him. It makes his heart race and fills him with joy.

"Come on. I'm hungry. Let's make dinner."

They move around the kitchen with a practiced ease. Like they've done it a hundred times before. Kurt makes a simple sauce for pasta while Blaine prepares a salad.

"Do you want some wine?"

"I'm eighteen, Kurt." Blaine puts on an innocent act.

"And you expect me to believe one of the Four Princes doesn't drink?" Kurt playfully rolls his eyes while grabbing a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Blaine groans.

"What?"

"I hate that name. We all do."

"Why?" The cork releases from the bottle with a pop. Kurt grabs two stemmed glasses.

"Because it's stupid. It's not us."

"Well," Kurt pours his glass of wine, "from what I've heard and know, it fits accordingly. Wine?"

Blaine nods his head.

"The four of you have wealth and power. You rule this city like you own it. Do whatever you please without getting in trouble. People actually fear you." He hands Blaine his glass of wine. "Stop me when it doesn't sound like you."

"Okay. It's us," Blaine relents. "But that's not who we are entirely."

"Then who are you?"

"Guys who've had the same three friends since we were four. Guys that are more like brothers than friends. Guys who are always there for each other. Through the good things, and the really shit ones."

"Like Eric's mom?" It was a few weeks ago that Kurt was reminded about Maddison Love, and remembered the widespread shock throughout the nation when her murder happened. He can still remember seeing the story being broken on the news while he graded English papers and his dad watched television.

"Yeah." Blaine nods his head. "We love each other."

"I saw that the day you were here with them."

"And we're still normal teenage guys. We all play sports. We waste nights playing video games and dreaming of the future. People only see the one side to us that is shown. See the rich, spoiled kids. I hate having to prove that I'm more than that."

Kurt sets his glass down. Goes to Blaine.

"I know you're more than those two things." He wraps his arms around Blaine. Presses close to his body. Ignores the arousal that flares up inside him. This isn't the time. Not yet, at least. "You don't have to prove that to me."

He turns into Blaine's touch when he cups the side of his face. Releases a sigh when he kisses him. Smiles when whispers a soft thank you into his ear. Laughs and squirms against him when he playfully attacks his neck and grabs at his ass.

"Stop!" He laughs as he pulls away from Blaine, reluctantly pushing his hands away. The truth being that he wants Blaine's hands on him. Wants to feel him exploring and learning his body. Wants to replace the last memory of angry hands on him with one of tenderness and respect.

"Let's finish dinner."

Thirty minutes later as he drains the cooked pasta and tosses it with the sauce is when Blaine asks the question he's been expecting from him.

"So, who's Thomas?" Blaine tries to act nonchalant, and fails miserably.

Kurt laughs at that. "My friend. And ex."

Blaine is surprised by the fact. "And you still talk to him?" 

"Yes. We're close enough to survive our relationship ending."

Blaine cocks his head and curiously eyes him. "You still have feelings for him."

Not a question.

"I always will," Kurt truthfully admits. "I love him."

Not past tense. And not a mistake. No matter what kind of relationship they share, he'll love Thomas for the rest of his life.

"Who ended it?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Either I did or he did. Depending on how you want to look at it. But it ended when he decided to move out of state. I couldn't go with him like he wanted."

"Why not?"

"Because, even though I loved him, I couldn't pick up and leave my life behind to follow him." Kurt grabs his glass of red wine and takes a drink. "Since you want to play Twenty Questions, I'll tell you what you really want to know. We were together for a year and a half. He's a teacher, too. That's how I met him. He was my French teacher in high school. No, we didn't fool around then. We saw each other years later and got together. He's twenty years older than me. And, no, since you're probably wondering, that did not slow him down in bed at all."

"Thanks to Viagra."

Kurt eyes Blaine and notices his jealousy. Is immensely amused by it.

"Trust me, Thomas did not need a little blue pill to fuck my brains out."

Blaine growls, clearly unamused. Determination in his hazel eyes. "Neither will I."

"I would hope not."

Blaine cracks a smile at his reply.

"Enough with the jealousy. I'm hungry. Let's stop talking about Thomas being the best lover I ever had and eat before the food gets cold."

"Seriously?"

Kurt grins. "I just wanted to see you get jealous again. It's cute." He playfully bites Blaine's jaw. "And hot."

He laughs and jumps away when Blaine tickles his sides in retaliation.

The happiness he feels in that kitchen with Blaine, that overwhelming joy, is the best he's felt in weeks. If not months.


	7. Chapter 7

"I thought you were all about being on the right side of the law."

Kurt sucks sauce off his thumb. "What do you mean?" He grabs his glass and finishes what little wine that's left in it.

Blaine gestures to his own glass of wine. "Giving alcohol to minors. I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"And I'm pretty sure you've had stronger. I'm fine with giving you a glass or two. Besides, giving you wine is the least of my offenses where your parents would be concerned."

"So, this is the lesser of two evils?" Blaine sits back in his chair. Crosses his arms over his chest. Hint of a smirk on his lips. But eyes full of humor.

Kurt grabs his plate, empty glass and stands. "Yes." He heads to his kitchen. Sets the dirty plate in the sink. Pours more wine into his glass.

_ The lesser of two evils. _

He takes a large drink of his wine.

Never has a saying been more fitting for a situation. Because either way Liam and Bethany could look at things, he'll still be the guy who gave alcohol to their underage son. Messed around with him when they explicitly asked him not to. No matter what should happen, he'll always be the bad guy in their eyes.

Doubt slowly begins to creep in over whether he made the right choice or not.

"Fuck." He rubs his hands over his face. Swallows down the bile that rises in his throat.

Arms wind around his waist. He rests back against the body he shouldn't be finding comfort from.

"What's wrong? Is it...?" Blaine holds him closer, not finishing the question.

Kurt silently shakes his head, knowing what he's referring to. "No, it's not that. I just..." He takes a deep breath to say what he needs to say. "I can't help but to think of what your parents will think of me when they find out."

"Who says they'll find out?"

He turns in Blaine's arms to give him a look like he's crazy. "Blaine, these things never stay a secret. Someone will eventually figure it out and then they'll tell someone until it gets to your parents." The realization of what he said fully hits Kurt like a punch to the gut.

What the fuck is he doing? This is crazy. He shouldn't be messing around with Blaine. He should put a stop to this before anything can really happen. But as he looks at Blaine, stares into hazel eyes that look at him with desire, he knows he won't be able to stop this. Because every fiber of his being wants Blaine. Not just in his bed, but in his life.

"Then we'll be extremely careful," Blaine says. "I don't want this to hurt you."

Kurt brushes his lips over Blaine's luscious, tempting ones. "Thank you."

Even though he says that, some part of him knows they'll both be hurt in the end.

He quickly cleans the dishes with Blaine's help. Finishes his glass of wine and heads to his bedroom. Blaine follows.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," he says while shoving his sweats off.

There's a conflicting battle going on inside his head over what he wants. Some part of him wants Blaine to stay, and another part wants him to leave. The idea of being alone, though, scares him.

"Good thing I want to stay, then." Blaine pulls off his shirt and removes his jeans before joining Kurt in bed and under the sheets.

Kurt turns to his side and faces him. "I'm glad you're here," he admits in a soft voice. "That you've been here for me."

"I'm happy to be here."

🍎🍎🍎🍎

An unknown song blasting through the room wakes Kurt from his sleep. He grabs his phone and sees it's ten minutes past six in the morning. There's also a new text from Thomas that was sent less than twenty minutes ago.

**Thomas: How are you doing?**

"Hello?"

He looks over and sees Blaine lying on his back with his phone to his ear. Instead of being nosy and listening in on whatever conversation he's having, and wanting to talk to Thomas in private, he slips out of bed and heads to his en suite bathroom.

Sat on the edge of the tub, phone in hand, he sends a reply to Thomas.

_ Kurt: I'm doing better each day. Blaine being here is helping. _

**Thomas: That's great to hear. I'm worrying about you.**

_ Kurt: You don't have to, Tommy. I'm fine. _

**Thomas: I know. But that doesn't mean I won't worry.**

**Thomas: If you just let me come see you.**

_ Kurt: I would love that, Tommy. But I don't want you missing work for something unimportant. _

**Thomas: You think you're unimportant? Because, Kurt, you're one of the most important things in my life.**

A smile splits Kurt's face as his heart thuds in his chest.

_ Kurt: That's not what I meant. I meant that I'm fine and moving on from the horrible incident. You don't have to come see me. _

**Thomas: Maybe I don't but I want to.**

The idea of seeing Thomas in person sends a warmth through Kurt. He wants that so badly he's close to typing out a reply to Thomas to come. But a new text comes from Thomas before he can do that.

**Thomas: Gotta go. I'll talk to you later.**

Kurt stands up and walks out of the bathroom. Finds Blaine sat on the edge of the bed still talking on the phone. At the sight of him, in nothing but his black boxer briefs and hair a mess from sleep, something inside him comes alive. A spark is ignited. A spark of desire that he won't ignore.

It's with that desire pulsing through him that he walks over to Blaine. Sets his phone on the nightstand and stands between his legs.

Blaine looks up at him with surprise and hunger in his eyes. "Mom, I'm fine. I promise I'll go today. Bye." He hangs up and sets his phone aside. "Kurt-"

"Shh." He presses a finger to Blaine's lips. Cards his fingers through messy curls. Grabs his hands and places them at his hips in an unspoken desire.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"It's so soon."

"I know. But I want this. I'm tired of denying myself pleasure."

"Fuck. Okay."

"Pull down my underwear, Blaine."

Fingers hook into the band of his underwear and pull them down to mid-thigh. His cock springs free. Juts out between his legs hard and aching. It gives a twitch as he looks at Blaine, like it knows it'll be getting something besides the tight fist of his hand.

Blaine eyes his cock. Slowly draws a fingertip down the underside. Gives a small tug at his heavy balls when he reaches them. He looks up at him with a hunger that makes his stomach clench. Hazel eyes have darkened with arousal. The sight of which makes his breath hitch.

It's been so long since he's seen that look aimed his way. Since someone has looked at him with pure hunger and desire. The last time Thomas looked at him like that running through his mind. When they knew it was their last night together and let all their emotions come to the surface.

He runs his fingers through Blaine's hair and leans down to kiss him. Sweeps his tongue into his mouth when he opens up for him. Deepens the kiss while hands hold the back of his thighs.

Underwear shimmied the rest of the way off, he steps out of them and moves to straddle Blaine on the bed after he lies back. Hands roam over his thighs and ass as he pulls his shirt off. The rings clinking together from where they sit on the thin chain around his neck.

Blaine touches the rings. Eyes them with a sudden clarity. "I noticed these the first time I saw you. I wondered who they belonged to. It's just now that I realized." He lifts his eyes up to Kurt. "They're your parents' rings, aren't they?"

Kurt touches a hand to his chest; covers the rings. The metal cold against his heated skin. He climbs off Blaine. Sits at the edge of the bed. "Yeah, they are." He looks down at the rings. Finds himself wondering what his parents would say and think about what he's doing. Some part of him is sure that his dad would be giving him one hell of a lecture after he found out. His mouth tips up at picturing it.

He lifts his head and looks at Blaine, who sits next to him. "I wear it to remember them. Have them close." He drops his head. "You don't want to hear this."

Blaine grabs his chin and lifts his head so he's looking at him again. "Kurt, from the moment I saw you I wanted to know everything about you. Small and," he touches the rings, "big."

Kurt's heart gives a hard thump in his chest. And he feels a piece of himself lost to Blaine. A piece that will always belong to Blaine no matter what should happen between them.

He covers Blaine's hand. "You're eighteen. How can you say things that affect me the way they do?"

Blaine chuckles. "Do you want me to say something raunchy? Something an eighteen year old normally would say in this situation?"

Kurt's breath stutters as Blaine slowly drags his hand down his torso. "Y-Yes."

"Okay." A smirk that can only be described as filthy spreads across Blaine's face. "I want to kiss you until you're breathless and needy. Want to kiss my way down your body, tasting every inch of you. Then I want to kneel between your legs and suck your cock until you're coming down my throat."

Kurt whimpers with need as Blaine kisses under his ear; teases a finger around the head of his cock. "Please..."

"What do you want?" Blaine kisses along his jaw. Hovers his mouth millimeters from Kurt's.

A groan of annoyance escapes him when he tries to close the space between their mouths and Blaine pulls away, a grin on his lips.

"Tell me."

He grabs the back of Blaine's neck. Holds him steady and takes his mouth in that kiss he so desperately wants and needs in that moment. The kiss heated and rough. Tongues tangle and thrust together. A broken groan falling from his mouth when Blaine runs the palm of his hand over the head of his cock.

"I want all that." He pulls Blaine into his lap so he's straddling his waist. His cock nestled against Blaine’s covered ass. How he so desperately wants to pull those underwear away and bury himself inside Blaine's body. To drown in pleasure and forget the world—and their judgements and opinions—for a few hours. But that's for another day. Another time. "Want your mouth on me."

Blaine grins against his mouth. Flicks his tongue over his lips before pulling away. "Lie back."

On his back, hands on Blaine's hips, there's no controlling the moan that escapes him when Blaine begins to gently rock against him.

"From the moment I saw you, I wondered what you would look like naked beneath me." Blaine plants his hands on either side of his head; leans over him. "I have to say my imagination didn't do you justice."

Kurt slides his hands around to grab at Blaine's ass. Increases the force of his hips against him. Already feels his balls drawing tight with an impending release.

Blaine's chest presses to his. The feel of his racing heart against his chest bringing him a sense of peace at knowing Blaine, it seems, is just as nervous as him.

Hips continue to rock against him as he tips his head back when Blaine begins to kiss down his neck. Softly moans when he nips and sucks at the skin.

"No hickeys." He's clear-headed enough to remember a hickey is the last thing he needs to explain to inquiring minds.

Blaine skims his lips down to his chest. "I want to give you so much pleasure. Want to make you feel good again."

Kurt trembles. Aches for that. "I want that, too."  _ So much. _ It terrifies him how much he wants the pleasure Blaine is willing to give him. He shouldn't want that. Shouldn't accept it. But he can't stop himself.

He's just like Eve: tempted by the apple. By the forbidden fruit.

A wet tongue flicks over his nipple. He arches his back. Pushes up for more. Releases a breathy sigh when Blaine traces his nipple with the tip of his tongue before sucking on it.

He weaves a hand through Blaine's messy curls when he begins to kiss his way down his stomach. The head of his cock nudging Blaine's chin.

The way his heart wildly thuds in his chest at the moment would make him laugh if he wasn't so nervous. With how long it's been since he's been with another guy and the fact that the first person he wants to do this with again is someone with parents who could ruin his life, it's a miracle he isn't throwing up over how nervous and scared he is. He tries not to think of either of those things. To ruin the moment before it actually begins.

Blaine lifts his head. "Fuck, Kurt. You're amazing."

The conviction with which Blaine speaks those words make Kurt's heart stutter.

Blaine slips off the bed and settles between his legs. Skims his hands up his thighs. "Wanted this from the first time I saw you," he murmurs: wraps a hand around the base of his cock.

"Me too." Kurt lifts his hips. Pushes into Blaine's tight fist. Groans at being touched again. Is still taken aback by how much he wants and craves Blaine's hands on him after months of wanting no one's touch.

The first stroke of Blaine's hand is languid and slow. Almost as if he's trying to memorize every inch of him from base to tip. Fingers drag over tight, velvety skin; along every vein and soft ridge.

"Such a great cock," Blaine quietly murmurs. Sweeps his thumb over the leaking head. Swipes away the pre-cum gathered at the tip. Spreads it around the tip.

When Blaine leans in close a rush of hot breath passes over him when he breathes out. His whole body shivers when he angles his cock towards him and passes the flat of his tongue over the head.

Need he hasn't felt in some time slams into him like a boulder. Grows when Blaine takes the head of his cock and gives a teasing suck before pulling off. Has him arching up to try and get into that mouth he had a small taste of and wants more. Hands on his hips hold him down. Keep him steady.

"Stay still." Blaine nudges his legs further open. Grabs his ankles and lifts them so his knees are bent and feet are resting at the edge of the bed.

A hand wraps back around his cock and strokes. Distracts him from the fact that Blaine is only eighteen. That this is still somehow wrong in several ways. Not legally, but morally for him.

He shouldn’t be doing this. Should realize what a huge mistake this is, and could be. But he can’t stop himself. It’s like asking an addict not to indulge when they’ve already started getting a fix.

He reaches his arms up above him and grip the sheet under his hands. Give him some sort of leverage when a wet finger presses to his hole; traces the rim a few times before tentatively pushing in.

"Oh, fuck!" He turns his face into his right bicep. There's a moment of adjustment to once again having something inside him that isn't his fingers or a toy.

His heart pounds and pulse races. Hips minutely undulate. Want pulses through him like a steady beat that only grows stronger.

"You okay?"

He nods his head. "Yes. Move."

Hands tighten their grip on the sheets as he throws his head back and lets out a loud moan when Blaine suddenly swallows him down to the root with no problem. One hand buries itself in Blaine's curls. Grips them when he begins to suck and bob his head.

As he sucks his cock, Blaine begins to work the finger inside him. Thrust it in and out at a rough, steady pace. Pushes in with two after a few minutes.

"Don't stop," he softly begs.

Blaine hums around his dick in answer. Thrusts his fingers harder.

Kurt moans at the vibrations that run along his cock and Blaine's fingers brushing his prostate.

Pressure begins to build low in his body. Right on the cusp of a strong release.

"Blaine, I... I'm-" He doesn't even manage to get the words out before he's shooting down Blaine's throat while squeezing around his fingers.

The pleasure that courses through him is wild like a raging river. There's no control over it. No way to stop it. Not that he wants to. All he can do is ride out the wonderful rapids.

Blaine presses against his prostate, sending another smaller—but sharp—release through him. Swallows every drop he has to give.

A few seconds later he slips out of Blaine's mouth spent and satisfied. Pleasure thrums through him. The moment is wonderful in a way he won't deny. The longer he lies there, though, the reality of the situation, of what he did, really starts to hit him.

Not only did he just fool around with someone he was specifically asked not to, but that same someone is only eighteen. Barely, at that.

His body tenses.

"Hey." Blaine pushes the hair back that is stuck to his forehead. Brows furrowed in worry. "Do you regret this?"

_ Yes. _

_ No. _

_ I don't know. _

"I just..." He covers his face with his hands. Blows out a heavy breath. "I need a moment to think."

He's grateful when Blaine lets him climb out of bed and walk to his attached bathroom without saying anything. Although his eyes hold all the questions and concerns he doesn't voice.

Alone in the bathroom, heart racing faster than he's ever felt it race, blood rushing in his ears, he collapses to the white carpet rug on the floor. Legs bent under him, he hugs his waist while curling over. Tears sting at his eyes.

Unable to hold back his emotions, he grabs the towel hanging from the rack, balls it up and buries his face in the material and lets go of everything trapped inside him.

The tears are for feeling like he betrayed Thomas. For himself and still thinking that way. For the horror of Saturday and how it's left a scar that will never go away. But mainly they're for the eighteen year old boy who broke through his armor and upended everything in his life.

A tidal wave of guilt slams into him as he lies on his side on the carpet in his bathroom. Anger soon follows. Both mix and make him sick to his stomach.

He fucked up. Every part of him knows that. What he did with Blaine, letting him in like he did, was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. None of it. But as he lies there, tears drying on his cheeks, he can't stop himself from thinking that no matter how hard he tried he would have still found himself with Blaine. They're magnets. The pull to each other strong and unavoidable.

On the carpet, hugging his knees to his chest, doubt and regret and relief and need swirl inside him.

A soft knock comes on the door. Followed by Blaine's concerned voice.

"Kurt? Are you okay?"

_ No _ .

"Yeah." His voice comes out scratchy and rough, giving away that he's been crying. He clears his throat before continuing. "I just needed a moment. I'm going to take a shower now. I'll be out soon."

Sat on the floor of the tub after getting off the bathroom floor, knees hugged to his chest, face buried in his knees, hot water cascading down around him, he finds himself thinking of Thomas. He thinks of the first time they fooled around. How he felt elated and relieved to have finally gotten what he wanted for years. Not unlike this. Where he feels like a weak person for being unable to avoid Blaine. For giving in so easily when Thomas didn't.

The memory of Blaine's mouth around him makes his cock twitch. Has desire blooming like a new flower ready to be picked.

Even with his guilt and regret, he can't deny what he feels. That he still wants Blaine so badly that his body practically vibrates with need for him.

Sat there, thoughts and feelings jumbled, he realizes he needs some time away from Blaine to think. Needs to get out from these four walls that he's been hiding behind since Saturday.

Blaine sits on the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands when he walks out of his bathroom. The set of his shoulders giving away that he's tense.

"Shower is empty," he says to announce his presence.

Blaine whips his head up. Looks right at him with worry swimming in his eyes. "Kurt-"

"Take a shower, Blaine," he cuts him off and says. "You have class soon."

As Blaine walks past him to the bathroom, he stops him with a hand on his wrist. When Blaine lifts his eyes to him, and he sees the sadness and worry in them, he decides to ease both. To reassure Blaine in the simplest way possible.

The moment he touches his lips to Blaine's soft ones a sharp jolt rockets through him. His body comes alive as his cock grows hard.

The kiss is tender and sweet. There's no edge of need to it. Because this kiss is to reassure Blaine. To show him that even though he may be freaking out over this, he still greedily wants it.

He dresses while Blaine showers. Pulls on a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt. Is in the process of tying the laces of his left boot when Blaine walks out of the bathroom.

His heart jumps as his cock pounds in the suddenly too tight confines of his jeans as he takes Blaine in. From the steam that billows around him to the expanse of exposed skin as he stands there with just a towel around his hips. Heat floods his cheeks as he soaks in Blaine. His mouth waters with wanting to taste and explore every inch of him.

"What are you doing?"

It takes a moment for Kurt to figure out that Blaine isn't asking about him staring, but the fact that he's dressed.

"Getting ready for work." He finishes tying the laces of his boot and stands.

He makes his way to the bathroom. Steps around Blaine, who looks surprised and upset. But he won't concern himself with that at the moment. He has to finish getting ready. Brush in hand, he fixes his hair. Is done when Blaine seems to snap out of whatever momentary haze he was in and joins him in the bathroom.

"No."

The reply and reaction, disbelief and worry, were ones he expected. He felt them himself. Along with a hint of trepidation. Is he doing the right thing? Is it too soon? Is he crazy to go back?

As much as he's loved staying home and being with Blaine, it's becoming insufferable, and suffocating. He needs to get out of his apartment and do something besides sit on his ass all day. He wants to go back to work. Besides, he won't give Eli the satisfaction of his fear any longer. He's stronger than that.

"Do you really think I'm going to take orders from an eighteen year old?" He stares at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. The bruise on his cheek now a light yellowish green, and pretty much faded. The cut on his eyebrow and upper lip have healed over. There's no way to cover up his injuries. Going into work like this will draw questions from Kira. But he's okay with telling her what happened. With showing her what kind of person Eli truly is.

He fixes a stray hair and turns to Blaine, planting his hands on his hips and arching an eyebrow.

"No. But I expect you to listen to your boyfriend."

"That's funny. I don't remember having one." He steps around Blaine and leaves the bathroom.

Blaine follows after him. "Kurt!" he says in an annoyed voice. "I want-"

"I know what you want, Blaine. But I'm not ready to give you that. All I can offer is what we have right now. Please, don't ask for more right now."

Blaine lets out a soft, defeated huff of breath. "Okay."

Kurt walks out of his bedroom and down the hall to his front door. Jacket pulled on, there's no way to ignore the worry on Blaine's face. It eats at him to see. Has him walking over to stand close to Blaine.

"I'll be fine, Blaine," he assures him.

"What if he's there?"

That was the one big thing Kurt took into consideration when choosing to go back to work. The thought of seeing Eli again made his heart race in fear. It gripped him tightly.

That fear is still there. But it's shadowed by his strength and courage. Because he chose not to let Eli get the best of him. Chose not to let the fear overrun and rule his life. He won't have one if he does.

"Then I'll leave."

"I don't know, Kurt. I'm still worried. Besides, why are you working there? You make more than enough tutoring me. You could've quit weeks ago."

"I know. But..."

"But what?"

"I like working there. I tutor you for two hours a day, three days a week. That is not nearly enough work time to satisfy me. I like being active. I like having a reason to get out of bed in the morning." Back in Lima, after losing pretty much everything great in his life, it actually took effort for him most mornings to climb out of bed. To find a reason not to sleep the morning away. That's why he loves his barista job. It gives him a reason to get out of bed each morning. Lets him do something besides wait around to tutor Blaine. "Besides, I won't let what you want influence my choices."

A smile, one filled with pride, and is crooked, spreads across Blaine's face. "Alright. But I'll still worry."

"I would hope so." Kurt covers Blaine's mouth with his own. The kiss, which starts off sweet and innocent, quickly turns heated.

Backed up against the door, intense arousal overtakes him as Blaine presses into his body. At the feel of his hard length against him.

He runs his hands through Blaine's still wet hair. Grabs at the back of his head. Deepens the kiss as Blaine reaches down and cups him through his jeans.

A moan is ripped from his mouth when Blaine begins to palm him. He rocks his hips forward. Drops his head back against the door to expose more of his neck when Blaine kisses at the area.

"G-Gonna be late."

"Be late," Blaine softly growls in reply.

Even though he should put a stop to this, Kurt doesn't put up much of a fight. He lets Blaine open his jeans and push them off his hips while he himself reaches down and easily rids Blaine of the towel around his hips.

He looks down and gets a good look at Blaine's cock for the first time. The head is a swollen red. Drops of pre-cum bead at the tip. From what he can see, Blaine has the length and girth to live up to his ex.

He draws his lower lip between his teeth at imaging taking Blaine into his mouth. That's something he'll definitely have to do soon.

"Want to make you come." Blaine punctuates his words by reaching down between their bodies and wrapping a hand around both their cocks.

Kurt moans both at Blaine's words and the touch of his hand. It's been so long since he's experienced this. Had someone that wanted to please him. He tries his best to forget that it's an eighteen year old that wants to give him that.

One leg hooked around Blaine's thighs, he rocks his hips forward. Whimpers when his cock glides against Blaine's as he strokes them.

Blaine claims his mouth in a deep kiss. Thrusts his tongue past his parted lips. "Love the noises you make," he roughly whispers against his mouth.

Kurt doesn't hold back on the noises he releases after Blaine says that. He lets out little moans and whimpers he knows Blaine greatly enjoys by how he strokes them faster with each one he makes.

He roams his hands over Blaine's back before gripping his shoulders. Uses the leverage to thrust his hips harder. He feels Blaine's free hand pet over his ass before fingers tease at his hole. Every part of him that is on edge wants Blaine to push inside with his finger. To stretch him open and fuck him until he forgets all his pain and problems for a few hours.

His orgasm catches him by surprise. He comes in a burst of pleasure. Jerks in Blaine's hand as he shoots all over it and onto both their stomachs. Blaine follows with his own release moments later. Their cum mixing on their skin. Hearts racing and breathing uneven.

He sags against Blaine. Drops his head to Blaine's shoulder as Blaine winds an arm around his waist and plants a hand on the door.

The only sound in the room is that of their heavy breathing. They don't speak. Stand there in their combined pleasure as they ride their momentary highs.

Just like the first time, as he stands there afterwards, a wave of guilt and regret wash over him. Push out his pleasure until those two emotions are all he feels.

He pushes Blaine away. Grabs the damp towel from the floor to clean himself before pulling his jeans up. He walks to his bedroom and changes shirts before walking out and finding Blaine where he left him. The sight of his naked body causing heat to flare up inside him. He does his best not to focus on Blaine's cock, and the fact that it's already hard again.

"Get dressed, Blaine," he says. He grabs his bag. "Go to school."

"Why do you do that?"

Kurt places the strap of his bag on his shoulder. Acts clueless to what Blaine is asking. "Do what?"

"Pull away. After we've fooled around." Blaine is not shy as he stands there. Doesn't try to cover up. Which is understandable since he has a body men older than him would kill for. A body achieved from years of playing soccer and working out.

"I d-"

"Don't try to lie. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were." Kurt sighs and figures it's best to be honest with Blaine. At least to an extent. "Okay. It's just... Afterwards, I feel guilty about what I did. It scares me because I know I shouldn't be doing this. I'm risking so much for this, Blaine. So, I'm sorry if after we've fooled around I remember that. This is more dangerous for me than you."

"I know." Blaine walks over to Kurt. Is mindful to keep some space between them since his stomach is still dirty. "But I promise I won't let anything happen to jeopardize your life and career. This is a secret I know how to keep. I want you too much to risk losing you." He grabs at Kurt's face and brings him in for a hard kiss.

Kurt moans and returns the kiss with as much vigor. Opens his mouth for Blaine and lets him stroke his tongue inside. Is so caught up in the kiss he forgets about work for a moment. Rips his mouth away when he does remember.

"Shit. I have to go or I'll be even later than what I am." He rushes to his front door. Faces Blaine before opening it. "I expect you to go to school."

"I will. I have to. Game today. So, it's expected by my coach."

"Good." Kurt leans in and brushes a kiss to Blaine's lips he has quickly become addicted to. "I'll see you later." There's a flutter of excitement in his chest at knowing he'll get to see Blaine that night.

"Probably not," Blaine replies, looking and sounding a bit upset. "We probably won't get back until late. And the guys will want to celebrate."

The excitement dies inside Kurt at Blaine's words.

"Celebrate?"

Blaine cockily grins. "It's a terrible team."

Kurt snorts and shakes his head. "Tomorrow?" It's such a surprise how quickly he's come to want Blaine around. Not only does he feel safe and protected around him. He loves how Blaine looks at him like he's the most amazing thing he's ever seen.

"Definitely." Blaine runs his fingers through Kurt's hair. Grabs at the back of his head and pulls him in for another kiss. "Be careful," he says when they both pull back panting.

"I will be."

With that final kiss goodbye from Blaine, Kurt walks out of his place and heads for work. The entire drive there his hands shake and heart races. There's a few times he almost turns around and goes back home. But he fights through his fear. Forces himself to be strong and get through this.

It takes a good ten minutes after parking for him to climb out of his car and to go inside Bean There.

He darts his eyes around the space.

"Oh no! What happened to you?" A concerned Kira takes in Kurt when she walks out from the back.

"Oh, um..." Kurt still nervously looks around for Eli. "Is Eli here?" Terror momentarily strikes him at the thought that he could be. That he could see him again. It's then he wishes he had thought to buy a can of pepper spray or something to defend and protect himself.

Kira shakes her head, her curled lilac colored hair swaying with the movement. "He hasn't shown up to work since last Friday. Do you know what happened to him?"

"I, um... We, um... We went out Saturday night and...and he...he..." Kurt's voice trembles and breaks as tears well in his eyes; unable to get the words out.

His attempt to tell Kira puts him back in that parking garage Saturday night fighting off Eli.

He trembles and shakes, tightly hugging himself.

"Oh, Kurt!" Kira gathers him in her arms and holds him. "Come on. Let's go to the back."

In the back, it takes a few minutes for Kurt to calm down enough to tell Kira what happened. The arm she has wrapped around his shoulders holding him tighter with each passing second.

"I'm sorry." Just like Thomas, guilt laces Kira's voice.

"It's not your fault." He wipes at his tears, once again upset that someone is blaming themselves for what Eli did. "There's no reason for you to apologize."

"But I should have seen it. I should have known. I mean... I saw how you were around him sometimes. The unease and discomfort. But I didn't do anything about it. I should have done something."

"Don't blame yourself, Kira. You couldn't have known. He fooled us all. My discomfort with him in no way could have told you what he would do."

Kira tenderly brushes a thumb over his fading bruise. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I had some nightmares. But those have stopped." He's smart enough not to mention the reason the nightmares have stopped is because of Bethany's son. "And the injuries are healing."

"That's good." Kira covers one of Kurt's hands with her own. "Did you go to the police?"

Kurt shakes his head. "It would be pointless considering who his dad is."

"Right." Kira releases a soft, frustrated sigh. "The justice system is severely flawed."

Kurt agrees with a soft yes.

"Are you sure you want to be here? I will completely understand if you want to take a couple more days. I can call someone to cover your shifts."

Kurt shakes his head. "No, don't do that. I want to be here. I can't stay holed up in my apartment any longer. Working will help. It'll keep my mind off it."

"Okay." Kira softly pats Kurt's hand a couple of times. "Then grab an apron. Your shift started forty minutes ago."

A smile breaks out on Kurt's face at Kira's light teasing.

Work helps in the way he hoped it would. It keeps his mind too preoccupied to think of Eli for even a second. The morning rush is an actual welcome distraction for the first time since he started working.

Every half hour or so, Kira will check up on him. Ask how he's doing. If he still wants to be there. It touches his heart to see how much Kira cares about him. How she worries for him like a mother worries for her child.

Not long after his lunch break, Kurt stands behind the counter and smiles at the woman who walks up to order.

"What can I get you?"

"I'll have a raspberry scone and a dirty chai for here."

Kurt plates a scone for the lady and gets to work on making her drink.

As he sets the prepared drink on the counter and calls out her name a familiar face walks into the cafe.

For a second Kurt thinks he's seeing things. That he's imagining him. Or that it's someone who looks like him.

When dark shades are removed and those striking blue-grey eyes land on him, he knows this isn't in his head. That he isn't dreaming. And when Thomas says a simple "Hi, Kurt" he nearly breaks down crying right there. Instead, he rushes out from behind the counter and over to him.

It's being in Thomas' warm, comforting embrace that he lets go of the tears he was holding in.

He cries for many reasons. The main one being that the man he loves is actually here holding him like old times.

"Shh. It's okay, mon trésor," Thomas softly whispers into his ear.

Hearing that nickname so softly spoken in his ear and not over a phone or through a screen brings on a fresh wave of tears.

Thomas holds him tighter. "I wanted this to be a happy surprise. Instead, I have you crying," he says with a light laugh.

Kurt pulls his face back from where it was buried in Thomas' neck. "I am happy, Tommy. I just wasn't expecting you. I thought I told you not to come."

Thomas wipes away the tears on Kurt's cheeks. "I know. But did you really expect me to sit there and not come and see how you are?"

"I guess not." It's the same thing he would have done in a heartbeat if their roles were reversed.

Face buried back in Thomas' neck, he lets himself be held for several minutes. In Thomas' arms nothing exists but the two of them. None of his problems and pains. He's carefree and happy.

It feels so amazing to be in Thomas' arms again that it's a fight with himself to finally pull back. To stay in them for hours, days, is all he wants. What he's craved to have again.

He grabs Thomas' hand and leads them to an empty table to sit. "How long are you here for?"

"Not that long. I leave tomorrow."

A day. He gets a day with Thomas. It's not enough, but more than he expected. His heart swells as excitement builds at the possibilities of what they could do in one day.

But all he really wants is to be held by him.

Thomas reaches over and tenderly brushes a thumb over the cut on his eyebrow. "How are you feeling?"

Kurt covers Thomas' hand that cups his face. He turns into his touch. Soaks in his familiar big, smooth palm on him again. Breaths in the smell of cider and fresh linen sheets. "Better now that you're here." Love fills his eyes as he smiles at Thomas.

"I'm so fucking sorry this happened to you." Rage fills Thomas' voice as anger and guilt darken his eyes.

"Don't, Tommy." Kurt squeezes his hand. "Don't you dare carry guilt for this. This wasn't your fault in any way. I've told you that."

"I know."

"Then listen to me. Because I hate seeing you like this." Kurt reaches over and cups the side of Thomas' face with his free hand. He feels his stubble on his palm. Fights his blush and thoughts as he imagines that stubble scratching the inside of his thighs again. "I don't want our short time together to be ruined by you being angry and guilty."

Thomas' eyes soften. He blows out a soft breath. "You're right."

"I always was in our relationship," he jokes with a laugh.

Thomas chuckles.

A customer walking in has Kurt standing to go back behind the counter. "I get off in a couple of hours. Will you wait?"

"Of course, mon trésor."

It's hard for him to properly focus for the last two hours of his shift with Thomas' piercing eyes on him the entire time. A blush stains his cheeks every time he looks his way and catches his intense, hunger filled gaze on him. He nearly screws up on a few orders because of it. Finds it difficult not to walk over to Thomas and ask if he wants to go be alone.

Alone with Thomas and fucking him like he loved so much is all Kurt wants. His body aches for it like a drug addict wanting a fix. Which is the perfect way to describe how Thomas makes him feel. He's addicted to him in a way that he'll never get over or recover from. And if he does, he'll only relapse the first chance he is given.

But he knows Thomas. Is certain he would never cheat on Lucas. It's not in his character to do something so despicable as that.

By the time he's finished with his shift and walking out with Thomas, he's glad to finally be alone with him.

He takes Thomas' hand in his. "What do you want to do first?"

"Let's eat. I haven't eaten since the airport in Denver."

"Okay. I know a great place."

Thirty minutes later they stand in line at the seafood truck Blaine took him to.

"When you said a great place, I thought you were talking about a place without wheels," Thomas says with a soft chuckle.

"Hey, they have great food here. Trust me."

Thomas pulls him to his side and places a kiss to his temple. "I always have."

The kiss, although innocent, floods Kurt with desire. Heat ignites under his skin as his mind runs wild with images of what they could do after eating. All of them involve a bed and no clothes.

They sit on the beach ten minutes later looking out at the ocean as they eat their food. Waves crash and a cool breeze blows as the sun shines down on them.

"This view is amazing," Thomas says. He takes a bite of his lobster roll.

"Yeah. It's hard not to like it."

"I haven't been here in over thirty years. But I always remember the beaches being fantastic."

"Did you live here?"

"Yeah."

"You never told me that," Kurt says. "When was this?"

"When I was eighteen. I took a year off after graduating high school. Lived here just fucking around."

"What did you do?"

"What didn't I do?" Thomas chuckles. "I surfed. I partied. Stayed up late. Experimented with drugs. I fucked." Kurt's cock twitches at the way Thomas says fucked. How his voice goes low and gravely. It makes him think of when they fucked. "I did everything a teenager out in the world on their own for the first time would do."

Kurt tries to picture an eighteen year old Thomas doing what he said he did. The mental image brings a smile to his face.

"Sounds like you were wild."

"I was," Thomas replies.

"Blaine surfs," Kurt states.

"He does?"

"Yeah. He's been trying to convince me to let him give me lessons."

"You should take him up on it."

"Nah." Kurt shakes his head. "I wouldn't be any good at it."

"Speaking of Blaine, how are things with you and him?"

"Okay." Kurt gives a shrug of his shoulders. Gives his last crab cake to Thomas. "He went down on me this morning."

It doesn't get past Kurt the way Thomas goes rigid next to him for a quick second. Or how he fails to hide the jealousy in his voice when he speaks.

"How was that?"

"Different," he honestly replies. "He wasn't bad, or better than you. He was just different." He rests his head on Thomas' shoulder. Stares out at the calm ocean. "He's young. I think he needs more experience."

"Is that something you want to help him with?"

"I want him," he admits. "If that's something I do, I don't mind." He lifts his head to look at Thomas. "Did you mind?"

"Teaching you to properly fuck and give pleasure? No." Thomas leans over and whispers into his ear, "My favorite lessons I've ever given."

A shiver rolls through Kurt's body. Arousal ignites inside him and burns under his skin. He wants to climb into Thomas' lap and remind him how great a teacher he was.

Eyes drop to Thomas' lips before lifting back up. He wants those lips on him. Wants to remember what it feels like to have Thomas make him come completely undone.

Doubt and regret fill Thomas' expression as he pulls back. "We should go." He gathers their trash and stands. Begins to walk to the trash can.

Kurt stands and quickly makes his way over to him. "Thomas, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Thomas shakes his head. Runs a hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have said that."

That's surprising to Kurt since Thomas has told him worse things over the phone or Skype in the past year. Things he never once regretted.

"Hey," he reaches for Thomas' hand, upset when he moves away, "don't beat yourself up over that. It's nothing. Don't ruin what little time you have here being mad at yourself for nothing."

Thomas visibly relaxes, as if a weight is lifting off him. "Yeah, you're right."

Kurt smiles, relieved when Thomas doesn't pull away when he reaches for his hand again. "Good. Let's get out of here and have some fun."

An hour later they hold hands while strolling along Rodeo Drive. For Kurt, it feels like old times. Like when Thomas and him would go out. It's comfortable and easy.

"Is Lucas okay with you being here?"

They stand in front of a store-front window displaying mannequins wearing expensive pieces of clothing.

"He's the one that told me to come. He was tired of seeing me worry about you," Thomas replies. He pulls Kurt close to his side. Kisses his temple. "I'm glad I listened."

Kurt rests his head on Thomas' shoulder. "Me too. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. It's not the same talking on the phone or through a computer."

Kurt agrees with a soft hum.

"So, will I be meeting this Blaine you speak so much about?" Thomas asks as they continue to walk.

"No." Some part of Kurt is grateful for that. There is no universe where he is ready to introduce the guy he loves to the guy he's fooling around with. "He's got an away game today. Said he and his friends will be partying until late to celebrate their win."

"That's too bad." Thomas doesn't sound all that upset by it.

"Do you want to see what he looks like?"

"Of course."

Kurt pulls out his phone and pulls up one of the two pictures he has of Blaine. Turns the screen to Thomas to show him.

"Hmm." Thomas arches a pleased brow. "He's something."

"He is."

"When do you plan to fuck him?"

He doesn't find the question intrusive at all. This is Thomas after all. The guy who knows practically everything about him. Every secret and story. The guy he tells everything to.

"Soon. I think," he replies.

Thomas eyes him curiously. "Why do you sound unsure?"

"I'm not. I want to fuck him. I think I'm more nervous than anything," he admits. "It'll be the first time I'm having sex since you."

The corner of Thomas' mouth twitches. "Nerves are understandable in that situation."

Kurt hears how forced Thomas' indifference to the situation is. How he does his best, and fails, to hide his jealousy.

"Was it the same for you and Lucas?"

"Yes." Thomas pulls him close to his side. Presses a kiss to his forehead. "Don't worry too much about it, Kurt," he murmurs. "It'll be fine. Trust me."

He does. Always has and always will.

They continue walking. Kurt notices a few sympathetic looks thrown his way by people they pass before they look at Thomas with disgust. He's confused the first couple of times it happens until he remembers the cuts and bruises on his face.

"People are getting the wrong impression of you," he says after the fifth time it happens.

"That's okay. I'll never see them again," Thomas replies with no qualm. "Besides, I know what kind of person I am. And it's the kind that would never lay a hand on another person without consent."

Kurt stops worrying about what other people think after that. Enjoys having Thomas at his side while walking.

"Oh. I know where we can go next," he pipes up and says once they get bored with looking at expensive clothes through shop windows.

"Where?"

Kurt excitedly beams. "It's a surprise."

Back in his car, he drives Thomas to the place he recently learned about. Knows Thomas will greatly appreciate the place.

"Oh my god." Thomas chuckles when Kurt pulls up to the animal shelter. "What is this?"

Kurt turns off the car. "Well, I know you can't have a dog because Lucas is allergic. So, I thought you could enjoy them for a little bit here while you can before leaving."

Thomas turns to him with a huge smile and excitement in his eyes. "Thank you, mon trésor."

"You're welcome."

A laugh escapes Kurt when Thomas practically jumps out of the car like an excited kid.

Inside the shelter they tell the young girl behind the reception desk for their visit and are happily led to an empty room. Dog toys are strewn all over the floor.

"I should be the one taking you some place to cheer you up," Thomas says as he peels off the back paper of the sticker that says volunteer.

Kurt smooths out his sticker after applying it on his shirt. "You already cheered me up, Tommy. Just by being here with me."

He wraps his arms around Thomas' neck after he pulls him close. "I don't know how to repay you."

_ Fuck me. _

He swallows that reply down. Smiles at Thomas. "You don't have to."

The door to the room opens and one of the staff members walks in with two dogs. One is a short, black dog with a long snout and body that looks like a mix of several breeds. The other is a slightly overweight white and brown English Bulldog.

"This is Marla and Walter," the guy says. "You can spend however much time with them as you like."

Once the guy leaves them alone, Kurt immediately gravitates towards Walter, who breathes heavily and drools. Sat on his butt, his stomach nearly touches the floor. His stubby tail begins wagging when he gets close. A soft grunting noise coming from his mouth when he realizes Kurt is going to pet him.

"Hi, Walter." Kurt scratches at his head and behind his ears. Walter huffs and smacks his lips. "Aren't you the most gorgeous boy I've ever seen."

Walter pushes into his touch. Stands and moves to be closer to him.

Kurt sits and finds his lap full of Walter. He laughs when Walter licks at his face.

"I think someone is in love."

He looks over at Thomas' words and finds him holding Marla in one arm while petting at her head with his free hand. "I could say the same." Marla wears a look of love and contentment.

They play with Marla and Walter for the next hour. By the time they're leaving, Kurt is sure Walter stole a piece of his heart.

"You can adopt him," Thomas says once they're in the car driving away.

"I know. Trust me, I would love to. But I'm busy with work. I don't have the time for a pet right now." Maybe when he's more settled and has the time to properly care for an animal.

"You hungry?"

"Starved."

"Chinese?"

"Sounds good."

They grab some takeout and head to Kurt's place. Nerves roll through Kurt the entire drive home simply because this will be the first time Thomas and him will be sleeping under the same roof since their last night together. The knowledge of that already has his body aching for Thomas. He can't stop it. It's almost like a Pavlovian response at this point. Alone with Thomas anywhere and his body wants him.

"You okay?"

Kurt comes out of his thoughts. "What?" He looks to Thomas real quick, who wears a worried look, before turning his attention back to the road.

"Are you okay? You look a little...tense."

"Oh." Kurt lets out a small laugh. Loosens his body he didn't realize was stiff with worry. "I think it's the traffic," he lies. "I'm still not used to it."

Thomas knows he's lying. He's sure of that. But luckily, he doesn't call him out on it. "Okay. Just making sure."

When they finally reach his place, his heart races as he walks with Thomas to his apartment. He does his best to taper down the hunger and desire growing inside him.

"This is home." Kurt opens his door and steps inside.

Thomas walks in and takes a look around. "Nice."

"Yeah. Come on, I'll give you the nickel tour."

It doesn't take long for Kurt to show Thomas his apartment. His pulse spiking when he shows him the bedroom, where the heated look Thomas tried his hardest to hide makes his breath hitch.

"Do you like it here?"

They sit on his couch eating their takeout. Kurt stabs a piece of broccoli with his fork.

"I do. It took some time to adjust. But I do like it here. It's new and exciting."

"I understand. That's how it was for me when I moved to Denver."

The mention of Denver is a slap to the face for Kurt. A reminder that this time with Thomas is extremely limited. He tries not to focus on the fact that Thomas will be gone in less than twenty-four hours. If he thinks about it, it'll only dampen his great mood. Instead, he focuses on having Thomas here now. On the time they still have together.

"Do you ever miss Ohio?"  _ Miss us? _

"Yes. It's where I fell in love with you," Thomas says. "It holds a special place in my heart for that."

Kurt's heart jumps and thumps so hard in his chest it nearly hearts.

"What about you? Do you miss it?"

"Yes and no," he replies. "Yes for the reasons you said. And no because..."

Thomas reaches over and grabs his hand when he goes quiet. "I'm sorry, Kurt."

Kurt sets his food aside. Pushes thoughts of his dad aside. Not wanting to deal with that kind of pain tonight. Not when Thomas is here.

"Let's talk about something else." He turns on the couch to face Thomas. Sits cross-legged with his hands in his lap. "How's work?"

"Good. The kids I have are great. It's a bit more strict because of the school. But I'm loving it."

"That's great." A wave of happiness for Thomas wells up inside him. That look of joy and love he wears is the reason he couldn't ask Thomas to reject the job when it was offered to him. This was a great opportunity that anyone would have loved. To work at such a prestigious school is something you don't pass up. He couldn't be selfish and take that away from Thomas.

"But I will say there are times I go home and need a stiff drink or two."

Kurt perks up at the mention of a stiff drink. Suddenly remembers the bottle of bourbon Liam gave him. "Oh. I have something to share with you." He climbs off the couch. "You won't believe it."

"What?"

"Wait here. I'll be back in a second with it."

In the kitchen, Kurt pours two glasses of the bourbon. Takes them both back to the living room. Offers one to Thomas, who takes it.

He lightly taps his glass to Thomas'. "Enjoy."

Thomas brings the glass to his lips and takes a small drink of the amber liquor. "Holy fuck! What is this?" He looks from Kurt to the glass and back again.

Kurt laughs as he retakes his seat on the couch facing Thomas, one leg bent as the other hangs over the side.

"Liam, Blaine's dad, gave it to me. Apparently it's a seventeen thousand dollar bottle of bourbon."

Thomas' eyes go wide. "What?"

Kurt laughs at Thomas' shock and surprise. Nods his head. "I think he felt sorry for me. Do you like it?"

"Like it? I want to take a bath in this." Thomas takes another drink of the liquor. Finishes off the glass.

"I know what you mean."

"The perks of this tutoring job are insane."

"Tell me about it." Not only is he paid a pretty penny, given a great gift, but he's also getting Blaine out of it. "Do you want another glass?"

"Yeah. I'll try to savor that one."

Kurt refills their glasses. This time they take their time savoring the expensive drink. Both of them with the slightest of buzzes when they finish.

It's nearly midnight when he puts the dirty dishes in the sink.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" he asks Thomas when he joins him in the kitchen.

"One."

Kurt's heart races and stomach twists with heat when Thomas presses against his backside. "Tommy, what are- _ Ungh _ !" He moans when Thomas kisses at his neck while grinding his hard cock into his ass.

Desire and need mixing with the alcohol coursing through his system leaves him lightheaded and dizzy. His thoughts are a jumbled mess of want and hunger. But some part reminds him that this is wrong. That Thomas is engaged to someone else.

He grabs Thomas' hand when he covers the bulge in his jeans. Looks over his shoulder at him. Finds his eyes darkened and pupils blown wide with lust. There's a flush to his cheeks. His eyes dart down to Thomas' lips.

He looks back up into his eyes. "You're drunk."

Thomas shakes his head. "I'm as clear-headed as I was this morning."

Hope sprouts inside Kurt. But he doesn't think about that yet. Not when he has to remind Thomas of the main reason they can't do this.

"Lucas?"

A spark of something flashes in Thomas' eyes at the mention of his fiancé's name. Doubt? Regret? Guilt? Kurt isn't sure. But it's gone as quick as it was there.

"Tonight," Thomas pulls his hand away and removes the ring on his left hand; slips it in the pocket of his pants, "there is no Lucas." He places his hand at the waistband of Kurt's jeans. Pops the button and slips his hand inside. Strokes his hard cock through the thin material of his underwear. "Give me tonight, Kurt," he says. "I need it."

Kurt whimpers and pushes into Thomas' hand.

There's no way he's going to be able to refuse Thomas' request. Because he needs this as much as him. He needs to feel him. Be reminded of how great they were together when there was nothing but them and their bodies connecting on the most intimate and physical level.

The only thing that scares him is once he gets a taste, he knows one night won't be enough.

That doesn't stop him, though. He grabs behind Thomas' head and brings his mouth down on his in a bruising, needy kiss. The taste and feel of his lips drawing a low whimper from him. The memory of them is not the same as experiencing them in real life. He wants to kiss Thomas for hours. Until his lips are swollen and numb.

"Fuck me, Tommy," he murmurs against his lips.

Thomas pulls away and turns him to face him. Lifts him up so he can wrap his legs around his waist and arms around his neck. Reconnects their mouths in a passionate kiss.

Kurt is beyond turned on.

When he finally pulls back from the kiss, both of them are breathing heavy and harder than they've ever been. He stares into blue-gray eyes that look at him with the kind of hunger that excites him.

"Are you sure?"

"Let me show you how sure I am."

Thomas carries him to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll understand if you're angry about what happened; and that is justified. But I had always planned for things to go this way in the story.  
> Also, if you haven't seen, on my tumblr, scatter-the-stars, I'm answering questions you have for Kurt and Blaine-and other characters I've written-from any of my stories. So, go ask any questions you may have had for them if you want and they will answer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since a few of you have been asking what Thomas looks like, I made a post on my tumblr of what everyone looks like. [Here you go.](https://scatter-the-stars.tumblr.com/post/613963816550694912/i-did-this-with-collide-and-because-someone-asked)

"What was this?" Sat naked on the edge of his messy bed, hair still damp from an earlier shower, Kurt watches Thomas get dressed with a sadness looming over him like a dark cloud.

It's the morning after their night together. A night full of moments that replay in his mind. From how Thomas and him selfishly came together over and over again without a thought to the consequences. How they fucked like two animals in heat that couldn't get enough of the other. To how they screamed and shouted each other's names in pleasure while their bodies trembled and shook. And every moment in between.

Although amazing in every sense of the word, and the best night he's had in a long time, that doesn't stop the night before from complicating things in so many ways for the both of them. Because Thomas is still engaged to Lucas, and he has whatever it is he has with Blaine. The only consolation he has is that Blaine and him never said they were monogamous. But that doesn't stop the guilt he feels. Because he still fucked someone else.

"What do you mean?" Thomas begins to button his shirt. The dark navy blue of the material is a good color against his skin.

Kurt wants to yank it off him like he did the night before.

"I mean what was this?" He focuses on his uncertainty instead. If he thinks of the night before, he'll quickly lose focus. "Was this just a lapse in judgement for both of us? A mistake? A one time thing? Or something we do now when we see each other?" The idea that it could be the last one fills him with a joy he feels guilty about. There is nothing about an affair that is joyous.

"Kurt," Thomas stops buttoning his shirt half-way up to drop down to his knees in front of him, "I don't know what this was. I need to go home and think about some things." He grabs at Kurt's knees and yanks him close so his thighs are bracketing his body. "But don't call it a mistake. Because last night was amazing."

Kurt touches a hand to Thomas' exposed chest. Runs his fingers up along his neck. Coasts them over the stubble on his jaw—stubble that turned the inside of his thighs red—and over his full lips. He thinks about how those lips looked stretched around his cock only hours before. How they felt against the most intimate part of himself before being filled by Thomas' cock. "And this morning in the shower?" The memory of Thomas turning him to a begging, needy mess before fucking him rough and hard has blood rushing south. Drops of precum leak from the tip of his hard cock and slide down the sides.

Thomas grins. "That definitely wasn't a mistake." He leans in and nuzzles his face against Kurt's neck. Lightly nips at the soft skin there. Kurt moans. "This was inevitable, Kurt. You knew it the second you saw me yesterday."

He did know. Subconsciously some part of himself knew they would end up here. That they would forget guilt and regret and selfishly take.

"Last night was an amazing reminder of us."

"It was, mon trésor."

"It's going to hurt when you leave." That's the only regret he has about last night. The pain he'll experience when Thomas goes home after being given a reminder of how great they are together.

"I know. I'm sorry, mon trésor." Thomas brushes his lips over Kurt's slightly parted ones. "I hate causing you pain."

Kurt's body comes alive as Thomas kisses him; runs a hand down his chest. A staggered breath falls from his lips when Thomas rubs a thumb over one of his nipples.

"Please," he whimpers against Thomas' lips, not knowing what he's begging for. He wants anything and everything Thomas can give him in what little time they have left. He wants one last great memory to keep.

Thomas groans. Pushes him to lie back. Lifts one of his legs over his shoulder before lowering his head and taking him into his mouth.

Eyes flutter shut and fingers thread through Thomas' hair still damp from their shower. He lies back and savors every small detail of the moment. From the feel of Thomas' mouth around him to the hands on his hips.

Thomas works him in the way that he knows and remembers. Brings him to his release quicker than he anticipated. He shoots down Thomas' throat. Comes fast and hard. Softly cries out Thomas' name in pleasure while throwing his head back.

Cold air hits his spent cock after Thomas pulls off him. A huge smile splits his face as he lies there in a state of bliss.

"I should get going," Thomas says from the bathroom.

Kurt’s smile vanishes. The moment of joy is gone. He sits up and sees Thomas standing in front of the bathroom sink twisting the cap back on for his mouthwash while swishing around what he has in his mouth.

The sight is so familiar to him that for a moment it feels as if they're back in Ohio and Thomas is cleaning up before heading to work. That it's just another normal morning for them. The realization that it's not, that Thomas is getting ready to go back home to Denver and his fiancé, ruins whatever good mood he has.

He brings his knees up and hugs them to his chest. Does his best to hide his disappointment and pain when he speaks. "I know. Your cab will be here any minute."

Thomas finishes in the bathroom and walks over to him. Places a finger under his chin and tips his head up. "What's wrong?"

It’s no surprise that Thomas would know something is wrong with him. He was always able to easily read him and his emotions.

He blinks back hot, heavy tears. The same words he told him at the airport fourteen months ago fall from his lips now. "I don't want you to go."

Thomas brushes away a tear that escapes. Hauls Kurt up so he's kneeling in front of him. "I don't want to go, either. But we both know I have to."

Kurt leans in and kisses Thomas. Thrust his tongue into his mouth when he opens up for him. Taste the mint of the mouthwash he used. Winds his arms around his neck as he lets himself get lost in kissing him.

Hands splay over his naked back as Thomas leans into him. They hold him close as the kiss deepens.

Every part of him feels how right this is. How what he's sharing with Thomas in that moment is what is meant to be for them. He so desperately wants it so this doesn't have to be over. That he can pull away from the kiss and ask Thomas to stay with him. But Blaine and Lucas enter his thoughts. They're a reminder of what they have outside of each other.

Thomas is the first to pull away. Lips red and slightly kiss swollen. "I have to go."

Kurt drops his arms. "I wish you could stay longer."

"Me too." Thomas grabs his chin and kisses him one last time. Whispers against his lips, "I love you, mon trésor."

He says the words back with as much conviction. Fights back tears as he watches Thomas grab the last of his things and walk out of his bedroom.

The tears come hot and heavy the moment he hears his front door close. Pain erupts in his chest. He crawls up his bed and lies down. Covers himself and cries until he falls asleep.

A noise wakes him up a few hours later. His groggy mind is confused as he sits up. He winces when he sits on his ass. A smile spreads across his face as he recalls the reason for that.

Pain follows the memory of Thomas fucking him. He remembers that Thomas is gone. That he's most likely in Denver now. That he's back with Lucas and probably acting like last night didn't happen.

He buries his face in his hands and breathes through the hurt. No matter how painful this may be, he doesn't regret last night. He's happy it happened. Would make the same choice again if given the chance. Because he wanted last night more than anything.

The aftermath is what he hates. It's having something he loves ripped away from him again after getting it back so soon. It's the pain of having to lose Thomas again. That's what he doesn't want. What he's not ready to go through again. Because the first time was horrible enough in it's own right. A second time around will be no better or easier.

When a knock comes on his front door, he realizes that was the noise that woke him up. He looks at the clock and sees it's nearly three-thirty in the afternoon.

Robe pulled on and tied after climbing out of bed, he walks to his front door to answer it. Still too tired to try and guess who could be knocking.

"Who is it?"

"If you would answer your phone you would know."

_ Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuuuck! _

Kurt immediately begins to panic. It's the first time he's thought of Blaine since sleeping with Thomas.

"Blaine?"

"Of course. Who else would it be?" A light chuckle follows Blaine's words. "Are you going to open the door or leave me standing out here like an idiot?"

Guilt begins to take hold of him as he opens his robe and looks down at his naked body. He inspects his body for any marks that Thomas may have accidentally given him. Relieved when he doesn't see any.

Then he thinks of his backside.

"Um... Give me a second!" he calls out. He quickly ties his robe and races to his en suite bathroom in his room. Robe shucked off, he turns his back to the mirror and looks over his shoulder. Sighs with relief when he sees his skin is pretty much blemish free. The only signs of his night with Thomas being quickly fading fingerprints on his ass.

It becomes clear to him that Thomas was careful not to leave any kind of evidence on his body to give away what they did.

He jumps in the shower real quick. Stands under the hot spray of water and rinses off last night's and this morning's indiscretions as fast as he can. Wraps a towel around his hips, brushes his teeth, and goes out back to his room. The sight of the ruffled, messy sheets and multiple packets of open condoms scattered on the floor with his clothes a physical reminder of what he did.

His guilt intensifies at the sight.

Sheets ripped off the bed and condom packets picked up and thrown in the trash with the used condoms, he grabs it all and heads for the small laundry room he has. Once again extremely grateful to have that room since he doesn't have to leave to clean his belongings, and explain anything to Blaine.

Blaine knocks on the door again. Calls out for him.

"Just a minute!"

Towel thrown in with his sheets and clothes, trash bag from his room stuffed to the bottom of the can in the kitchen, he races back to his room for clothes.

Once dressed, he takes a moment to compose himself. He pushes out the guilt and hurt he feels. Tries to focus on being happy.

That happiness comes easier when he opens the door to Blaine.

"Hi."

A confused look crosses Blaine's face. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just felt gross and wanted to take a shower real quick." He steps out of the way to let Blaine in. "Come in."

Blaine steps inside. In jeans, a black shirt, and dark boots, hair looking like he's been running his fingers through it, he's the epitome of sexy and confident in that moment. Kurt feels his body react to his hungry gaze like he just didn't spend the night having sex.

"So, what do you want to do?" he nervously asks.

"I have an idea or two." Blaine grins and takes one of his hands.

He follows him to the living room. Goes when he pushes him down on his couch. Bites back a moan when he grabs at the back of the couch and places his knees on either side of him before straddling his lap.

He grabs at Blaine’s hips. "W-What are these ideas?"

Blaine lowers himself until he's sitting in his lap. Rubs his ass on the bulge pressing against him. He leans in and draws his lips up Kurt's neck. Whispers into his ear, "Thought about you all day." He rocks his hips.

A fresh wave of guilt hits Kurt at Blaine's confession. But his body doesn't seem to stay on the guilt train long since his cock grows harder due to the fact that he's got a gorgeous eighteen year old horny teenager currently rubbing up against him like a cat in heat.

"Touched myself last night thinking about you." Blaine runs one hand through the short hair at the back of Kurt's head. Pulls it back until he's looking up at him.

The mental image that pops up of Blaine naked in bed touching himself is one he never wants to forget. It’s one he wants to see in person. He drags his hands down and grabs at Blaine's ass.

"Fuck, Kurt!" Blaine works his hips harder and faster. Rides Kurt's bulge like a man starved for touch and pleasure.

Kurt closes his eyes and forces memories of Thomas uttering those words into his ear from the night before out of his mind. But the memory stays. Plays in his head like a movie.

He lifts his head and buries his face in Blaine's neck as he falls into both moments. The memory of how Thomas fucked him while he was on his hands and knees mixes with this moment now with Blaine. He goes back and forth like a tennis match. One moment he's in the memory with Thomas and the next he's here with Blaine. The pleasure of both moments mixing. The memory of pleasure from Thomas adding to the pleasure he's getting now with Blaine.

"Gonna come," Blaine utters.

Knowing it's fucked up for him to hang onto that memory while with Blaine, Kurt shoves it away and puts all his attention on the guy here with him. He pulls back and gazes into hazel eyes overflowing with desire and need.

"Stop." 

Blaine stops as commanded.

Once Blaine stills, he pushes him off his lap to sit on the couch. He gets off the couch only to drop to his knees in between Blaine's spread thighs.

He reaches for the button of his jeans. Pops it open. "Let me taste you." He draws the zipper down. "Want you in my mouth." A big part of him does. Wants to taste and feel Blaine in his mouth. But a small part knows he's doing this out of guilt. Is trying to make up to Blaine the fact that he slept with someone else.

"Oh fuck." Blaine groans and lifts his hips. Lets Kurt pull his jeans down.

Kurt smirks when he finds he's not wearing underwear. "Someone isn't subtle."

"What can I say?" Blaine wraps a hand around himself and strokes. "I really missed you."

"I can see." He eyes Blaine's hard, throbbing cock. Sees the head is a swollen deep red that demands attention. The slight similarity to Thomas' has him recalling the night before. 

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He lifts his eyes from Blaine's cock to his eyes that watch him with worry.

"Everything okay?"

"Of course." He feigns being fine on the outside while guilt at feeling desire for another man tears him up on the inside. "This cock is just so impressive." The delight comes easy as he draws a finger up along the side of Blaine's cock. Gathers the precum that drips out. Brings his finger to his lips and sucks it off.

Blaine watches with blown pupils. Strokes his cock a few times. Pushes his hips up into his fist.

Kurt places his hands on Blaine's knees. "Keep doing that." He watches with rapt attention while Blaine fucks his fist. Watches the head of his cock disappear before pushing through his tight fist. He notices his balls grow tighter.

He swats Blaine's hand away when he sees he's close. Replaces it with his own. Gives slow, tentative strokes. Leans in and kisses at the head. Feels Blaine's cock jerk.

"Quit teasing." Blaine sounds desperate and needy.

He continues with his slow strokes and kisses. Twirls his tongue around the head. Teases the tip inside Blaine's slit; licks away the beads of precum gathered there. The taste one he enjoys. He kisses his way down Blaine's cock until he reaches the base. Mouths at his balls that are drawn up tight to his body.

Without thinking, he lifts his head and grabs at the back of Blaine's knees. Pulls him until his ass is at the edge of the couch.

"Take your boots off."

Blaine quickly unlaces his boots and pulls them off.

Kurt pulls his jeans the rest of the way off his legs. Pushes his thighs back until his knees are to his chest. His eyes never break contact with Blaine's as he lowers his mouth and kisses from his balls down to his hole. The contact is only broken when Blaine tips his head back when he runs the flat of his tongue over his hole.

He sucks a thumb into his mouth and thoroughly wets it before pressing it against Blaine's opening. Teases him by tracing around and around without pushing in.

"Have you ever had your ass eaten, Blaine?"

Blaine finally lifts his head and looks at him. "Yes."

"Hmm." Kurt licks a stripe up the underside of Blaine's cock. Gives a quick suck to the head before pulling off. He grins up at Blaine. "Guess I'm going to have to do it better than them."

Blaine reaches down and runs a hand through Kurt's damp hair. "You already are."

He smirks. "Hold your legs. Keep your hands there no matter what."

With Blaine holding his legs up and spread open, he leans in and takes every inch of him into his mouth. Blaine instantly yells and tries to buck up into him without much success. A hand resting on the back of his head has him pulling off.

"What did I say?" He removes Blaine's hand. Places it back on his knee. "Hands on your knees." He puts on an innocent smile. "Listen to the rules."

Kurt lowers his mouth back around Blaine. Wraps a hand around the base. Strokes while he sucks. He sets up a steady rhythm. Makes sure to use his tongue, and make noises he knows send wonderful vibrations through Blaine's dick.

"Fuck! Fuck... Fuck I'm close," Blaine warns.

He pulls off him. Stills his hand. Ignores Blaine's pleas to let him come and instead places his free hand on one of Blaine's ass cheeks and spreads him open. Moans at the sight of his tight hole that's practically begging to be fucked.

Instead of pushing his cock into him like he wants, he uses his tongue. First he teases the tip of his tongue around the rim. Licks over the entrance a few times before pressing the tip of his tongue past the tight ring. Eyes falling closed at the way Blaine grips him. Cock twitching at imaging being buried inside him and having his dick gripped like that.

He lets go of Blaine's dick and sucks a finger into his mouth. Slowly eases the slicked up digit inside Blaine, who moans at the intrusion.

"Does that feel good?" He works his finger in and out. Presses at Blaine's perineum with his thumb. Which earns him a low moan.

"Yes." Blaine's legs tremble. "Don't stop."

He stops long enough to spit onto his fingers. Presses in with two of them. Watches Blaine's hole stretch around them. After Blaine adjusts to them, he fucks him with his fingers. Works them in and out at a slow, steady pace until Blaine is taking them with relative ease. And is begging for more.

Satisfied, he pulls his fingers free and replaces them with his tongue. He holds Blaine open with his hands and fucks his tight, little hole with his tongue until Blaine is begging and pleading to come.

He pulls away and sees Blaine's cock is leaking a little puddle on his belly where it lays. He grabs it, angles it towards his mouth, where he sucks him down to the root.

As he sucks and bobs his head, he presses the two fingers back into Blaine. Then begins to alternate between sucking his cock and fucking his ass with his fingers and tongue. Brings him to the edge several times only to back off. Does that until Blaine is a panting, whimpering mess that is so far gone he probably doesn't even remember his own name.

Finally, mouth around Blaine and fucking him with three fingers, he presses hard on his prostate until he's shooting down his throat in thick, hot jets. He swallows every drop.

After, with Blaine lying on his couch panting and spent, he sits on the floor resting back against the couch. Fingers thread through his hair.

"That was amazing," Blaine murmurs.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. What brought that on?"

_ Guilt. Because I fucked my ex and wanted to make it up to you. _

He doesn't say that. Swallows the words down like he did Blaine's cum. Does his best to shake the shame coursing through. It stays, though. Like an unwelcome guest that has a right to be there.

He looks over his shoulder at Blaine. Forces a small smile. "Guess I wanted to make you feel good."

"You succeeded."

Kurt laughs along with Blaine. Pushes up off the floor. "I'm hungry. Are you?"

"I could eat."

In the kitchen looking through takeout menus, too tired to cook, he looks up when Blaine joins him. He holds up a menu for an Italian place. "Italian okay?"

"Sounds good." Blaine shoves his hands in his jeans he put back on. Leans back against the counter beside Kurt.

"How was the game?" he asks while deciding what to order.

"Good. I scored a couple of goals."

"That's great." Pride blooms in his chest for Blaine. He leans in to kiss him but stops when he remembers where his mouth has been. "Sorry." He pulls away.

Blaine grabs behind his neck and brings him in close again. "Don't be. I don't care."

He moans when Blaine kisses him. Opens his mouth for him. Welcomes his tongue. Trembles at how amazing Blaine’s tongue feels thrusting against his own.

His lips and whole body tingle when Blaine pulls away. A part of him wants to yank him close again and forget lunch.

Blaine grins like he can read his thoughts. "Order." He nods to the menu. "I'm starved."

It takes Kurt a moment to compose himself enough to call and order the food. When his order is placed, he grabs Blaine and lifts him up to sit on the counter.

"Fuck that was hot!"

"What?" He looks at Blaine confused.

"Guys I've been with really don't take control like you do. I'm usually the one lifting them up."

Kurt grins. "You like me taking control?"

"I like anything you do."

_ Not what I did last night.  _ He forces the thought away. Not ready to face that. Or to tell Blaine the truth of what he did. Because he needs to. Blaine deserves to know what he did.

They makeout while waiting for their food to arrive. Both of them a panting, hard, and needy mess when the knock on his front door finally comes. After promising they'll get back to that later, Kurt grabs his wallet and heads for the door.

"This all looks amazing," Blaine says as he lays out the to-go containers on the counter.

"Dig in." He licks sauce off his thumb. Grabs for his phone when it pings with a new message. Heart stopping when he sees it's from Thomas; and noticing Blaine's unanswered texts from this morning beneath it.

"Who is it?"

Although every fiber of his being wants to see what Thomas texted him, it would be rude to Blaine. Because he knows once he reads that text, all his thoughts will be with Thomas. And Blaine doesn't deserve that. Doesn't deserve not to have him while he's thinking of someone hundreds of miles away.

"It's no one." He sets his phone face down on the counter. Gives all his attention to Blaine. "Just a friend that can wait." Although it pains him to say that, he needs to. Needs to remember that Thomas is just a friend. That he's engaged to be married.

"Okay." Blaine grabs his plate and some utensils and heads to the small dining table.

Kurt joins him a few moments later. Offers him a bottle of water.

"No wine?"

He laughs with Blaine. "I thought I would cut back on my law breaking." He stabs a few pieces of penne pasta. "Can I ask something?"

"Sure."

He eats his pasta before asking. "Is soccer just for fun or a path you want to go down? Career wise."

"It started out as fun. But I quickly came to love it. Was really good at it. I would love for it to be something I do as a career. It's something I want. But I don't know. I don't know if I can." Blaine gives a shrug of his shoulders.

"Is it your parents?"

"No. They fully support me. Were extremely proud when I got a full ride to the college that took me because of soccer. I just... What if I'm not as good as I think I am?"

"You must be great if you got a full ride for it." Kurt sets his fork down and grabs Blaine's hand closest to him. "Don't doubt yourself or your skills. I know things must have come easy to you so far in life. But it's time to fight for what you want, Blaine. If that's a soccer career, then fight for it. It won't be easy; be handed to you on a silver platter. But it'll be worth it when you achieve that dream."

"You really believe I can do it?"

"Yes."

Blaine squeezes his hand. "Thank you."

They finish their lunch. Make their way over to the couch and continue what was started in the kitchen before the food arrived.

Sat straddling Blaine's lap, Kurt is sucking on his tongue when he suddenly remembers his clothes and sheets in the washer. "Shit!" He jumps off the couch. "Give me a second." He races to his small laundry room and puts his stuff in the dryer.

The sight that greets him back in the living room makes his cock twitch. Arousal swirls inside him at Blaine lying naked on his couch, one leg bent, and an arm curled under his head as he strokes his cock. His amazing, gorgeous body on display has his mouth watering with wanting to taste, and fingers itching with wanting to touch.

"Everything okay?"

He quickly gets naked and settles over Blaine. "Everything is great."

They spend the next few hours on that couch bringing each other pleasure and talking about anything that comes to mind. When it becomes too cramped, they move to his bed. He doesn't allow himself to think of the person he shared his bed with the night before. Only thinks of Blaine and his pleasure.

It's hours later, close to two in the morning, with Blaine spent and passed out next to him, that Thomas enters his thoughts again. The unread text he sent him at the forefront of those thoughts.

Too curious as to what the text could read to sleep, he climbs out of bed and pulls a robe on. Heads to his kitchen. Grabs his phone from the counter and unlocks it. He pulls up Thomas' latest text.

**Thomas: Made it home safe.**

_ Kurt: Good. Happy to hear that. _

He sends the text and plugs in his phone to charge. Heads back to his bedroom. Pushes the robe off and climbs back into bed with Blaine. Apologizes when his movements wake him.

Blaine sleepily smiles up at him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Kurt presses their lips together in a chaste kiss. "Just had to go to the bathroom," he lies, which he hates doing to Blaine. "Go back to sleep."

He presses to Blaine's back. Shuts his thoughts off as best as he can and lets sleep pull him under.

After a restless night of sleep where he tossed and turned, and dreamed of Blaine and Lucas finding out what he did and confronting him, Kurt lies in bed close to six in the morning—wide awake—with his thoughts bouncing all over the place. Mostly landing on Thomas, and what they did.

Some part of him wants to tell Blaine what he did. To come clean. Not only because he doesn't want to continue to deal with the guilt that weighs heavy on him. But he wants to be honest with Blaine. Doesn't want there to be any lies between them.

Although they're only fooling around, having fun, that doesn't negate the fact that he still wants to be truthful to him. There's something about Blaine, just like there was with Thomas, that makes him want to be honest to him. To share everything. Even if it could hurt the both of them in the end.

Not wanting to ruin what he has with Blaine, and to lose it because he's loved every second so far, he's unsure of what to do. He wants to tell Blaine. But he's afraid of the consequences to doing that. Afraid of losing him.

"You're thinking too loud."

Blaine's teasing comment brings a smile to his face. He turns to him. Finds him still lying on his stomach and head buried in a pillow. Only now looking at him. Worry immediately fills his eyes when he lifts his head.

"Everything okay?"

In that moment it hits him that he has to tell Blaine what he did. That he needs to come clean. Even if that means losing him and what they have.

"I have to tell you something."

🍎🍎🍎🍎

The whistling of the kettle on the stove causes Kurt to jump in his chair. He goes over and turns the burner off. Pours the hot water into his coffee press. Lets it sit for a few minutes.

His mind goes back to a few hours before. Back to spilling to Blaine what he did. The memory of the hurt and betrayal on his face still cuts at him now as it did then. Tears sting at his eyes as the pain he manages to tamper down flares back up to life.

A part of him wishes he could go back and do things differently. To keep quiet and enjoy the fact that he had someone who finally made him feel something for the first time in months. Someone who was finally giving him a reason to fully move on from Thomas.

The thought of Thomas brings a fresh wave of anger. Anger at himself. Because he could have stopped what he did. He could have walked away. But he was too weak. Too needy and desperate. He took without thought to the consequences.

The cup of coffee he prepared is forgotten when he walks back to his bedroom. He pulls the dirty sheets off the bed. Gathers them into his arms and heads for his small laundry room. Throws them into the wash. The routine gives him a sense of déjà vu. Discarded clothes grabbed from the living room, he throws them in and starts the machine. Fails at not thinking about Blaine and Thomas.

All his texts and calls to both have gone unanswered and ignored. Which hurts in a way he deserves. He brought this on himself. Brought on this pain and misery. Was headed for it when he didn't stop Thomas. When he told Blaine. He's a horrible person who deserves to not be happy.

The last text Thomas sent him, a few hours ago, projects in his mind.

_ Thomas: I think we should take some time away from each other. I'm sorry. _

When he read those words, his heart broke in a way he didn't think possible. Not only because he was losing the man he loves for good. But losing his best friend. He could read between the lines of Thomas' text. Could see he regretted what happened. Wanted to put some distance between them to avoid giving off the wrong signal.

His desperate replies of  _ Why? _ and  _ Please don't do this!  _ went unread. And he knew Thomas had ignored him. Had enforced that space that he wanted. Made sure there was no way he could get through to him.

With Blaine, his calls would immediately go to voicemail. No replies to his texts of him repeatedly apologizing.

He sends another text to Blaine.

_ Kurt: I'm so sorry! _

Blaine's words from this morning replay in his mind.

_ Do you really regret it? _

Somehow Blaine knew, saw into him and could see how he truly felt about sleeping with Thomas. That he didn't regret it. That he loved every second of their time together.

Tears fall now as they did in reply to that question. They roll down his face.

He sits on his couch and cries until it feels as if he has no tears left in him.

This is something he didn't want. He didn't want to lose two important people in his life. But here he is. With Thomas and Blaine not talking to him.

He hopes and wishes that isn't the case forever.


	9. Chapter 9

**Two Months Later**

"Hey, Kira, I'm taking my lunch break." Kurt steps out from behind the counter. Heads to the back to grab his lunch before finding a seat at an empty table up front.

He opens the brown paper bag and pulls out the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he made. Picks at it since he doesn't really have an appetite. An appetite is something he hasn't had much of since that weekend two months ago. It's one of the changes that has happened since that time. 

Many things have changed since then. And none of them for the better.

The buzz of his phone excites him. His heart soars for a moment thinking it could either be Blaine or Thomas. But it drops as disappointment settles over him when he looks and sees it's an unknown number calling him. It was stupid of him to hope. To think they would suddenly call him out of the blue. Both of them made it loud and clear they don't want to speak to him again by the continued silence from them.

Things weren't meant to be this way when he moved here. He left the heartache and pain behind in Lima. Was doing a damn good job of moving on; of finding happiness again. Beverly Hills was meant to be a place to start over. To move on. And he was doing great at that. Was learning to live again. To allow himself to feel things he shut himself off to for over a year. But one night and one choice ruined all his work. It went flying out the window.

He could have done the selfish thing and put the full blame on Thomas. But he didn't. Because that’s not who he is. He isn’t a coward. A jerk. He shouldered the blame for what happened to him. Can feel it weigh heavy on him day after day like chains he carries. A constant reminder. Because he could have changed the outcome. Could have stopped Thomas, and saved himself this hurt and guilt.

But he didn't stop Thomas.

Didn't stop himself.

He brought this on himself. He’s made his bed, and now he has to lay in it.

That's why he sits alone upset at a phone call that doesn't come.

The peanut butter and jelly sandwich sits in front of him with one of the corners barely torn into. The sandwich is already forgotten when Kira takes the seat across from him a few minutes later. Her lilac colored hair is styled in two French braids on either side of her head that meet in the back in a bun. Worry creases her brow as concern fills her eyes. He knows that look. Remembers his parents' wearing it when they were worried about him. Is prepared for whatever she has to say to him.

"Okay. What's wrong with you?"

Kurt tries to act confused. To play it off as if he doesn't understand why she's asking that. "What do you mean? I'm fine."

_ Fine. _

_ Fine. _

_ Fine. _

That has been his go to word for the past two months. Every time someone asked him how he's doing, the word Fine would leave his lips. The first few times it was uttered in a small, broken voice. But he's gotten better in the last month and a half at injecting fake reassurance and happiness into the word. In making the ones who asked that he was what they heard in the word. That he is fine.

The lie doesn't even come close to working on Kira.

She gives him a  _ I smell bullshit _ look. "Don't lie to me." He dejectedly hangs his head. Not sure if he's relieved or not at someone finally calling him out on his lie. "I know something is wrong. You go through the motions while at work. You quit your tutoring job. You've lost weight." She takes one of his hands in hers. Gives it a comforting squeeze. Voice low when she speaks again. "Is this about what happened with Eli?"

The mention of Eli sends a shiver along his spine. He tenses for a moment before remembering that Eli is gone. That he left a couple of weeks after what happened. That he's no longer there to scare him in any way. He doesn’t know what happened to have Eli just up and leave. But he won’t waste another second of his life concerning himself with Eli. He doesn’t care about anything to do with him.

"No." He shakes his head. Lets out a heavy breath and looks up at her. "This isn't about him." In the beginning some small part may have been about him and what he did. But that is not the case anymore. Stopped being the case a couple weeks after the attack.

"Then what?" Kira looks at him with worry.

That look hurts him. Because he hates to worry Kira in any way. She doesn’t deserve that. She's like a second mom to him, and he hates hurting her in any way. Wants to apologize for causing her to worry about him these past weeks.

There's no denying things have been different for him since he slept with Thomas and told Blaine. It's almost as if he's been sleeping through his life. Has been going through the motions, as Kira said, without actually living. The reason being that Thomas and Blaine haven't talked to him since that weekend. Horrible doesn't even begin to describe what that has been like. It's as if the light has dimmed in his life. As if the color has drained from everything. There's no happiness in anything for him. Nothing brings him joy or excitement as it once did. The hollowness in his chest like a void that only grows and intensifies in the ache he feels. The pain is like a second heartbeat that demands to be felt.

"I made a choice and it backfired. Now I'm living with that choice." It's all he offers. All he can offer without putting himself in trouble. "And I quit the tutoring job because Blaine refused to show up. It seemed wrong to continue taking payment from Bethany when I wasn't doing anything to earn it." He keeps out the part about Blaine's reason for avoiding him.

"Oh." Kira pats his hand. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. It was the right choice to make." Although the right one, he hates that he lost a teaching job. Teaching is what he loves to do. So to no longer have a job that allows him to do that is a horrible feeling.

"What did Bethany say?"

"She was angry at Blaine. But understood my reasoning. Gave me a bit of a bonus for helping to improve Blaine's grades as well as I did."

The twenty thousand dollar check sits untouched on his coffee table, where it's been for five weeks. The piece of paper is a glaring reminder of the guilt he carries for going behind Bethany and Lucas' backs.

"It was for the best, anyways," he says. "Blaine really didn't need tutoring to begin with. He's already been accepted to college. I wasn't necessary."

"Maybe not. But I'm sure you were greatly appreciated for what you managed to accomplish in your short time," Kira says to lift him up some.

Greatly appreciated is an understatement. When he informed Bethany of his choice, she practically begged and pleaded with him to stay on until Blaine left for college. Made a promise of tripling his salary if he would stay and prepare Blaine for what he would deal with when it came to college coursework. As great as the money sounded, he knew it would be wrong to accept. That he would feel even worse than he did by taking their money when he betrayed them. When he knew Blaine would continue to skip their lessons.

"I just hate that I'm not teaching," he confesses in a soft, broken voice. Not being able to teach only made things worse. "I love it so much and now I don't have it." Among other things that he feels the same about.

"What about substituting?"

"I've given my credentials to a few schools. Put down my name to be called. But I'm new here. I'm pretty sure there's a hierarchy and I'm at the bottom."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It is what it is."

Kira stands. Smiles down at him. "You'll get through this, Kurt, and everything will be fine."

He isn't sure he can believe that. Believe he'll get through this. That everything will be fine even if he does. Because it feels as if a part of him has died. To lose two people he cares about deeply in a matter of hours did something to him. Killed a part of him that makes him want to hide away from the world to just forget everything and everyone.

"Thanks, Kira."

Kira looks down at his barely touched sandwich before lifting her eyes back up to him. A serious look in them. "I expect you to finish that sandwich. You need to eat."

"Oh. I uh..." Kurt looks at his uneaten sandwich before returning his gaze to Kira. "I don't have much of an appetite. I think I'll just get back to work."

Kira grabs his chin in her hand. "What you are doing is unhealthy. Eat the sandwich." She uses her mom voice on him.

Instead of arguing, and knowing Kira is right, he picks up his sandwich and takes a bite. Barely tastes the food as he chews.

After he finishes, trash thrown away, he spends the last few minutes of his break fiddling with his parents' rings hanging around his neck while lost in thought. Wonders what Thomas is doing. If he's buried himself in work and wedding planning to forget what he obviously thought was a mistake. And more than likely regrets now. Wonders about Blaine and how he's doing. If he's already moved on from him. If he's screwing around. The thought of which threatens to bring his lunch back up.

As he sits there and imagines someone else touching Blaine, giving him the kind of pleasure he gave him, his stomach turns. He jumps up and bolts to the bathroom. Empties the small contents of his stomach into the toilet. Flushes and sits back against the stall. Brings his knees to his chest and cries for the second time that day.

This is his fault. His punishment. He has to live with knowing Thomas and Blaine are turning to others. That Thomas has Lucas and Blaine is free to mess around with whomever he wants.

He can't be angry or jealous. Because neither Blaine or Thomas are his. They are free to be with whomever they want.

Pain sears through him hot and molten. Has him pressing a hand to his chest and counting in his head to breathe.

_ One. _

_ Two. _

_ Three. _

Breathe. Deep, lung-filled breaths that slowly calm him.

He repeats that until the pain is a soft ember burning under his skin. Until his heart isn't racing and his head isn't muddled.

_ One. _

_ Two. _

_ Three. _

A knock on the stall startles him. He looks up to Kira standing over him with worry when she opens the door.

"Do you need to go home?"

He shakes his head. "I'm fine. I don't want to go home." Home means being alone with his thoughts. It means crying on the couch while pain rips through him. At least with work he's distracted from all of that for several hours. Work has been somewhat his saving grace these past months. Has given him a reason to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. Work is what he needs. "Please, Kira. Let me stay. I can't... I can't be..." Tears well in his eyes as he thinks the word he can't speak.

Kira crouches down to him. Tenderly cups his face and strokes her thumb over his cheek. "This will pass, Kurt. Whatever this is, it'll pass. You'll get through this and be stronger for it." She wipes at a tear that escapes Kurt. "Take a few more minutes then come back out and get to work. Okay?"

Kurt nods his head.

The bathroom door closing is loud. The noise rings out. Echoes in a way that hurts. The sound somehow reminds him he's alone.

Alone.

He's alone.

Pain. Again. Hot. Burning. Consuming.

Tears spill over. There's no stopping them; stopping the sobs that escape him. There's a wetness on his cheeks. On his shirt. On his hands when he covers his face.

Three minutes. That's all he gives himself. Three minutes to let the tears flow. To let them wet his cheeks and hands and shirt.

After, drained and tired... He’s so tired. He takes several minutes to compose himself. Stands and cleans himself up. Exits the stall. Leaves the pain behind in there for the moment. Splashes cool water on his face and swishes some around in his mouth before spitting it out. He takes a look at himself in the mirror and isn't surprised by what he sees. By the dark circles under his eyes. The same eyes that are red from crying and don't hold light and happiness as they once did. His skin is paler than usual. Hair a disarrayed mess since he barely cared about styling it that morning.

Unkempt.

Exhausted.

Broken.

The sight of himself is embarrassing. He shakes his head while mentally berating himself for letting things get this far. He may be unhappy and lonely, but that doesn't mean he needs to let himself go like this.

_ Fix it. _ He can fix this. Can do better. Can be better.

He quickly runs his wet fingers through his hair to fix it as best as he can. Pinches his cheeks to bring some color to them. Decides a trip to the beach the next day is more than needed. Once satisfied with his appearance, he plasters on that fake happy smile he's perfected in the past weeks and heads out of the bathroom.

The next several hours of working are the distraction he needed. What he sought out by asking to stay. He manages to forget about his problems. His pain and heartache. But the moment he steps into his quiet apartment, it all comes rushing back at once.

Pain.

Hot.

Burning.

Instead of letting go and crying right there, he decides to only cry in the shower. To get it all out then instead of trying to act okay and crying himself to sleep when he realizes he's not.

He cries until his lungs ache and his throat is raw. Until his eyes seem to dry out and the water turns cold.

It no longer burns as he shuts off the water and dries off. All he feels is cold. And tired. And a soft thrum through him that is easy to ignore.

Towel wrapped around his hips, he steps out of his bathroom feeling a bit better. He pulls on some clothes and orders food. Actually eats while watching an action movie. Forces himself not to think about either Thomas or Blaine. Crawls into bed and tries for sleep for hours.

Tired. He's so tired. Exhausted in a way that doesn't welcome sleep. Finally crawls out of bed at close to three in the morning and takes a prescribed sleeping pill from when he lost his dad.

Sleep greets him instantly. He welcomes it without a fight.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

The sun is hot on his skin as he lies on the towel he laid out. Sunglasses on, in only a pair of swim trunks, and earbuds in so he can listen to an audiobook, a sense of peace he hasn't felt in months fills him.

This trip to the beach is what he needed. The hot sun and fresh air. He's been cooped up inside wallowing in his misery for too long. He needed to get out. To take that first step in beginning to move on. It's not much. But it's the start of something. A small something that has made him happy for the first time in two months.

Pain.

Warm.

Manageable.

Sat up, he watches young kids run around chasing each other. Their delighted screams drowned out by his audiobook. But the sight still brings a smile to his face. Nearby a group of teenagers seem to be having fun. Which is helped by the alcohol he noticed them sneaking into their empty cans of soda. Life goes on around him. And he is waking up to the fact that he needs to go along too. That he can't let himself do this again. Can't lose time sitting in his self-pity and heartache. He can still allow himself both those things. But to not let them consume him to the point he doesn't even leave his place.

Live. Live again. Be happy.

Right then and there he makes the choice to move on. To start living again. To no longer sleep through his life like he's been doing. It was unhealthy, and made things worse. So much worse.

Satisfied with that choice, he turns over and lies on his stomach. Head resting on his crossed arms, he closes his eyes and listens to the narrator of his book. The voice eventually lulls him to sleep.

_ "Somehow, I'd forget. I'd bury it. I had no choice but to go on. I refused to give in to this; I refused to break down and fall apart." _

The words he wakes up to strike home with him. Are what he needed to hear. Sounds like a mantra he needs to follow.

_ I refuse to break down and fall apart. _

After opening his eyes, and hearing that, it takes a moment for him to process what woke him up. And as he lies there, he quickly realizes what it was. He scrambles away from the hand roaming over his back. Looks around to see if anyone noticed he was being touched by someone without his consent. But no one pays him any attention. They all go about their lives without a clue as to what is going on right in front of them.

Fear and panic begin to course through him as he's all of sudden put back in that parking garage. He's back in that place where he's alone in his fight against someone trying to take advantage.

Pain.

Burning.

Consuming.

Earbuds yanked out, he makes the choice right there—as he did back then—to fight. To show this person they picked the wrong person to mess with.

"Shit! Kurt, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I forgot."

It's not the words that make his heart stop. No. It's the voice that spoke them. That warm, comforting voice he's dreamed about every day for two months. That voice he thought he would never hear speak to him again.

Peace washes over him. The pain he is feeling dulled to a background noise he barely notices.

Happiness.

Warmth.

Comfort.

He looks up and sees Blaine kneeling a couple of feet away holding his hands up as if to show he means no harm. Regret and worry furrow his brows together as he looks his way.

In red boardshorts, body on display, Kurt can't stop the reaction of his own body. Can't stop the way his pulse thrums and heart races. Or how his cock twitches at the sight. Every instinct he has to reach out and touch fought against. Heat floods his cheeks when Blaine catches him staring.

He sits back on his towel and relaxes. "W-What are you doing here?" His voice trembles the slightest.

Blaine relaxes himself. Drops his hands. "Surfing with the guys."

"Oh. Catch any good waves?"

"A few."

There's a silence that follows that exchange. It's deafening on the loud beach. Stretches on and on like taffy that won't break.

Too much. It becomes too much for him. Unbearable. 

_ Speak. Say something. Anything. _

"Why were you touching me?"  _ Will you touch me again? _

Wrong question. He knows it the second the words leave his mouth. Sees it in the way Blaine's jaw twitches just the slightest.

Blaine runs a hand through his wet hair. Licks his lips. "You were starting to burn. I was putting sunblock on you."

"Right." Kurt shoves down his disappointment. Does his best to hide it; keep it out of his eyes and voice when he talks. "Thanks for that."

"Yeah. Sure. No problem."

Words fail him once again. The apology he wants to say stuck on his tongue. And also not seeming enough.

Instead of trying to speak, and saying the wrong thing, he begins to gather his things. Quickly shoves them in the oversized beach bag he brought with him. "I should go." He folds his towel and shoves it in the bag. Notices how his hands shake. "It was great seeing you. I'm sure you want to get back to your friends."  _ To leave me alone. _

It's with his head down that he stands and begins to walk away. Already dreading what this small interaction will do to him.

Pain.

Burning.

Consuming.

Bag placed in the backseat of his car, he shuts the door and pulls on his shirt. Makes a promise to himself to wait until he gets home to have a breakdown.

"Hey." He looks over at Blaine, who stands a few feet away. A beautiful, crooked smile spread across his face. "Are you hungry? I know about this great place."

“ _ Not like before,”  _ Blaine had said. “ _ Just friends.” _

Okay fell from his lips. Eagerness and excitement and relief all swirling together in that one word. But there was no shame from him. No embarrassment. He wanted this—Blaine's company in any way—too much to feel anything but eagerness and excitement and relief.

Friends. Friends he could do. Friends they could be.

Friends.

The word pulses through him like the beat of a happy song after too many sad ones.

There's so many things to say as they walk quietly to the food truck. So many words. Apologies. Desires. Because even though they are friends, there's still want. Hunger. Hunger for touches and kisses and...more. More than what he's been given. But he can't be selfish. Can't ask for more when he's lucky to have this—friendship—again. That's why he keeps his lips pressed together. Why he crosses his arms over his chest; shoves his hands under his armpits to stop from reaching out. From touching.

The smell of the crab cakes he ordered alert him to just how hungry he is. His stomach loudly growls. Blaine looks at him with an amused, concerned smile at the sound. The back of his neck grows hot at those hazel eyes on him. At that smile that is slightly crooked.

"You should eat," Blaine tells him before turning his attention to his own food.

The food smells delicious, as he's come to expect. Once again reminding him how hungry he is. The last time he ate being the small bowl of yogurt and granola he had that morning for breakfast. He eats the first small cake in three bites. Softly moans at each bite he takes that floods his mouth with the wonderful tastes and textures.

"Fuck!" The word is softly uttered next to him. But there's no missing the arousal the word holds. The lust and hunger.

Eyes sweep over to Blaine. To a bitten lower lip that is quickly released. To the slightest of flushes to his cheeks he's unable to fight against. To that lust and hunger that's impossible to hide in his hazel eyes. But it's the flicker of anger that he sees that has him looking away. That has shame and regret prickling hot at the back of his neck.

"Sorry. I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't... I didn't mean to..." Words fail him. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Feels the tension that is strong between them. That push and pull that is still like a coil ready to snap at any second and have everything they want to say to each other coming forward.

When he opens his eyes the tightness of his chest is what he notices first. The way it feels as if a two ton boulder sits on his chest crushing him, making it hard to breathe and think straight. To say what he needs to.

He picks at a crab cake. Eats a shredded piece of meat. Chews slow and deliberately. Swallows before looking to Blaine again. To eyebrows that are furrowed in frustration and concern. To eyes watching him with worry. The look hurts in a way he never expected. To know Blaine still cares. Probably always will. Because there's something there. Something between them. Has been from the moment they saw each other. A something that will always be there. A thread—a string—connecting them in a way he's only ever been connected to with one other person.

"I'm sorry." He looks away. Looks at his unfinished food. Listens to the sound of the ocean not far away; to the people in line ordering or eating, or walking by. Listens. Listens. Listens.

Listens to everything around him. Listens until it's all drowned out by a voice. A singular voice. A familiar, warm voice he's missed hearing for two months. "Don't be," it tells him; assures him. But he hears it. Hears that underlying anger. That sense of betrayal that still lingers like an open, festering wound that still needs time to heal.

Silence descends around them. Follows immediately after. It's loud and unbearable. Goes along for seconds and seconds. Then minutes and minutes.

_ Mistake _ his mind screams. This was a mistake. Too soon. It's too soon for them to try. Too soon for Blaine to try and let go of his anger and attempt to bring him back into his life.

Although his head screams to leave, to ease Blaine's obvious hurt, he refuses to listen. Refuses to give up that easily. Especially without a fight. He knows how to fight. How to fight for something he cares deeply for before letting go if it's the right thing to do.

_ Thomas. _ The name pulses through him like the warmth of a candle flame flickering to stay alight through strong winds. It's not much. But it provides light. Warmth. A promise of safety from the dark. But he can't let himself get lost in that light. That warmth. Because Thomas is no longer talking to him. Thomas made his choice. He has to make his own. Has to recognize that the guy beside him is offering him friendship. That he's here when Thomas isn't.

He blows the flame out.

The pain is almost unbearable. Sweeps to every part of him. He feels as if he's been flayed open and every nerve ending is being sawed through. The heart is a muscle. This he knows. But at the moment, it feels as if his heart is a dying sun because it hurts so terribly. All warmth and light and happiness is being destroyed. All he wants is to wallow in the pain. To cry at his choice. But he contains the emotions. The pain. Hides it from Blaine. Pushes it into a closet in his mind to deal with when he's alone.

His hand shakes the slightest when he reaches for a crab cake. The only sign of his internal struggle at the choice he just made.

"So, um... What... W-What have you been doing these past couple of months?" Kurt is almost afraid of the answer. Wants to take the question back immediately after it leaves his lips.

But they need normalcy. Need to act like friends who are interested in catching up on time lost. Even if the answer isn't one he wants to hear. Because he knows what will be said. Knows Blaine will use his words to hurt him. He expects it. Tells himself in some fucked up way that he deserves it. Deserves to hurt after hurting Blaine.

Blaine bends his knees. Rests his arms on them. Fingers interlace as he seems to consider how to answer the question. Brows furrow. He chews his bottom lip and releases it. Breathes and finally replies. "I did anything and everything to forget about you and the pain you caused me." Guilt slams into Kurt and ruins his appetite. He sets the rest of his uneaten crab cakes aside. Braces himself for what else Blaine has to say. Because there's more. He knows it as sure as he knows the sky is blue. "I surfed. Partied. Drank. Fucked every guy who showed interest."

The words are like blades slicing across his skin. They cut deep. Manage to do what Blaine wanted them to. Hurt in a way that isn't fatal, but feels as if he's dying. That has him wishing he was dying. Or at least numb to what he's feeling. Because what he feels is indescribable. Jealousy and rage and guilt and regret and longing and hurt swirl inside him like a tornado of emotions. Attacking. Attacking. Attacking.

He wants to snap at Blaine. Ask him why the fuck he felt the need to say the last part. Ask if he feels better. But he swallows the words down. Can't let himself get mad at Blaine for something that was his fault. So he sits there and accepts the attack the words cause. Lets the tornado inside him swirl until it calms.

"I deserved that."

A heavy sigh comes from beside him. "Maybe. Maybe not." Blaine stretches out his legs. "I wanted...needed to hurt you like you did me."

"I know. That's why I'm not getting angry at you."

Another heavy sigh. "You're making it difficult for me to stay angry at you."

Kurt smiles the smallest of smiles. Takes comfort in knowing Blaine is slowly, but surely, letting his anger toward him go.

"I won't apologize for that."

"You shouldn't." Hazel eyes turn on him. A spark of joy in them. The sight makes him feel lighter. Happier.

"I'm sorry, Blaine." The apology is out of his mouth before he can stop it. And that spark of joy in those hazel eyes disappears, as if it was never there. He almost starts to question if he saw it at all. If he imagined it.

Blaine looks away.

He continues. Needing to say what's been stuck inside him for two months. "I know I hurt you. That I did something terrible. Unforgivable even. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. Sorry for ruining us." His throat goes tight with unshed tears at the last admission. At the truth the words hold. He looks away as a tear escapes. Brushes it off and breathes. His voice comes out small and choked when he speaks again. "I'm sorry."

There's nothing from Blaine. No reply. Only silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

The silence is too much. He gathers his unfinished food and stands. Does his best to stay composed. To not break.

"Sorry," he murmurs, voice quiet and broken. "I'll go."

The food is tossed in the trash. It's with a quickness that he walks away. Berates himself for ruining what was a good moment.

People walk past him. Happy people with smiles and heads tossed back in laughter. He envies them. Envies that they have something he lost and is doing a terrible job of trying to regain.

It takes a couple tries to get his hand to stop shaking long enough for him to get the key in the lock on his car door. The key turns without resistance.

Somehow, in a way he can't explain, he feels him there. Knows without having to look up that he followed after him. Is close.

"What?" The word is forced past his lips. It comes out somewhat clipped. Fragments of annoyance and frustration in that four letter word. Because he's tired. So tired. He just wants to forget all this. Move past it already. Have Blaine without all the hurt and pain in the way.

"Sorry," he apologizes. Lets out a short, stilted laugh. "That's all I seem to be doing around you. Apologizing." It takes a moment for him to realize how that may be taken by Blaine. He turns to him. Eyes wide with regret. "Not that I hate apologizing to you. That I didn't...don't want to. I'm just... I... I..." His words get jumbled and heavy. He can't speak them. Can't talk properly.

Then he's there. In his space. Close. Closer than he's been in two months. Heat radiating off his body. The smell of the ocean and sun and something uniquely him filling his nose with every breath he takes.

He breathes. And breathes. And breathes. Breathes until his lungs are full of Blaine. Full of sun and ocean and unique.

"Hey," Blaine says, voice soft. "Don't be upset."

"I just-"

"I know. This won't be easy, Kurt. I know that. You know it. But nothing worth fighting for is." Blaine steps closer. Rests his forehead to Kurt's temple. A soft gasp escapes Kurt. His heart wildly races and pulse thrums. Eyes fall shut as he breathes and breathes and breathes. Any worry about being seen not acknowledged. Because this Blaine. This is Blaine here and so close. This is the most he's felt light and free in two months.

"I can't," Blaine quietly whispers into his ear. "Not right now. I still need time. But I can't walk away from you. I tried and it was horrible. I need time to get over my anger."

"I understand."

The heat of Blaine is gone when he steps away. "But I want you in my life, Kurt. However that may be. Even if just as a friend. That's all I can give you right now."

Although his mind screams for More! More! More! he won't allow himself to be selfish. To take more than he's being offered.

"It's more than I had yesterday."

A smile—a beautiful, crooked one—spreads across Blaine's face.

His heart jumps.

"Same time tomorrow?"

The tightness in his chest loosens some at Blaine's question. "Sure. I would really love that."


	10. Chapter 10

Friends are what they become. The roles they fall into easily. They hang out and talk and talk and talk. He even spends more time with Blaine's friends. Cole and Eric welcome him instantly. Tease Blaine about having the hots for a teacher. For an older guy. Blaine takes it all in stride. With a crooked half-smile that makes his heart skip a beat every time it comes out. Hector takes a bit longer to be welcoming. Always hanging back and scowling in his direction; muttering things under his breath. A few times he catches the words "Fucker" and "Not one of us" and "Cheater."

The last one is the one that hurt the most. The one spoken with the most hatred and disgust. The word piercing like a sharp blade and sinking in so deep he swears he could feel it in his soul. Eyes would water as he looked away; walked away. A mixture of shame and anger leaving him feeling like the worst person in the world. Because Hector had every right to hate him. To despise him for what he did to his best friend.

There was no anger at Blaine for telling his friends about them. For confiding in Hector about what happened. It's what he would have done if Blaine had done the same. He would have turned to Thomas. Would have told him everything. Sought comfort and calm.

That's how things between Hector and him went on for weeks. Where they kept their distance from each other. Made excuses not to hangout with Blaine and the others when they knew the other would be there. It was the best for both of them. Because they were oil and water. They didn't mix.

"Can we talk," Blaine says a month and a half later as they sit on the beach. Concern mars his voice as he looks out at his friends in the water surfing and messing with each other. Cole shoots Eric the finger while Hector holds his board under one arm and walks into the water.

Fear grips Kurt by the throat at the worry he hears in Blaine's voice. He gets sick to his stomach thinking of what Blaine could possibly want to say to him. Mind immediately going to that he realized he can't do this. Can't forgive him. That his anger and sense of betrayal is too great for them to get past it. That they can no longer be friends.

The thought alone of losing Blaine from his life tears at something inside him. Rips a hole in him that nothing could repair.

"Um... Sure." He makes sure his voice doesn't betray his fear. Although it comes out small. "W-What do you want to talk about?"

Blaine finally looks away from his friends and to him. Eyes holding a hint of sadness and frustration. "Let's take a walk."

They're silent for the first few minutes of the walk. The sounds of the ocean and people in the water and on the beach filling that silence. There's a moment that Kurt begins to think Blaine is easing into the bad news. Into letting him go. And he appreciates that. Appreciates every additional second he gets with him.

Hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts, head down and looking at the sand his feet sink into, he steels himself for what Blaine is about to say.

"I don't know if I can continue like this," Blaine finally says.

Pain bursts inside him like a water balloon. It soaks through him. Drenches everything in the feeling.

"Okay."

"It's frustrating and hard to ignore. I don't think I can handle this any longer."

He wants to drop to his knees and beg. To plead with Blaine to change his mind. To give him a chance. Not to give up on him. On them. But that's not an opportunity he's been afforded. Especially not after how he hurt him. This is Blaine's choice. His decision. If he never wants to see him again, then he has to respect that.

"The other guys agree with me about this. They noticed it too. They've had enough." Blaine huffs out a deep breath. "I've had enough. It's unhealthy to continue carrying on this way."

Tears sting the back of Kurt's eyes. And although he prepared himself for this, it still hurts in a powerful way. His heart stutters as it chips and cracks.

"I understand." His voice trembles and shakes. "I'm sorry. I'll go."

Blaine's brows furrow together. "Go. Why are you leaving?"

He takes a step away from Blaine. "Because that's what you want. You don't want to be friends anymore."

"What? Why would you-" A laugh, small and filled with amusement, falls from Blaine's lips. The sound wraps around Kurt. Comforts him. "No, Kurt, that's not this. At all."

"It's not?"

"No." Blaine laughs again. The sound calms him. Reassures him. "I'm talking about you and Hector."

"Me and Hector?" He looks over at the other guy in question. Finds him straddling his board and bobbing in the water waiting for a wave. He turns his attention back to Blaine, who still looks amused at the mix-up. "What about me and him?"

"Kurt, there's a pretty obvious tension between you two."

"He hates me, Blaine. Which is justified."

"Why is it justified?"

Kurt shifts his weight from foot to foot. Rubs at the back of his neck. "Because of how I hurt you. I know you told him what I did. And I'm okay with that. You needed someone to talk to, and he's your someone. But I think... No." He stops and shakes his head. "I know he hates me for what I did. It doesn't help that he didn't like me to begin with."

"There's no justification for that," Blaine replies, sounding genuinely shocked that anyone could hate him upon the first meeting. He takes and releases a breath. "Please, talk to him. Me and the other guys can't stand it anymore. It's frustrating."

"I don't kn-"

"Please." Blaine's voice comes out begging. "For me. I can't stand the thought of two of my best friends hating each other."

The term friends still hurts to hear when describing his relationship with Blaine. Because he wants more. Aches for it. But he says nothing of his desires. Swallows down the hurt. Focuses on what Blaine is asking of him.

Can he do this? Can he get Hector to like him? It seems an impossible task. One that was only made more difficult by him hurting Hector's best friend. But this is what Blaine wants. And he'll try for him. To see him happy.

"Fine." He lets out a heavy sigh. Already dreading the conversation he's going to have with Hector. "I'm not promising anything, though."

Blaine's big smile and relief more than makes up for what he's about to endure.

"Thank you." He suddenly finds himself pressed up against a hard body in a tight embrace. "I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."

"You're welcome."

A long minute passes where Blaine and him hold their embrace. Where the world and all its sights and sounds seem to fade away. Where it's just the two of them. And all he feels is Blaine's heartbeat against his chest. His warm breath on the curve of his neck. The smell of the ocean on his sun-kissed skin.

"Get a room, weirdos!"

Blaine pulls away at Cole's teasing remark.

He misses the warmth of him the moment he's gone. Looks over to see the other guys walking out of the water with their boards under their arms. A laugh escapes him when Blaine shoots Cole the finger.

"Sorry, Anderson, you're not my type," Cole jokes, grin on his lips.

Kurt heads back alone to where he left his things when Blaine runs after Cole. Drops down on the blanket he spread out. Grabs his shades and slips them on. Ignores Hector, who sits a few feet away in the sand leaning back on his hands and watching the ocean.

"Don't let him get to you."

He looks over and sees Eric sitting on the blanket with him. His wet dark hair pushed back; showing off a face that any guy would envy. Dark green eyes flick to Hector real quick before landing back on him.

"It's a little too late for that," he admits.

Eric chuckles. "Trust me, Hector may seem like the biggest asshole ever, but he's really a great guy once you get to know him."

"He's making it difficult to do that."

"Yeah. It takes time for him to warm up to some people."

Blaine returns with Cole a few steps behind. "Hey, Eric, let's go get some food."

Eric jumps up. Brushes sand off his backside. "Okay. I'm starved."

Kurt stands. Is prepared to go with them when Blaine tells him to stay and talk to Hector. "You want me to do that today?" The tone of his voice gives away his panic. He thought he would at least have a few days to think about what to say before talking to Hector.

"Yeah." Blaine takes a couple of steps closer to him. Grabs one of his hands and gives it a squeeze. "You'll be fine."

"What if we can't get past this?"

"Then I'll have to let one of you go."

Kurt feels his heart drop into his stomach. Is about to tell Blaine that isn't fair when he notices him fighting a smile. "Asshole," he says with the hint of a laugh to his voice as he playfully shoves at his shoulder.

The smile breaks out on Blaine's face. "I'm sorry. But in all seriousness, I won't let either of you go. I'll learn to deal with the tension."

There's an underlying fear of this thing between Hector and him could get even worse after their talk. That they won't accomplish anything besides Hector hating him even more. It's one of the reasons he still sits on the blanket by himself five minutes after Blaine and the other guys left to get food. He tries to scrape together the courage to get up and go over to Hector, who's down the beach talking to a girl.

"Ugh!" He drops his head in his hands. Mentally curses Blaine for making him do this today.

Before he chickens out and loses his chance, he gets up and makes his way over to Hector.

The look of disgust in Hector's eyes when he spots him is nothing new. That doesn't stop it from making him feel terrible.

"...is gone for the weekend." The girl touches Hector's arm. "We could have some fun together."

"What?" Hector doesn't look away from him. Annoyance in his voice.

"Can..." Kurt clears his throat. "Can we talk?"

"I'm busy."

The girl with Hector gives him a confused look. "I can go," she tells Hector. "Let you two talk."

Hector shakes his head. "No. He doesn't matter. Let's go." He grabs the girl's elbow and turns to leave.

"Blaine wants us to talk." That has the desired outcome. Hector stops and turns to him. Eyes fiery with anger. "At least do this for him." It's an easy out to use Blaine. But he needs to get Hector's attention some way.

Hector glares at him before giving his attention to the girl. Tells her that he'll see her later. Gives her a kiss before she walks off. He turns his attention back to him. "What? What could you possibly say? In fact, nothing you say I could care about or trust. You're a fucking cheater and liar."

The words land like strong blows. Hit harder than anything he's heard in weeks.

"I understand that. I understand your disgust of me. But..."

"But, what?" Hector snaps. "You're sorry. Feel terrible about telling him. Because I know you don't regret it. Blaine told me as much. And I don't fucking get that. I don't understand how he can even stomach looking at you knowing you don't feel an ounce of regret for fucking another guy while with him."

"You're right. I don't understand how Blaine can look at me after what I did. But he does. And I'm so fucking grateful for that. Grateful that he's beginning to forgive me. Gave me a second chance." He takes a breath. Runs a hand through his hair. "I hurt him. And it kills me that I did. Fucking destroys me."

"It destroyed him, too," Hector says. "I've never seen him like he was after you told him."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt him. I care about him. More than I probably should considering he's only eighteen."

"If you care about him, why did you do it? Explain it to me. Because it doesn't make sense."

"I, uh... I..." The words get caught in his throat. How does he explain why he did what he did without sounding like even more of an asshole? The sand is warm under his skin when he drops down. The ocean calmer than when he arrived a few hours before.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Hector take a seat next to him. Is grateful to him for not taking the easy out and leaving; for staying and giving him the chance to explain.

"What all did Blaine tell you?"

"Only that you slept with someone else while you two were together.

Kurt crosses his legs. Rests his hands in his lap. A small snort escaping him. "We weren't together."

"But Blaine-"

"I know what he told you. But it wasn't like that with us. He wanted it to be, but I wasn't ready. I was still trying to get over my ex that I had been in love with since I was seventeen. I wasn't ready for a relationship. I told him I only wanted the physical stuff. We agreed to that." He breathes. "Us just fooling around in no way excuses what I did. I'm not looking for any kind of excuse to take some guilt off me. Because there is no excuse."

The sound of water rushing to shore and receding fills the silence that follows his confession.

"Why?" Hector finally asks. "Why do it? Was Blaine not enough?"

"It's not that."

"Then what? Try to make me understand."

He looks to Hector. "Do you know Eli Lincoln?" Just mentioning the name alone sends a chill through him.

Hector seems surprised at the mention of Eli. "Yeah. Why?"

"The Saturday before I did what I did, I went on a date with him. The date was terrible. At the end of the night, he made it clear what his intentions were. He... Uh..." The words momentarily get stuck in his throat. He looks out at the ocean and watches the water for a few moments to calm himself. Eyes stay on the water as he continues. "He attacked me."

"Shit."

A look of understanding dawns on Hector's face when he looks at him. "What? What happened?"

"Blaine, he..." Hector shakes his head. "Something I didn't understand suddenly makes sense."

Curiosity gets the best of him. "What didn't you understand?" He sees Hector internally debate about replying or not. "Tell me. Please."

Hector sighs. "Fine. A couple weeks after you slept with someone else, Blaine had been angry. Me and the guys didn't know why. We didn't ask why, because we know when he's like that it's best to just keep back. Because when he finally lets that anger out, it's not pretty. Anyways, for two weeks he bottles up this anger he has until one day he asks us to help with something. We don't question what it is. We've learned not to." He lets out a chuckle. "I love Blaine. He's like a brother to me. And I'll do anything for him. That's why I didn't question a thing when he drives us to this party and drags out this guy. It took us a few minutes to realize that it was Eli Lincoln. We thought Blaine had lost it. Going after D.A. Lincoln's son was fucking crazy. Me and the other guys tried pulling him off Eli. To stop him before he did something stupid. But we couldn't. It wasn't until Eli's friends came out to defend him did we realize why Blaine wanted us there." There's a moment of silence. Hector looks down at his hands as if reliving what he did with them. When he talks again, it's with his eyes still trained on his hands. "It... It got bad. It took all three of us to pull Blaine off Eli. He was so angry. And like I said, it's not pretty when he lets that anger out. After we pulled him off Eli, he threatened him to leave Beverly Hills or he would do worse."

"That's why Eli left? I thought he just wanted to leave."

Hector shakes his head. "Blaine forced him out. Made it clear he would ruin him if he stayed."

"I told him." Kurt takes a breath and shakes his head. "I told him not to touch Eli. To leave it be. I'm sorry he dragged you into that."

"I'm not."

There's a moment where Kurt is sure he heard wrong. That Hector misspoke or he imagined the words. Then he realizes he didn't. "What?"

Hector turns his dark brown eyes on him. "I don't regret what I did. Up until ten minutes ago, I did. But learning what Eli did, I won't regret a thing Blaine and us did."

"I thought you would hate me more for being the reason Blaine did that."

Hector shakes his head. "I would do it again. I understand why he did it. If it was someone I cared about, I would have done the same. No one should get away with something like that."

"I, uh..." That leaves him momentarily speechless. That Hector, someone who has made it clear that he doesn't like him, would defend him the way he did has something unfurling inside him. It feels like respect. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Silence follows once again.

"What happened?" Hector finally asks. "After the Eli incident."

Unease settles over Kurt at being reminded he still has to tell Hector why he slept with Thomas.

"A few days after, Blaine stopped by and saw what happened. I told him what Eli did. He stayed with me. Gave me comfort and security when I needed it." Heat floods his cheeks before what he says next. "We fooled around for the first time a couple days after he saw me. I went back to work and my ex showed up. And I just..." He lets out a breath. Tries to find the perfect way to describe how what he feels for Thomas lead him to his choice. "Have you ever been in love?"

"No."

"Then you won't be able to fully understand. With Thomas, I felt safe and happy. I always did. That's not to say I didn't feel that with Blaine. It's just different with Thomas." He licks his lips. "We have this...connection. This bond that will never be broken. What we feel for each other is immense. Stronger than any breakup we went through. I love him." He looks to Hector. "Blaine knows how I feel. So don't think he doesn't." He turns away. Looks back at the water. Takes a moment before continuing. "I slept with Thomas because I love him and wanted him. I wanted to remember what it felt like to be with someone I love. To be with him. I'm sorry I don't have a better reason."

"And you never once thought of Blaine?" Hector's anger is clear and understandable. He's angry for his friend. For the friend who was hurt.

"No." The truth hurts. But it's something he has to own up to. If he sits there and lies, that will only look bad on his part when the truth comes out. "I was being selfish. We both were. Because we both had someone else we didn't think about that night. We were only thinking about being together again. It was a mistake. But it's one I don't regret making."

Hector is quiet for a second. "This guy... This Thomas is important to you?"

"Extremely. He's my first love. What I feel for him will never go away. I'll always care for him." At the moment, though, he isn’t sure how he feels about Thomas. He is angry with him for just abandoning him at the worst time possible. But how deep that anger goes is unclear.

"Blaine said he's older."

"He is."

Waves crash to shore. Kids let out playful screams nearby. Birds squawk and circle overhead seeking out food.

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you for hurting him," Hector says. "But I can try. I can also try to be friendlier. For him. Because it's what he wants."

Kurt fights back a smile. "I can accept that."

It's a start, and that's better than nothing. Than how they've been around each other lately.

"We got food!" Eric yells behind them.

He stands and sees Blaine heading toward him.

"How did it go?"

Kurt looks over to Hector, who for the first time smiles at him. "I think it's a start," he tells Blaine.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

"You seem...different." Kira says one day a couple of weeks later.

Bean There is busy with regulars and tourists. With teenagers who barely contain their excitement at the approaching summer break. With mothers taking a mid-afternoon break away from everything and relaxing. With hipsters and college students and people looking for a pick me up to get through the rest of the work day. Their eyes tired and shoulders slack as they drink and watch the clock.

He tries not to let a look of surprise come over him. To act nonchalant. Because Kira would notice a change in him. She did the first time.

"Different?"

"Yeah. Different."

"In what way?"

"Just...happier. Than what you were a couple months ago."

A breath of relief rushes from his lips. A smile splits his face. There's a lightness in him that he doesn't take for granted.

"Things have gotten better," he says.

Kira eyes him for a long minute. Looks at him as if trying to solve a puzzle she knows the answer to. He notices the moment the piece fits in her mind. When the light goes on. A knowing smile spreads across her face.

"Who is he?" she asks, seeming overly excited for him.

"It's no one," he replies, restocking paper cups. "Why does my sudden happiness have to be because of a guy? It could just be because of me."

"No." Kira shakes her head. Her wavy lilac colored hair half-done up swaying. "I've seen this look. Seen it dozens of times before."

"What look?" Kurt is almost afraid of looking at his reflection and seeing little pink and red hearts floating around his head as he wears a dopey expression of... What?

No. He will not focus on that. Give that sudden thought any time of day. Because he's twenty-eight and a teacher that's here. And Blaine is only eighteen with a future that begins somewhere else in the fall. Because they're only friends.

Because.

Because.

Because.

Because this wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to come here and... Later he tells himself. He'll deal with that later. Right now he needs to focus on Kira. Get her off his back. Or at least to loosen up some on her inquiring questions.

Kira grins. "Who is he?" she asks, again. A more determined tone to her voice. "Tell me. I know how to keep a secret."

That's what he's afraid of. Among other things if he tells her the truth. He's terrified of the look of disgust on her face if he spilled his secret. Scared of her immediately calling her best friend to inform her of the news. And if she really knew the kind of person he was. Fearful of being shamed and ridiculed for something he couldn't control.

He digs deep inside and latches on to the part of himself that keeps him sane. Keeps him grounded and focused. Uses it to look at Kira and lie.

"It's no one, Kira." His voice doesn't give him away. It doesn't shake or tremble the slightest. "I realized I couldn't go on with how I was living. I made the choice to push through the fog that surrounded me. To be happy again." He surprises even himself with how believable he sounds. It doesn't hurt that that's not a lie, but not entirely the truth either.

Kira seems to buy it. "Good." She gathers him in her arms. Holds him close and tight. He returns the embrace with as much vigor. "I was worried about you for a second there."

"I know. I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry for your sadness. Never be sorry for that. You're owed that in life when terrible things happen. Just don't get lost in it."

Kurt knows without asking that she's speaking from experience. That she probably got lost in her sadness and grief after losing her son all those years ago.

He hugs her tighter. Presses his face in the curve of her neck as he remembers doing with his mom. Breathes her in. The smell of sugar and flour and coffee grounds filling his lungs. A sense of family washing over him he hasn't felt in months.

"Thank you, Kira," he says for so many reasons.

"You're welcome." Kira squeezes him hard one last time and lets go. Takes a step back. The door chimes with a new customer. "Get back to work," she says with a warm smile. "I don't pay you to stand around looking pretty."

"Don't you?" he teases and laughs.

"I would say no, but I'm pretty sure the uptick in foot traffic these last few months since you started has nothing to do with my gorgeous face."

The new customer asks for service before he can reply with a joking retort.

There's a text from Blaine waiting for him when he gets off work a few hours later.

**Blaine: Busy?**

_ Kurt: No. Why? _

A reply from Blaine doesn't come until he's walking into his place.

**Blaine: At the park playing a friendly soccer match with the guys. You should come.**

_ Kurt: You sure? _

His heart races as he waits for Blaine's reply. It stops when it comes.

**Blaine: Yeah. I want to see you.**

A huge smile splits his face at seeing Blaine admit that. Although it's only been a few weeks since they started talking again, there's no denying that they are headed toward something more once again. The thought of which makes his stomach swoop.

_ Kurt: I'll be there soon then. _

Blaine replies with the smiling and thumbs up emoji.

It takes him fifteen minutes to decide what to wear. He changes and then changes again until landing on tight jeans and a loose shirt. Not wanting to look like he put too much thought into his outfit. Hair fixed and black Converse put on, he grabs his keys and heads out.

The people already there do their own thing. Parents watch their kids run around or play on the jungle gym. Some people work out. While others stand around and watch Blaine and his friends. Which he doesn't blame them for. In just workout shorts, shirts seemingly long ago discarded, bare chests on display, the guys are a sight to take in. But it's nothing new to him. After hanging out with them on the beach as they surf, seeing them shirtless—and their drool worthy bodies—he's basically become immune to the sight. Except for Blaine. No matter how many times he sees him without a shirt, the result is the same: lust while heat floods his cheeks.

Perhaps he should do better at controlling his reactions when it comes to Blaine. But there's no point. He can't change what is normal for him. Has been for months.

The shine of sweat on Blaine's skin, the flex of his muscles as he cuts and runs while easily handling the soccer ball, combined with how great his ass looks in the shorts he wears has him fighting back from embarrassing himself in public.

Want. It thrums through him steady and strong. Pulses like a beat. Has him imagining scenarios of different ways Blaine and him could be alone after the game. Ways Blaine could ease this ache he's had for months.

Blaine runs up to him. Even all sweaty, he's still gorgeous. "Hey. Glad you came." He grabs a bottle of water and drinks from it.

Kurt is momentarily distracted by Blaine's throat as he drinks. Watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. "Me too. Who, uh... Who's winning?"

"Me and Hector. Should get back out there."

They continue to play for another forty minutes. He sees Blaine score a few more goals. Proudly smiles and is impressed by his athleticism and skills. Can see the future he spoke to him about months ago is completely possible. 

He stays back after the guys call it quits and clean up. Waits while Blaine uses a towel to wipe away the sweat on his face and chest before pulling his shirt on. Gets ready to head towards him when a guy he's never seen walks up next to Blaine. Hurt and disappointment flood him as he watches Blaine smile at the guy. As he grabs him by the belt loop before pulling him close and crashing their mouths together.

The burning pain he thought was gone for good comes roaring back like gasoline poured on a fire that was dying. It's consuming and terrible. Hurts in a way he hasn't felt since Thomas walked away from him at the airport over a year ago.

Never again. Right then is when he realizes the chance of there being something between Blaine and him is never going to happen. He was being ridiculous. Hopeful. It's obvious Blaine will never truly forgive him for what he did. Will only want to stay in the friend box they are in. And that's okay. Because he would rather have Blaine in his life in any way than not at all. But it still hurts. Burns. And this is all on him. His fault. He put them in these positions.

_ Of course.  _ Of course Blaine would see someone if he wanted to. It's not as if they agreed to be together. They're barely friends again. Blaine has every right to be with whomever he wants.

He looks away when Blaine turns his eyes on him. Turns around and heads for his car. Not wanting to stay and be witness to what Blaine is doing with the guy he's with. Begins to wonder if this—inviting him to the park—was just a way for Blaine to get back at him. To make him hurt.

"Kurt!"

He ignores Blaine when he calls his name. Continues for his car so he can leave. So he can go home and get drunk to numb himself to the pain that has burst to life inside him. That burns like the sun.

Car unlocked, he opens the door only to have a hand shoot out from behind him and slam it shut.

"What are you doing?" Blaine sounds breathless, as if he ran after him.

"I'm going home. I'm tired. I've had a long day. You should go back to your friend. I don't want to keep you from him." He finally turns around to face Blaine. Heart twisting when he stares into those hazel eyes that stare at him with uncertainty. Does his best to mask his hurt. "Thanks for inviting me." The smile that spreads across his face is a forced one. "I had a great time. You're an amazing soccer player."

"Kurt," Blaine takes a step closer to him, "he's just a friend."

_ So am I. Why won't you kiss me then? _ The question sits heavy on his tongue. He wants to ask it; to speak the words. But won't because he already knows the answer. Knows Blaine is still angry with him for what he did. Which he completely understands. A few weeks of them hanging out wouldn't change that.

He reaches back and opens his car door. "It's okay, Blaine. I promise. You don't have to explain yourself. We never said this was more than friendship. You're allowed to have fun. Don't let me be in your way. Don't let me stop you." The words are acid on his tongue. They taste horrible. But they need to be spoken. Blaine has to believe he's okay with this. Because he has to be. He has to be okay with Blaine finding pleasure with someone else. There's nothing he should say or do to stop that. He still doesn't deserve the opportunity to ask Blaine to pick him once again. He may never will.

It's with those final words that he climbs into the car and shuts the door. Waits until Blaine is out of view as he drives away before letting the tears fall.

Pain.

Burning.

Consuming.

He barely remembers the drive home. Seems to do it in autopilot. Is amazed he didn't do something stupid or deadly.

The first thing he does when he gets to his place is take a shower. He washes away the long day he had. The smell of the coffee shop and being outside. Stays under the spray until the water turns cold and his fingertips prune. Dries off after and dresses before pouring himself a much needed glass of wine.

Curled up on the couch, mindlessly watching some baking competition show and drinking his wine, his mind betrays him as the moment Blaine kissed that guy pops into his thoughts. The memory of how he gripped the guy's hip and held him to his body as he opened his mouth for him causes searing pain.

Maybe he should take that as a sign. To begin the tough start of moving on. To put a stop to any hope he has been carrying about the potential of there being something between the two of them again. Because what he saw today is a clear sign that nothing will happen. A friend, it seems, is all Blaine will be in his life for now on.

A knock comes on his door. The way his heart jumps at it possibly being Blaine has him jumping up and rushing to the front door. He makes himself stop and take a deep breath; relax before opening the door. Puts on a huge smile.

"Blaine, I-" The words get stuck in his throat when he doesn't find Blaine standing outside the door.

Blue-grey eyes look at him with a mixture of sadness, tiredness, and acceptance. "Hi, Kurt," Thomas tells him with a small smile.

"Tommy. What... What are you doing here?"

The next three words that Thomas utters change everything for Kurt.

"I left Lucas."


	11. Chapter 11

The kettle on the stove lets out a high-pitched whistle. The sound breaks the silence between Thomas and him. Pulls him from thoughts of arguments and fights, and rings being flung like weapons to inflict as much pain and hurt as possible. Eyes flit to the small scar at the corner of Thomas' left eyebrow he is sure wasn't there the last time he saw him. The marred skin—slightly more pink than the rest—both angers and amuses him. The anger is directed toward Lucas for hurting Thomas in such a way that it left a mark. At the same time, though, he understands Lucas’ anger. Understands the rage and hurt he must have felt when Thomas told him the truth. He doesn't demean or judge him for what he felt, and how that anger was manifested physically. Knows it was something he was greatly owed.

He stands and turns off the burner of the stove to quiet the noise. Grabs the handle of the kettle and pours water into the two mugs with tea bags set in them. The hot water immediately begins to turn a muddy brown before growing darker. Steam billows out of the cups. The sight of which makes him think of Kira and Bean There, and how only a few hours ago his life made sense. How he knew where it was going. Blaine was all that mattered. All he cared about. But his past came back like a wonderful memory only to drop multiple bombs on him. Bombs that have destroyed any semblance of what he thought his future held.

There's still that small part of him that thinks he's dreaming. That he'll wake up on the couch alone, still upset and heartbroken about Blaine. But the more logical side of his brain knows this is no dream. Plus the bruise he feels forming on the skin of his lower arm from where he's been constantly pinching himself for the past half hour alerts him to the reality of the moment. Because it all seems too wonderful to be true. Too impossible after almost two years of longing. Aching. Hoping.

What he knows so far, what Thomas has told him, is that the engagement was broken off almost three months ago after he told Lucas everything. That he took the time after to move out to his own place and think. To really consider what he wanted. And the conclusion he came to was that he wanted him.

The memory of those three words— _ I want you _ —spoken with so much conviction makes his heart stutter now as they did when he first heard them only an hour ago.

When he heard those words from Thomas, it was surprising he didn't crash their mouths together. He desperately wanted to. But anger and hurt kept him back. Kept him level-headed. Which he needs to be to face Thomas. Because it would be so easy for him to slip away into his desires. To allow them to take over like the high of a wonderful drug and have him forget why they need to talk.

He sets one of the mugs in front of Thomas. Takes his seat and sets his own cup down to cool off. "Have you spoken to Lucas since you broke off the engagement?" The question has him thinking of the guy with a broken heart right now. Sympathizes with him because he knows what he's going through. Understands his pain and anger. It almost seems unfair to Lucas to be going through what he's going through. All he did was fall in love. He shouldn't be punished for that.

The selfish part of him, though, is thinking of how Lucas’ pain is benefitting him. How he now has Thomas in front of him because Lucas’ heart was broken.

Guilt slices through him at those thoughts. At how he easily puts Lucas’ feelings aside and can only think of himself. His gain during a horrible time should not be the main thought at the moment.

Thomas wraps his hands around his mug of tea. Stares at the darkening liquid as if it will hold the answers to all the current questions he has. "No." He shakes his head. Lets out a heavy sigh. "I've tried calling him. Tried calling to apologize, but he is completely ignoring me. Which is justified." He hangs his head. "I'm an asshole."

"Yes, you are."

"You're supposed to be making me feel better." He sounds dejected and upset.

"That's not my job. Plus, you dumped your fiancé six weeks before your wedding. I think asshole is putting it kindly."

Thomas lifts his head. The barest hints of a smile curls the corner of his lip up. "I've always loved how honest you are."

"I know." He can recall Thomas first telling him that when he was seventeen. How his cheeks warmed and his heart fluttered. The same reaction he had years later when they were together. The reaction he still has to this day.

Thomas reaches over and takes hold of one of his hands. "I'm glad I still have you."

He gives a gentle squeeze to Thomas' hand. Once again notices how perfect their hands fit together. "You know I'll always be here for you whenever you need me."

"I do. Even though I don't think I deserve you right now after how I acted after I left last time."

The words dredge up the buried pain and anger he felt because of what Thomas did. They both thrum through him impossible to ignore. Cause him even greater anger at the man across from him.

_ Why? _ The question runs through his mind over and over again. Why didn't he call him? Why didn't he answer his calls? Why stay away for so long after leaving Lucas? Why? Why? Why?

No longer able to hold any of that in, the questions that have been heavy on his tongue come out unprompted. They’re laced with hurt and anger he can’t contain. "Why didn't you talk to me? Every day I hoped you would call. And every day that hope was shattered. I was by myself. I had no one. I was at my lowest, and you weren't there to help me through it. Why?" Tears he fought hard against for the past hour to keep in fall fast and heavy as he says everything he needs to. "Why didn't you call me? I needed you, and you weren't there. I needed you."

He keeps to himself how unbearable the pain was when he needed Thomas and he wasn’t there. How he ached for him. How the pain pulsed through him like the strong throb of an open wound. The pain he still feels even though Thomas is there.

He finds himself pulled up out of his seat and in Thomas' arms from one moment to the next. He continues to cry. And although he's angry at him—wants to yell and scream and push him away—he takes comfort in his embrace. Presses closer and holds tight. Like Thomas is the lifeline he’s been searching months for after floating in water. He holds back his anger momentarily to soak up being in Thomas' arms again after thinking he lost this forever.

An arm wraps around his shoulders as a hand presses to his lower back. Warmth and comfort take hold.

The fear he remembers feeling—still holds onto all these months later—when he realized Thomas had shut him out of his life finally falls away. He lets it go like unwanted and unneeded extra weight. And he feels lighter. Freer. Happier. But the anger is still there. Always there. Strong and awake and at the surface. Which makes it impossible to continue to hold onto that peace and understanding he forced himself to grip when he opened the door to Thomas. That sympathy that kept him from lashing out. From flinging his own form of pain with words.

He breaks like shattered glass. Loses himself to the pieces of anger and hurt and pain with jagged and sharp edges. The pieces that want to cut and inflict their own pain.

"I'm sorry."

No matter how much he wants the apology to be enough, it’s not. Not after four months of dealing with heartache. Not after letting Thomas go because that's what he thought he wanted with the forced silence between them. He needs more than a simple "I'm sorry." Needs reason and an explanation. Needs reassurance and finality.

He needs and wants to understand.

Hands go to Thomas' strong chest. Fingers curl against the material of the cotton shirt he wears. For a moment he allows himself the comfort of feeling Thomas under his hands again. Of having him close enough to touch like this again. Then he forces himself to move past that. To put strength in pushing Thomas away.

Blue-gray eyes go wide with surprise as they look at him after Thomas stumbles back several steps. Confusion and hurt he hates seeing, and knowing he’s the reason for, fill them. "Kurt, what-"

He holds up a hand to stop Thomas when he attempts to move closer to him again. "No." Space is what he needs. What he wants to properly think and clear his head. With Thomas too close he'll quickly lose himself to that desire that returned and burns brighter than ever.

Arms wrapped around his midsection, he focuses on what he wants to know. Ignores the desire that burns hot in his belly demanding to be taken care of.

"Why?" Anger laces the word as he asks the question. The same anger currently in his eyes, and causes his brows to furrow together.

Thomas lets out a heavy breath. Takes his seat back at the table. Runs a hand down his face. "I wanted to. You don't know how much I wanted to call you. To talk to you."

"Then why didn't you?" The question is practically screamed. A fresh wave of tears brim in his eyes. They trek down his face and fall from his jaw. His uncontained anger no longer a shock to either of them. But still a surprise since he isn't one quick to anger. He's rational. Would rather see a way to fix a problem rather than be quick to anger over it. Not this time. There's been too much time to let this anger grow and fester inside him like an infected wound. And after months of ignoring it, the wound is finally demanding attention.

"Because..." Thomas exhales a deep breath. Pushes up out of the seat and paces the small space that connects the kitchen and living room. He frustratedly runs a hand through his hair. Hair that has grown a couple of inches since he last saw him. Hair he still wants to run his fingers through. "Every fucking day I wanted to call. But I couldn't. Because I knew if I heard your voice I would come here the second I did. And I couldn't do that," he explains. Stops his pacing and faces him with pained, guilt-laden eyes. "I needed that time to think. To figure out everything. To settle in my new place. And..." He breathes. The sound is heavy and tired. "And to begin to get over Lucas."

The way Thomas' voice breaks at the end diminishes some of Kurt's anger. In fact, guilt sparks to life hot and deep at not realizing that Thomas is dealing with a broken heart as well. Because even though he left Lucas doesn't mean he didn't love him. They were planning a life together. There's no way to avoid pain and heartache after walking away from that. It's what he experienced when Thomas left. And when Blaine didn’t talk to him for two months.

The guilt grows until it blankets him like a heavy cloud that fogs all his other emotions. He feels stupid for not realizing sooner that Thomas is heartbroken. That these past four months have not been easy for him too.

They've both been dealing with their own kind of pain and misery.

"I'm so sorry, Tommy. I didn't consider that." He wants to go over to him. To offer comfort and support. To apologize again and again and again. But he won't. As much as he would die to, he needs Thomas to come to him. He said he wants him. Now it's time to show the truth to those words. Thomas needs to be the one to take that step towards having him.

"Don't apologize for your anger. You deserve that." Thomas leans back against the counter. Grips the edge. "I love you, Kurt. You know that. I've been in love with you for a long time."

"I love you, too, Tommy."

Thomas pushes off the counter and hesitates as he walks over to Kurt. Kurt doesn’t stop him. Lets him come close again. Lets him gently cradle his face in his hands. "Do you know what I realized while I was thinking things through?"

"What?" The word comes out small and sprinkled with fear. His heart races.

"I realized that losing you—walking away—was the worst choice I ever made. I tried to move on. Tried to love again with Lucas, but..." Thomas strokes a thumb over Kurt's still wet cheek. The corner of his mouth tips up. "It's you. It's always been, and will always be, you. I realized I would give up everything to be with you. No matter the cost or consequences."

The words fill Kurt's heart with the kind of love Thomas always managed to make him feel. The kind of love that burns so strong it feels as if the sun is in his heart. Tears sting his eyes; they spill over and run down his cheeks. More of his anger toward Thomas dwindles. Dies out like a fire doused by rain.

"Tommy." There's a tremble in his voice; it breaks on the name when he speaks it.

Thomas rests their foreheads together. Winds an arm around his waist and pulls him close. "I love you so fucking much. I want you. I want a life with you. Want to do everything we planned."

The memories of the talks Thomas mentions come rushing back to Kurt as he stands there in his small kitchen thousands of miles from where this started. Their talks of marriage and a house and kids run through his mind. The mere thought of a mini Thomas running around with his eyes has him nearly keeling over with a deep ache and want.

Kids was something he thought he would never want. But when Thomas spoke of having children, it brought to life something inside him that had been dormant for years. He suddenly wanted that. Wanted kids in a way he never had before. And that feeling has only grown in the time that Thomas and him have been separated. So to know that's a possibility again, to know he once again has a chance at a family with Thomas, makes him long just for that like a drowning person longing for oxygen.

"W-What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I want us again." Thomas takes Kurt's chin between his thumb and forefinger. Minutely tips his head back so he's staring up at him and into those eyes that have haunted his dreams and fantasies for years. "I'm saying give me another chance. Give us another chance.”

Lips cover his in a tentative, soft kiss. Almost as if Thomas is afraid he'll reject him. Push him away again. But that would be impossible for him. Never once has he rejected Thomas anything he wanted from him. And he won't start now.

Eyes fall closed and he returns the kiss. Wraps an arm around Thomas' neck and deepens the kiss. Parts his lips and welcomes Thomas' tongue into his mouth. The low moan he releases seems to awaken something inside Thomas because the next instant he finds himself lifted and pressed against his fridge. Thomas eagerly and desperately plunges his tongue into his mouth like he's fucking it. Which sparks hunger and need inside him. Both stoked stronger and higher by Thomas when he rocks into him and brushes their cocks together. The feel of Thomas' hard cock nearly driving him wild.

All the last of his pent-up aggression towards Thomas comes out in the way he bites his lower lip and roughly kisses him. Thrusts his tongue with a forcefulness that takes Thomas by surprise. He digs his fingertips into the back of Thomas' neck. Lifts his legs to wrap around his waist. Moans at their cocks rubbing together.

There's no shame or guilt he feels at doing this with Thomas so soon after he's come back into his life. His desire and want easily winning out. Not that he put up much of a fight to begin with. Thomas could always break him down easily. Could always get through when he was angry at him. Being angry at Thomas for an extended amount of time is impossible.

Thomas carries him to the living room. He drops his legs and takes a step back. Stares into blue-gray eyes and takes a moment to seriously debate if he wants this.

"Is everything okay?" Thomas looks at him with worry. With fear that he'll change his mind.

But everything is okay. Better than. That’s something he never expected when he woke up this morning. "Yes." He pulls his shirt off, quickly coming to the conclusion that he wants Thomas too much to think of anything else. To think of the consequences of sleeping with him before deciding if he wants them again.

In no time they are both naked and hard. He soon finds himself lying on the couch with Thomas atop him thrusting and grinding against him. Hands grasp at Thomas' shoulders as he lifts his legs high on either side of him. 

Thomas grabs a handful of his hair and yanks his head back. Drags his teeth along his neck he exposed. Tenderly nips at the curve of his neck. Laps his tongue over the abused skin.

Need grows wild inside him like weeds. Tangles and knots. Has him close to delirious with want and hunger. The words  _ Fuck me _ falling from his lips in a wanton, desperate tone.

To be filled and fucked, loved, is all he wants in that moment. To be reminded that there is someone who loves and cares for him.

He’s been lonely for too long.

That’s probably one of the reasons he isn’t thinking as clear as he should be.

Thick, familiar fingers stretch him open. Push and pull and thrust until he's achingly hard and begging and pleading. The word  _ Please _ falling from him in a desperate tone over and over again. Fingers are quickly replaced by the blunt head of Thomas' covered and slicked up cock.

A sigh of relief and contentment escapes him as Thomas eases in. Slowly rocks in and out until he's buried to the hilt and filling him like he longed for since he opened the door to him standing outside his apartment. The feel of him is one he's missed more than he allowed himself to realize.

A hand cups his face. Thomas softly and tenderly kisses him. Whispers that he loves him against his lips. It's the last softness he shows before he begins to fuck him.

There's no tenderness. No softly whispered words of love. They fuck like animals in heat. Thrust and grind. Grunt and groan. It's hard and fast. Made even better by Thomas saying filthy things to him in French like he’s used to. Like he loves and craves.

Thomas stops long enough to grab his legs and push them up to his chest. Slows his movements to watch where he sinks inside over and over again. Tells him in a panting voice  _ Never thought I would have this again _ filled with such fear that it tears at Kurt's heart.

He understands that fear. Felt it for the past four months. Let it pull him into a darkness he fought tirelessly to get out of.

Pushing Thomas to sit, missing him when he slips out of his body, he sits up and climbs into his lap. Brushes their mouths together. Whispers against his lips  _ We're always possible _ . His mouth falls open around a moan after as he sinks back around Thomas.

Hands tightly grip the back of the couch as he rides him. Lifts and drops his hips. Grinds them down. Pants and moans as he chases that release his body desperately wants. Fingers roughly dig into his hips as Thomas meets him thrust for thrust.

He comes first. Cries out Thomas' name while releasing all over his stomach and clenching around his cock.

"Fuck!" Thomas shouts. Fucks up into him a handful more times before following him over the edge.

Kurt collapses against Thomas. Trembles with pleasure while trying to catch his breath. Arms wind around his back. Thomas holds him close enough he can feel his racing heart. Feels the expansion of his chest with every deep breath he pulls in. He presses his face to the slope of Thomas' neck. Breathes in the smell of sweat and sex and spice.

Fingers tease at his hole after Thomas slips out of him. Two push in without his urging. Thomas knows without being told he still wants to feel him in some way.

"I'm still angry with you." A great round of sex won't change that. The anger is still there like a healing wound. And even if it's fully healed, there will still be a scar to remind him.

Thomas chuckles. "I assumed you would be. You can be angry for as long as you need to be. Just let me be there to make it better."

He sits up. Bites back a moan when his hips shift and the fingers inside him move. There are still so many things to say and discuss. Later, though. Right now, he just wants to enjoy having Thomas back.

"Are you hungry? I can order pizza."

"That sounds good."

He climbs out of Thomas' lap. Stands and grabs his discarded jeans from the floor. Pulls his phone from the front pocket and orders. "It'll be about thirty minutes before it arrives."

Lips press to the back of his neck as Thomas' hard cock pushes against his ass. A storm of need ignites inside him. It grows as Thomas kisses along his shoulder while his hands roam over his body. The words  _ Just enough time _ are whispered into his ear right before he's bent over the arm of the couch. He goes willingly. Needfully. Softly begs like a person confessing their sins and needing to be heard and understood.

However much time later, slightly turned and one hand clutching the back of Thomas' head, mouth covered by Thomas’, he cries out as his release slams into him. As he's taken on an extraordinary high that leaves him tingling all over.

Pleasure sweeps through him as he tries to catch his breath and feels Thomas' cock jerk inside him as he comes.

"I think I ruined my couch." Hips shift against the arm of the couch and he feels the wet stain he made.

Thomas lets out a deep laugh. "Was it worth it?"

He turns to face Thomas after he pulls out of him. Smirk on his face. "You know it was."

Thomas’ mouth comes down on his in a bruising kiss. He goes as Thomas walks him backwards. Falls back on the couch with Thomas covering him. They makeout until a knock comes on his door.

"Food is here." He sits up. Climbs off the couch. The wonderful twinge in his ass bringing a smile to his face. "I'll get it."

It's in a blur of pleasure and happiness that he dresses. Pulls on his jeans, but leaves them hanging open off his hips. Tugs on one of the shirts discarded on the floor; not caring if it's his or Thomas'. A quick look at himself in the mirror hanging in the short foyer shows his reflection, and the obviousness of what he just did. There's still a deep flush to his skin. His hair is a mess. Lips red and swollen. But he doesn't care if some delivery guy sees him like this. He just had wild, dirty sex. There's no way he could be embarrassed or ashamed of that.

He goes to open the door. Laughs at Thomas yelling at him to hurry up so they can go again. Arousal swarms him. Has him eager to pay for the food so he can get back to Thomas and feel him inside him again.

A knock comes at the door again.

"Coming." He opens the door and rifles through his bills after pulling his wallet from his back pocket. "Do you have change for a fifty?" The silence that follows has him looking up. His heart drops at who he sees standing there.

All the happiness and pleasure he was experiencing disappears like a bubbling bursting. Guilt slams into him. Which is stupid of him to feel. Because Blaine and him are just friends. They haven't talked at the chance of it being more since they first started talking again.

The anger and hurt he sees in Blaine's eyes snaps him out of his Thomas induced haze. "Blaine." He makes a move to go to him. To tell him what's going on.

Blaine shakes his head and takes a step back. "Save it." The anger he puts in his voice poorly covers up the pain that is there too. "Just fucking save it." He turns on his heel and walks away.

There's no thought to Thomas as he runs after Blaine. Stops long enough to button his jeans before they fall down.

"Blaine! Wait!"

Blaine turns to him. Hurt and anger flaring in his eyes. "What? What do you have to say this time?"

Unlike the last time where he accepted Blaine's anger, that won't be the case this time. He's an adult. A single adult who can make any choice as to who he sleeps with.

"Why are you so angry? We're just friends. That's what you wanted!"

"No. I wanted more, but you had to go and fuck someone else." The venom in the words directed at him hurt more than anything Blaine said or did after he initially told him about sleeping with Thomas. "So don't fucking say this is what I wanted."

"I told you I wasn't ready for more," Kurt reminds him, even though he hates that he has to defend his choices. "I said I just wanted the physical stuff. And we never agreed to monogamy." If he's a dick for throwing that piece of information out there, so be it. But it needs to be said. There is no reason for the blame to be put completely on him. Not to say Blaine should be blamed in any way. Just that some of it should be taken off him.

"As you reminded me the first time we had this fight." Blaine lets out a heavy huff of breath. Runs a hand through his hair. "Who is it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

A part of him wants to not tell Blaine, or to lie. But that would only cause more hurt. He deserves to know the truth. "It's him," he says, voice even and clear.

Blaine shakes his head and softly laughs. Understands without needing Kurt to elaborate as to who he’s talking about. "What is it about him? And isn't he getting married?"

"He left his fiancé. Broke off the engagement." The next words are hard to say simply because he knows how much he'll hurt Blaine by saying them. "He wants to be with me. And he makes me happy."

"I didn't make you happy?" The brokenness of Blaine's voice nearly destroys Kurt. Makes his heart ache in a way he's never felt.

He gathers Blaine in his arms. Holds him close. "You did. You do." The words are softly whispered. The truth to them is not muddled to make Blaine feel better. This is a truth he will gladly acknowledge. He will tell Blaine without fault that he made him happy. "You gave me happiness again after months of loneliness and sadness. You made me so fucking happy. And I l-" He catches himself right before he says what he suddenly realized. To utter those words at this moment would not make things better. It would only bring more pain to Blaine, and to him. "I appreciate you for that," he says.

The hurt he finds in Blaine's eyes when he pulls back cuts deep for him. To cause Blaine any kind of pain is the last thing he wants to do. He wants to make him happy. Be the reason he smiles and laughs.

"Blaine." He doesn't mean to do it. Not only does it further complicate things, but it's the wrong thing to do at the time. But one moment he's gazing at Blaine and the next he's pressing their mouths together.

The kiss starts off sweet and innocent. As a soft press of lips. Like two kids experimenting with kissing for the first time. In the blink of an eye, though, it shifts. Blaine turns them and presses him up against his car as his mouth hungrily attacks his. He moans and returns the kiss with as much feverishness. Grips Blaine's hips and holds them to him. Parts his lips and welcomes Blaine's tongue into his mouth.

Arousal flares to life under his skin. Need burns in him like the time with Thomas never happened.

_ Right right right. This is so fucking right. _ That's what repeats in his head as he kisses Blaine. This feels as right as being with Thomas. There's no denying that. No ignoring the fact that if Blaine was all he had for the rest of his life, he would be more than happy with that. Would be just as content if it was Thomas.

Hands grab at his ass. Squeeze the flesh still tender from Thomas fucking him. A whimper leaves him at the touch. At the minute pain and uncomfortableness. That doesn't deter him, though. Doesn't stop him from wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck and deepening the kiss further. From hooking a leg over Blaine's hip and thrusting his hips forward. Shudders at the brush of their cocks.

"Want you." The words are murmured against Blaine's lips. Hold the desire and longing swirling inside him. Both of which have intensified over the past four months.

Instead of Blaine being pleased by that, he pulls away and hangs his head. Breathes heavy. Moves his hands to his car.

"What's wrong?" He grabs at the back of Blaine's neck. Lifts his head and immediately recognizes the uncertainty in his eyes. "Hey, what is it?"

Blaine buries his face in the curve of his neck. Breathes him in. "I want you too," he says on the exhale. Breath hot on his skin. The tone of his voice giving away the fight he's going through with himself. He lifts his head. "I want you so fucking much that it hurts. And I don't want to just fuck you, Kurt. I want you to be mine. I want to wake up and know that I have you for myself."

"Blaine, I-"

Blaine shakes his head. "No. You don't have to say anything. All you have to do is answer me this: What do you want? Truly want. What will make you happy? Me or him?"

_ No. _

_ No! _

_ No! _

_ No! _

That's an impossible choice he can't face. That he doesn't want to face. Is one he never saw himself being confronted with.

A heavy weight settles on his chest. It becomes difficult for him to breathe. He wants to scream. To run away like an indecisive child and not face this decision. Wants to beg to have both of them. Wants Blaine. But wants Thomas as much.

A group of kids walking by catches Kurt's attention. He finds himself envious of them. Of the lightness they seem to have in the way they joke and laugh. How they don't have any real concerns beyond those of kids. How he wishes he still had that. Wishes he didn't have the worries from adulthood weighing on his shoulders.

He turns attention back to Blaine when the kids disappear around a corner. Finds him intently watching him; waiting for an answer. And although he wants to give Blaine the answer he seeks, he can't. Because he doesn't know what or who he truly wants.

"I-I don't know, Blaine." He covers his face with his hands. Lets a few tears fall free. "I don't know." His voice comes out sad and broken.

Hands on his wrists pull his hands away from his face. He stares at Blaine, at the guy who swooped into his life out of nowhere and stole what remained of his heart. The guy who made him feel a new deep, all encompassing kind of love after he thought that wasn't possible again.

He leans forward and rests their foreheads together. "I don't want to lose either of you." The thought of doing so feels like a punch in the chest.

Blaine grabs at his neck and pushes him back so he's staring into his eyes. "I know it's a difficult choice. That's why you need to take some time to figure out who you want." Lips press to his in a brief, chaste kiss before skimming up to his ear. "I love you, Kurt."

Love. How a feeling that could bring so much joy and happiness while also producing so much pain and heartache is beyond him. Love is fire. Both so beautiful and mysterious, but extremely dangerous at the same time. It burns hot but can grow out of control. Can create and destroy.

Never in a million years did he think love would destroy him like this.

Blaine gives him one more kiss before climbing into his car and driving off.

It's not until he walks back into his apartment and sees Thomas does he remember he's there. It's as if one doesn’t exist when he’s with the other.

Thomas rests back against the back of the couch in his jeans and shirt. Arms are crossed over his chest. A look of realization on his face. "You know," he starts in a soft voice, "when I left you, I knew there was a chance you would meet someone who could make you happy again. And I hated that thought. Knowing someone else would make you happy in a way I did." Tears sting the back of Kurt's eyes at knowing where this is going. "I was selfish and prayed and hoped you would never find that someone. That it would never happen. All while I was doing exactly that with Lucas. I was a hypocrite. But it's what I wanted." He stops long enough to drop his arms. He runs a hand through his mussed up hair. There's exhaustion and hurt in his face. "As much as I wanted to, I couldn't control what happened with you. If I did, I wouldn't have had you fall in love with him."

The tears he fought finally escape him. They fall fast as he sobs. "Tommy, I... I'm..." What? Sorry? Because he's not. In no way will he apologize for falling in love with someone who was there when Thomas wasn't. Someone who brightened his world again. Made him happy. Made him feel alive after feeling like he was sleepwalking through his life.

Arms encircle his waist and pull him close. "Don't you dare apologize, Kurt," Thomas tells him. "You did nothing wrong."

Leave it to Thomas to always say the right thing.

"H-How?"

Thomas pulls back the slightest. Wipes away the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. "I went to look for you. I saw how you looked at him. It's the same look you've been giving me since you were seventeen." There's pain in his voice. In his eyes.

Kurt can understand that pain. Felt that heart-wrenching pain when he saw Thomas in love with Lucas.

With the truth out there, he softly whispers the words that hold a truth he never expected.

"I'm in love with Blaine."

To his credit, Thomas doesn't say anything. Doesn't try to get him to further expand on his newly realized feelings. He just holds him as he cries. The tears are for Thomas. For Blaine. For knowing that one of them will suffer a broken heart over whatever choice he makes.

It all seems so unfair. After everything he's been through with both of them, how is he supposed to choose one? It feels impossible. Wrong.

Hours pass before his tears run dry. Until the only noise he makes are soft sobs.

"Are you hungry?"

"No." His voice is thick and scratchy.

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"What do you want?"

Just like when Blaine asked him months ago, there are things he wants that he knows he's incapable of having.

"Both of you," he breathes out.

Thomas holds him tighter as he begins to cry again.

🍎🍎🍎🍎

Thomas is more than understanding when he asks him to be alone to think. Is more than happy to stay in the room he booked at a hotel close by to give him that privacy he seeks.

The first couple of days he does nothing but cry. Cries for his broken heart he knows he will suffer. For the broken heart he will give someone. For the pain he will inflict.

After he gives himself those days to cry and hurt, he pulls himself together as best as he can and begins to seriously consider his options. He spends hours and days going through the pros and cons of each choice. Debates with both. Goes back and forth when he makes one. Changes his mind over and over again. But he takes his time. Takes days that turn into weeks. Seriously debates and doesn't just make a rash decision. Knows this is a choice that can’t be made on a whim, or quickly. As if he's picking a pair of shoes to wear.

It's two weeks later he makes a choice. Sat on his couch, he unlocks his phone and calls who he picked after hours of crying at losing who he didn't.

He brings the phone to his ear.

The call connects after two rings. There's a silence that follows. He doesn't waste time on pleasantries or questions. Gets right to why he's calling.

"You. I want you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evilly grins*  
> You can debate who he picks for the next week.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos and comments on this story. I know it's not my typical klaine fic, and that's what I wanted. I wanted to do something different. Something I hadn't done before. I wanted to write a story with an OC that you could see Kurt with, and based on comments I've received, it looks like I've accomplished that. And I wanted to write a story where you wouldn't know who Kurt would choose in the end. So, if you've made it this far, I love you for not giving up on this story.  
> PLEASE read the note at the end. It contains news. Don't jump ahead to read as it will spoil the story for you. THANK YOU!

_ Kurt: Can we talk? My place at 5? _

The unsent text stares up at Kurt as his thumb hovers over the SEND button. The ease with which he could hit the button is far from that as he stands behind the counter at Bean There a week later. Because sending that text makes his choice real. Forces him to accept the fact that he's going to lose one of the men he loves. That's why he's written and deleted and written and deleted the text dozens of times in the past seven days. If he doesn't send it, doesn't initiate that conversation that will ultimately be devastating for both parties, then he can continue to live in a world where both Blaine and Thomas are still his. Where there's no heartache that he's caused. Where he hasn’t destroyed someone’s life.

_ Just send it. _ The words are easy to think. But the action is harder to follow through with. Like trying to jump off a cliff, but being too scared to convince yourself. That's where he is. He's at the edge of a cliff trying to jump. But it's difficult because he knows what awaits him at the bottom. Isn’t sure he can survive the fall.

He wants to stop being a coward. To stop being weak and face the actions of his choice. That's difficult for him to do, though. Not when he's not ready to lose someone he loves. But he knows at some point he'll have to stop avoiding and accept the consequences. Send that text. Move on with his life with the guy he picked.

"Excuse me."

Kurt looks up from his phone and the unsent text. Finds a young lady with dark hair cut to her chin with vibrant green eyes that look at him with a hint of annoyance. "Yes?" He locks his phone and slips it into his back pocket. Glad for the momentary distraction from the text he has yet to send. "How can I help you?" The smile he offers barely tips up his mouth, and is forced. Which has been the norm for the past several days now.

The young lady pushes over one of the shop's ceramic cups. Speaks in a soft voice. "I asked for a plain black coffee." 

He looks down at the cup and sees the evidence of his mistake. The fourth one he's made this week. With how scattered-brained he's been, it's no surprise. He's just surprised he hasn't made bigger mistakes. Or more. "I'm so sorry." He takes the cup. "I'll fix this right away."

Guilt pools as threads of shame unspool inside him at messing up again. This is not like him. He hates making mistakes. Loathes it. And the ones he's been making for the past week only make him feel worse. Because they are small mistakes he would never normally make. His mind is so wrapped up in what he had to do, that it’s hard for him to focus on what he needs to do while working.

"Can you please make it to go? I have class in thirty minutes."

"Of course."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He pours fresh coffee into a to-go cup. Pops on the lid. Grabs a paper bag and places a blueberry muffin inside.

"Here you go." He holds out the new cup of coffee and the brown paper bag. "One plain black coffee. And a blueberry muffin for the inconvenience."

The young lady smiles as she takes both. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. And I'm sorry about the mess up," he offers.

Once he's alone behind the counter, he grabs the rag he was using and wipes down the countertops. Tries to focus his thoughts on anything but the unsent text on his phone. On the painful choice he made the week before. But his mind betrays him and keeps going back to there. Keeps going to what he has to do, but doesn’t want to.

"Okay. What's wrong? What's been on your mind?" Kira questions a few minutes later. She looks at him with a suspicious gaze. The predatoriness of it is a sign she will get the answer she seeks after one way or another.

"What makes you think something is wrong? I'm fine." He makes a show of fixing the display of brownies on the cake stand on the countertop. Acts as if he doesn't know what Kira is talking about. Avoids her gaze so she can't see right through his lie. Which is pointless, because Kira can sniff out one of his lies like a dog trained to sniff out drugs.

"Don't lie to me. I don't appreciate it. I can see something is wrong," Kira says, easily not buying the bullshit he was trying to sell. "For the past week something has been bothering you. Enough that you've been making mistake after mistake. I didn't say anything at first because I thought you were having a bad couple of days. But this is something more."

He doesn't turn to face her. Takes some time by replacing the glass dome on the cake stand. Wipes down the same counter he just cleaned.

How easy it would be to tell Kira everything. To spill and spill and spill. To unload everything onto her and get some relief at talking about this to someone who isn't Thomas or Blaine. But he can't tell her. Can't handle the anger she would direct towards him.

As much as he wants to tell her everything, he decides to be vague. To guard himself against the chance of more pain. Of being looked at like something less.

He finally turns to face her. Wrings the rag in his hands a few times. Drops it on the counter to rid himself of the distraction. Ignores the wild beating of his heart and racing of his pulse, the unease in his stomach. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything. You know that."

He lifts his eyes to her. Takes a deep breath. "Have you ever had to do something you didn't want to, but you knew it was the right thing to do?"

An anguished look instantly takes over Kira's features. As if she's reliving that moment and choice. "Yes." Her voice comes out small and broken.

Although curious, Kurt can feel it's too personal and painful of a memory for Kira for him to be nosey and inquire about.

"How do you live with the choice you made?"

Kira tucks a strand of her lilac colored hair behind an ear. Smiles even though pain is still there in her eyes. "By remembering it was the right one. Instead of being selfish with my choice, and remembering who it affected. I may have wanted something different, but I knew there was another person in that choice I had to remember." She takes a step closer to him. "What do you have to do?"

"I have to let someone go." The words come out choked and pained. Just speaking them breaks his heart. Which terrifies him when he thinks about actually seeing the words come to fruition. How will he be able to survive that?

Kira gives him a curious, confused look. "What do you mean?"

He helps her understand. Tells her as much as he can without risk of giving away too much information as to who he's talking about when it comes to Blaine.

"Wow." Kira wears her surprise without thought. She huffs out a soft, deep breath. "That explains why you acted the way you did a few months ago."

"Yeah."

"So, you're in love with both of them?"

"Yes."

"And they both love you?"

Kurt gives a small nod of his head.

"Wow," Kira says, again. Sounding just as surprised as the first time. "That's a doozy."

"Tell me about it." He sighs and rests back against the counter. This past week's troubles finally catching up to him. He's exhausted. Tired in a way where he wants to crawl into bed and sleep. Avoid his troubles for as long as he can. Avoid hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. Avoid even more pain he’s already had a taste of this past week.

Silence fills the space between them. He thinks of Thomas. Of the man he's loved since he was seventeen. The man he planned a future with. Then he thinks of Blaine. Of the guy who came into his life and brought him happiness and joy again. The guy who showed him it is possible to love again. Thinks of how he'll be the reason for one of them suffering. And that thought destroys him.

"Kurt," Kira takes hold of one of his hands; brings him out of his thoughts, "you've made your choice. You can't keep avoiding doing what you know you need to." She steps closer. Cups her free hand against his face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're being a coward right now. You're leading the one you didn’t pick on with hope. And trust me, that isn't what he needs. He needs the truth. He deserves that. So, use that strength I know you have and do what you need to." She offers a smile and walks away.

Kira's words hit home in a way he needed to hear. They prompt him to do what he needs to. To stop putting off the inevitable.

There’s no way to stop an oncoming storm. Only prepare for it.

Phone pulled from his back pocket, he takes a moment before unlocking it and sending the text he's been trying to work up the courage to send for a week.

_ Kurt: Can we talk? My place at 5? _

The reply is immediate. The  _ Sure _ somehow manages to come off unenthusiastic, as if the person who sent it knows what will be discussed.

The last few hours at work fly by. Which he hates. Because he wants to freeze time. To take several more hours, days, weeks to live in a world where he still has both the men he loves in his life.

The world doesn't work in that way, though. Because the end of his shift arrives before he wants it to. The time before he has to be at his apartment is less than an hour.

He doesn't go straight home after leaving work. Instead heads for the beach for a few minutes of calm before doing what he has to do.

The sand is warm and coarse under his bare feet. The water is cool when it rushes around his ankles. Wind brushes against his face. It carries the smell of the ocean; of salt and sea life.

He reaches a hand up and clutches the rings on the chain around his fist. Wishes like hell he had either his mom or dad, or both of them, here right now. Wishes he had them to turn to in a time like this.

"Why can't you be here?" He lifts his eyes up to the sky. Speaks out to his mom. To his dad. The wind brushes against his face. The feeling like that of fingers brushing against his cheeks. Eyes fall closed and he pictures his mom with her bright blue eyes and vibrant smile. Pictures his dad with his infectious smile. Imagines them next to him at the moment. Imagines the wind is them wrapping their arms around him and holding him close. Whispering words of encouragement and love into his ear.

Eyes open and a smile splits his face as the sun suddenly shines down on him. Warmth surrounds him. Comforts him. Brings him the safety and assurance he was looking for. It's as much of a sign as he's going to get. A showing that his parents are there for—and with—him. Are giving him the strength he's seeking out.

_ I can do this. _ It's with those words repeated over and over in his head that he climbs into his car and drives to his place.

The quiet of his apartment leaves it easy for his thoughts to grow loud. He showers and changes while thoughts of heartache and pain and agonizing choices bounce around in his head. They jumble together like tangled threads of yarn until he's unable to focus on just one. Until it's a mess he can't focus on and straighten out.

Luckily—or maybe not—a knock sounds on his door as he paces back and forth in his living room. All his messy thoughts vanish. Instead, he thinks of the person who knocked. The person he's about to hurt. The person he wants to pull close and hold forever, but is going to push away.

Pain already begins to bloom inside him as he walks to his door. It grows and deepens with each step he takes. Pulses through him.

Hand on the doorknob, the breath he pulls in is deep. He slowly exhales it in a long breath and opens the door.

The air is knocked out of him when that crooked smile he loves so much is aimed his way.

"Hi, Kurt." Blaine runs a hand through his messy curls.

Kurt's heart skips a beat. How he so desperately wishes there was a way he could still have Blaine. That he didn't have to let him go. That he could live in a world where he had both Blaine and Thomas.

But that world doesn’t exist. This is the world he lives in. This world where he is letting Blaine go. This is the real world. And the real world is painful.

"Hey." He offers a smile. Or some version of a smile that he can muster at the moment considering the consequences.

They stand there for a few moments not saying a word.

"Can I come in?" Blaine finally asks.

"Oh. Yes. Sure." Kurt steps out of the way for Blaine. Closes the door after he's inside. Suddenly finds himself pressed up against the hardwood being kissed like his life depends on it. Like both their lives depend on it.

All his stress and worry and nerves fall away as his mouth moves against Blaine's eager, pliant one. He opens up under his teasing, wicked tongue. Welcomes it into his mouth. Lets himself be greedy one last time. Sucks on his tongue while roaming his hands over a body that he'll never get to touch again. Will never get to feel pressed intimately against him again.

Maybe the kiss is a mistake. Maybe he shouldn't have allowed this. Because this makes letting Blaine go when he has to even harder. To have a fresh memory of what it's like to be kissed by Blaine is like winning the lottery and losing the ticket. But he can't bring himself to stop. Can't push Blaine away. Only brings him closer. Deepens the kiss. Greedily takes more and more and more.

He lets Blaine lift one of his legs and wrap it around his waist. Doesn't stop him when he grabs at his ass and rocks into him.

Pleasure tingles throughout him. It intensifies as they begin to rock together. As they set up a slow, steady rhythm. And it feels good. So good. Good enough that it momentarily makes him forget that he shouldn't be doing this. Not only because he's about to let Blaine go from his life. But because he couldn't handle what it would do to Thomas if he found out. He can’t do that. Thomas deserves better. Blaine deserves better. Blaine doesn’t need the extra hurt.

He places his hands on Blaine's shoulders. He grips them tight. Holds Blaine close to him for a few seconds he wishes he could stretch into days. Then he does what he must. What he has to. He gathers all his strength and pushes Blaine away.

Both of their breathing is heavy. Their chests rise and fall and rise and fall in staggering breaths. His lips tingle while Blaine’s are red and slightly kiss-swollen.

The cold is the first thing he notices after he pushes Blaine away and loses the heat of his body up against his. The next thing he notices is the pain in Blaine's eyes. The realization that dawns in them. It's a look he recognizes. One that hurts just as much to see now as it did the first time he saw someone else he loves wear it.

When he was young and found out what was happening with his mom, the look Blaine wears is the same one his dad wore. That realization that came over him. That knowledge of the unspoken truth. That something they couldn't prevent or stop, or reverse, was occurring. That all they could do was accept and move on.

Which is happening right now. Blaine is accepting the truth of the matter.

Blaine stares into his eyes. Brushes his fingers over his eyes and down the bridge of his nose and over his lips. Almost as if he's trying to commit every single part of him to memory. The words  _ It's okay. I understand _ said with such understanding that it breaks him in a way he's only been broken once before.

Tears flood his eyes and pour over before Blaine can say another word. "I'm sorry." He repeats the words over and over through his soft sobs. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey. Don't cry." Blaine wipes away his tears. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I picked him. Because I know I'm breaking your heart." A few more tears fall. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I just want you to be happy, Kurt. If that's with him, then I'll let you go. So," Blaine brushes a thumb under one of his eyes, "will you be happy?"

Yes.

No.

That's such a difficult question to answer. Because he knows he'll be happy with Thomas. That undeniable happiness that comes with being with the person he loves. But he also knows it won't be the same kind of happiness he experienced the first time he was with Thomas. Because this time a part of his happiness will be gone. Will be with Blaine. Just like his heart. He'll never be fully happy again.

But he will be happy.

He gives a small nod of his head.

Anguish crosses over Blaine's features. "Okay." He takes a few steps back. Runs his hands down his face. "Can I ask something?"

"You can ask anything."

"Alright. Why..." Blaine starts and stops, as if the question is hard to get out. "Why not me?"

Kurt notices he doesn't ask why he chose Thomas. That he asked about him. As if trying to find out what's wrong with him. What he did wrong. And he can't let him think it was anything he did or didn't do.

"You did nothing wrong, Blaine. It's just..."

"What?"

He slides down against the door until his ass hits the floor. Stretches out his legs and lets out a heavy breath. "Do you want kids?"

Blaine joins him on the floor. "I don't know. Maybe someday."

"I do. And my someday is right now." He looks to Blaine. "Thomas wants that too."

"Is that why you chose him? Because he wants kids right now?"

"No." Kurt shakes his head. "You don't understand."

"Then help me understand."

He draws his legs up. Turns to face Blaine. Nervously chews his lower lip before explaining his choice. "Thomas and me, we're at the same stage in our lives. We want the same thing. He's ready to settle down. Get married. Have kids." He sees how his words affect Blaine. How each one is like a blow that lands perfectly. "And you're young. You're about to start your life. You're going off to college where you're going to have unlimited fun. You don't need me holding you back from that." He reaches out for one of Blaine's hands; holds it. "I don't want to come between you and your future. You need to focus on soccer and your dreams."

A couple minutes of silence pass before Blaine speaks. The question he asks one Kurt was expecting. "Did you consider me?"

He moves closer to Blaine. "I did. I went back and forth so much I was like a pendulum." He lets out a small laugh at his terrible joke. "There were times I picked you. Where it was you and me and being together. But I would always remember that you're young. That what you feel could just be teenage hormones."

"They're not," Blaine replies. The tone of his voice gives away his annoyance at Kurt even considering that. "I may be young, but I know what I feel for you is real. This isn't some silly crush, Kurt. I love you."

The warmth that blooms in his chest at Blaine's words pushes out some of the pain and heartache. "I know." He smiles. "I realized that. But..." The next words he has to say are nearly impossible to get out. "But that's not enough. Not for what I want. Not for what you're about to do."

It's without thought that he climbs into Blaine's lap. Tucks his face in the curve of his neck. Breathes him in one last time to remember him. Breathes, breathes, breathes until all he knows is Blaine's scent. Until it's permanently imprinted on his brain.

Blaine winds his arms around his waist and holds him close.

Time passes around them as they sit there holding each other. As they take the other in for the last time.

Soon, much too soon for Kurt, Blaine says that he should go. They stand and face each other.

"I'm sorry." Apologizing seems the only appropriate thing to do.

"Don't be."

He steps closer to Blaine. "You know, in a different life it would have been us two."

"Then I'll selfishly hope to see you in a different life."

They share one final kiss. It's deep and sensual and filled with everything they're both feeling. And is over before Kurt likes.

It's with his lips tingling from Blaine's kiss and heart shattering that he stands back and watches Blaine open his front door.

Blaine takes a step forward and stops. Looks back at him. Gives him one of those crooked smiles he loves. "Goodbye, Kurt." With those final words he steps outside and closes the door.

_ No! _

The world stops. Suddenly it feels as if it ceases to exist to Kurt. He collapses to the floor gasping for breath. Clutches a hand to his chest that contains the heart of his that feels like it's been shattered to pieces.

He has no will to move off the floor. Continues to lie there. Watches the time pass by the shadows on the floor. Sees as the light is chased away by the darkness. Doesn't move when he hears the turn of the doorknob. Some fucked up part of him hoping it's someone come to put him out of his misery. To end his pain. To free him from this agony.

"Oh, mon trésor." Arms lift him up. Hold him to a strong, familiar chest. The torn pieces of him begin to stitch back together as Thomas holds him. "I'm sorry."

"It hurts so bad." His voice is small and laced with his suffering. The kind of pain he never thought he would experience again. Pain that makes him regret his choice. That makes him want to go after the guy he loves to ease it.

He sits up and wraps himself around Thomas. Clings to him. Seeks out comfort and relief. Which barely comes. It steadily drips into him like drops of rainwater from leaves. Leaves him scared of how long it will take to get past this. And if he can.

"Are you sure, Kurt?" Thomas whispers into his ear. "Because it seems like you made a mistake."

Tears sting the back of his eyes over making Thomas believe he chose wrong. He lifts his head and stares into blue-gray eyes that gaze at him with worry and love. "I didn't, Tommy. It's been you since I was seventeen." The idea that picking Thomas could be a mistake is laughable to him. He loves Thomas. Knows that a life with him will be fulfilling and wonderful. That he'll be able to have everything he dreamed of having with him makes his heart soar.

Although he’ll be missing and aching for someone else, he will be happy.

He leans in and kisses Thomas. Shows him that he in no way regrets his choice. Or thinks his choice was a mistake.

Although he's hurting, there's still a part of him that is beyond happy. That is filled with joy and relief at having Thomas back. That wants him just as desperately as he's used to.

He lets Thomas hold him while he cries himself to the point of exhaustion. Until he falls asleep and is able to escape the horrible pain for a few hours.

When he wakes the next morning and finds Thomas in his kitchen making breakfast, he goes right up to him and steps into his welcoming arms.

“How are you feeling?” Thomas whispers into his ear.

How does he answer that? Does he tell Thomas that it feels as if half his heart has been ripped out of his chest? That he feels less complete, even with him there?

He knows Thomas would understand if he told him any of those things. But he doesn’t want to put that guilt and hurt on him. That’s why he is vague in his answer. Gives a half truth reply.

He smiles at Thomas. “I’ll be okay.”

“It’s okay to hurt, Kurt.”

“I know. And I do,” he assures Thomas. “But I want you to know that I’ll be okay. That I’m content and happy in my choice.”

Thomas smiles. “You will be. You will be okay.” He brushes their mouths together. "I love you, mon trésor. And I'm not letting you go again."

Although his heart is broken, and although it feels as if a piece of himself has been lost forever and he'll never be whole again, the choice he made is one he knows was right. 

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, I did that. I always knew how I wanted this story to end. I know it will make some of you angry. But I hope you fully understand Kurt's choice, and why he made it. As for the news this is the first of two stories. The next story is called YOU ME US and here is the summary:
> 
> Ten years ago Kurt fell in love with Blaine.  
> Nine years ago he married someone else.  
> Five years ago he became a dad.  
> And two years ago he became a widower.  
> With the school year over for the summer, and not wanting to stick around in Denver dealing with meddling friends who thin it's time for him to move on, Kurt decides to spend his vacation in a beachfront house in L.A. with his son. Months of sunny days and warm nights by the beach away from anyone who knows him and his story is exactly what he needs. What he doesn't expect is a memory from the past to walk back into his life.  
> No longer that eighteen year old boy who's heart he broke, Blaine has grown into a man that is impossible to ignore. A man that is world renowned soccer player back home to rehab an injury.  
> Desire and attraction long ago buried comes bursting to the surface, and the more time he spends with Blaine the more Kurt realizes he may have a second chance at a love he thought he lost forever.
> 
> The summary may change once I post the story. I don't know when that will be because right now I'm focusing on writing the sequel to The Shrike. I hope to finish that and get to work on this one as soon as I can. I really don't want to keep you guys waiting.


End file.
